A Game of Infinity
by ivory-sword
Summary: FIFTH & final in A Game of Trust series. Aspen and Steve are now fugitives, disbanded from the Avengers and forced to live on the run. Aspen tries for a normal life with her baby daughter while Steve, Sam, and Nat continue to fight crime as rogue vigilantes. Nothing can ever be normal when annihilation is on the horizon and everything about their world is about to be put at risk.
1. Part One: Reality

**Author's Note:** FINALLY. I know this story has been a long time in coming. I hit a wall with writing for quite awhile, but watching the Endgame trailer inspired me! [It also crushed my soul into a million tiny pieces, but that's beside the point.] So, thank you so much for reading. If you've made it this far in my series, that is amazing! I'm excited to dive right into the heartbreak and horror that is Infinity War. I'm going to try to post weekly. I'm horrible at sticking to deadlines like that, but I'm going to try my best!

* * *

 **Part One: Reality**

 **Prologue – Unknown Date**

There were an infinite number of possibilities. She'd always known that. Always known few would lead to an ending where the universe remained intact, where everyone she loved didn't die. She didn't realize there was only one. Didn't know what it would cost. But now, at the end, she knew, and she wished she could take it all back. The cost of saving the world had always been steep, but this was too much. This time the universe had taken too much, and she wasn't sure she could get it back. Here at the end of all things, she looked back on her life and wished she could have had more time. She'd wasted so many years. If only she could turn back time. Time was all it would take to fix what was broken, to give her what she needed before the end was truly here. The price was too much but, despite it all, she knew she was willing to pay it because that was when heroes did. They sacrificed everything until all that was left was good intentions and the rush of blood in their veins. Until they were standing alone at the precipice of a place they couldn't come back from. That was the sacrifice she would make because anything else, any other possible outcome was an illusion. This was reality, and it was time to face it.


	2. Homecoming

**1 – Homecoming – December 24, 2017**

"He promised he'd be here. I understand the situation in Berlin is serious, but so is spending Christmas with your family." Aspen straightened an ornament on the Christmas tree for the third time, holding her phone in her other hand.

"Relax, Pen. He'll be there." A chorus of laughter came from the kitchen in the background as Lila and Cooper decorated cookies with Laura. Baby Nathaniel was growing fast, walking and talking and no longer much of a baby at all. He shrieked as Lila squirted some frosting at him. He was sporting a Looney Tunes Band-Aid on his nose and had Clint's blue eyes and knack for getting scuffed up. Aspen wished they could be here with her to celebrate Christmas, but they were currently under house arrest. After Steve and Aspen had broken him and the others free from the Raft, he'd taken a deal to keep his family safe. Aspen didn't blame him, but she missed him more than words could say. Video chat wasn't the same as talking to him in person. "Have you talked to Tony recently?" Clint asked carefully. It was a touchy subject at best, but Aspen just gave a sigh. She was too tired to get angry, too weary of the distance that had grown between them.

"No."

It had been nearly two years since the Avengers had broken up, but somehow nothing had been mended. Not for lack of trying on her part. She'd had that discussion with Steve a hundred times over, but he was just as stubborn as Tony, and nothing had been resolved. She had grown tired of fighting and had reached out to Tony a few times, slowly mending the wounds. The last time they'd talked, he'd told her that he and Pepper were now engaged. She was glad he wasn't alone. Pepper was good for him. If anyone could talk some sense into him, it was her.

"Sam and Nat are coming though, right?" Clint asked.

"As far as I know. They're with Steve now."

"What about Wanda and Vision?" Aspen could hear the note of concern in Clint's voice. She knew he had a special relationship with Wanda having been the one to enlist her into the Avengers and give her a second chance. He often joked that she and Aspen were his grown children.

Aspen shook her head. "They're spending it in Scotland together."

"I'm still getting used to that."

"You're still overprotective of her." Aspen wished they could have made it. She knew she was trying to hoard her team as if they could make things normal and right again if they were all in one room. There would always be someone missing though, and things would never go back to the way they were. She'd long ago accepted this, but she hated it all the same.

"Speaking of overprotective, where's my goddaughter?" Clint asked, leaning closer to the phone. Aspen tucked her legs under herself as she sat down in one of the armchairs next to the Christmas tree.

"With her other godfather," Aspen told him. "Please tell me you were joking about getting her a mini crossbow for Christmas."

"They don't give refunds this close to Christmas." There was a shriek in the background, and Clint moved back from the phone so Aspen could see Nathaniel streak past.

"Was that a tube of frosting?" Aspen asked.

"I might need to go," Clint said.

"I love you." It got harder and harder to hang up, not knowing when the next call might come. They had to be careful with Aspen still on the run, but she refused to lose contact with him.

"Love you, too. And stop worrying. He'll be there." He sent Aspen one last smile before hanging up to chase after Nathaniel. Aspen set her phone down on the arm of the chair, feeling a wave of loneliness without Clint's voice to cheer her up.

"Where do you want this?" Aspen turned, a smile stretching her face as Bucky came into the room carrying a golden-blonde, blue-eyed baby. She was dressed in the holiday jumper Aspen's mom had bought her, tiny fists clenched around Bucky's collar. Aspen felt the loneliness disappear.

"Hey, you," she said, stroking the baby's downy hair as Bucky passed her over. "She adores you," she told Bucky who grinned in response. Aspen would never tire of seeing him smile. Ever since waking up from Kryofreeze, freed from Hydra's brainwashing for good, Bucky had been recovering from everything that had happened. He was still staying in Wakanda, but Aspen had begged him to come for Christmas as a surprise for Steve and because he was a part of the family. His pale skin had a golden tint to it now that he was spending time in the sun as opposed to frozen and hidden away until he was useful to Hydra. He was still missing his left arm, but he was managing fine. Aspen knew another metal arm would remind him of his days as the Winter Soldier.

"She looks just like Steve," Bucky said. Aspen thought so too, and every time she looked at her baby girl, she felt her heart melt over again.

When she'd first found out she was going to have a baby, Aspen had been beyond terrified. It was never part of her life plan. Not even if she'd lived a normal life. She wasn't ever too sure about kids and after the childhood she'd had, she was hesitant to raise a child of her own. But with the life she and Steve lived? It made no sense to bring a child into that life. But Aspen didn't always get a say in how her life turned out. It was in the middle of the civil war that had happened between the Avengers when she'd realized no matter what happened to her and Steve, she was bringing a baby into the world. It could have turned out worse, she supposed. She could have been placed under house arrest like Clint and his family or Scott Lang and his. Aspen knew she was lucky she'd managed to stay under the radar. So far the government hadn't caught up to her or Steve. But she still lived in fear of being arrested. It wasn't as easy as skipping town or leaving the country anymore. Mara had changed all of that.

Margaret Sarah Rogers had been born on the fifteenth of January and was, somehow, already reaching for her first birthday. It had been the most terrifying experience of Aspen's life. She hardly felt like an adult most days, barely felt like she could be in charge of her own life let alone that of a baby. The second she'd set eyes on Margaret with her blonde tuft of hair and piercing blue eyes, she'd fallen in love. Margaret looked so much like Steve, and Aspen had suddenly felt so safe. She had a family. All her life she'd wanted one, and she'd found one with the Avengers, but Margaret was _hers_. She was a part of her and Steve in a way that was so profound that Aspen still hadn't quite gotten over it and wasn't sure she ever would. After they'd rescued their team from Ross's underwater prison, Steve and Aspen had been forced to disappear. They'd spent a little time in Wakanda, but Steve was restless, and it didn't take long for them to go back out in the world to try their hand at being vigilantes. Sam joined them right away, and Wanda promised to help when she was needed. Lately she'd been in Scotland with Vision, and Aspen was relieved that they'd found a connection after everything they'd been through. Though Vision still had loyalties to Tony, his heart clearly belonged to Wanda. It had taken Wanda awhile to forgive herself after the accident in Lagos that had cost people their lives, and Vision had still been blaming himself for Rhodey's fall. Together they'd found a way to forgive themselves and move on.

It hadn't taken Natasha long to find them, hair freshly dyed blonde and cut short. It didn't surprise Aspen that she hadn't stuck around the Avengers compound. Ross knew she'd helped Steve and Bucky escape, and Natasha under house arrest was a laughable idea. It felt a little like a team again, but Aspen couldn't shake the sensation of being lost. For four months, they'd skipped from one place to the next staying in run-down places that felt unsafe and like the furthest thing from home. There was still crime to fight. There was _always_ crime to fight. Some new threat somewhere in the world. It had worn Aspen down though she'd shaken her head every time Steve had tried to insist she stay with her mom or in Wakanda. "I'm not leaving you," she always said. "You said we were in this together."

Natasha had found the solution in the form of an abandoned safe house somewhere in the middle of nowhere. It didn't have a white-picket fence. Didn't have flowerbeds out front or a swing in back. It didn't even have neighbors which, Aspen supposed, was the point. She'd spent months fixing it up, dipping into her savings account from her time at SHIELD until it felt like home. It would have felt more like home if Steve had stayed with her for longer than a few weeks at a time.

Ever since the Sokovia Accords had been ratified, there had been threats the government didn't allow the remaining Avengers to address. There had also been an uprising in vigilantes. There were still messes to clean up—black market dealers with vibranium or pieces of Ultrons, rogue Hydra groups scrambling to find a new leader, terrorists who thought the Avengers weren't around to stop them anymore. Aspen understood the importance of what Steve was doing. She also just wanted to be a family.

When she was nearing Mara's due date, her mom had flown in to be with her. They didn't dare go to a hospital with Aspen's name on the government's wanted list. It wasn't ideal, but Aspen didn't have much of a choice. Aspen's abilities allowed her to cut off her pain and to heal quickly, and Mara hadn't given her any trouble. The second she'd held the infant in her arms, she'd fallen head over heels in love with her. Especially when she saw the look on Steve's face.

It still struck her sometimes—how incredibly lucky she was to have found him and to have fallen in love and had her feelings reciprocated. There had been a time before him when she hadn't seen a future for herself. Sometimes she'd thought she might find her end in a ditch somewhere, alone and lost in a way that could never lead to being found. That was before she'd had people who cared about her. Before she'd let herself begin to care about her own life. Now, she had a future she never could have imagined for herself. A future she never knew she'd wanted. Seeing Steve hold their child for the first time lit something in her like a dying star finding the strength to keep shining. All the heartbreak over what had happened—losing her team, her home, her life—seemed to disappear when she saw the light in his eyes and the smile on his face. Then he'd looked up at her, and she had felt as if the sun itself was beaming at her.

"She's beautiful," Steve had said as he looked down at the infant.

"She looks just like you." The baby had fluttered her eyes open to peer up at her dad, blue eyes a match to his. Steve moved to sit next to her on the bed, and she reached up a timid finger to touch her daughter's cheek.

"This is surreal. I mean, me a mom? I couldn't keep a goldfish alive in middle school." She winced. "That's a horrible joke. I don't think she's a goldfish. I'll do better; I swear." Steve chuckled, and she gave him a sheepish smile. "I just have no idea what I'm doing. Like literally _no_ idea."

"I don't either," he admitted, reaching out to grasp her hand. "But we're going to figure this out together."

Aspen checked her phone again. "He'll be here," Bucky told her, blue eyes flitting to her. "He wouldn't miss being with his family for anything."

"I know. I just miss him. I get it. He needs to be out there helping people because Ross is making sure it's difficult for registered Avengers to do their job." And really, there wasn't much of a team left. Rhodey was still recovering though he was flying in the War Machine suit again, and Tony was busy trying to have a life with Pepper. Thor and Bruce were still MIA, and that basically left Spider Kid who wasn't an official Avenger and, as far as Aspen knew, was still in high school. "I just wish things could be different, and I feel ungrateful for wishing so."

"Hey, it's not selfish to want a normal life," Bucky told her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I know Steve would stop if I asked, but I can't ask that of him," Aspen said, rocking Mara in her lap as the baby yawned.

"There's always some battle that needs to be fought." Bucky sounded tired, and Aspen gave him a long look. He was watching Mara, a light smile on his face, but behind his eyes was a weariness she understood. For people like them, the fight was never over. They couldn't just let go of their life and start a new one.

"Steve thinks he needs to fight _all_ the battles."

"Once a soldier, always a soldier." He gave her a wry smile.

Phoenix streaked by, Christmas bell jangling around her neck, and Aspen felt a smile tug at her lips despite herself. The cat had been staying with Aspen's mom when they were on the run but as soon as they'd settled into the safe house, Aspen had requested she get her cat back. Phoenix had taken the change in stride, used to different places to live and all the people in Aspen's life. For a time, when it was just her, Steve, Mara, and Phoenix, Aspen had felt like they had an actual normal life. No missions, no running from place to place, just them and the life they'd strung together. Of course, Aspen knew it would never last—there was still a world outside their little safe place that needed saving, and she could see Steve growing restless after awhile. She didn't think he was even aware of it, but she could see it there, could feel the worry at the back of his mind. She didn't blame him. She felt the itch, too, and had to remind herself over and over that she had other duties now that came first. Taking care of Mara had to be her first priority, and she knew Steve would stay forever if she asked him to, but she couldn't do that. She couldn't ask him to stay when every time he read the news on his phone his jaw tightened and his eyes grew hard. She had to tell him to go because of course he wanted to stay. Of course he was doing everything he could to support her because that was who he was.

It'd felt too much like pushing him away, she realized later after he'd left. Maybe he thought she didn't want him there. That she wanted to keep the normal, safe life to herself and that he somehow put it at risk. That couldn't be any further from the truth, but Aspen somehow couldn't bring herself to say so. War was in his blood, and he didn't know how to live without a fight. Sooner or later he'd have to leave, so Aspen saved him the pain of making that choice.

They'd spent six months living in the safe house without interruption, and it had been some of the best months of her life. Aspen fell a little more in love with Steve every day as she watched him play with Mara, hold her when she cried. They learned how to be a family. But, in the end, someone had to stay and someone had to go. They couldn't both go even if it was in their bones to do so. And they couldn't both stay because they carried the weight of the world on their shoulders, and it would crush them if they ignored it. She still had nightmares about the night she told him to go.

It was easy to use the wrong words, easy to misinterpret feelings. All she'd wanted was to set him free because she knew he'd come back. Instead, she'd sent him away not quite understanding what she'd meant. He'd come back, of course. She never doubted that he would because he was too good of a person to ever let a misunderstanding keep him away, but something had shifted, and they still weren't back to how they'd been before. She'd never been good with people. Perhaps living in this isolated little patch of the world had made her out of practice. Insecurities rose like Hydra beasts and for every one she vanquished, two more took its place. She knew he'd come home. Knew he wanted to. But did he know how much she wanted him there? How much she missed him? She hadn't told him because she knew if she did he'd come racing home no matter what was happening in the world.

"He wanted to change," Aspen said aloud. "We'd talked about it so much in the past—giving it all up for a normal life—but it seemed so impossible to walk away after everything we've been through. He wanted to put his family first, and I made him put the world first."

"You know he'd do anything you asked him to." Bucky smiled as Mara reached out her tiny hands to him. Aspen handed her over.

"I know. I just couldn't ask _that_ of him." Her fingers strayed toward her phone, but she stopped herself from lighting up the screen. Instead, she crossed her legs and tucked her hands under her knees.

"You think it'd be selfish." Somehow even thought she and Bucky had known each other for a short amount of time, he knew her. He was perceptive in a quiet sort of way and even though Aspen was the one who could sense other peoples' feelings, Bucky always beat her to it.

"It's an impossible choice, so I made it for him." Once the words were out of her mouth, Aspen realized how selfish she really had been. It wasn't asking Steve to stay that was selfish but thinking she had any right to make that choice for him. "And I made the wrong one. I shouldn't have made a choice at all. I'm still learning how to do this—how to let people have control. I'm still learning how to let go."

"When you've had people try to control you before, it's hard to give up that control even if there's no one trying to tell you what to do." Bucky knew even better than her. At least she'd had some free will when she'd worked for ARTIFACT. As the Winter Soldier, Bucky hadn't made his own choices. Or when Clint had been affected by the Tesseract and made to turn against SHIELD. She could fight off mental control and she could physically defend herself. Why then was she so afraid to let go? She was so set on how her life was meant to be—not how she wanted but how she thought it would turn out—that she had forced it along that path. Maybe Steve could have stayed and they could have had a fairly normal life. A happy one. But she'd been so convinced that was all an illusion, that it was going to end at some point so why prologue it?

"There's so much I've meant to say to him, but somehow I never do. I'm afraid I've broken something that can't be fixed." Maybe that was the real fear. That whatever she'd done couldn't be reversed. That she'd been the one to ruin what they'd had. She reached up and twisted the end of her braid in her fingers. What if he didn't come home this time? What if something stopped him and she could never say what she needed to?

"He'll be here," Bucky reassured her. "Steve's confused, not angry. He's just trying to do what he thinks you want him to do. If you want him to stay, then tell him that."

Aspen nodded, biting her lip. "I know; you're right. Enough about me." She turned in her seat, drawing up her legs to nestle deeper into the chair. "I know it hasn't been that long since Steve and I last visited, but how is everything in Wakanda? I was so tempted to stay there when T'Challa offered, but it was so far away from my mom."

"Wakanda is good." Bucky smiled. "It's so peaceful. For once in my life, I don't feel like I have to rush off and fight someone's war. I can just be me and heal. The solitude has been good for me."

"We're so fortunate that T'Challa is such a good man," Aspen said. He'd been one of the first people to see Bucky as a victim instead of a villain after he'd finally realized Bucky hadn't killed his father. It had earned him both Steve and Aspen's undying respect and gratitude. "And we're lucky Shuri is so good at what she does." T'Challa's younger sister, though still a teenager, was Wakanda's foremost inventor. She'd been integral in cleansing Bucky's mind of the Winter Soldier programming though he'd still needed time to heal and move on. It wasn't all brainwashing that had to be removed. Memories didn't fade so easily.

"She is a genius. I'm not ready to go out into the world yet but because of her, I feel like that's a possibility again."

"It will be." She gave his shoulder an affectionate squeeze. The next moment the front door opened letting in a cold rush of December air. Aspen was out of her seat and in Steve's arms before he had a chance to cross the threshold.

"What took you so long?" she asked, her voice muffled as she buried her face in his neck. He put his arms around her, dropping the bag he was holding, and lifting her off the floor. His familiar scent washed over her. She hadn't quite gotten used to the beard, but she had to admit it was growing on her. Life on the run was hard. Steve's suit was ripped in places. He'd torn off the star and other defining features. If he was going to be fighting outside of the law, he'd told her, he wouldn't be doing it as Captain America. He'd laid down that mantle when he'd dropped the shield and saved Bucky's life during the civil war between him and Tony. Now he was acting as Steve Rogers though Sam still called him Cap. No one had lost a bit of respect for him further proving what Aspen had always known: Steve Rogers was the hero, not Captain America. Captain America was an idea, a moral code to live by. Steve was real, and real heroes had to make difficult decisions.

"Not to break up this happy moment, but I'm freezing my ass off out here," came Sam's voice.

Aspen laughed, and Steve set her down, keeping an arm around her waist as he scooped up his bag. His face brightened when he saw Bucky, and Aspen dipped under his arm so he could go to greet his best friend.

"I know when I'm second-rate," she joked, hugging Sam and Natasha as they came in, shutting the door firmly behind them. They stomped the snow from their boots before discarding scarves and coats. They were all still dressed in their suits, and Aspen realized they must have hurried home. Her earlier frustrations vanished, and she found herself beaming as her friends joined her for Christmas.

Steve embraced Bucky, careful of Mara before taking the child from him and holding her close. Mara cooed at her father, reaching out to touch his cheek. It never got old seeing those two together, and Aspen watched a moment, smile spreading across her face. It had been a hard year, but seeing her friends and family together like this reminded her of why they fought. Natasha hugged Bucky and Sam shook his hand. Steve turned and held out an arm to Aspen who slipped back under, brushing a finger across Mara's soft cheek.

"I missed you so much," she told Steve. "I have so much I feel like I need to tell you. About a hundred apologies."

"You don't owe me any apologies," he said, his tone somewhere between accepting and amused. She knew he'd been thinking about the same things she had, but of course he wouldn't put any blame on her.

"Mmm, questionable. I think I do, but maybe we could talk about it later."

He leaned down to kiss her. "We'll talk about it later," he agreed.

"So are we gonna do this or what?" Sam said.

"I call music because I'm not listening to nonstop Mariah Carey Christmas," Natasha said.

"It was _one_ song," Sam corrected indignantly.

"One too many."

"I'll make some hot chocolate," Bucky volunteered.

"Make mine with extra marshmallows," Sam instructed. "I'm gonna get changed."

"I should, too," Steve said.

"But this look works so well for you," Aspen said.

"I thought you were opposed to the beard." His eyes danced with humor, and she wanted to hold onto that look forever.

"At first. I quite like it now. It makes you look roguish." She took Mara from him, and he leaned down to kiss her again before going off to change out of his suit.

Aspen felt warmer and happier than she had in a long time. The house was full again, warm and filled with the scent of hot chocolate and pine needles. After everyone had rejoined her, mugs of hot chocolate in hand, Aspen curled up in the chair next to Steve nestling into his side and draping her legs over his lap. Natasha held Mara, and Phoenix curled up in Bucky's lap. The house was filled with laughter, and Aspen forgot to worry. She forgot that there was a world out there in need of their help. Tonight and tomorrow was for them. It was a time for family and for friends. She held onto that, refusing to remember that it would inevitably end. Hardship had become second nature to them, but every once in awhile they were gifted a moment of peace, a moment of happiness.

Aspen clung onto that feeling.


	3. The Sorrow of Parting

**2 – The Sorrow of Parting – January 18, 2018**

Aspen stood in the doorway of the safe house watching Steve walk away. He looked back, snow swirling around him. He looked older, not in age but in experience, in hardship. She wondered if she looked the same. If the light that had once filled her eyes had vanished just like the same light in Steve's eyes when he thought she wasn't watching. Then he turned and was gone, and Aspen was alone again. They'd parted on good terms this time, but it didn't make him leaving any easier. She knew he had to go, and she hadn't asked him to stay. They'd celebrated Mara's first birthday together as a family, and Steve had promised he'd be back in a couple of weeks and that they'd talk about their future. Aspen didn't know what that meant, but she knew they were both weary. It seemed as if they needed to come to the end of something, but Aspen wasn't sure what that was or it if was even possible. It felt as if they were stuck in this routine, and she would just have to learn to live with it.

She shut the door against the cold. Mara was asleep in the bedroom, and the house was silent and still. Twisting a strand of her hair around her finger, she stood in the center of the living room. She supposed she should take down the Christmas decorations. It was at least something to occupy her mind, distract her for a few hours. She started with the ornaments on the tree. It was a real one. She'd had Bucky's help in chopping it down, and the pine was still fragrant though the needles had begun to layer the floor. She reached for one of the top ornaments. And then her vision faded.

Aspen opened her eyes and found herself looking at the stars. She didn't know where she was, but she could feel the cold press of space around her. She was standing in an empty hall, gazing out a wide window. She felt a low hum somewhere; it called to her though she couldn't have said what it was. It was familiar somehow, and she tentatively reached out her abilities to analyze it. She hadn't used them in so long that it didn't feel as natural as it used to. What she'd sensed was an energy signal, she realized. She'd felt it before, and her powers were somehow connected. But it was impossible. The last time she'd seen this particular object it was somewhere far away. Aspen looked at the stars again, then she turned. Her mouth opened in shock as she found herself faced with someone she thought she'd never see again. He looked equally surprised, eyes flickering with surprise.

"How?" she asked, the word echoing too loudly.

Then she blinked, and she was back in her living room. She stumbled backwards, sitting down on the chaise lounge. She pressed a hand to her head, unsure of what had just happened. She'd had dreams before—dreams that alluded to the future—but nothing during the day, nothing like this.

What she'd seen…She didn't know how to explain it. She closed her eyes, and she could see it again, this time just a replay of her memories, every detail etched into her mind with precision. A familiar pale face with black hair and blue eyes, cold as space. Loki. He'd looked different from the last time she'd seen him though she couldn't say how. It hadn't been him she'd sensed, but the same energy that had given power to the Superhero Serum. The Tesseract. She frowned at this thought. What was happening, and why did Loki have the Tesseract? Had she had a vision or had he really seen her?

She was already reaching for her phone when she realized Steve didn't know Loki was still alive. She'd never told anyone that secret, not even Thor. Thor had gone back to Asgard though. Surely he now knew his brother was alive? It had been a weight on Aspen's shoulders for many years, keeping that secret. Not only was Loki alive, but he was currently sitting on the throne of Asgard, or at least he had been the last time she'd spoken to him. How long had it been? She hadn't been counting the years, and it didn't matter. He was a part of her past. Then why had she had that vision?

She closed her eyes and tried to fall back into it, but nothing happened. It left her feeling thoroughly unsettled.

…

"Did you have a nice Christmas?" Steve asked as he and Wanda made their way across the roof to get a better vantage point.

"We did," she said, her face lighting up. Ever since she and Vision had started dating, Wanda had been so much happier. They'd always had a bond, but seeing it develop into more made Steve happy. Wanda had been through a lot, and he knew the Accords and her subsequent incarceration had been particularly unpleasant for her. "Sorry we couldn't make it. We just wanted to spend it together."

"I understand. Aspen did too though she wanted me to tell you she misses you," Steve told her, glancing over his shoulder.

"I was kind of hoping she'd convince you to stay," Wanda said as they knelt at the edge of the roof, Steve's sharp eyes scanning the surrounding buildings.

"Oh?" He glanced over at her.

"Steve, you have a family now. I know Aspen keeps telling you to go out and keep fighting, but that's not what she really wants, and I think you both know that."

"When did you get so wise?" He gave her a small smile. "Anyway, it's not that simple."

"It could be, but you're both making it way more complicated than it needs to be," Wanda told him, her tone almost chastising. He laughed softly.

"That does sound like us." He ran a finger over the rough stone wall that ran along the edge of the roof. "Maybe we're both afraid if we tried to have a normal life that it wouldn't suit us. We'd spent so many years fighting crime, being Avengers, that somehow a normal life seems impossible."

"What do you really want?" Wanda asked him. Steve turned back to the street below. The light at the corner blinked and flickered several times before going out completely.

He'd been asked that question before. What kind of life did he want? What made him happy? Aspen made him happy, and now Mara, but could they be happy living a normal life as a family? It was what they'd always wanted, and yet…it was like something that would always be out of reach and if they did somehow grasp it, they'd be left wondering how many lives they might have saved if they were still out there fighting.

" _We've got movement. Two o'clock_." Natasha's voice on the comms saved Steve from having to reply. He motioned to Wanda and scanned the street, eyes coming to rest on a figure dressed in a black hoodie, a golden cobra decorating the back. His hands were shoved in the front pockets.

"He's headed to the waterfront."

" _Two more approaching from behind. They're hanging back._ "

"Backup in case the deal doesn't go down the way they want it to," Steve suggested, motioning for Wanda. "Let's go."

He judged the distance between the building they stood on and the next one before taking a running leap and landing soundlessly on the other rooftop. Wanda used her ability to push herself up, landing just as gracefully. They continued on in this manner until they were crouched on the rooftop next to the final building.

The sun was gleaming in angry red streaks along the water, the sky darkening around them as night pressed in. "Sam, can you scan the building?" Steve asked, keeping his eyes on the figure in the black hoodie.

He saw the dark blur of Redwing out of the corner of his eye, and Sam's voice came in on his comm a second later. " _We've got four downstairs including the kid and six upstairs, all heavily armed. One might think they don't trust these guys._ "

"Well, the Serpent Society has a reputation even in the worst circles. They probably think they're going to try to cross them. Either way, we can't let them sell the stolen weapons." There'd been a rash of sales on the black market lately—weapons and armor made from Chitauri technology. Apparently, up until recently, there'd been a manufacturer in New York selling this equipment. He'd since been shut down, but his creations were everywhere. Sam muttered something about cleaning up the government's mess as always. Usually Steve didn't assign blame, but he knew they wouldn't have been able to fly to Amsterdam without going through a process and a pile of paperwork to get the right permissions. It was easier to just go. No permission, no paperwork, no apology for ridding the world of one more mercenary group.

" _Sending a drone in,_ " Sam said as one of the parts of Redwing neatly parted and found a broken window to slip into. Voices came through to their comms, and they could hear what was being said as the man in the black hoodie entered the building.

"King Cobra," a deep voice spoke up in greeting. "Your reputation precedes you."

"That's what they tell me." Steve didn't need to see King Cobra to tell how cocky he was. He sounded young, but that didn't mean anything these days.

"You came alone?"

"Just like you said." His voice didn't give away his lie. He was American, his voice sounding out of place amongst the rougher accents of the mercenaries.

"And the tech?" the voice prompted.

There was the sound of a zipper, and Steve could imagine the man pulling open his hoodie. "Right here."

" _The kid is_ loaded _with tech,_ " Sam said over the comm, Redwing scanning.

"All right. We need to move in," Steve said. "Nat, you take the two shadowing the kid. Sam, you and Redwing take out the men up top. Wanda will help you. I've got the ground. Get any tech and weapons. Incapacitate, get out. We'll alert the authorities and be gone before they even know we're here."

They leapt into motion, Steve scaling down the building, using the window frames as support. He heard the sound of breaking glass as Wanda and Sam entered the upper floor of the building. With a kick of his booted foot, he broke the front doors to the warehouse off their hinges, running in to face the four men. The kid turned, dark eyes registering surprise and then frustration.

"Thought you were no better than the rest of us these days," he said, throwing the words carelessly at Steve. He wasn't afraid. Why should he be when he was armed to the teeth with alien tech? His client looked more worried, motioning for his bodyguards to take care of Steve. King Cobra just stood in place while Steve easily knocked the two guards aside. Cobra's client was backing away, eyes flitting around desperately.

"I thought your lot was finished," he said, rough accent reaching a higher pitch as he struggled to contain his fear.

"So you thought it'd be okay to trade in illegal weapons again?" Steve asked, lifting an eyebrow. This was exactly why the Sokovian Accords didn't work. People thought that now the Avengers were on a leash, their numbers dwindling, that they could get away with their crimes. The sad thing was, it had proved true on numerous occasions. Sam was entirely correct when he'd grumbled about cleaning up the government's messes. The Avengers had been the only contingency plan for threats like these. But, of course, such threats as Ultron and the weaponry that had resulted in spare parts could be traced directly back to the Avengers as well. They weren't perfect—they had never been perfect—but he still thought they were the best defense the world had. And maybe, _maybe_ , he was clinging to that idea because he didn't know who else he would be if he didn't have that mission in life. The Super Soldier serum had made him strong, but without threats to face, he wasn't sure where that left him. A part of him wanted to give it all up and go home to Aspen—if they'd been anywhere close to a normal couple, he would have ages ago—but he knew she was growing restless too. With the government after them, they couldn't just settle down and expect to have a normal life. They'd always be running, and he didn't think either of them really wanted to stop fighting.

He'd hesitated too long, his mind distracted. In the past, this had been a rarity—he was good at filtering out anything other than direct attention on whatever he was dealing with—these days he was lost in thought often enough to slip up.

"Watch out, Steve!" Sam shouted from the railing above just as King Cobra pulled a gun from his sweatshirt. It was small and nothing like any gun Steve had seen before. Cobra pressed a trigger and a bolt of blue energy shot from it. Steve rolled out of the way the last second, and the ray hit the wall of the warehouse leaving a steaming hole big enough for the Hulk to fit through.

 _Concentrate_ , he berated himself. Wanda set two men flying with her red energy before drifting down to join him. She thrust a blast at King Cobra who twirled and brought forward what appeared to be a small, diamond shaped shield. It was silver and shone with a texture like scales. Wanda aimed again, and her energy hit the shield as King Cobra brought it up. Energy scattered everywhere like refracted light. Steve ducked, and Wanda cried out as her own bolt of energy struck her in the shoulder, tossing her backwards.

Steve missed his shield. He didn't need it to fight or defend himself, but he still hadn't gotten used to the absence of its familiar weight. He made to go after Cobra but Sam beat him to it, flying down and kicking out. Cobra went flying, unconscious from the connection.

"Getting rusty," Sam said to Steve. His tone was light, joking, but Steve detected a hint of worry.

"My mind's not in the game," he muttered apologetically before going over to Wanda and helping her up. "Are you okay?" If she'd gotten hurt because he hadn't been focused…

"I'm all right," Wanda said, getting to her feet with his help. "I'm not injured, but now I know what it feels like to be hit with my power." She winced.

"That was my fault; I'm sorry." Steve ducked his head, but Wanda shook her head at him.

"Stop blaming yourself," she said. "You can't be Mr. Perfect all the time."

"What happened here?" They turned to see Natasha standing in the blast hole, eyes darting around to take in the scene.

"Crazy weaponry," Sam said, starting to unload King Cobra's stash.

"The other two?" Steve asked.

"Tied up," Natasha said, tilting her head to motion toward the dim alley across the street.

They finished disarming everyone in the building before tying them up. Steve dragged the other two men into the warehouse. They wore similar sweatshirts to Cobra's bearing different snakes.

"Someone's not going to be happy when he wakes up," Sam said, pulling King Cobra into the center of the room.

"Let's go," Steve said once they'd gathered the stolen weaponry. It was too risky to leave that for the police, so it was loaded onto the quinjet to be disposed of later. Once they were in the air, they alerted the proper authorities using a burner phone.

"This is all so cloak and dagger; I feel like we should be leaving a calling card," Sam said, pulling off his goggles.

Natasha raised a brow from where she sat in the pilot's seat. "We're not cat burglars," she told him, but Steve could hear a hint of humor in her voice. It was moments like these that he felt the most normal; when he had some semblance of a team. He missed Aspen though. She was always missing, and it was a constant reminder of all they'd lost over the past few years. It was the other way around though; instead of her being here, he should have been there.

"Hey," Natasha said softly, putting a hand on Steve's shoulder to get his attention. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just…distracted." He gave her a half-hearted smile. "Mara just turned one. I got to see her learn to walk over Christmas, but I've missed so much more. What if I miss her first word? I'm torn between two duties: making the world a safer place for her and being her dad."

"You're not the only one fighting to make the world a safer place, Steve," Natasha reminded him gently. "I think you know where you're meant to be, and right now it isn't here. None of us is going to blame you if you go home."

"I know that. I guess I've just seen too much to feel comfortable being happy and safe. If there's a threat out there—"

"We can handle it," Natasha interrupted. "We're not a bunch of second-leaguers, you know."

"I do know that," he told her with a wry smile.

"Mmhm." She didn't sound convinced.

"Maybe I'm just worried it's not going to work out, that the second we get settled, something is going to happen that I can't ignore."

"Then go be with your family until then," Natasha said. "You, Clint, Scott—you all have something the rest of us don't. All we've got is this fight and each other, but you've got a beautiful baby girl at home who's going to grow up with or without you. I know you, Steve. I know you would never forgive yourself if you missed that."

"She makes a good point," Sam put in.

"If we need your help, we'll call you," Natasha said. "But until then, go be with your daughter and wife."

Steve took a deep breath, something tight in his chest relaxing. "Okay," he said finally. "You're right." He smiled, and this time it didn't feel so strained. "Take me home."


	4. Connection

**3 – Connection – February 3, 2018**

Everything was dark and cold, rife with loss. It hung heavy in the air, palpable. Aspen could feel a hollow place in her chest where her heart still, somehow, beat. She was kneeling on the ground amid rubble, hands sunk into the ground and the ashes that covered it. She could hear voices all around her calling for people who weren't there anymore. Her fear was pounding like bullets in her head, and she thought she'd never felt fear so strong. It was like for all her power, for all she was, here, at the end, she was nothing.

Aspen woke with a start, panic making the edges of her vision blur for a moment before she focused on her surroundings, letting the familiarity of the safe house wash over her. She was safe. Mara lay by her side on the big bed, nestled into a soft blue blanket. She stirred a little as Aspen stroked a finger gently down her cheek. The baby's skin was feathery soft, her tuft of blonde hair downy. Aspen smiled at the "My Daddy is a Superhero" onesie Sam had bought Mara for Christmas. When Mara had been born, Aspen had worried she'd develop abilities like hers, but so far Mara was a normal baby with a not so normal family.

She thought back to when she'd first told Steve that she was going to have a baby. Wakanda had been the first safe place they'd been since the civil war between the Avengers had started, but she knew their lives were not about to get any easier, that they couldn't stay forever. Even now she wondered if they should have stayed, but it would have been too easy to ignore the world outside if they had. When she'd first told Steve, he'd been silent a moment, eyes filled with surprise. She knew it was the last thing he expected her to say. They'd both been so distracted, had their world torn apart, their lives shattered. But then he'd smiled at her, and it'd been like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. He'd pulled her into a tight but gentle hug, burying his head against her neck. His happiness was contagious, and Aspen found herself smiling back, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him closer. It was the first time she'd felt truly safe in a very long time, and it would be the last time she felt safe for a long time to come as well. Racing pulses and panic attacks had become her best friends.

Aspen swung her feet over the edge of the bed, grabbing her phone to check her messages. Nothing. Steve always checked in after a mission but sometimes reception was spotty out here with precautions in place.

She checked to make sure Mara was still sleeping before walking over to the tall windows to gaze out into the forest. It was a serene out here, but it gave Aspen the inescapable sensation of loneliness. When it was just her and Mara, it made it difficult to push past the sensation. Something flickered in the reflection, and Aspen felt a familiar tugging. She shut her eyes a moment feeling as if she were being pulled from her body and onto the astral plane. When she opened them again, she saw a familiar face reflected in the glass. She turned, slowly, as if this were a dream that might shatter at any moment.

"Loki?"

This time he stood before her as if he were in the room though she knew, somehow, that he was light years away.

"How is this happening?" she asked at the same time as he asked, "Are you real?"

"Last I checked." She saw a muscle feather at his jaw as if he wanted to laugh.

"I don't know," he answered her question.

Aspen still felt the familiar tugging she'd felt before, something that called to her blood. She felt sure it was the Tesseract, but she had more pressing questions to ask first. "Where are you?" she asked, remembering the openness of space the last time she'd seen him. It hadn't looked like he was on Asgard but rather on a vessel.

"On my way to Earth," he said.

"Earth? Is Thor with you?" She tried to calculate how long it had been since she'd last spoken to Loki.

"Asgard is gone."

She hadn't been expecting that. "Gone? How?" She'd been to Asgard once. It had been a rather hurried trip, and she'd been dying at the time, so she hadn't been able to enjoy being there. But she remembered how beautiful it was. How full of life.

"Turns out Thor and I had a sister," Loki said, turning to survey the forest outside the windows. "She made me look like a saint." There was a hardness in Loki's voice that had never been there before. She'd never seen him quite so serious.

"Your sister destroyed Asgard?" Aspen felt as if she were missing so much. She took a step toward him wanting to offer some comfort, but their history was a wall between them, and she stopped a few paces away.

"No." He sighed, turning back to her. "Surtur took care of that. It's a long story."

"I don't know how long we have or why we're even connected," Aspen said. She felt suddenly self-conscious in her sweatpants and messy post-nap hair, but she wasn't trying to impress anyone.

"I don't know either." Loki studied her, the tiniest smile pulling at one corner of his lips. "You look well," he told her. "Still with your soldier?"

"Yes." She held up her left hand to flash the gold wedding band. "Three and a half years now."

"You're happy then?"

"Of course," Aspen said a little too quickly. Loki cocked an eyebrow. "I guess, like you, I don't really have a home right now," she amended. The Avengers had some… disagreements. With the government. With each other. Steve and I are on the run, I suppose you could say. This is just a temporary place. A safe house. I don't know if we'll ever be able to have a normal life or a home of our own."

"Is he here?" Loki's voice was edged with caution.

"No. He doesn't even know you're alive."

Loki looked surprised. "You kept my secret?"

"I did. I felt horrible about it for the longest time, but now I suppose none of it matters. I'm sorry about Asgard and your throne."

"Oh, Thor is king now," Loki said. His nonchalance was unexpected.

"Just like that? Are you okay with it?"

Loki shrugged, blue eyes giving away nothing. "Thor was meant to be king. And," he paused, "it's nice to be wearing my own skin again."

"No more illusions?" Aspen asked with a smile. Loki matched it.

"Oh, I wouldn't bet on that."

A soft cry split the air behind them, and Loki jumped. "What was that?"

Aspen smiled, going over to the bed and picking up Mara. The baby blinked sleepily up at her. Aspen turned, and Loki's eyes widened.

"Is that _yours_?" he asked almost indignantly.

"This is Mara," Aspen told him. "My daughter."

"It really has been a long time, hasn't it?" he asked softly.

"It has."

Mara cooed, reaching her tiny fingers toward Loki. Aspen watched, transfixed, as he met her fingers with his own. They slid right through, and Mara furrowed her brow in confusion.

"Just another illusion," Loki said softly, sounding almost sad. There was a sound behind them, and Loki said, "I have to go" before disappearing as suddenly as the snap of a finger.

Aspen was surprised at how alone she felt with him gone.

…

She was fixing lunch for her and Mara when her phone buzzed with a text message. She set the knife on the rim of the mayonnaise jar, wiping her fingers before swiping her phone. A smile had lit her face at the sound, and she expected to see a text from Steve. The text she had received, however, was from an unknown number. She read it and the blood drained from her face, the smile fading as quickly as it had come. The text read:

 _Ross knows where you are. Run. – T_

They'd prepared for this. It had always been a possibility but, over the months, it had seemed less and less likely that Ross would find them. Aspen began shoving things into a duffle bag, clothes, baby supplies, pet food. She had backup supplies in the trunk of her car, and the baby seat was always ready in the backseat. It took her ten minutes to pack away her life, leaving behind all the décor she'd acquired, the food in the cupboards. She only took the few personal pictures she'd put up. Everything else was impersonal.

"Crate," she told Phoenix, and the cat complied, used to coming and going. Aspen picked up Mara from where she'd been playing on the floor, carefully bundling her in her favorite blanket for the journey. She cradled her against one hip and grabbed Phoenix's carrying case. She didn't bother locking the doors.

Her black Audi was waiting in the garage like an escape pod, and Aspen quickly clipped Mara into her seat and settled Phoenix's carrier on the seat beside her. She got into the driver's side and started the engine, activating the garage door. She'd done this before in the past. She knew the routine. There was one huge difference this time: Mara. She'd never been on the run with a baby before, and the thought terrified her. She didn't mind staying in a rundown hotel from time to time or keeping her head down, but Mara had needs, and she was far too young to understand what was happening.

Aspen watched the safe house disappear in the rearview mirror regretfully. It was no longer safe though, and she had to let go. It wasn't what mattered. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and cradled it into its holder on the dashboard.

"Text Steve," she said aloud. "Steve, I had to run. The safe house was compromised." She paused. She didn't know where she was going. "I'll let you know when I find somewhere," she finished. She wished more than ever that he were with her. The distance between them felt vast.

"It'll be okay," she told Mara and Phoenix. The baby gurgled, and the cat purred in response.

…

She just kept driving. The roads were slushy from the wet snow that had fallen all morning, and the scenery was bleak. The windshield wipers were a steady companion as the afternoon stretched on and the snow started to fall again. She knew she had to stop soon. Mara would be hungry and Phoenix restless. Steve hadn't texted her back, but he was probably in the middle of a mission, so that wasn't unusual. She wanted to put as many miles between her and the safe house as possible. She wished she knew how Ross had found them. Her phone was untraceable. It was one of Tony's inventions, and he wouldn't sell her out. It was a little like coming full circle. She'd started out on the wrong side of the law, and now she was right back where she'd started only now the government actually knew who she was. She'd managed to keep a fairly low profile as an Avenger and during the civil war between the team, but her relationship with Steve made her loyalties quiet clear, and she knew they wanted him badly enough to use her to get to him. And if they knew she and Steve had a daughter now… Mara was in danger too, and Aspen wasn't letting her get mixed up in all this.

She switched roads several times, making her route random and spontaneous. Which wasn't really a problem considering she had no idea where she was going. She knew of several more safe houses, but it seemed too risky. If Ross had found this one, he could find the others if he hadn't already. She couldn't go to her mom or Clint because they were being watched. It had been quite the operation getting Aspen's mom in to visit, but visiting her was out of the question.

She pulled over at a questionable rest stop to feed Mara and let Phoenix out of her carrier. The cat padded around the snow, sniffing everything in sight before returning to the car. Mara seemed content enough. She hadn't spent much time outside of the house, and her eyes were wide and wondering. Phoenix curled up on the passenger's seat when Aspen started up the engine. Soon she and Mara were dozing off. Aspen still hadn't received a text from Steve. It didn't mean anything. The signal could be spotty, and sometimes their messages weren't delivered until the next day. It was the price of security, but it could make communication difficult. Steve did not have one of Tony's special phones, and so he had to take more precautions. Tony hadn't offered to send a phone for him, and Steve hadn't asked. It frustrated Aspen that she wasn't able to reach Steve when she needed him the most.

They ended up in an out of the way lodge somewhere in West Virginia. Aspen paid for her room with cash, leaving Mara locked in the car while she paid. A baby was more memorable, and Aspen didn't want anyone remembering her. She smuggled both Mara and Phoenix into the room, grateful that they were individual cabins and she wouldn't have a wall shared by another guest. She settled Mara on the bed and let Phoenix out before checking her phone. No new messages.

It was evening, and she was exhausted from driving all day. She got some snacks from one of the outside vending machines and then fell into the bed fully clothed, her phone clutched in one hand.

…

"You have the Tesseract."

This time Aspen was asleep when she fell into her vision. She'd had a long time to think about her connection to Loki during her drive, and she'd realized what it was that was calling to her and connecting them. Loki looked up in surprise. She was in his world this time, in a dim room that housed a bed, a couple of chairs, and a set of drawers. Loki sat reading in one of the chairs, but now he set down the book, carefully marking the page before he rose to greet Aspen.

"What are you—"

"Don't try to come up with some excuse," Aspen told him. "I know you too well for that."

Loki bobbed his head in agreement. "You do." He flicked his hand, and the Tesseract appeared on his palm. "It would have been lost along with Asgard."

"So you took it for yourself."

He tilted his head to the side. "Are you going to tell the Avengers?"

Aspen shook her head. "It's just—the last time you came to Earth with the Tesseract, it didn't go so well."

He swallowed, throat bobbing. "I remember. That's not why we're coming back to Earth though."

"Why are you then?" The familiar pulse of energy from the Tesseract was distracting. She'd never been this close to it before though its energy was part of what had given her her powers. Loki had once tried to use his scepter on her, but it hadn't had any power over her. They later learned that it was the mind stone incased in the gemmed tip of the staff, but the Tesseract's powers had protected her.

Loki took a long time in answering, his eyes falling as he finally answered. "Because we have nowhere else to go," he said. "And Thor thinks it's a good idea."

"The Tesseract," Aspen said, "It's one of the infinity stones, isn't it?"

Loki's eyes widened in surprise. "What do you know of the infinity stones?" His voice was tight, sharp, as if she'd stumbled across something he didn't want her to know.

"I know Thor left Earth to hunt for them and that he never returned. I take it he's here with you." It was a ship, she now realized. A ship that was carrying Asgard's survivors to Earth. She hesitated to mention Vision's mind stone. "I know they're powerful." She wondered what would happen if she touched the Tesseract. Its power pulsed. "How can you hold it?" she asked. The flaming blue was reflected in Loki's eyes.

"Because I'm a god," he told her as if she should have known that was the reason. He flicked his fingers, and the Tesseract disappeared. Aspen could still sense it. "It would…harm a mortal. Space is unpredictable. Infinite."

"If the Tesseract had been destroyed on Asgard, would my powers have died?" Aspen asked.

Loki furrowed his brow. "I don't think so, but I don't know. Last we spoke, you were still learning to control them."

Aspen shrugged. "I did learn how to control them. I don't use them so often anymore. Not since the Avengers broke up. Not since Mara was born. I might need them now though. The safe house I was staying in before—it's not safe anymore. I had to leave."

"Where will you go?" Loki asked. He sounded concerned, and Aspen thought he was being genuine. She smiled a little at this. She wasn't the only one who had changed.

"I don't know yet," she said. "Steve's on a mission. It's just Mara and me."

"I wish I could help." He took a step toward her but stopped again, hesitating. He lowered his eyes as if embarrassed, but she knew that wasn't the emotion she was seeing. "But I know you can look out for yourself."

"I think I finally learned that accepting help isn't a bad thing." It had been a long lesson for her to learn. She didn't _need_ someone to look out for her, but sometimes it was nice. "But you're a long ways away. It helps to talk though." She hadn't realized she'd been looking forward to their next meeting, but there it was. There was still something between them though for Aspen it was purely platonic. She didn't know if he still harbored any feelings for her, but she'd found any frustrations she'd had with him in the past had vanished. He'd lost his mother, his home, and she suspected his father if Thor was now king. Maybe they weren't so different despite the distance between them. "How are you holding up?" She didn't really expect him to pour out his feelings to her, but it had been so long, and she had once cared a great deal for him. It had had dire consequences, but she didn't think anything terrible could come from their shared visions.

"Fine." He drew the word out as if he was unused to people asking him how he was doing.

"You just lost your home and your throne," Aspen said, lifting a brow. "I don't believe you're just ' _fine_ '."

He shrugged before settling himself in one of the chairs. Aspen didn't know if she could sit or if she'd fall right through, so she stayed where she was. "I'm alive. Thor is alive. We came to an…agreement, I guess you could call it."

"That's good. Last time I saw you two together, you were trying to kill him and take over Earth, so this is good progress."

'Well, I'm not completely reformed," Loki assured her.

Aspen smiled. "Thank goodness for that," she said, pretending to wipe her brow. "I thought you were going to tell me you now volunteered at an animal shelter and did parlor tricks at retirement homes on your weekends."

"I missed you." Aspen opened her mouth, but she didn't know how to respond to that. "You always stood apart from the others."

"Usually those are the unpopular kids in school." She realized she was utilizing one of Tony's favorite tactics—humor when she was feeling uncomfortable or unsure of what to say.

Loki lifted a brow. "You unpopular? I find that hard to believe."

Aspen let out a short laugh. "Oh, I was definitely unpopular. I didn't really have friends because I spent all my free time in the science lab."

"Well, now you're a hero. Or you were…" He narrowed his eyes. "Not sure where you stand on that point right now."

"I'm not really sure either," Aspen said thoughtfully. "Technically Steve's a war criminal. I'm his accomplice, I guess."

"Sometimes infamy is better than fame. It's certainly more fun."

"In the wise words of Loki." He smiled at that, and Aspen found herself smiling back. "How long until you get to Earth?" she asked, and their smiles faded.

"Awhile," Loki said. "You don't have to worry about that just yet."

"Well, if you're ever interested in fighting crime from the shadows, you know who to find," Aspen told him with a wry smile. "Just promise me you don't have plans for the Tesseract other than keeping it safe."

"I'm not planning on trying to overtake Earth again if that's what you're asking," he told her.

"That's a relief." The edges of the vision were beginning to blur, and Aspen felt herself lying on the hotel bed. "Until next time," she managed before she woke up.


	5. Fugitives

**4 – Fugitives – February 4th, 2018**

The house was empty. Steve had returned home to be with his family only to find them gone. He checked his phone and a message slowly loaded dated the day before. He cursed it as he read. "Safe house has been compromised," he said into his comms. There was probably someone watching the house, and he had walked right up to it.

" _What? Where's Aspen?"_ Natasha asked.

"Not here. She ran."

" _You need to get out of there,_ " Sam said. Then he cursed. Loudly. " _Picking up on something. Steve, they've got the house surrounded. Get out now!_ "

Steve took off back toward where Natasha had set down the quinjet in an abandoned field. It was in stealth mode which Ross wouldn't be able to track, but right now Steve was very obvious as he careened through the woods surrounding the house. He heard someone in pursuit. Something whizzed over his shoulder close enough to snag his jacket. "I think they have some sort of tranquilizers," he muttered into the comm.

He felt like an animal being hunted, but he could outrun any men they sent after him. He ducked and wove between the trees to avoid the darts, but they came from all directions. Once he outran one group, another would come at him from a different direction. Something sped through the trees, and he turned his head to see Redwing.

" _Let's see if we can knock some of these idiots out,_ " Sam said. " _You're almost here._ "

Steve heard two grunts of pain from his right as Redwing bashed into the men's heads. Two more men approached from the left, and Steve charged them, grabbing one of their tranquilizer guns and crumpling the metal before knocking the man in the head with his elbow. He quickly disarmed the other as a dart lodged itself in a tree. Steve tossed the man into a tree hard enough to knock him out without causing any lasting damage. He could hear the low hum of the jet up ahead, and put on an extra burst of speed. Redwing buzzed past him, leading the way up to the jet while it stayed in stealth mode. Steve felt metal underfoot and then he was on the jet and they were taking off into the air, invisible to the eye.

Steve collapsed into one of the seats, and Natasha glanced back at him in concern. "Do you know where she is? Where she'd go?" she asked.

Steve shook his head. "The other safe houses could be compromised too; she wouldn't go to any of them." She wouldn't know where to go. Without the jet, she could only go as far as she could drive. He tried to call her, but the phone couldn't get a signal.

"Here." Natasha handed him her phone, and he was relieved to see a feeble signal bar. He dialed Aspen's number and waited.

…

Aspen woke up to her phone buzzing. "Steve?" she said without bothering to look at the name or the number.

"Guess again." The voice was so familiar though Aspen hadn't heard it in a long time. She thought she might feel residual anger despite their attempts to slowly heal their friendship.

"Tony?"

"Listen closely. Ross is still tracking you."

Aspen's heart sank, and fear pulsed through her veins. She got up and crossed the room, peering out of the tattered curtains. "How?"

"I haven't figured that out yet." She could hear the frustration in his voice. "Did you bring anything new into the safe house recently?"

"No, just food, I guess. And…" She paused, but she couldn't believe this had been how Ross had found her. "For Mara's birthday, my mom sent something." Aspen was already rooting around her bag. She pulled out a stuffed cat. She grabbed the seams and ripped as hard as she could. Stuffing flew and something metallic and blinking hit the floor.

"Found it."

"I've programmed the GPS in your car. It'll take you somewhere safe. Leave the phone. We can't risk it."

"Okay," Aspen said realizing she was about to give up the last link she had to Steve. She'd send him one more message before she left.

"You're gonna be all right, kid," Tony said. "Just get out of there as soon as you can."

"I will. Thank you, Tony."

She hung up and hurriedly texted Steve. _Going to another safe house. I don't know where yet. I can't take my phone, but I'll find a way to tell you where I am. Please be safe._

She summoned an electrical current and fried the phone before setting it down on the dresser and readying Mara and Phoenix. Once in the car, she took a moment to feel for any other tracking devices. She should have done it before, but she'd been too caught up in getting away from the safe house. Her abilities came up with nothing; however, and she pulled away from the hotel. As she drove, the GPS automatically set up a route for her, leading her onto the freeway and back toward the east. She felt the absence of her phone, wondering if Steve had tried to call her. All she could do right now was drive. She took several looping turns to make sure no one was following her, keeping her senses on high alert, but she made it to New Jersey without seeing anything suspicious. She could imagine the lodge swarming with Ross's men and sent up a silent thank you that Tony had been looking out for her.

They'd only stopped a few times when Mara got hungry, but the drive had taken most of the day. As Aspen merged getting off the freeway, she looked down at the destination on the GPS. It was just over twenty minutes away, and she took a right until she came to a residential neighborhood. The house Tony had led her to was situated in a housing development. 'For Sale' signs littered the front yards in uniform neatness. The GPS announced that she had reached her destination at the house on the corner. It was across from a small park and painted a slightly different shade of beige from its neighbor. The trees in the front yard were still saplings as if they'd just been planted. A white picket fence lined the yard, more for show than actually keeping anything in or out. It wouldn't be unusual for someone new to be moving into this neighborhood which was exactly why Tony had led her here, she suspected. He'd probably bought the house with cash. Maybe he'd bought the whole neighborhood.

She pulled into the drive and shut off the engine. She sat still for a moment, letting the calmness of the neighborhood settle over her. She didn't dare hope that she was safe, didn't let down her guard but, after doing a thorough sweep of the house and yard with her powers, she concluded that there was no one watching her here. She glanced at herself in the rearview mirror and pursed her lips. She was recognizable now, and it would take just one person to ruin their anonymity here. She concentrated, sucking in a breath as she drew on her powers. She'd used this one seldom because it felt too much like erasing herself. As she watched, her long, red hair turned to a golden, sun-kissed blonde. She shortened it to a bob to be safe and then focused on her eyes, muting the green until they were somewhere between blue and hazel. Satisfied, she got Mara out of her car seat and shouldered Phoenix's carrier. There was a keypad instead of a lock, and Aspen stared at it for a moment before diving into the system with her mind, unlocking the code.

"Nerd." It was a line of coding that required a PhD and spelled out 'Tony is the best.' The lock clicked, and Aspen opened the door. The house was impersonal as the other one had been, already furnished in neat greys, whites, and blues. There were two bedrooms, and one was equipped with a crib and changing table. The kitchen had a highchair. At the safe house, they'd been careful to keep such things at a minimum. They didn't want Ross knowing about Mara. As it was, only a few people knew she existed. Obviously Ross's men had gotten to the toy Aspen's mom had sent, and that sent a trill of worry into Aspen's gut. Hopefully they thought it was a cat toy or a childhood memento.

She got Mara settled in the crib and let Phoenix loose while she got the rest of her stuff. She stopped sort at the sight of a couple standing on the sidewalk walking a short, scruffy terrier.

"Oh, hello!" the woman called cheerfully. "You must be the new neighbors."

"Yes, that's us," Aspen said, forcing a smile she hoped was genuine. "Just me right now. My husband's on active duty."

"Oh, heavens! That must be frightening," the woman said, putting a hand to her heart.

"It can be. I'm Anita Rivers," she introduced herself, using the name on her fake ID. She came forward and stuck out a hand.

The woman and man shook it in turn. "I'm Florence Perkins, and this is my husband Rick. Did I see you carrying in a baby?"

"Don't be nosy, Flory," Rick cut in with a good natured laugh. His New Jersey accent was thick. Aspen blinked. Was this what normal people were like? She was already weary from their short conversation. She fought the urge to lie about Mara, but these people were only trying to be friendly.

"Yes, I have a one year old daughter," Aspen said. The key to perfecting a lie was keeping as much of it true as possible. Names could be changed, but details could be tricky to keep concise.

"What's her name?" Florence gushed.

"Sasha," Aspen told her, pulling out a name at random.

"Well, we saw the movers here this morning and got very excited. The neighborhood is still filling in, so it's always nice to see new faces. Where did you move from?" Aspen supposed it was better to get the questions out of the way now. She had a feeling Florence would spread news of the new family that had moved into number 518. The whole block would probably know all about her before dinnertime.

"Upstate New York most recently. We've moved a lot with my husband's job."

"Of course, of course," Florence said, voice sympathetic.

"I'd better get back in there," Aspen said, backing up a step. "Can't leave Sasha alone for too long. It was really nice meeting both of you."

"Don't hesitate to ask if you need anything!" Florence said. "We're just across the street and over two in 513."

"Thanks. I will." She grabbed the rest of her belongings, dumping them in the house before pulling the car into the garage and locking the door behind her.

…

There was no phone in the house. No computer. No way to contact the outside world. She thought about asking Florence if she could use her phone, but she didn't dare. If Ross could find her twice, he could certainly find her a third time. Instead, Aspen went about settling Mara in. The fridge was fully stocked including baby food, and Aspen put Mara in the highchair for dinner. Phoenix took to her bowl with gusto, already settling in as if they'd always lived there. There was a TV, and Aspen turned it on to fill the empty living room with sound while she prepared her own dinner. The newsman droned on as Aspen flipped her grilled cheese sandwich.

There wasn't comfort in the monotony for her, and she felt a flicker of dread. Was this to be her life now? She'd grown accustomed to their routines in the previous safe house. The only real difference now was that Steve had no way of knowing where she was, and she had no way to tell him. Unless... Aspen had never tried to use her powers to contact anyone mentally before, but she wondered if she could contact Steve in the same way she and Loki had been speaking. She closed her eyes and concentrated. Contacting Loki certainly hadn't been a conscious decision. In fact, she was pretty sure she'd had no choice in the matter and that it had been the _Tesseract_ she'd actually been drawn to. Loki just so happened to be holding onto it, a thought that had not quite settled with Aspen yet. She wasn't as disturbed by the idea of Loki coming to Earth as she probably should be, but right now she considered Ross and his accords to be more of a threat than Loki.

The smell of burning grilled cheese startled her out of her concentration, and she cursed, hastily scooping the sandwich onto a plate and turning off the burner. She used a knife to scrape the burnt surface off the bread, sitting down in the chair next to Mara's highchair. Phoenix jumped up onto the table, keeping her distance but eyeing Aspen's sandwich all the same. "What are we going to do?" Aspen said aloud. Phoenix meowed inquisitively. "About our situation, not the sandwich." She took a bite, but it tasted bland. "It can't be possible that there's no way to contact Steve. With all the technology out there..." They'd had contingencies, of course, but so far Aspen hadn't had to ditch the Stark Technology phone that made it possible to keep in touch with her team. If she didn't have Mara, she'd risk it, but Mara had changed everything. Aspen couldn't risk her. There was always a chance Steve's burner phone had been compromised too. She was back to square one. Or was she? If she couldn't contact Steve, perhaps she could still track him. Wanda had a similar source for her power as Aspen—the mind stone. If Aspen concentrated on the energy, she might be able to track Wanda. If she could connect to the Tesseract light years away, she had to be able to find Wanda a continent away.

Sandwich forgotten, Aspen closed her eyes and concentrated. It meant getting down to the very root of her power. The Tesseract's energy was a component of the Superhero Serum, but it was strong, still slightly alien though Aspen had lived with it in her veins for years now. She lost track of time, sinking deeper and deeper until all she could hear was the silence in her own head. She latched onto the bit of energy and then branched out, concentrating on Wanda and her red energy. Her head began to hurt, but she kept trying, fingernails digging into the table as if to anchor herself. At first there was nothing, but then...faint but growing steadily stronger...she felt that familiar energy signal.

She opened her eyes and was no longer sitting in the safe house. She didn't know where she was, but it was night and the streetlights glowed around her in shades of burnished gold. Then she felt something striking out at her, defending itself. Wanda, she realized. _It's Aspen_ , she thought with all her might, unsure of whether this would work. The onslaught paused and then receded.

 _Aspen? How? Where are you?_ She heard Wanda's voice in her head.

 _Mental connection. I found your power signal and traced it. I don't know how; I just had to try. Is Steve with you?_

 _No, he was going back to the safe house, but you weren't there. We've all been worried sick._

 _I'm all right. I had to run, but Mara and I are safe. Can you contact him though? Tell him I'm safe?_

 _Of course,_ Wanda said, her voice filled with relief.

 _I'm in a safe house in New Jersey._ She hesitated to mention that Tony had set it up for her. She wasn't sure Steve trusted Tony enough to believe them safe. She gave Wanda the address, leaving out that detail. After what had happened to Wanda in the Raft, Aspen didn't think Wanda trusted Tony either, and she couldn't blame her for that.

 _I'll contact him right away._

 _I don't have a phone_ , Aspen told her, _and I'm not sure it's safe to risk getting another now._

 _Then contact me this way if you need to talk_ , Wanda encouraged. _I'm going to call Steve now._

 _Don't tell him the address over the phone,_ Aspen warned. _Just to be safe._

 _I won't. Be safe, Aspen_.

The connection severed, and Aspen felt a wave of dizziness wash over her. She steadied herself, the table swimming before her for a minute. Her grilled cheese had gone cold, and she found she had no appetite anymore. She forced a few more bites before letting Phoenix lick the cheese off the bread.

"Spoiled," she said, stroking the cat's head. "Steve knows where we are now." Did she expect him to drop everything and come to New Jersey? She wasn't in any immediate danger, and Steve was a whole lot more recognizable than her. What if a neighbor saw him and recognized him? She might be able to change his appearance as well, make it so that anyone looking at him wouldn't see _him_. It was an illusion, and she had grown quite adept at those.

She put Mara to bed after cleaning up the dishes and then settled onto the couch. Perhaps when Steve arrived, they should all leave on the quinjet. At least they would be together again. But the jet was no place for a baby. She could have her mom watch Mara if she could manage to contact her, but then Ross would know about Mara. He could use her against Steve and Aspen. She wouldn't put it past him. And Aspen didn't want to leave Mara behind. That was too close to what her parents had done to her, and Aspen would not follow in their footsteps. Mara deserved to grow up with her parents. Both of them in a perfect world. They'd discussed switching roles when Mara was older. Aspen would go off with the team while Steve stayed with Mara. Aspen felt torn at the thought. Her pulse raced at the idea of going out on missions again, but she felt guilty too. There was no right answer when they weren't free to live their lives the way they wanted to.

She went to bed early that night mainly for lack of other things to do. She felt listless, her energy vanished as she thought of spending her days locked up inside the house. At least with the previous safe house, she'd been able to go outside and walk in the woods. She supposed with her disguise, she'd be able to go out, perhaps push Mara's stroller around the block. She fell asleep with a sense of being trapped caging her mind.


	6. Roads Not Taken

**Author's Note:** Thank you so much for the favorites and follows and reviews! Sorry for the wait. I was so busy with work and then I had to get two of my wisdom teeth removed, so it's been a distracting few weeks. I'll try to get back to writing this week!

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 **5 – Roads Not Taken – February 4th, 2018**

More often than not these nights, Aspen dreamed of the end, or what would be their end if they did not succeed. She never knew when this end might come or what would lead to it; she only knew that there were multiple outcomes that would determine whether or not they stood at the end. It was like standing at the brink of a black hole where all she could see was the blank emptiness of the future but nothing that came before, no series of events leading up to it, just pain and loss and fear and then...nothing. It made her never want to sleep again, but no matter how hard she tried to stay awake, Aspen always found herself drifting off into another night of endless outcomes. Tonight was different though.

Aspen opened her eyes and found that she was not at an end but in the middle of something she didn't recognize. She was sitting at a long table, objects set out before her in neat rows and a tablet in her hand. ARTIFACT the logo read across the top of the tablet. Aspen dropped it, and it clattered to the surface of the table.

"See a spider, Tolvar?" a man asked from across the room. He wore a navy suit with ARTIFACT embroidered above the breast pocket. Aspen looked down to see she was wearing the same suit. Her breaths were coming out rapidly, and she tried to force herself to wake up. The room didn't fade, and the man spoke to her again. "Seriously, you look like you've seen a ghost."

"I—" She hesitated. If this were real, she would be in trouble if she gave something away. But how could it be real? ARTIFACT no longer existed, and this wasn't a memory. "Just got dizzy," she finally said.

"Maybe it's one of those relics you stole from Stark's old warehouse—the ones leftover from New York."

"New York?" What year was it? Aspen would look incredibly suspicious if she asked that.

"Uh, yeah, you know, the whole alien attack thing? You hit your head or something?" He sounded suspicious now, and Aspen shook her head.

"Obviously. I'm just not convinced those would be making me dizzy. They didn't when I stole them." Aspen needed to get out of there so she could have a panic attack. New York had happened. She had _stolen_ from Tony Stark. What on earth was happening? She discreetly pinched her leg, but all that did was hurt. Had she somehow gone back in time? Fallen into an alternate reality? "I need a minute," she told the man. "Not feeling so great." She turned and forced herself to walk from the room though her brain was screaming at her legs to sprint. This had to be some kind of undercover mission. There was no way she'd still be working for ARTIFACT all this time. She couldn't even wrap her mind around it.

Somehow she found what appeared to be a locker room. She pushed through the doors hoping it was empty. It was. She found a bench and sat with her head between her knees. Her heart hadn't stopped beating fiercely since she'd awoken in this reality. She forced herself to calm down and turned her eyes up to the lockers, eyes honing in on one labeled "Tolvar." She rattled the lock, but she didn't know the combination. It should be easy with her abilities, and she narrowed her eyes and focused. Nothing happened. Aspen put a hand against the locker to steady herself. There was no familiar thrum of powers beneath her skin. In this reality, she had never been injected with the Superhero Serum. "Wake up!" she told herself desperately. She'd never had a dream or a vision this vivid before. It was like being in contact with the Tesseract, her power source, had amped her abilities though this wasn't the Tesseract's function. It had control over space, not reality. _But you can see all possibilities if you put your mind to it_ , she reminded herself. It was a part of her abilities she hadn't put to use. Knowing the future...it was a frightening ability that Aspen had always tried her best to ignore. This wasn't the future though but the past. An alternate past.

Aspen's thoughts were disrupted by a blaring alarm overhead. The lights went out, replaced by a flashing red one on the wall, dim and blinding all at once. Aspen shot to her feet and moved toward the door. Outside, ARTIFACT employees were running helter-skelter. "What's happening?" Aspen asked, flattening herself against the wall to avoid being run over. A young woman glanced at her, eyes filled with fear.

"The Avengers are here," she said before taking off down the hall. Aspen blinked and then ran.

She found herself lost almost immediately and wished she'd just followed the other employees. Her heart was thrumming violently again. The Avengers were here, and she wasn't one of them in this reality. Clint had never come to give her the choice to join SHIELD, or she had turned him down. Something crashed up ahead, and Aspen paused. It sounded like a window breaking. She darted forward, ignoring the strange fear that had welled up inside of her as if she were afraid of the Avengers. This version of Aspen would be, she realized. Perhaps running toward them was a very bad idea. At the last minute, she darted into an office to the right, shutting the door and backing away toward a desk. She wasn't ready to face the Avengers. Not when they weren't her friends. A strangled cry escaped Aspen's throat. She couldn't imagine a reality where she wasn't a part of their group, where she wasn't friends with each and every one of them. They had been her family and even after the schism that had forced them apart, she still loved each of them dearly. She would be no one without them.

"Try in there," came a familiar voice outside. Clint. "Isn't he their boss?"

Had Aspen hidden in Joseph Danners's office without realizing it? If Danners was still head of ARTIFACT. She turned around, but she had nowhere to hide. Anyway, what was the point. She stood her ground, lifting her chin defiantly and wishing she wasn't wearing a shirt emblazoned with ARTIFACT. The door opened, and Aspen found she wasn't ready at all.

"Got one." The look of indifference Clint gave her was heartbreaking, and Aspen fought back the tears welling in her eyes. Clint mistook it for fear. "We're not here to hurt you," he said, holding out a hand as if she were some wounded animal he was trying to coax.

"You're here to take down ARTIFACT." She hadn't seen Clint in a long time, and she longed to throw her arms around him and never let go.

Natasha entered the room behind Clint, short hair still red. Her eyes flashed over Aspen, taking in everything about her. "Where does Danners keep his stolen items?" she asked, voice emotionless, business-like.

"Downstairs," Aspen said. She didn't know when this nightmare was going to end, so she might as well help the Avengers. "I can show you."

"So quick to switch sides?" Natasha asked, suspicious.

"I—" Why had she stayed with ARTIFACT? She hadn't felt loyalty to them before, just a desperation to fit in somewhere. "I have no place else to go," she answered truthfully. "But I'm not loyal to Danners."

Natasha studied her for a moment longer. "Show us," she finally said, stepping aside from the doorway.

Aspen edged past her and Clint, heading back the way she'd come. She took one wrong turn which only strengthened their suspicion but tried to play it off as nerves. Finally, they reached the basement where Aspen had first awoken in this reality. "Here," she said.

Natasha put a hand to her ear. "We have the artifacts," she said. Aspen's pulse fairly vibrated. Was Steve with them? Was the whole team? Someone responded because Natasha said, "Got it."

Aspen wanted to ask if they'd captured Danners, how they'd come to find this facility wherever it was, if they were taking in the rest of the employees. She couldn't ask though and, if she did, they certainly wouldn't tell her. She wasn't a part of the team she had to keep reminding herself.

She heard footsteps, and her vision blurred she was so frantic. Familiar red and gold came into view, and Tony paused, stepping out of his Iron Man suit to survey the room. Aspen stopped herself before greeting him instead looking at him with wide eyes, more befitting of a frightened employee. "This everything?" he asked, turning to address Aspen.

She nodded though she had no idea. Tony watched her a moment before taking a step toward one of the tables and picking up a piece of equipment. Aspen recognized it as one of his creations. "I don't believe you."

"You said you're not loyal to Danners," Natasha said, positioning herself between Aspen and the doorway. "But we know all about you Aspen Tolvar."

"ARTIFACT's most notorious smuggler," Tony said, cocking an eyebrow at her as if she needed reminding of who she was. She made a choking sound and found that all words had left her. "Nothing to say for yourself?"

Aspen felt her throat constrict. "Come on." Clint grabbed her arm to lead her out of the room, and Aspen could only let him pull her along, wanting to cry and scream at the same time. _It's me!_ she wanted to scream out but, instead, she walked compliantly next to Clint until the reached the back doors to the facility. Then Aspen stopped short, ignoring the sharp tug of Clint's grip before he realized she'd stopped moving.

Steve stood outside, shield strapped to his back in red, white, and blue familiarity. Aspen forgot how to breathe. She didn't want him to look at her. She didn't want to see the expression of unfamiliarity in his eyes. She didn't want him to look at her like anything less than the woman he loved. She tried to tug out of Clint's grasp, but he hauled her forward.

"Come on. We're not the bad guys here."

And then Steve turned, and his eyes found hers. If there was any time to wake up, this was it, but this vision was determined to make Aspen suffer through all of it. She went weak as Clint marched her to Steve. Behind him, the rest of the ARTIFACT employees were getting arrested, and Aspen wondered if they were going to hand her over too. Steve's eyes danced over her, brow furrowing. Aspen's heart leaped for a moment, but his eyes held no recognition. Perhaps surprise at how young Danners's top smuggler was.

"She can lead us to Danners," Clint said. Steve nodded. He seemed to know just who she was. "Tony and Natasha are rounding up the stolen goods. Take her on the jet. We'll see how she feels about talking back at the Tower."

Before Aspen could object, Clint pushed Aspen at Steve, and the super soldier reached out a hand to steady her. "It's this way," he said, voice gentle though she saw a glint in his eyes that told her no amount of convincing would get him to let her go. He didn't grab her arm as Clint had, only ushered her toward the Avenjet. Aspen felt another wave of familiarity. This must have been some time in 2015. They had been very much in love by now, and her heart ached hollowly at the thought.

She sat quietly while Steve waited for the others, her eyes flitting to him every few seconds as if magnetized. "I don't know where Danners is," she blurted, realizing this might be the only chance she'd get to speak to Steve alone. "No matter what they say, I'm not loyal to him."

Steve's shoulders stiffened, and she could tell he didn't believe her.

"Please." His gaze wavered at this word, and he sat down across from her, leaning his arms on his legs as he surveyed her.

"From what I've heard, you've been smuggling for him for half a dozen years now. You have a reputation, and you stole from Tony Stark."

"Maybe I didn't have a choice." She wanted to believe that. Wanted to believe that she hadn't willingly chosen this life. "He threatened my aunt. She's all the family I have left."

She saw a subtle softness enter Steve's eyes. Anyone who didn't know him as well as she would not have seen it, but she did. She knew him too well not to. "Have you ever felt like you're stuck in a life you didn't choose, that you have no control over who you are despite how much you want to be a good person?" She laughed softly. "Then again, just look at who I'm talking to."

"It's not too late to change your life," he told her. "Turn Danners over, and the Avengers can put in a good word for you."

"I really don't know where he is," Aspen said, a hint of pleading in her voice. Steve's gaze hardened. He thought she was trying to use him, to play on his sympathy. "I swear it to you."

"So I suppose he just happened to be meeting up with a completely different Aspen Tolvar at his safe house?" Aspen hadn't seen Tony approaching. He held a phone that didn't look the least bit familiar but, as he held it up for her and Steve to see, she saw her name. She had been corresponding with Danners, and she was supposed to know just where he was.

Steve stood, hardened to any sympathy he might have felt toward her. She watched, helpless, as he turned his back on her.

"Where is this safe house?" Tony asked. "Give us a location, or you get to spend the rest of your life rotting in a maximum security prison."

"Tony," Steve warned, and this time Aspen couldn't help the tears that leaped into her eyes. That compassion was there even still, even in regards to her. She closed her eyes and screamed in her head for this nightmare to be over.

"Aspen?" Steve's voice broke her concentration, and she wished he would leave her be. No amount of pleading was going to convince them she really didn't know where Danners's safe house was. "Aspen!" Someone was shaking her now, and she opened her eyes.


	7. Perfect Moments

**Author's Note:** I swear Endgame is trying to kill me with those previews. Have a happy chapter, and let's not think about what those poor characters have been through...

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 **6 – Perfect Moments – February 5th, 2018**

Steve stood there, but she was back in her bedroom at the safe house, back in her own reality where she had been an Avenger, where she was married to Steve, and where she had never pursued a life of crime with ARTIFACT. She sat up, taking panicked breaths while Steve sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing her back.

"You're here. You're actually here." Her cheeks were wet, and she realized she'd been crying. She threw her arms around Steve, pulling him close and burying her head in his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asked, and all she could do was nod. "It's over now. It's okay." He held her while she cried, let her break down after she'd tried for so long to be strong.

"We didn't know each other. It was so real, Steve. I couldn't wake up. All of the Avengers thought I was a criminal, and no one would listen to me." She choked on a sob, her fists clutching at Steve's shirt.

"It was just a dream," he assured her, rubbing her back again. "Nothing can make me forget you."

Aspen took several deep breaths, calming herself enough to fully appreciate the fact that Steve was here. "You found me."

"That was smart contacting Wanda the way you did," he said. His blue eyes were pale in the dim light, and the familiar furrow was in place between his brows. She wanted to sooth it away, but her fingers were trembling, the terror of her nightmare not quite vanished. "When your phone came up as disconnected, I was frantic."

"I had to leave it behind. Tony arranged this." She pulled back so she could see his face. He blinked, surprised. "He's the one who warned me the safe house was compromised. Ross put a tracker in the stuffed toy Mom sent."

"Does Ross know about Mara?" Steve asked, panic dancing in his eyes.

Aspen swallowed down her own panic. "I don't know. My mom didn't send a card or anything, just the animal. It could have been for Phoenix, or an old toy of mine. She'd already cut the tag off." She felt a trill of worry, but they had to be safe here. Tony wouldn't have set this up if they weren't safe.

"I'm staying," Steve said, and Aspen blinked.

"Until your next mission?" she asked, hardly daring to hope he meant for good.

He shook his head. "No. I'm not leaving you and Mara again. It was a mistake in the first place. We're a family, and families stick together." She'd never seen him so serious, blonde hair disheveled from his travels, blue eyes filled with resolve and guilt. She took his hands in hers.

"You did what you had to," she told him. "We've done the best we can."

"I never meant to put the world above you," he told her, and she smiled, her drying tears salty on her lips.

"I know that. But you're a hero, and heroes put the world above themselves. I know you never put it above Mara though. You wanted to make the world a better place for her." It would take more than Steve to do that. More than their entire team before the Accords had split them apart.

"I want to do that here, with her, with you," Steve said. "If we run again, we run together. I'm not losing you again. Not knowing where you were or how to find you...it was terrifying." He lowered his eyes, thick lashes brushing his cheekbones. He could look so vulnerable sometimes, and it was a reminder that they weren't insusceptible to worry or fear. It was a reminder that they were human too. As frightening as that could be, sometimes Aspen needed that reminder—the reminder that she had a right to worry and fear just the same as anyone else. Avenger or not, she wasn't always sure of herself, and she didn't always make the right decisions. Seeing Steve struggle with the same doubts made her realize that, though they should have made the decision to stay together a long time ago, they were here now and that was what counted.

"I know. I felt the same," she said, reaching up a hand to cup his cheek. "A world without you isn't one worth fighting for or living in. We fight together or not at all."

"Can we try to be a normal family? Is that even possible?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

Aspen laughed. "Do we even know how? I've already had to use my powers to change my appearance when the neighbors came around. I'll have to do the same to you if we don't want to be recognized."

"Why didn't Tony find somewhere in the middle of nowhere?" Steve asked with a frown.

"Because that didn't work last time. At least here we can blend in with an illusion. Ross won't be expecting us to be somewhere crowded." It did present its own problems, thought and, as much as Aspen wanted to stay isolated inside the house, she knew it would be suspicious if she never showed her face. Ross would never expect them to be out in public, and he didn't know the full extent of Aspen's powers.

"How's Mara?" Steve asked, eyes flitting over to the crib where she lay fast asleep.

"She's fine. She didn't cry once." Aspen smiled over at the sleeping form. "She's tough like you—doesn't like to show her vulnerability." She loosed a breath. Her shaking had finally subsided, but she couldn't shake the dream, couldn't shake the feeling that it hadn't actually been a dream at all but an alternate reality that hadn't come to pass. She'd dreamt of alternate futures, so why not pasts? She shuddered at the thought, and Steve put a hand on her shoulder.

"And how are you?" His voice was soft, filled with a sort of relief like he was finally where he was supposed to be.

"Better now that you're here," she said, curling her legs up and leaning against him. His arm circled her waist, and the heat of his body against hers was the best kind of comfort. She'd missed his company so much that it had been like missing a limb or a lung. With him back, everything was clicking into place, and she felt whole again. She'd missed the simple things like hearing him laugh or chatting over breakfast. She'd missed the way he really looked at her when she was talking and his compassionate, considerate responses. They'd been partners a long time, friends even longer. They had always been better together. Even if their lives were irreparably changed, having him here was enough.

"In my dream…my nightmare…having the Avengers not know me was bad enough. Clint and Natasha and Tony… But then there was you. The look in your eyes when you saw me but didn't know me… It was the most devastating thing I've ever experienced. You were kind, of course, but you didn't believe me or trust me. Nothing I said could change anyone's mind."

Steve's grip tightened around her. "It wasn't real."

"It felt so real. What if I keep having dreams like that? What next?" She could imagine worse than that if she reached down into the deepest pits of her fear. She could imagine _much_ worse.

"Have you still been having nightmares about the future?" Steve asked.

Aspen had told him about those dreams. Not always in detail because sometimes the details she saw faded as soon as she woke up and other times they were too much to recount. She knew she should tell him about the visions she'd been sharing with Loki. It was a breach of trust keeping them to herself, but she couldn't find the words to explain. She'd kept the truth of Loki's survival a secret for so long that she had dug herself into a very deep hole, and she wasn't sure how to dig herself out. She didn't think those visions were related to her dreams, so she would say nothing for now, allowing her guilt to be her punishment.

"From time to time. None of them are ever that clear. It's always the end result, not how we get there." She wasn't sure she wanted to know more, but not knowing left her feeling as if something was going to sneak up on them at any moment with no warning. It was unsettling, and she'd gotten tired of always looking over her shoulder. "I sleep better when you're with me," she told Steve. When he was gone, she rarely slept through the night. He was like a buffer to the negative thoughts that pervaded her mind at night and if she did have a nightmare, at least she had someone to talk to when she woke up in a panic.

She leaned up and kissed him, wanting to wipe away any trace of that nightmare and the lack of recognition in Steve's eyes when he'd looked at her. His hair was soft under her fingers, longer than she was used to, more like when they'd first met. His lips were gentle, patient, because now they had all the time in the world. He wasn't about to be whisked away on another mission. She had to keep reminding herself of that because the truth of it hadn't set in yet. Surely something would come up, and she'd be forced to see him walk out the door again. She'd grown so used to the sinking feeling in her heart when he left that it had taken up permanent residence inside of her.

"Tell me this is real, that I'm not just dreaming, that I won't wake up tomorrow to find you gone," she breathed, running a hand down his cheek.

His breath was soft against her lips as he spoke, his eyes so vivid with emotion. "This is real," he said, taking her face in his hands and kissing her, deeper this time. His thumbs were calloused against her skin, the roughness a familiar comfort to her. The coarseness of his beard was becoming familiar, and it spoke to her of all they'd been through. They were rougher around the edges now. "I'm not going anywhere," he told her when he pulled away for a moment. "I promise."

He put his hands on her waist, pulling her into his lap as their lips met again. Aspen forgot all about her nightmare, all about the version of Steve who never knew her. His hands and touch were so familiar, so safe. As his fingers traced her spine through her T-shirt, Aspen leaned into him, hands brushing the length of his jaw. His hands were warm as they breached her bare skin beneath the hem of her shirt. She couldn't get enough of him, her heart pounding out a rapid tempo in her chest. Every time she kissed him, it was like their very first kiss. Every time he touched her, an electric zing went through her skin. She never got enough of loving him. She'd mourned their old life for long enough. Right now she had everything she needed. Instead of longing for the past, she focused on the moment beautiful and perfect as it was.

…

Steve woke suddenly with an unshakable feeling of urgency coursing through his blood. Surely he needed to be somewhere, needed to be stopping someone. The room was unfamiliar, but Aspen was wrapped in his arms, which was all the familiarity he needed to ground himself. Her hair was splayed out across the pillow, wavy from where her tears had dampened it the night before. He pushed a strand off her cheek, brushing the backs of his fingers across her skin. She stirred but didn't wake, and he let her sleep. She looked exhausted with dark bruises under her eyes. Somehow, despite everything they'd been through, she looked younger. Perhaps it was just the illusion sleep sometimes rendered, but sometimes he thought they both forgot how young they were. Steve had often played the 'nearly one-hundred' card, but Aspen always reminded him that it was the years he'd been _awake_ that counted. He supposed she was right. Though he felt a lot older than thirty-one sometimes, he also felt that there was so much more he hadn't experienced yet in life. Maybe neither of them had been given that chance. Not yet, but maybe now.

Maybe this wasn't their ideal life or how they'd pictured finally being a family, but it was a step closer than they'd ever been before. It was frightening and exciting. He'd hung up the mantle of Captain America, so now maybe it was time to give Steve Rogers a try. He was still learning how to be himself after so many years of being a persona that came with heavy expectations. The civil war between the Avengers had come at a cost, but it had also given him the push he needed to realize following the rules and doing the right thing were not always the same thing. He hadn't always done what he was told—he certainly hadn't gotten permission to rescue Bucky and his unit in Italy during the war. Fury hadn't asked him to go digging into SHIELD secrets aboard the Tricarrier before the Battle of New York. Steve had always followed his gut, but Captain America had become an icon for people to look up to. He couldn't bring the stars and stripes with him when he'd become a fugitive of the law. It was a symbol and though he thought he'd made the right choice refusing to sign the Accords, he didn't feel right carrying that symbol with him. It was Steve who had made the choice. Captain America had never been about him but rather a symbol of hope and justice and freedom. Steve still believed in all that, but he didn't believe the Accords were the best way to achieve that. He wanted to fight on his own terms and make his own decisions as Steve, a kid from Brooklyn who never knew when to back out of a fight.

Now he wanted to learn who he could be as a husband and a father. He wanted a stab at the life he thought he'd given up when he'd woken up nearly seventy years in the future. It was a life he'd once envisioned having with Peggy. After the war, when they'd made it home safe and sound, he could have seen them settling down, having a family, growing old together. It had been a dream. Even after he'd met Aspen, after they'd fallen in love, a normal life seemed impossible, unreachable, and perhaps not even what either of them wanted. They'd had no plans to start a family and though that had left a little empty space somewhere deep inside of him, he'd accepted it. It wasn't realistic in their line of work. Their lives were constant chaos, and they would have had it no other way. But now… It wasn't what he'd pictured. This wasn't some house that they had picked out together, and they couldn't even walk outside without an illusion in place. They wouldn't ever have normal jobs or normal friends. But it was closer than they'd ever been before. He focused on that and on the smile that lit Aspen's face the moment she opened her eyes.

"It wasn't just a dream," she mumbled, words still thick from sleep.

He kissed her forehead, breathing in her familiar scent of vanilla and honey. "I missed waking up next to you," he told her, heart beating a little stronger when her green eyes lit up. She looked so genuinely happy that he wished he could bottle it up, immortalize it as a reminder of this moment. It was the first of many moments though, he reminded himself. He'd do everything he could to keep that light in her eyes. She deserved to be happy after everything she'd been through, after all the time she'd spent alone.

Aspen propped herself up on her elbow, brow furrowing. "What on earth are we going to do today?" she asked, and Steve had to chuckle at this. Of all the things to worry about, this should have been at the bottom of the list. Aspen's lips spread in a smile, and she pressed a hand to his chest.

"I mean it!" she said, but she was laughing too now. "I don't know what normal couples do."

"Whatever you want to do," Steve told her. "What we used to do between missions."

"In DC or New York." Aspen lay her head on his shoulder. "Those are good memories."

"They are." He remembered their first apartment together, how they'd been too busy to unpack everything or hang paintings for a long while. He remembered feeling nervous moving in with her because they hadn't been married and it wasn't something people did in his time. Somewhere along the line, he'd stopped thinking of the 1940s as 'his time' though. It would always be a part of him, but it felt distant in a way it hadn't when he'd first woken up. There was too much for him in this lifetime, and it sometimes felt like he'd always lived in the modern world.

"I miss the tower," Aspen said, sighing. "I think that was one of the happiest times in our lives. We had the old team, and the world still loved us. Before Ultron, before Sokovia, before the Accords. So much has happened that we can't take back, and I wish sometimes that we _could_ go back."

Nothing had been easy since the Accords, but it tugged at Steve's heart hearing Aspen wish she could go back to the past. He knew better than anyone that dwelling on the past only led to heartache and regret.

Across the room, Mara gurgled, waking up, and Aspen pulled away from Steve. She pushed down the side of the crib and cradled Mara to her before returning to the bed. Her face was glowing, and she said, "This I wouldn't take back for anything."

Steve sat up, gently taking one of Mara's delicate hands. Mara peered up at him with matching blue eyes, her pink lips pursed in a contemplative look before she smiled up at him, melting his heart. Aspen handed her over, and Steve cradled Mara on his lap. She was getting bigger, golden hair growing long, blue eyes growing more curious and alert. She was an observer, quiet for the most part but quite loquacious when she had something to say. Though she hadn't said a proper word yet, Steve knew it was only a matter of time.

"We should do something as a family," he said. "Something we haven't been able to do like take a walk or go to the park or the library." He looked up at Aspen who bit her lip, unsure. He could see shadows of doubt in her eyes, a wariness that being on the run had put there. "If you can use an illusion on us," he added, softer, giving her a chance to back out. Maybe it was too soon. He wasn't completely comfortable putting his trust in Tony after everything, but he also knew Tony would never do anything to hurt Aspen or Mara. Despite everything they'd been through, Tony would do anything for Aspen.

"Or we can just stay here," he said when Aspen didn't respond. "Maybe it's better to stay out of sight."

"No. We should go out," Aspen said finally. "I can disguise us, and it would be less suspicious if we acted like a normal family. I've…I've never actually pushed Mara around in a stroller before. It sounds like such a silly thing, but…"

"It's not silly." He felt a jolt of anger at Ross, at the Accords, at himself… His wife couldn't even push their child around in a stroller for fear of being seen and recognized and arrested. She shouldn't have to live that way. "Right after breakfast, we're going to go for a walk with Mara. No one is going to stop us." He pressed a kiss to Mara's downy head before wrapping an arm around Aspen and holding his family tight. "Things are going to be different now," he promised, a familiar, stubborn determination rising. "No more living in fear, and no more running."

Aspen pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "I like the sound of that," she murmured. "No more fear."


	8. White Picket Fence

**7 – White Picket Fence – February 5th, 2018**

The sun was outrageously bright, and Aspen wondered if it had always shone so boldly or if she had just grown used to spending her days cooped up inside. Her already pale skin had turned nearly translucent, the blue veins visible like lightning bolts beneath the skin of her wrists. She was sweating, her heart beating a little too quickly, but that had nothing to do with the sun. It was cool outside, and she was bundled up, gloved hands gripping the handles of Mara's stroller. Steve walked beside her, golden hair tousled by the crisp breeze. She'd settled an illusion over him so that anyone looking at him would see dark hair and eyes along with a different face. She found that the illusion didn't take too much energy, but she still felt taut as wire, waiting for someone to see through everything.

"Relax," Steve said, brushing a hand across her back. Her eyes danced over to him. Anyone else would think he was completely calm, but she could see a stiffness in his jaw and the tension along his shoulders. His eyes darted around just as much as hers, and she knew he was ready for a fight.

"Take your own advice," she said, smiling to show she was teasing. He laughed softly.

"We've fought aliens, robots set on destroying the world, and Hydra agents. You'd think we could take a walk around the block without feeling so stressed."

"It's just so...normal," she said, shrugging a shoulder. "But not for us. Our normal is bizarre."

His lips tugged up in a smile. "We used to do things. Go to art galleries and walk around Central Park."

Those were good memories. "It seems like another lifetime." In a way, it had been. They'd done this after they'd become Avengers, but before they'd officially joined the team, they could walk around without being recognized. "Now we get to make new memories." She just wished they didn't have to live hidden away, using illusions to keep the neighbors from recognizing them. Ross would never stop hunting them. Steve had outsmarted him too many times for Ross to just give up. It made Aspen furious. A part of her was still furious with Tony for accepting the Accords so easily. She'd always thought the Avengers would be a team forever, that nothing could drive them apart. She'd been wrong, and it had felt like a betrayal.

Aspen took Steve's hand in hers, steering the stroller with one hand. "I could get used to this." She let herself relax. It was a quiet morning, everyone off at work or school. The neighborhood was beautiful with newly planted trees and a park on the corner with a duck pond. Flowers were beginning to bloom as spring neared, and Aspen felt a surge of hope. It might not be the life they'd expected, but this was freer than she'd felt in a long while.

Mara was clearly thrilled by the walk, blue eyes taking in everything. They stopped at the park, Aspen pulling Mara out of the stroller and straddling her on her hip. She was getting heavy as she neared her toddler years, and Aspen could hardly believe it had already been a year. She kissed Mara's head. "She'll be old enough to play on the playground soon," she told Steve. "She can be with other kids her age, maybe."

"If we're here that long." Steve winced after he spoke. "I hope we are. Sorry. I stopped being optimistic somewhere along the line."

"It's okay," Aspen said, putting her free arm around him and squeezing him close to her side. "Me too."

They walked a few more blocks before turning back toward the house. Aspen couldn't think of it as home yet. It was too soon and, as Steve had reminded her, possibly temporary. She knew better than to settle in or to get attached. Mara was ready for a nap when they returned, so Aspen fed her and put her down for a while. The house was quiet, and she found Steve staring out the back window. He turned when she entered the kitchen, and she wrapped her arms around him. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too." He pulled her close, arms encircling her, keeping her safe. She let herself relax.

"Does it feel strange not being on a mission?" At first, when she'd had to finally give up going on missions, Aspen had felt lost. She was constantly bored, cooped up inside and lonely. She'd ended up buying an obscene amount of books for her kindle, using an untraceable account that Tony had never cancelled. She hadn't had much time for reading or hobbies when she was an Avenger. She'd found some time to sneak away to take photos, but even that hobby had fallen by the wayside after a time. Maybe she could take that up again. She still had her dad's old camera. She didn't have more than a few pictures of Mara. It didn't feel safe taking them on her phone, so they stayed locked up in the glove compartment of her car so that if she had to run, she wouldn't leave them behind. She wanted to frame them and plaster the walls with them, but that felt too much like announcing Mara existed to a world full of people who would hurt her to get to Steve and Aspen.

"What do we do with ourselves?" Aspen asked Steve, feeling silly for the question but, hey, it was valid.

Steve drew in a breath, and she felt it where her head was rested. It was like they were poised on the edge of a cliff. Steve let out the breath, but it felt more like a false start than a leap when he said, "I have no idea."

Aspen laughed, burying her face in his chest so she wouldn't wake Mara. Her laughing gradually subsided into breathy gasps and suddenly she was crying. Steve ran his hands in comforting circles over her back, but Aspen couldn't stop crying now that she'd started. Finally, Steve led her over to the couch, holding her hands while she tried to get it together.

"I'm sorry," she finally choked out, embarrassed by the hiccupped words as another sob wracked her body. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Steve's eyes filled with compassion. "There is _nothing_ wrong with you," he said, leaning close, eyes serious, almost stern. "Nothing," he said again as if to drive the point home. "You've been so strong—you _are_ strong—but everyone has a breaking point. You've been alone—well, nearly alone—and you've kept your emotions bottled up. You're not alone anymore, and it's okay to let them out."

Aspen nodded, clinging to his hands and begging her mind to believe his words. She felt weak, helpless. Their life had been ripped from their hands, and they still hadn't wrested control back. They might not be sitting locked in a maximum-security prison but, even if they were free, this safe house was no different than a jail.

"I want our old life back," Aspen whispered even though she knew she would never get it back. Why was she having such a hard time adjusting? She'd never suffered any delusions that life was fair, but didn't they deserve happiness after all they'd done for the world? Maybe that was the root of it all—resentment. Resentment at having their team split down the middle by the Accords, resentment at Tony for choosing the wrong side, resentment at Ross for hunting her and Steve, resentment that her daughter was growing up as a fugitive, resentment that they had to hide, resentment, resentment—it went on and on until she felt cracks forming somewhere deep inside. She wanted to scream that it wasn't fair, that they'd saved the world time and time again and this was how it repaid them? Her breaths came quicker, but she was no longer crying, tears drying in crusty tracks down her cheeks. She licked the salt from her lips. She was being selfish, but _god_ did it feel good. She'd been trying to make the best of their situation for a long time, and now she was done. She would let herself be selfish because she had a right to be after everything they'd been through. If this was how the world treated their heroes, then perhaps the world didn't deserve them.

...

That night Aspen found herself in space again. This time she was ready for it, turning to find Loki. He was gazing out at the stars, hands folded behind his back. He tensed when he sensed her, turning around to pierce her with blue eyes. "Are you safe?" he asked. "Last time we spoke, you were on the run."

"I'm as safe as I can be," she replied, joining him at the tall expanse of glass to stare out at space. "Steve's with me." She heard the intake of breath, so infinitesimal she almost missed it.

"Good," he finally said, and Aspen let out a startled laugh.

"Good?" She turned to look at him and saw his mouth curve down in a frown.

"I may not be the biggest fan of your soldier, but I don't want you to be alone," he said, keeping his gaze forward. Aspen smiled to herself.

"I like this new you," she told him. It was odd that she knew him so well, this demigod out of mythology who had somehow won her friendship.

"What about the new _you_?" He finally turned to look at her, and Aspen's smile faded.

"What do you mean?"

"Who are you when you're not off fighting crime and saving the world?" The question resonated, and Aspen found she didn't have an answer ready. She knew what she should say—she was now a mother and a wife; that was her new identity. And it was, in a way, but she wanted to be more than that.

"I'm still figuring that out," she told him finally. "Still finding my place in the world now that the world has turned on us."

"I wonder what that feels like?" Loki said dryly, a smile tugging his lips. Aspen smiled back.

"At least I didn't try to rule the world," she said, with a shrug of her shoulder.

"Ouch, but fair," Loki responded.

"All we did was refuse to be told when a life was worth saving. We refused to be dictated by the government." Some of her anger and resentment from the night before was building up in her again. "I want to hate them for it." The words came out in a rush, and Loki furrowed his brow. "For what they did to us after all we've done for them."

"You're starting to sound like me," Loki said softly. "I'm an expert on holding grudges, on hating. It doesn't turn out well for you in the end. You won't like the person you become."

Aspen knew he was right, but... "It feels so good to focus my anger though," she said. "When I keep it bottled up inside, I feel like I want to tear out of my skin, like I'll explode." She balled her fists, trying to calm the fire that had ignited beneath her skin.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm an advocate for letting off a little steam now and again, but don't let it turn to hate."

"Don't you hate the one who destroyed Asgard or the one who killed your mom?" Aspen asked, voice holding a hint of pleading.

Loki sighed. "I did, of course, but I got my revenge in the end with their deaths. That doesn't take away the pain of losing someone or something though. It's a temporary relief, nothing more."

Aspen turned away, half wishing for the tyrant Loki in place of this quiet, logical Loki. She pressed a hand against the glass of the window, feeling the chill of space. It bit at her skin, but she focused on the sensation. Better than the frustration welling in her heart.

"What does your soldier think of all this?" Loki asked.

"He has a name, you know." A smile quirked Aspen's lips despite herself. She couldn't begin to count the stars twinkling at her outside of the transport. A sense of calmness washed over her. There was something endless about space that stretched her thoughts into nothingness. Out here, she was a tiny pinprick of existence. There was no one hunting her, no rules to follow, just stars and galaxies and a vast emptiness in between.

She found she had to drag her eyes away to answer Loki. "He's frustrated too. He wants to try to make this work though—us as a family. I do too, but...there's something stopping me from being happy. It's only been a day, but I just feel jittery all the time like this can't last and maybe I don't want it to. I want everything to go back to the way it was, but that's impossible. I'm being selfish, I know, but I can't help it. For once, I _want_ to be selfish because I don't think it's too much to think we deserve better." She cut off when she realized she was out of breath. Loki was regarding her seriously, and she felt embarrassed for unnecessarily unloading all her burdens on him. He'd just lost his entire home planet not to mention his last remaining parent. Aspen's worries were minuscule compared to that.

"It's not selfish to want a fair and happy life," Loki told her, taking a step forward and placing his hands on her shoulders. "You are one of the least selfish people I know and one of the people who most deserves happiness. Much more than I do after everything I've done."

"Are we arguing over who deserves happiness the most?" Aspen asked. She felt lighter after letting that all out. Loki of all people would not judge her.

"You are the unanimous winner." He dropped his hands from her shoulders, stepping away. "I'm lucky Thor gave me a second chance. Well," he shrugged, "more like my three-thousandth chance, but who's counting? The best way you can get revenge on the one who has wronged you is to live your life despite them. Count each happy moment as a score against them. Don't let them win. If you spend your life plotting revenge, they automatically win. Trust me on that."

"All your centuries of being alive have finally paid off. You've gained the wisdom of an old man," Aspen teased him, but his words had struck a chord with her. She stood straighter, throwing her shoulders back and holding her head up defiantly. Ross wouldn't take her happiness away. Not when her family was finally back together. Perhaps the fight had moved from the world to her family, and she would fight tooth and nail to protect them and the life they were trying to forge.

Loki laughed at her words. "Well, don't worry; I've still got a lot of life left, so there will be plenty of mischief still to come."

"Good. The world needs a little mischief now and again."

The vision was beginning to fade, and Aspen knew she didn't have long. "Thank you," she told Loki, trying to pour all her gratitude into the two words. He seemed to understand, dipping his head as she faded away.

Instead of waking, Aspen found herself in a dream. She was walking down an abandoned street, wrecked cars still spouting smoke from their engines, doors dented and singed. Ashes fluttered down from the sky and everything was painted in shades of grey and charcoal. An eerie silence lay over the city, not a soul in sight. Shop windows were broken, glass decorating the sidewalks. It cracked under Aspen's shoes as she continued on. A fluorescent light advertising a deli spluttered and died in a flash of flamingo pink. Everything looked vaguely familiar and, as Aspen reached a street corner, she realized why.

Avengers Tower stood before her, utterly destroyed. She was in New York. Was this the future she was seeing? Or the past? She didn't remember the Tower sustaining so much damage in the Battle of New York. She took a step forward. That was when she saw the bodies.

Aspen had seen terrible things before both in life and in her visions. This outweighed them all, and she heard a guttural cry tear from her throat. She was running forward before she'd consciously decided to move. Stone lay across the street in huge chunks, and the air was filled with their dust. It was not the rubble that drew Aspen's eyes or sent waves of sorrow crashing through her; it was the bodies littered carelessly within the ruins. Six bodies, more familiar to her than her own face. A cascade of red hair, a blood-streaked temple. Green buried so deep, she could hardly make out a body. Red and gold metal, dented and crushed. Arrows strewn about, one still gripped loosely in a hand. And... Aspen let out a sob that wracked her entire body before screaming. The sound shook the air around her, resonating in the silence. She threw herself down, heedless to the way the cement scraped her knees raw. Red, white, and blue, the shield lay a few feet away from its owner. Aspen took Steve's hand in hers and wept.

This couldn't be the future, but she could take no comfort in that because it felt so real and her sorrow was raw and vice-like, choking her until all she could do was lay her body across his and cry her heart into oblivion.

"Why do you cry for the fallen heroes?" A voice came down to her, and Aspen looked up to see a figure framed in a patch of sunlight as if he had any right to bask in it. Her vision was blurred from her tears, eyes scratchy from the dust and ashes.

"It was never a question of _if_ but _when_." His voice was deep, resonant. It cut her to the core, and made her relive every nightmare that had ever plagued her mind. She tried to focus, but already the nightmare was slipping away from her. The last one had lasted so much longer and now, when she felt as if she was on the verge of a breakthrough, it began to fade.

A shadow fell over her, she hunched over Steve as if she could protect him. It was too late for him though and, as a giant hand reached down, she knew it was too late for her too.


	9. The Beginning of the End

**8 – The Beginning of the End – February 6th, 2018**

Aspen woke up with a gasp, gulping in air as if she couldn't get enough of it. Her vision was etched into her brain and, as she blinked, she could see a hand reaching for her, ready to strangle the life from her. Steve started the moment she awakened, sitting up and putting a hand to Aspen's back. He let her catch her breath, huddling in a ball with her face pressed into her knees. Finally, she stopped hyperventilating long enough to say, "Nightmare," as if it could have been anything else.

"I saw...the past, I think, but different." She closed her eyes, but she could see the ruins of New York, the rubble, the...bodies. It didn't matter if her eyes were open or closed, so she opened them and met Steve's gaze, reminding herself over and over that he was alive. "You were dead. All of the Avengers were dead." It was like vocalizing her worst fears, and she felt no relief in setting the words free. "I think it was what would have happened if we lost the Battle of New York. I don't think Loki was the one behind the attack, or at least there was someone else there." She tried to pull back that part of the memory, but she hadn't gotten a good look at him. He'd been blurry, but there was no mistaking how cataclysmically dangerous he was. "I don't know who or what it was, but I knew with all certainty that we didn't stand a chance against him."

Steve's eyes were thoughtful, brow furrowed. "You're sure it wasn't the future?" he finally asked, words tentative as if he were afraid of the answer.

Aspen shook her head. "We were outside of Avengers Tower, and everyone was wearing their old suits. I..." Why hadn't she been with them? She had been in street clothes, not her SHIELD suit that she had worn for the battle. "I didn't appear to be a part of the team," she said slowly.

"Then that explains why we didn't win," Steve said, giving her one of his small smiles that warmed her to the core. Aspen shrugged.

"I don't understand why I'm having more of these dreams. It's like something has changed, but we can't see it yet, can't possibly understand it." And this sudden connection to Loki... She knew it was the Tesseract that she was drawn to, and it just so happened to be in Loki's possession, but her visions... Those she didn't understand.

She tried to go back to sleep, but she couldn't shake this nightmare. Somehow she couldn't simply shake it off knowing it was in the past—a past that had never even occurred. This one felt...different as if it had been trying to warn her about something. She lay awake for hours until the sun began to rise, and Mara stood in her crib, reaching her arms out to be picked up. Aspen wrapped herself in a robe and pulled Mara into her arms before heading into the kitchen to start some coffee. She smiled a little as she added enough water for two cups of coffee instead of one.

It was odd looking out the rear window and seeing fences and rooftops, signs of civilization. She could hear cars starting and garage doors closing as husbands and wives went off to work. She wondered what that would be like to wake up and go to work, come home after an eight-hour day and fix dinner for her family. Scrunching her nose at the thought, Aspen realized how bored she'd be stuck behind a desk. It wasn't a life she'd ever dreamed of for herself. Straight out of high school she'd been working for ARTIFACT. She'd been one of her top smugglers before she'd moved on to become a SHIELD agent and then an Avenger. She'd never had a taste of normal, but she knew it wouldn't suit her. This was as normal as it got, and she and Steve were wanted fugitives. Not so normal after all.

She sighed, bouncing Mara lightly on her hip. "What kind of life do you want?" she asked her daughter, realizing she shouldn't be thinking of what _she_ wanted out of life but what was best for Mara. In letting herself be selfish, to pout about her own life being turned upside-down, Aspen had forgotten the most important thing. It didn't matter if Aspen wanted something different; she needed to focus on what was best for Mara. What was safest. "I wish I could give you the childhood I never had," she said softly as Mara smiled at her. She had Steve's smile too, and Aspen wondered what kind of person Mara would grow to be. Kind, honest, brave. She was her father's daughter, and Aspen had a feeling she would be just as good, just as selfless.

"I just hope the world will be good to you," she added softly.

...

Falling into a normal routine was surprisingly easy. At least for Steve. He thought he would miss being out in the world, donning the suit and going on missions. He did in a way, but it also felt good to let out the breath he always felt like he was holding. He got to hear Mara begin to speak, her first word being 'cat' though she couldn't quite pronounce the C, so it ended up sounding more like 'at'. Mara was very fond of Phoenix, and the two had formed a bond that sometimes seemed stronger than Mara's bond with either him or Aspen. Phoenix would sit and guard Mara while she was napping and often joined her, curling up in her crib or on her blanket. She purred whenever Mara toddled over to her, and Mara was always gentle.

"We're second-rate," Aspen said after she'd stopped laughing over Mara's delight. She hadn't stopped yelling 'at' for the last five minutes, grinning widely at Phoenix as the cat purred. "Clearly the pecking order favors the furry member of our family."

She hadn't had any nightmares lately—at least that she'd shared with Steve. He'd woken up a couple of times to find her gone from the bed, standing at the kitchen window and staring out into the night. When he asked if she was okay, she just smiled and told him to go back to bed. He knew when she was faking a smile and when she wasn't and, more often than not, she was.

Today she was happy though, delighted that Mara was beginning to speak and that they'd both been there to witness it. They'd taken an early morning walk, and Aspen had brought her camera along, snapping photos of the spring trees and the early robins. She took some of Mara and him, and it was easy to pretend for a few hours that they were a normal family.

He felt like they were holding their breath the first month in the new safe house, waiting for it to suddenly stop being safe, for them to have to run yet again. At least they would run together, but neither of them wanted that life for Mara. After a month turned into nearly two months, they began to settle. They had a routine much like they'd had when they were living together in DC minus SHIELD and plus the responsibilities of Mara. They didn't have jobs to go to, but they caught up on normal things they hadn't had time for as Avengers. Movies, books, TV shows. Aspen got a library card at the library down the street and would check out piles of kid's books to read to Mara, usually going back for more before the week was done. Steve found that his blood still pulsed every time he saw anything on the news that the Avengers might have dealt with, but he was trying to come to terms with it.

It felt a little like abandoning the world but when leaving was abandoning his family, Steve opted to stay. Maybe he did deserve to put his life first sometimes—or at least the life of his family. Sometimes Aspen would enter the living room while he watched a news report and pull the remote from his hands, shutting off the power and taking his hand. "It's okay," she'd tell him. "There are other people looking out for them."

Aspen had communicated with Wanda telepathically a few times, and Wanda had assured her that she, Nat, and Sam had it under control. Steve trusted them—that was never the issue. Maybe he'd been fighting for so long that he no longer knew how to live without a fight.

"I was thinking about taking Mara to the aquarium later," Aspen said. "Do you want to come?"

Steve nodded, scattering his thoughts. "Yeah." It would be a good distraction. The quiet life had too many moments to get lost in his thoughts, and he knew Aspen was finding the same to be true. A movie could only hold their attention for so long. Steve had begun to jog every morning, taking care to run a little slower than normal and a shorter distance. They'd been stopped by neighbors a couple of times, but Aspen's illusions had held, and Steve's heart no longer jolted any time someone called out to them. Aspen didn't leave the house unless they were taking Mara out, and Steve realized she was more used to this routine than him. Sometimes, when she thought he wasn't looking, he saw a haunted look in her eyes as if the outside world was waiting to hurt them.

Steve drove them to the aquarium after lunch, Mara carefully strapped into her car seat. "I had another dream last night," Aspen broke the silence after ten minutes. She'd seemed so happy this morning, so that surprised Steve. He glanced over at her. "It wasn't a nightmare for once. We were normal. I don't think we decided to join the Avengers or SHIELD. You worked for the VA, and I taught photography lessons at the local community center. We had Mara...and a son, too. His name was James."

What would that have been like if they'd made a different call all those years ago? "Were we happy?" he asked her.

"Yeah, I think we were." She paused, poised on the edge of another thought. "I think we've seen too much to ever have that life." The words were almost a whisper, but Steve felt them like a bullet to the heart. _We've seen too much_. It was true. They couldn't just forget everything their pasts held, but they also couldn't let it hold them back.

"Maybe, but we're here together, and that counts for a lot," he told her, reaching over to clasp her hand.

"I just can't shake the feeling that it's not going to last." And there was the root of all their fears. Why settle in if they would have to run again? Why be happy if something was always threatening to unbalance that?

"We can't live with the 'what-ifs'," he told her. "If we keep thinking about what might be, we'll miss what's right in front of us."

"It's hard sometimes when all I see is what might be and what might have been. I wake up forgetting what's real and what isn't. These nightmares twist reality until I get details of my past mixed up."

"Can you cut off your powers?" Steve asked, turning into the parking lot for the aquarium. He stopped the engine but made no move to get out of the car.

"I've tried, but it doesn't work for these visions," Aspen told him, a note of desperation in her voice. "They just keep coming."

"Maybe they're trying to tell you something." He didn't pretend to understand the full extent of her abilities, but it seemed like something had changed. She hadn't had these visions before. Not like this.

Aspen let out a humorless laugh. "There's one thing that never changes when it's the future I'm seeing," she told him, meeting his gaze with cool green eyes. He could see something like apathy there, and it wasn't an emotion he was used to seeing in her eyes. "We lose."

Aspen's words hung in the air as she got out of the car, opening the back door to unbuckle Mara.

...

Aspen hadn't meant to turn doom and gloom, but she couldn't shake the feeling that something was coming. Whatever had been holding back was on its way, and nothing would ever be the same after it struck. She had no idea what it was or who. She had no answers, just vague images of death and darkness and destruction.

Steve carried Mara, and Aspen paid for the tickets. Mara loved animals, and fish and other sea creatures were no exception. Aspen tried to enjoy the bright tropicals and the tiny octopus the aquarium worker tried to coax out of its hiding hole. Mara kept squealing "at! at!" at everything that moved while Steve patiently tested out new words with her. _Live in the moment,_ Aspen forced herself to think. Her heart swelled at the sight of Steve and Mara. Whatever was coming—if her nightmares of the future were anything more than mere nightmares—had already won if she let it keep her from enjoying her life. She shut her eyes a moment, focusing on quelling her worries, soothing the tension from her shoulders and temples. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes.

Instead of aquarium tanks, Aspen was looking out at space. The breath caught in her throat. It wasn't just space; it was destruction, chaos, death. She was on the ship she had visited before and yet nothing familiar remained. Torn metal and sparking mechanics lay strewn before her. And the bodies... So many of them, men and women alike.

"Loki." The name slipped from her mouth, heart pounding when she realized just how much she cared whether or not he was among the bodies. "Loki!" She moved forward through the ship, trying to focus on the Tesseract's energy signal. Something moved along the edges of her vision, and Aspen turned to see a figure half buried in rubble. She ran forward and tried to help move the broken metal, but her hands went straight through.

"Aspen?" Loki pushed aside the metal, getting to his feet. His face was bloodied, but he didn't look too badly injured.

"What happened?" she asked. Before waiting for an answer, she threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "I thought you were dead."

He let out a surprised huff of laughter. "It'll take more than that to kill me." Aspen pulled back, and he said, "I didn't realize you cared so much."

"Of course I care. If you hadn't noticed, we're friends," she said forcefully.

Loki's lips tugged in a smile before he took her shoulders, serious again. "Aspen, this is bad. It might already be too late."

"For what? What's happening?" There was a jolt, and Aspen would have fallen if Loki hadn't been gripping her shoulders.

"I don't have time to explain," he said, eyes desperate. "You need to go before he sees you, before he knows what you can do." He let go of her, eyes darting to what looked like a giant warship hovering on the outskirts of the wrecked ship. Aspen hadn't noticed it before, but her eyes darted back to Loki.

"Who? Who's coming, Loki?"

But her vision was already fading. She reached out a hand, and he reciprocated, fingers brushing hers. "Be ready to fight." His voice was faint, and she barely caught his last words. "You need to live."

She was thrown so violently out of the vision, that she had to put a hand out against the glass of one of the tanks to steady herself. One of the aquarium workers frowned at her, eyes darting to the 'do not touch the glass' sign.

"Aspen?" Steve put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Aspen couldn't breathe. She could still feel the cord tethering her to the Tesseract and, through it—somehow—she could feel Loki's fear. _Be ready to fight_. Fight what? What had destroyed the transport? Who had killed innocent Asgardians?

"Something's coming," she panted. The pressing connection was almost too much for her to handle, and she pressed her hands to her temples.

"Is she okay?" a concerned woman asked.

"She gets migraines," Steve said quickly. "She'll be okay once we get her home." He put an arm around her waist and guided her toward the door. "Let's get out of here," he said softly into her ear. She nodded, letting him lead her blindly until he was helping her into the car. She pressed her head into her knees, the pain in her head growing to excruciating. She wanted to cut off her powers, but somehow she couldn't do that. Loki was frightened right now, and Loki did not scare easily. Steve buckled Mara in and then got into the driver's seat. He rubbed a hand across her back.

"You're so cold," he said, and she realized she could still feel the cold press of space around her. "Can you tell me what happened?"

She couldn't. She couldn't focus on anything other than the pain, on Loki's fear and then...the connection cut. The pain faded at once. The energy signal was just...gone. Aspen reached out for it, but there was nothing. She tried to sense Loki, but all she could sense was what lay just around her—the chattering of kids outside the car, the scent of coconut from the air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror, Steve's warm hand on her back.

Finally, Aspen looked up at him, her heart racing in panic. "Something's coming," she told him, her voice quavering. "We need to get the team together. We need to be ready to fight."


	10. Part Two: Power

**Author's Note: If you have not seen Endgame, proceed with caution. Very minor stuff that alludes to stuff in this prologue. You can skip and come back once I post more. Infinity War starts in next chapter. I do not want to ruin anyone's movie experience!**

Okay, so Endgame happened. My brain's still unpacking that one. PM me if you want to discuss cause there is stuff to discuss. It unlocked the floodgates for ideas though. Do expect some updates because I've got it all planned out. Just the prologue for part two for now. I'll try to get the next chapter up in the next few days! Umm, yeah, things get dark, but Infinity War is dark and that's up next so fun times.

* * *

 **Part** **Two: Power**

 **Prologue – Unknown Date**

She walks down a night-darkened street. Hazy street lamps flicker and garish fluorescents leer. It's raining, and the pavement below her feet is damp. It kicks up at the back of her booted heels—black like her outfit—and she feels it running down her face. She hasn't bothered with a hood, and her red hair clings to her cheeks and neck. She doesn't even feel the rain, or much of anything for that matter. The only thing that pulses beneath her veins is a thirst for revenge. It's chugged through her bloodstream like poison for over a year now, and the pain never eases.

Skyscrapers rise to meet a stormy sky above her, a cacophony of a city filled with lights and sound and dim streets, the cries of the desperate and the money of the rich. She's been here before. Twice. But she returns now to take revenge for those who were lost.

No one stops her as she approaches the gates that lead up a winding hill. A castle waits at the very peak, a contrast to the modern city that lies at its feet. There are guards or there were. He's seen to that already, and now he opens the gates, his hood drawn up, a mask over his face. He keeps a sword at his side, a bow and quiver at his back, and she reaches out to double knives at her hips. Not that she needs a weapon, but she likes the feel of their weight at her side. Homage to another life that was so wrongly taken.

They walk side by side, their steps synched. They've been doing this awhile now and though there's an itch of guilt she can never shake, this feels right. No, not right. There is no more right or wrong. But it feels _necessary_. This is all she _can_ do. _He_ understands even if the one she loves doesn't. She glances down at the gold band on her finger. It lies half hidden under her fingerless gloves, but it's there. It's a constant reminder of who she was and what she's become. Of what she's lost, and how impossible it is to get it back.

"Ready?" he asks when they reach the peak of the hill. The monstrosity of a palace awaits them.

She nods. Then she holds out her hands and the doors crack open with a force that shatters the hinges. Their footsteps echo on the tiles, the hallway merging with an open room. A throne sits on one end and in it sits a woman. Her black hair is stick straight and frames a golden mask.

"We've been expecting you," the woman says. At her side stands another woman, familiar. Her eyes are haunted, dangerous. Not as dangerous as _she_ is. She's not afraid of these two. But they should be afraid of her.

A flag bearing a white lion with a star above its head and a waxing crescent moon to its left hangs above the throne. It brings back memories, and none of them are good. She feels no sympathy for these women. They're alive when others who deserve life are gone.

"Zi. Masque," she says.

"My how the tables have turned," Madame Masque says. "Now you're on our side of the law."

"Your side. My side. There are no sides anymore," she says. "Don't you get it? It doesn't matter anymore."

"Clearly." Madame Masque crosses her legs. "The famous Miss America and Hawkeye. Or are you going by different names these days?"

She laughs. "Certainly not that name."

"Aspen then. Rogers, isn't it? Or perhaps not…" Madame Masque lifts her chin. "I can't imagine Captain America would condone what you're doing."

Aspen tilts her head to the side. "If you think you can stop me with your petty words, you're incorrect. Steve's not here to save you."

There's a flicker of uncertainty in Masque's eyes now, and Aspen relishes in it. It helps her channel her rage, her pain, her hatred. Even if Masque and Zi have nothing to do with it, they're here when others weren't so lucky.

"You've been busy ruling Madripoor in Prince Baran's place," Aspen says, taking a step forward. Clint stays where he is. This is her fight, not his. "Human trafficking? For Mutants and Inhumans?" She doesn't bother to keep the disgust from her tone. "It's all about how much money you can make, how much power you can hold. I can assure you," she takes another step forward, power pulsing at her fingertips, "that I have all the power here. It's time to put an end to this."

Zi moves forward, and Aspen flicks a finger. The girl flies across the room, striking the wall with a sickening crunch. She falls to the ground, lifeless. _Red blood on white tiles_. It's not the first time she's killed like this, but this time she feels no regret. People like this don't deserve to live. Life is fragile like the snap of a finger. Now it's Aspen's turn to decide who gets to live and die. She turns to Masque.

"No guard dog to guard you now." She recognizes the fear in Masque's eyes now. She stands.

"You wouldn't really kill me." Her words lack conviction. She doesn't believe Aspen won't harm her. There was once a time she wouldn't have, but that time has come and gone. Reality has made her see the truth, and the truth is that nothing makes sense anymore. But this, this focus…it's all Aspen sees now.

"Won't I?" Aspen's hands go to her sides, and she draws her double knives in unison.

"Please," Masque is begging now. She has nowhere to run. "I'll give you anything. I'll set them free, disband the market. I won't sell another person again."

Aspen feels a flicker of something then. Pity? Mercy? Guilt? Perhaps all three, but her moral compass isn't here to guide her. She left it at home with Steve along with her heart. The prince of Madripoor once coveted her ability. He wanted her to become something more, to embrace it until she forgot what it was to be human. Now she channels that power, lets it fill her up until she thrums with it. Her feelings numb until she's sharp with sensations—the thumping of Masque's frantic heart, the stale scent of fear and sweat, the tremor of fear that runs through the woman before her.

"No," Aspen tells her. "You won't."

The knives fly. Aspen turns before she can see if they hit their target. They do. They always do. Clint turns with her, and they leave the room in unison.

"Pen—" he starts, but she holds up a hand.

"Don't bother," she tells him. "You're in no position to tell me I shouldn't have done that."

He doesn't press her further, but the thrum of power has diminished like coming down from a high. She wants it back, but she lets the pain settle. The hate. This time it's not hate for her enemies, not for Thanos, not for the universe. This time it's directed at her.


	11. Caught in a Lie

**9 – Caught in a Lie – February 7th, 2018**

Aspen awoke with a start. The dream had felt so real, and yet it had to be some sick, twisted reality that had never come to pass and would never. She'd never give in to her powers like that, and she shuddered to remember the power running through her veins. The details began to fade, but she didn't care. It would only add to her misery to remember the dark dream despite the lingering feeling that she was missing something important as the nightmare vanished from memory. The motion of the quinjet made it impossible to fall back asleep, but Aspen didn't dare climb into the copilot's seat. Steve hadn't spoken much to her since she'd broken the news. Since their ensuing argument.

Someone was coming. Something big was about to happen. And how did she know? Oh yes, Loki just so happened to still be alive and Aspen had been lying about it. For years. Steve hadn't taken it well. They'd never argued like that before. They didn't always agree, but this had crossed a line they'd never crossed before, and she wasn't sure if they could go back to the way things were. Guilt and regret were eating away at her, and she deserved every minute of it. Every time she closed her eyes, she relived the fight.

"What's coming?" Steve asked when Aspen had finally been able to form words. "What did you see?"

Aspen turned her eyes up to him. Even Mara was silent in the backseat as if she understood the gravity of the situation. "I don't know."

Steve blinked in confusion. "Did you have a vision?"

Aspen was having trouble breathing, taking panicked gulps of air. She'd lost her connection to the Tesseract. That didn't mean that Loki…that he was gone. Just because she'd lost her connection with Loki didn't mean he was dead. Right? She took in a strangled breath, ten seconds away from sobbing. "Can we go home?" she asked.

"Of course."

They were silent the whole drive home though Steve kept glancing over at her, brow furrowed in concern. It was such a familiar expression for all the worry she'd caused him over the years. She wanted to reach out and soothe it away, but there was no soothing this worry, and she imagined it was about to get a lot worse.

As soon as they were home, Steve put Mara down for a nap. Aspen paced the living room like a caged animal, her vision replaying over and over in her head. She had been there. She had seen the destruction that had been wrought. She didn't know who had caused it, but she knew without a doubt that it was coming for them next.

"Now can you tell me what you saw?" Steve asked, rejoining her. He reached out and gently took her shoulders, but she crossed her arms and pulled away.

"I saw…destruction," she started. She could lie. She could tell him she had a vision that something was coming for Earth without telling him about Loki. But she was tired of lying. She was tired. So tired. "In space." She closed her eyes. "I had a vision, but this time it was because I was connected to the Tesseract." She met his gaze though she wanted to keep her eyes closed so she couldn't see the hurt and disappointment he would inevitably feel in a few seconds.

Steve furrowed his brow. "The Tesseract?" He shook his head. "Isn't it in Asgard?"

"It was."

"I'm not following." His voice had hardened a little like he knew she was keeping secrets from him. They weren't supposed to keep secrets from each other.

Aspen took a deep breath. There was no way around it now. "Loki's alive," she blurted. "He has the Tesseract, and it's energy called to me. We've been…communicating. His ship was attacked. He told me something was coming. He told me we need to be ready to fight. I'm so sorry. I know how much you dislike him. I just never told anyone he was alive and then it got to be too late and I just never said anything. I'm so sorry." Her apologies weren't enough. They would never be enough but, at this point, they were all she had.

"Loki's _alive_?" Steve blinked. He was still trying to process her words, process the fact that she'd been lying to him. For years.

"Yes."

"And you knew this. Since when?" His words were sharp, eyes sharper.

"2013… I…I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone." She hadn't thought this out. Her arguments were weak, and she realized there was no defending her choice to lie.

"Does Thor know?" She knew that tone. Steve didn't use that tone with her. This was the tone reserved for Tony when he'd seriously pissed Steve off. This was the tone he used with their enemies.

"He does now."

"But you didn't tell him either?" Steve's hands went to his hips. He looked away from her, and it was worse than his sharp look.

"No." She whispered it.

"And Loki has the Tesseract. Again. You do remember what happened last time he got his hands on it?"

Of course she remembered. "This isn't the same as last time."

"How can you know that?" He looked at her again, and she saw the pain there. The hurt. She'd caused that, and she hated herself for it.

"He's changed."

He huffed out a breath. The kind of laughter that didn't mean he thought the situation was at all funny. "Yeah, I'm sure that's what he wants you to believe. You always had a soft spot for him. It didn't matter what he did."

"Because he's not evil. He has a good side, and he can change!" Aspen argued, her voice rising. She took a deep breath to calm herself. Steve always saw in black and white where Loki was concerned.

"You're actually defending him?" Steve asked. He wasn't trying to hide the hurt. The weariness that had lived in his eyes since the Accords seemed magnified.

"I—I've seen him change." She was digging herself in deeper and deeper, and there was no way out of this one that didn't lead to more pain.

"How long have you been communicating with him exactly?" He narrowed his eyes.

Aspen lifted her head. She was close to tears now, but she wouldn't let them fall. This was her fault, and she deserved every bit of his anger. "A few months this time around. I was connected to the Tesseract, and it allowed us to talk. I…I could see his surroundings. Sometimes he could see mine."

Steve shook his head. "Maybe he's the one coming. He has the Tesseract. Why not try to take over Earth again?"

"It's not like that. I think Thor was with him. Someone attacked their ship. Loki wasn't behind it!" They needed to focus. Someone was coming, and they couldn't waste time arguing about Loki.

"Who?"

"He…he didn't get a chance to say."

"Convenient."

"Steve…he was afraid. Loki was afraid. What makes a demigod afraid?" she asked, desperation edging her voice.

He didn't answer, and she could see him shutting her out, eyes growing colder.

"Something big. We need to tell the others—"

"Tell them what? That Loki warned us to prepare for battle?" He lifted a brow. "That sounds an awful lot like he's coming back to fight us."

"He's not!" Aspen hadn't meant to shout the words. They filled the room like smoke from a detonated bomb.

Steve gave her a long look. "Do you still have feelings for him?" The question was quiet, but so heavy. Aspen nearly sank to her knees with the weight of it.

"What?" She heard him perfectly well, but she couldn't believe he had to ask.

"You heard me." He watched her, standing so still he could have been a statue.

"No. No, Steve, how could you even ask that?" The tears were coming now whether she wanted them to or not.

"Because you don't see clearly when he's around. You look past what he's done. A little good can't make up for a lot of bad."

"I don't have feelings for him." Her voice wobbled. She tried to pull herself together. "He's my friend. You have to believe that he's changed."

"You lied to me. You lied to Thor. You lied to everyone. All this time, and you've kept this secret. Loki could have played you. He could have used you and come right back to Earth to finish what he started. Do you understand the risk you put everyone at? Does he know about Mara?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" She rubbed angrily at her cheek as a tear slid down.

"Because he's a threat," Steve said enunciating each word, his voice growing loud.

"He knows about her. He's happy for us."

Steve shook his head. "You may not still have feelings for him, but he will always feel something for you. That doesn't mean he's not a threat still." He crossed his arms, turning away from her.

"Steve…" She reached out for his arm, but he didn't move. He closed his eyes, lashes brushing his cheeks. "I would never put Mara at risk. You know that. You have to know that. But I'm telling you that there is a risk out there, and it's coming for us." Her voice was a sob now, and she quit trying to stem her tears. "Please. I'm not lying about this. _He's_ not lying about this."

"Fine. We'll get the team ready. We'll keep an eye out. But…I don't know if I can trust you. Not where he's concerned." He opened his eyes to look down at her, and she felt her heart cracking a little.

"I'm so sorry."

"I know. I'm sorry too."

Aspen blinked away tears as she relived the memory of their fight over and over with perfect precision. Her abilities allowed for that so she wallowed in her misery. As if their argument weren't bad enough, they'd had to leave Mara with Aspen's mom. They'd flown to Arizona in the jet, and Aspen had dismantled any surveillance on the house. Then she'd warded it so Ross would never find Mara. She wasn't sure how she did it or what exactly she had done, but she'd let her abilities take over and guide her. When she'd watched Steve hand Mara over to her mom, she'd started crying.

"We'll be back as soon as we can," she assured Mara, reaching forward and stroking her downy head. "Phoenix, Grandma, and Auntie Vi will take care of you."

Her mom looked as exhausted as Aspen felt. "I thought you were done," she said, looking between Steve and Aspen.

"We're never done," Aspen told her.

Ava pulled her into a hug, and Aspen put her arms around both her and Mara. "Be safe."

"You too." Aspen tried to put on a brave smile.

Ava hugged Steve too, and he held onto both her and Mara a long moment, eyes closed. Then they pulled apart, and he looked at Aspen. In that moment, she knew they were both feeling as if the world had already taken something from them.

Aspen had never been apart from Mara before, and she didn't know how to function without her. It was such an odd feeling when, not that long ago, she had never imagined herself becoming a mom. She'd never particularly liked kids, but it was different when the kid was hers. Mara had so much of Steve in her, and it only made Aspen love her more. Now without Aspen, all of Steve and Aspen's fears and doubts were surfacing. What if they never saw Mara again? They had no idea what they were facing or when it would come. They were headed to find Sam and Natasha using the quinjet to track them. If they could get the team together, that was a start. They'd try to figure out what was coming after that.

"Is this it?" Aspen asked, tired of the silence.

Steve glanced back at her. "Is it what?" he asked. He was still furious with her, but he was hiding it now. They had a mission, and they both knew how to put their feelings aside for that.

"What we've been fearing. What we've been waiting for. What my nightmares have been alluding to."

Steve was silent a long moment before replying. "I don't know," he said. "I don't know what _it_ is."

"I think Loki might be dead. For real this time," Aspen said softly. "Our connection snapped. I don't know if Thor's still alive."

Steve sighed. "This would be so much easier if the team were still a team. We need Tony's technology and Bruce's brain. If whatever's coming is stronger than Loki, then we need everyone."

"We're stronger together," Aspen agreed. "But I don't see how that's possible."

"Maybe it isn't." She wasn't entirely sure was talking about the team anymore.

…

Steve set the quinjet down in a field, sending Nat and Sam his coordinates. Aspen was quiet where she sat, hands folded, head bowed. He knew she felt terrible for lying to him, but he wasn't ready to forgive her. He didn't trust Loki, and he wasn't about to now. He'd never understood the connection Aspen had with Loki. She'd had a lot more interactions with him than Steve had, but he'd also broken her heart. Maybe Aspen was more forgiving than he, but Steve was never going to put forgiveness over caution.

He lowered the ramp to the jet and was glad when Nat and Sam appeared a few moments later. Aspen stayed where she was as Steve went to greet them, putting a hand on Sam's shoulder and then giving Nat a quick hug.

"Good to see you," he said, feeling a little of the tension that had been lingering in his shoulders disappear.

"What're we dealing with?" Natasha asked, sitting across from Aspen. She gave her a scrutinizing look, and Steve knew Nat was aware something was off. She turned her eyes up to Steve.

He sighed and shrugged. "I think I should let Aspen explain that." He said the words calmly, softly. Anger had no place here though he couldn't say what Nat or Sam's reactions would be to Aspen's news.

Aspen sent him a frightened look. He felt his resolve crack a little. He didn't want to be at odds with her. He'd rather scoop her up in his arms and hold her tight, cherish every moment they had together because, in this line of work, you never knew when it was going to be the last moment. Instead, he stood, waiting for Aspen to explain her story to Nat and Sam.

"Something big is coming," she started. "I don't know what. I don't know when. Soon, I think. I've…I've been having these visions lately. For a while now. It's part of the Superhero Serum. It allows me to see into the future. Just glimpses. Maybe if I'd ever taken the time to learn how to truly use my abilities, I could see more, but I keep seeing the end. It's different every time. One thing stays the same—we always lose. This vision was different though. It wasn't so much a vision as something that was happening in real time. I…I've been connected to the Tesseract for the last few months. Its power is an integral part of the serum, as you know. There's this connection. It also connected me to the one who currently has it." She paused, and Steve knew how hard it was for her to own up to her lie. He knew she'd never meant to hurt him, never meant to hurt anyone. "Loki is still alive. Or he was. I don't know now. After Thor came to Earth to join the Avengers, after the Dark Elves invaded Greenwich, Loki disguised himself as Odin."

Steve hadn't heard this part yet. It made the lie worse, made it weigh more because now it wasn't just them who had been fooled but the people of Asgard. "And you just let him rule even though you knew he was alive?" He couldn't stop the question from coming out. Aspen blinked at him, guilt written clearly across her face. She swallowed hard.

"He wanted a fair chance to rule. His father wouldn't give him that. I…I saw a good in him, and I thought he might grow as king of Asgard. I think I was right." She turned her eyes back to Sam and Nat who watched her silently, expressions tense. "A lot has happened since then. Asgard was destroyed." That was new too, and Steve realized he had not gotten the whole story earlier. "Thor is with Loki or was. They made up. I've been communicating with Loki on and off for a few months. Just…conversations. This last vision was of the ship they were traveling in—Thor, Loki, and the surviving Asgardians from what I know. Something came for them. Something destroyed the ship and killed their people. Loki was afraid. He warned me, but he didn't get the chance to tell me what was coming. Then the connection broke. I don't know what that means. I was connected to the Tesseract's energy, but it could also mean that Loki is dead."

"So let me get this straight," Sam said. "Loki had the Tesseract again?" Aspen nodded. "And you didn't think he planned on doing something… _destructive_ with this?"

"I don't know what he planned on doing. He and Thor were coming back here. I don't know if Thor knew he had the Tesseract, but I know Loki wasn't planning on using it like he did before."

"You can't know that," Natasha said quietly, a grim smile on her lips. "He found its power very tempting the last time we spoke."

"I know. I know what he did. I'm not trying to defend that. I just don't think he's the threat right now. I _know_ he's not. He was terrified of whatever was coming. And it's coming for us next."

"But we don't know what? We don't know when?" Sam questioned. Aspen shook her head.

"I wish I knew more."

"Can you look into the future?" he asked.

"It doesn't work like that. I'm sorry." Aspen bowed her head again.

"So what do we do?" Sam asked, turning to Steve.

Steve took a deep inhale of breath, resting his hands on his hips. "We find out what we can. Satellites might be able to trace any threats from out there. We—"

He cut off when Aspen cried out in pain, clutching her head. "Aspen." He kneeled in front of her, putting his hands over hers. "What's wrong?"

She moaned, and he could feel her shaking. "It's Wanda," she got out between gritted teeth. "She's in trouble." She opened her eyes, and there was a flicker of red reminiscent of Wanda's powers. "We're too late. He's already here."


	12. The Black Order

**10 – The Black Order – February 8th, 2018**

"What the hell is that?" Sam asked as the quinjet crossed into Scotland. Aspen moved to the front of the jet to get a better look, Natasha crowding next to her. It was difficult to describe—a circular machine that hovered in the sky, hollow and spinning. The insides glowed orange as it spun. A space craft? It was unlike anything Aspen had ever seen.

"I don't think that's from Earth," she said softly as Steve angled the jet down. "Keep going. And hurry."

They set the jet down and hurried out to the street, Aspen leading the way. "She's this way." She took a moment to clear her mind before summoning her powers. She was ready for whatever had come, but doubt still plagued her mind. She hadn't fought in a long while. What if she didn't remember how to use her powers properly anymore? She didn't have time for this hesitation. She'd be ready. She had to be.

"They're in the station," she said, motioning to the express train tracks that ran in front of them. A train stirred up the air around them, passing through the station. "Two are unfamiliar to me. The others are Wanda and Vision. I can sense the mind stone."

"All right. Sam, you come in from up high. Pen and Nat, you take left and right. I'll meet them head on," Steve directed.

They branched off, night dogging their footsteps. Aspen could hear fighting up ahead. She peered around one of the brick walls of the station and saw Vision on the ground. He looked to be in pain. Wanda stepped in front of him, hands glowing red as she prepared herself to defend him.

Aspen studied the two attackers. They reminded her of the chitauri with alien like features and skin. One was female with pale skin and blue hair. The top of her face was dark and horns protruded. Aspen couldn't tell if it was a helmet or part of her head. She wore armor and wielded a spear. The other looked like a generic alien to Aspen with grey skin. He was similarly armed and armored. The female paused, tensing as a train sped by behind them. She turned and threw her spear with inhuman speed as the train passed, and Aspen turned to see Steve turning to the side to catch the spear. He walked into the light, and Wanda and Vision slumped in relief. The aliens turned to face Steve, and Aspen prepared herself.

Sam shot out of the sky, kicking the female alien into a closed coffee shop before turning to fire on the other alien. Aspen and Natasha stepped forward from either end of the platform, and Steve threw Natasha the spear he'd caught. She whirled on the male alien, ducking under his blow and stabbing him. She finished with a kick that sent him flying backwards, her short, blonde hair a blur of light in the dark space.

The female alien held out her hand, and the spear Steve had thrown to Natasha flew back into her hands. She moved to attack Natasha, and Aspen struck out, sending a blast of power. It hit the alien woman's back, sending her sprawling. She was back on her feet a moment later, and Aspen ran to meet her, dodging the spear and kicking out. The alien grabbed her leg with inhuman speed, but Aspen rolled into it, kicking out with her other foot. The alien went skittering backwards, and Aspen caught herself, crouching on hands and toes. Steve grabbed the weapon the male alien had dropped, fending off the female as she tried to resume her attack. Natasha joined him in the fight, pulling out her electrical batons. It was like a dance watching Nat and Steve fight, striking blows in turn. Sam swooped in and kicked the alien hard. Her weapon went skittering across the ground, and she quickly crawled over to her fallen comrade, and Sam drew his guns to ensure they stayed down. They peered up at Sam, Nat, and Steve, eyes unreadable.

Easy. Too easy. Aspen knew there was more to it than this. She walked over to Wanda, grabbing her hands. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Wanda nodded quickly before looking down at Vision. "Vis…"

Vision was clearly hurt, his interface flickering. He clutched his side where he'd been damaged. Aspen's eyes were drawn to the mind stone, glinting yellow like a beacon. That was what they'd come for. Just like someone had come for the Tesseract. Someone was hunting down the infinity stones.

Aspen turned back in surprise as a beam of bright light came down from the circular spaceship. The two aliens were carried up, the weapon Steve had taken ripping out of his grip to follow after them.

"Can you stand?" Sam asked Vision, tucking his guns away and walking over. He offered a hand, helping him to his feet as Vision's face distorted again.

"Thank you, Captain," Vision said, his voice distorted as Wanda and Sam supported him.

Steve gave him a nod, giving Wanda a concerned look. "Let's get you on the jet," he said.

"Who were they?" Aspen asked, falling into step with Wanda.

"I don't know. They were after the stone." As Aspen had suspected.

"I think they have the Tesseract, too," Aspen said softly. "I had a vision." She didn't have the energy to explain further, but Wanda didn't press, simply took Aspen's hand in her free one and gave it a squeeze.

"Thank you for coming."

"Of course. I'm sorry we couldn't get here sooner." Aspen sent Vision a worried look. "Is he going to be okay?" She scanned him quickly, looking for his vital signs. Wanda had patched him together, leaving residual energy, but Vision had taken a hit. She wasn't sure he would be able to recover from this, and she knew Wanda was terrified for him.

They reached the jet, Natasha moving to close the ramp. "I thought we had a deal," she said, giving Wanda a look that Aspen had seen frequently from the former spy. It reminded her of a look Fury might have given her in the past. "Stay close, check in. Don't take any chances."

"I'm sorry," Wanda told her. "We just wanted time."

Time was something they always seemed to be short on. They were no longer Avengers, but they were still fighting. They'd never stopped fighting. Aspen realized that she had never stopped to appreciate the time she'd had because she was still stuck back in a time that no longer existed.

"Where to, Cap?" Sam asked as they readied themselves for flight. He settled into the pilot's seat.

Steve hesitated for a moment, eyes meeting Aspen's for a brief moment before he spoke. "Home." It was a word Aspen had been wanting to hear for years. It didn't mean the same thing as it had before, but it stirred in her a hope she hadn't felt in a very long while.

Home didn't mean a safe house somewhere in New Jersey. Home didn't mean Arizona with her mom, with her daughter. Home meant the building her heart longed for like a displaced homing pigeon. Home meant her team back together. Home had become complicated because it wasn't a home Mara could be in, and yet Mara was also her home. She'd become Aspen's new home, and now Aspen felt torn in two directions. She couldn't have both, but right now she needed to be away from Mara so she could save Mara. Their world was at risk, and Aspen would not stand by and do nothing. She would fight for her daughter's future.

They settled in for the flight, and Sam set a course for New York. Wanda sat close to Vision, holding his hand, their heads pressed close together. Aspen felt a little jolt realizing there was still a distance between her and Steve. They hadn't fixed that yet, and she felt her heart pull, wanting to tell him again how sorry she was.

There was never enough time, and this was a reminder that she needed to make the most of what she had before it was taken away.

"Tony's missing," Wanda said once the jet was in the air. "Another one of those ships appeared in New York. I saw it on the news."

Steve glanced over, brow furrowed. "Do we know how many of these ships appeared?" Natasha asked.

Wanda shook her head. "I don't know."

"If they were after Vision's stone, what were they after in New York?" Aspen asked. "Is there another stone there?"

"I thought they were out in space," Sam put in. "Wasn't why Thor left? To find them?"

"I don't think he had much luck," Aspen said softly. "Did the two aliens that attacked you say anything more to you?" she asked Wanda and Vision. "Did they mention who they were working for?"

But Wanda shook her head again. "They just attacked. They didn't tell us anything."

"So we know they were after Vision's stone," Steve said. "Tony engaged them in New York. They attacked Thor's ship in space." His eyes flitted to Aspen.

She quickly recounted to Wanda and Vision what she knew. "It's not much," she added. "I don't know who's behind this or if they got the Tesseract. I think they did though. And I think there's a chance Loki and Thor are both dead."

They bowed their heads. It was a terrifying thought that their new, unknown enemy could take down two demi-gods when Thor had been one of their strongest teammates and Loki had cheated death more than once before. And now Tony was missing too? Who did that leave them with? And would the government try to come after them if they showed themselves?

A ringing interrupted the silence that filled the quinjet after Aspen's words. "Whose phone?" Sam asked.

To Aspen's surprise, Steve pulled out the burner phone he always kept on him in case Tony ever needed help. He flipped it open and answered. "Tony?"

He put the phone on speaker mode and a voice responded. Not Tony's voice, but Bruce's. Aspen saw the look of surprise on her teammate's faces. They hadn't heard from Bruce since the Hulk had flown off in a quinjet after Sokovia. They'd been fearing he was dead, but here he was, Bruce again.

" _No…it's Bruce_." Silence hung heavy after his words.

"Bruce. What's happening?" Steve took it in stride. There would be time to ask Bruce how he'd gotten back to Earth, but now there were more important things to worry about.

" _Thanos is coming_ ," Bruce said. " _He's the one who sent Loki and the chitauri in 2012. He's looking for the infinity stones, and he has at least one already. He…he killed Thor and Loki. I was sent back to Earth before I saw what happened, but Thor's not here._ " No one spoke. They knew this part already, but it felt more real hearing it from Bruce. " _I was with them. Long story._ "

"What about Tony? He's missing?" Steve asked.

" _He was fighting two of Thanos's guards. They took Doctor Strange. Tony went after them, and so did the Spider Kid. They never came back, but the ship left._ "

"Who's Doctor Strange?" Aspen asked.

" _He's a wizard? A sorcerer? I'm still trying to keep up. He was in possession of the time stone. That's why they took him. Cap, we need you here. Whoever you can find._ "

'We're on our way, Bruce," Steve assured him. "Nat, Sam, Wanda, Vision, Aspen, and me. We're headed to headquarters. Who've we got there?"

" _Just Rhodey. It's just the two of us._ "

"We'll be there soon. Vision was attacked by two of Thanos's guards too. He's still got his stone, but he's injured."

" _We need more players_ ," Bruce said. " _This is big. We need everyone we can get._ "

Steve frowned a moment. "I think I know where we can find more soldiers. We'll see you soon, Bruce."

He hung up and turned back to the others. "Wakanda," he said. "Maybe T'Challa can help. Bucky will."

Aspen was thinking back to New York, and suddenly one of the dreams she'd had came back to her in full detail. A giant reaching for her. Thanos. Somehow she knew these nightmares had not been mere dreams but alternate realities. If they'd lost the battle. If Thanos had come himself. This was it. This was what she'd seen the end of, and the thought made her blood run cold. She had never seen an ending where they won.

…

They arrived in New York several hours later. It was a welcome sight when the headquarters came into view, the familiar A standing out on the side of the building. Steve felt conflicted. Too much had changed since he'd last been here. He'd lost too much…and gained too much for it to ever feel the same.

The team had been subdued during their flight, and he and Aspen hadn't spoken at all. Their previous fight seemed petty, inconsequential. It was said and done, and there was no changing that now. There wasn't time to be angry or hurt. They were going to war—he was sure of that because that was where all roads seemed to end—and he didn't want to spend his last peaceful moments at war with Aspen.

As soon as Sam landed the jet, he hung back while the others disembarked. He stopped Aspen from following with a gentle tug on her arm. She turned back to him, and he kissed her, trying to pour all his forgiveness into it. Her hands came up to rest on his chest on either side of the star on his uniform.

"I forgive you," he said as soon as they pulled apart. "No matter what happens, I haven't regretted a second of being with you."

Aspen's eyes lit up, and she pulled him into a tight embrace. "Thank you. You have a right to be angry with me, but right now I can't take anger. Are we going to make it through this?" she asked in a quiet voice.

Steve didn't know how to answer that. It was an impossible question. "I honestly don't know," he told her, deciding on truth rather than platitudes. "But whatever happens, we'll do it together."

Aspen pulled back. "That's all I ask."

Rhodey was speaking to a virtual Ross when they entered the facility. "Mr. Secretary," Steve said, his tone flat. He wasn't surprised that Rhodey and Ross had been arguing over them when they'd entered. They were criminals by Ross's own label, and they were crossing all kinds of red tape to be there.

Ross turned to Steve, fury and frustration building on his face. "You got some nerve. I'll give you that," he said. He sounded resigned like it wasn't really a surprise that Steve was there.

"You could use some of that right now," Natasha said, her tone a challenge.

"The world's on fire, and you think all is forgiven?"

Steve sighed inwardly. They didn't have time for this. He wasn't about to let Ross's accords stop them from standing up to Thanos. "I'm not looking for forgiveness. And I'm way past asking for permission," he told Ross. "Earth just lost her best defender. So we're here to fight." He took a step forward. "And if you wanna stand in our way…we'll fight you, too."

Ross turned back to Rhodey. "Arrest them."

"All over it," Rhodey said in a bored tone, swiping to end the call. "That's a court-martial," he said without enthusiasm. "It's great to see you, Cap."

Steve stepped forward to shake Rhodey's hand. "You too, Rhodey." He was glad Rhodey wasn't going to stand against him. He'd paid the price already and ended up with leg braces to help him walk. That never should have happened, but there was no use regretting what they couldn't change.

Nat stepped forward to hug Rhodey too, and Aspen gave him a smile. Her arms were crossed, and she looked hesitant. He realized she wanted so badly for this to feel like home again, but something had irreparably changed that.

"Well," Rhodey said, taking a step back to observe them. Sam was supporting Vision now, the android looking ready to pass out. "You guys really look like crap. Must've been a rough couple of years."

"Yeah, well, the hotels weren't exactly five star," Sam answered him.

"Uh, I think you look great." Everyone turned as Bruce moved into the room. He looked unsure, like they wouldn't be happy to see him.

"Hi, Bruce," Natasha said.

"Nat." Silence hung.

"This is awkward," Sam whispered to Vision and Wanda.

"It's really good to see you, Bruce," Aspen said, crossing the room and pulling him into a hug. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Thanks, Pen."

Aspen drew away, and Steve stepped forward to shake Bruce's hand. "Glad to have you here," Steve told him.

"So," Rhodey said. "What now?"

Steve took a deep breath before exhaling. "We come up with a plan." He didn't know what that plan would be. He didn't know what to expect next. It worried him but, as he looked around at his team, he remembered he wasn't alone in this. Aspen slid her hand into his and, for a moment, he felt as if they could take on Thanos right that minute and win.


	13. Visions of Defeat

**11 – Visions of Defeat – February 9th, 2018**

"Does it feel strange being back after everything?" Steve asked. Aspen turned away from the window. They were standing at one of the windows in the living area the team had spent a good portion of time, but it wasn't familiar anymore. It wasn't home.

"It's like I'm remembering someone else's life," Aspen told him. "Could it really have been just a few years ago that we were still a team? That we didn't have to live in the shadows?"

"I'm sorry we had to live on the run," Steve said. "That wasn't the life I'd imagined for us. For Mara." It wasn't his fault, and Aspen gave him a sad smile.

"It's no use regretting what was or what could have been. We've got a world to save. Another villain to defeat. It doesn't matter what's happened before because we're right back where we always are."

They were all weary from travel, but Aspen felt a numbness that had nothing to do with exhaustion. She knew Steve wouldn't judge her if she sat this one out, if she went back to Mara, but Aspen wouldn't do that. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if she did. She wanted to say it was all for Mara—to protect her and the world she would grow up in—but a little part of it was for herself. She had missed this. She had ignored the call of the fight for too long now. She had to be a part of this. She was an Avenger through and through, and this was what Avengers did. They fought and fought until the next battle came along. They put themselves last and the world first no matter the danger. Aspen had spent too much of her past questioning who she was but now, even after all they'd been through, after the team had split, after she'd had to run. _Now_ she knew exactly who she was.

"Let's go figure this out," she said, looking up at Steve.

…

Aspen curled up in one of the armchairs. She half expected Phoenix to come running up to claim her favorite lap, half expected Tony to make some sarcastic remark that made Steve frown and Thor laugh. She could see Natasha and Clint tossing darts, trying to sabotage each other's aim. Last time she'd been here, Bruce hadn't looked so haunted, Rhodey hadn't needed braces to walk, and Vision would never have asked Wanda to take his life to destroy the stone.

"One life cannot stand the way of defeating him," he was saying. Wanda shook her head, eyes filling with tears.

Steve stood still, eyes downcast. "But it should," he said, looking up at Vision. "We don't trade lives, Vision."

Vision walked toward Steve, something like pleading in his eyes. "Captain, 70 years ago, you laid down your life to save how many millions of people? Tell me, why is this any different?"

Steve took a breath, readying himself for the answer, but Bruce spoke before he could. "Because _you_ might have a choice." He explained that Vision had a complex combination of overlays—Ultron, Tony, Bruce, the stone, and Jarvis. It wasn't just the stone powering him. Vision was more than that, and he might survive without the stone if they could remove it.

"Can we do that?" Natasha asked.

Bruce shook his head. "Not me. Not here."

Aspen wondered if she could help, but she wouldn't know the first thing about removing the stone without damaging Vision. It wasn't worth the risk.

"I know somewhere," Steve said, interrupting Aspen's thoughts. She felt a surge of relief. "The same place we might find more help. Wakanda. Their technology is advanced enough."

"What are we waiting for?" Natasha asked. No one mentioned sleep. Aspen hadn't eaten in so long she couldn't remember her last meal, but she didn't feel hungry.

She felt a tug as they left the facility. She didn't know when she'd be back. _If_ she'd be back. She took a deep breath and walked up the ramp to the quinjet. Steve gave her a small smile as she took a seat next to him.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm okay." She couldn't put what she was feeling into words, but he understood, squeezing her hand as the jet lifted off.

"Can we stop for burgers first?" Sam asked, breaking the tense silence. "I'm starving."

…

"We're flying to Wakanda now." Aspen was talking to her mom on the phone. "We're a few hours out. It looks like something big is coming."

Her mom was quiet on the other line. Aspen could hear Mara talking in the background, calling out to Phoenix over and over. Tears sprung into Aspen's eyes, but she forced herself not to cry. " _I know you'll be as careful as you can_ ," she finally said. Aspen's mom had given up trying to talk her out of missions ages ago.

"I will. I…I don't know how this is going to end." But didn't she? Hadn't she seen it end over and over again? She refused to accept those nightmares as the only ends there could be. "Just tell Mara we love her, okay?" Her voice broke, but she took a deep, fortifying breath. She didn't ask her mom to tell their daughter they were coming back. She'd been on dozens and dozens of missions, but this felt different. This _was_ different.

" _I will, honey_."

"I love you."

" _Love you, too_." Aspen hung up, passing the burner phone back to Steve. He put an arm around her, pulling her into his side.

"You should try to get some sleep," he murmured to her. Aspen didn't think that would be possible, but she knew she needed to be well rested before they faced anyone. She was bone tired, but the weariness went deeper than lack of sleep. She felt like this was everything they'd been working toward, that everything was building up to this moment, but she wasn't sure she had the energy to face it. Her earlier excitement had burned down, leaving an uneasiness in its place.

She used her powers to calm her mind and, though it felt artificial, it worked. She felt herself dozing off before she could begin to fear another vision.

 _She stood before ruins. An army spread out before her, chitauri on land and leviathans in the sky. She'd been to this place before, in this time, in previous visions. She knew how this ended. Now she could put a name to the titan that stood at the head of the enemy army. Thanos. He was giant, purple, with glinting gold armor. A golden glove shone on one hand, and Aspen recognized it. The infinity gauntlet. She had seen it before in Asgard, locked away in Odin's treasure chamber. The stones glinted there: red, purple, green, yellow, orange, and blue. No one could stand against it. Her visions had proved that over and over._

 _Aspen didn't look at the bodies around her, didn't acknowledge who lived and who died. She'd seen it all before. She'd mourned them all before. Something clanked as she took a step forward, and she looked down to see Steve's shield. It was scraped and dirty, flecks of black blood splattering the red, white, and blue. Aspen bent down and picked it up. She'd held it before, but it felt heavier in her hands today. She slid her arm through the straps, tightening them until it felt like an extension of her arm. Maybe she'd never embraced the name the public had given her: Lady America. She'd never come up with a better name after all these years, so why not wear it proudly?_

 _She stepped forward until she stood on a pile of rubble, looking down at the battle. She wasn't going to win. Not alone. She shut her eyes a moment. She'd had visions where she was still alive while the others were dead, but she had never stood up to Thanos alone. She had once been told anything was possible with her abilities. She'd also been told she had to let go of her humanity to gain full control of her powers. She had no reason to hold back now. She had to lose her humanity to save humanity. Aspen reached deep inside herself, grasping the warm pulse of her abilities. Her brain felt as if it might swell and explode, but she stopped fighting it. For the first time in her life, Aspen let go. She let go completely, and her mind flooded. Everything was possible, but she didn't need everything—she needed to fight Thanos. To defeat him._

 _She focused her attention on what she needed. She could feel the power of the stones pulsing, and she fed off of that power, letting the excess soak into her pores like rain. Her skin began to glow, a riot of colors. She fed them into the vibranium shield._

 _When she opened her eyes, she saw everything differently. She was detached from herself, unaware of her name, of her past. There was only her mission before her. She started running, gliding down to the ground. She'd never run so fast, never felt so light, so powerful. Thanos raised a fist to block her attack, and she struck out with the shield, channeling everything into that blow. Thanos reeled back, blood flying from his mouth. His back struck the ground, and Aspen gave him no quarter. She brought the shield down again, but this time he used the gauntlet, the purple stone glowing brighter than the others. The power hit the shield straight on, and Aspen went flying. She tumbled head over heel through the air before coming to a stop a few feet off the ground._

 _The stones held the power of the universe. Aspen didn't know if she could best that. Doubt brought her down to the ground, and she remembered herself again. She was only human under her powers. She wasn't the strongest Avenger—had never been—so how was she going to beat their greatest threat? Mara. She had to do this for Mara._

 _Aspen let go again, giving in to her powers and letting them charge her with energy. She'd inadvertently given Thanos time to recover, and now the red stone shone brighter than the rest. The battlefield disappeared. Aspen saw her teammates, still alive. Steve walked toward her, face clean, uninjured._

" _It's over, Aspen," he told her, reaching out a hand. "We defeated him._ You _defeated him. It's time to rest now."_

 _Aspen felt a weight leave her shoulders. She knew this was just an illusion, but she was so tired. How easy it would be to give into the illusion? What did it matter anyway? She was the last alive. What future awaited her?_ Mara, _she told herself._ Think of Mara.

 _A growl built in her throat, and she let out a scream, shattering the illusion. The yellow stone glowed, and she felt something like a knife piercing her brain. She fell to her knees, clutching her head. He was trying to control her now with the mind stone. But she was stronger. Her mind had never been stronger. Aspen stood, clenching her teeth against the pain. She slid her arm from the shield's straps and threw it with all her might. It hit Thanos's helmet, but he flung it away before it could rebound back to her, clattering to the ground._

 _Aspen charged him, ducking as he used the power stone against her again. Rocks shattered behind her, gravel spraying her back. She needed to get those stones away from Thanos. She needed that gauntlet. She struck out at him, her punch flinging his head backwards. She didn't quite duck to the side fast enough, and the gauntlet struck her side. She felt ribs cracking, and the fall made her vision go black. She fought off the pain. She was getting too tired to fight, too tired to hold her concentration on her abilities. She needed to let go again, but it was too late. She lay still as Thanos approached. It had already been too late, but she'd still had false hope then. Her mind whirled with possibilities, but none of them ended with Thanos's defeat._

" _I'm sorry, Mara," she said aloud. "I failed you."_

 _She closed her eyes, letting her powers numb her. Thanos raised his fist and struck._

Aspen awoke with a start, taking deep gulps of breath. She felt Steve's hand clasp hers. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Aspen couldn't speak. The vision had been so real, the details standing out in her mind with crystal detail. Fear formed a knot in her stomach, and she started shaking. She had to get herself together though. This was just one of many possibilities. It didn't mean it would come to pass. She used her powers to calm herself again, and her shaking subsided. Everyone was watching her carefully, and Aspen finally managed to nod.

"I'm okay." How many times had she said those words today? How many times had she meant them? "Just a bad dream."


	14. Time Runs Out

**Author's Note:** It's been a minute... Summer always has a way of sucking time into a void. I am actively writing in this story again though and should have another chapter up soon. Now that I own Endgame, it will make it a little easier to write. I've got four more chapters planned before we jump into Endgame [well, the last chapter will cover the first few scenes in Endgame]. Thank you so much for reading!

* * *

 **12 – Time Runs Out – February 9th, 2018**

Steve had warned T'Challa they were coming. He directed Sam where to fly to make it through the camouflaged force field that protected Wakanda. It was always stunning—the flight that made it look as if they would run into a bank of trees only to bring them bursting into the city, the tall buildings shining below them. Aspen looked pale after her bad dream, and he wondered what she had seen this time. He wouldn't pry. He knew they frightened her much more than she'd ever let on. He felt more positive now that they were in Wakanda. T'Challa had agreed to help them, and his sister, Shuri, was ready to separate the stone from Vision. He was looking forward to seeing Bucky again though he was sorry to drag his friend into another war.

Sam set the jet down, lowering the ramp. Steve and Natasha led the group, Aspen trailing after them.

"Should we bow?" Steve heard Bruce ask Rhodey.

"Yeah, he's a king," Rhodey told him, tone serious. Steve might have smiled if he wasn't so worried.

T'Challa stood with his King's Guard, the Dora Milaje, and Okoye. T'Challa came forward, and Steve shook his hand. "Seems like I'm always thanking you for something." T'Challa had become a fast friend, and Steve would be eternally grateful to him for helping Bucky. He had a kind heart and was a compassionate king in a world that so seldom showed compassion.

Bruce came up behind him, giving an awkward bow to the king.

"What are you doing?" Rhodey asked, his tone feigning horrified embarrassment.

T'Challa looked uncomfortable while Bruce looked embarrassed. "Uh, we don't do that here," the king said, waving his hand to encourage Bruce to rise again. Aspen met Steve's eyes, a small smile playing around the corners of her mouth. Bruce shot Rhodey a glare, which was returned with a grin. The levity was needed, but it didn't last long.

"So how big of an assault can we expect?" T'Challa asked as they began to walk.

The truth was that they didn't know, but they knew from experience that Thanos had an army of Chitauri waiting for his orders. If it was anything like New York, then they could expect quite the battle.

Bruce hurried to answer. "Um, sir, sir, I think we can expect quite a big assault."

"How are we looking?" Natasha asked T'Challa.

"You will have my King's Guard, the Border Tribe, the Dora Milaje, and…"

"A semi-stable, 100-year old man." Bucky's voice was a familiar and welcome sound, and Steve turned to see his best friend walking toward him. He pulled him into a hug.

"How'ya doing, Buck?" he asked, smiling at his friend. With Bucky here, the war didn't seem so impossible suddenly.

"Not bad for the end of the world," Bucky replied. He turned to Aspen who was grinning. She threw her arms around him, and he hugged her tightly. Steve noted his new metal arm, glinting in the sunlight.

"It's so good to see you," Aspen said.

"You too. How's Mara?" Bucky asked, putting an arm around Aspen's waist as they continued walking. Steve smiled to see them together. Once he'd been disappointed he'd never be able to introduce Bucky to Aspen, but now they were friends, too, gifted this second chance.

"She's good. Talking. Big. Phoenix is still her favorite."

"Hmm," Bucky hummed with a smile. "Well, she has discerning taste when it comes to friends. Smart girl."

"She's with my mom right now."

"You'll see her soon," Bucky said, giving her a squeeze. Steve felt a wave of gratitude. Aspen was smiling now. Bucky knew just what to say to her to make her feel better. Lately, Steve didn't know what to say to make her smile, but there hadn't been much to smile about.

"I'm going to keep an eye on the sky," Bucky said.

"I'll join you," Sam told him. Rhodey nodded, staying back.

Bucky let go of Aspen, and she followed Steve toward the lab where Shuri waited for Vision. "This is going to work," Aspen said. Steve thought she was talking to herself, so he just nodded silently. It had to work. This was their only chance to save Vision and destroy the stone.

"We just need enough time," Steve said, casting a worried glance at Vision.

"Wanda can't kill him. That would destroy her," Aspen said softly. "We can't let it come to that."

That was the last thing Steve wanted. Sacrificing yourself was one thing but taking the life of the one you loved to save millions—that was something he would never ask of anyone. "It won't come to that." It wasn't a promise he had any right to make, but he would do everything he could to prevent that from happening.

"How long do you think we have?" Aspen looked up at him, green eyes wide, scared. The scar on her face stood out—pale against her already pale skin. He'd grown so used to it he hardly noticed it anymore. They'd been through so much—they all had—but they'd made it out alive. Up until Pietro. Until Thor. But a time might come when their luck ran out, when they lost another soldier. Another friend. The confidence he'd felt before was growing thin, a mere wisp now.

"Hopefully long enough," he said. In truth, he had no idea. Thanos could be on his way here already. He and his soldiers seemed perfectly capable of tracking them—of tracking the stones.

"I wonder how many stones he has."

"Can you sense them?" Steve asked. "Like you did the Tesseract?"

Aspen furrowed her brow. "I can sense Vision's mind stone, Wanda's power since it's from the same source, but I can't sense anything else. They must be too far away."

"You sensed the Tesseract, and that was pretty far away." He carefully avoided mentioning Loki, but he still saw a flicker of pain cross Aspen's face before she carefully tucked it away.

"My power comes from the Tesseract in part. I think that's why there was a connection."

"That makes sense." None of this made sense, really. The infinity stones were enigmas, far beyond his understanding. He'd gotten used to the ideas of aliens and other planets when Loki had attacked New York and Thor had come down to help them stop his brother. But this went beyond that. This was going to be their biggest fight, and they were missing some of their strongest players.

"I wish Tony were here," Aspen said as if reading his thoughts. "He'd know what to do. And he'd make some inappropriate jokes to lighten the mood."

"Yeah, I wish he were here, too," Steve agreed. Aspen had wanted so badly to bring Clint in on this, but there hadn't been time to deal with his house arrest situation, and none of them wanted to tear him away from his family. Clint had chosen to retire, and they'd pulled him out for the fight against the Accords. Steve couldn't ask him to put a mission above his family. Not again.

They reached the facility where Shuri would extract the mind stone from Vision's head, and Shuri began to explain the process, most of which Steve didn't understand. Aspen moved to the window, staring out across the city to the open fields beyond. Everything was peaceful, but Steve knew it was the calm before the storm.

"Something just entered the atmosphere," Okoye said as her bracelet beeped in alert, shattering the illusion of peace.

" _Hey, Cap, we've got a situation here_ ," Sam's voice came from the comms. Steve gazed up at the sky and saw something big hit the golden force field that surrounded the city. Whatever had attacked was instantly burned. Beyond the barrier, however, several more objects hit the ground, sending out an explosion that leveled the trees around them. Ships, Steve realized. Enemy ships. Thanos's army had arrived.

Vision started to get off of the table, clutching his injured side. "It's too late. We need to destroy the stone now," he said, voice defeated, tight with pain.

Natasha moved toward him. "Vision, get your ass back on the table," she snapped.

"We will hold them off," T'Challa assured Vision.

"Wanda," Steve said, catching her eye, "as soon as the stone's out of his head, you blow it to hell." He only hoped they could hold Thanos and his army off for that long. What Shuri was doing wasn't a simple process nor could it be rushed.

"I will," Wanda assured him, her voice tight with worry.

Aspen reached out to take Wanda's hand. "He's going to be all right," she said. "We'll do everything we can to keep him safe. We'll buy you as much time as we can."

Wanda nodded, and Steve could see the fear in her eyes. He knew how she felt—he'd felt that way many times over the years when Aspen had been in danger and he had been powerless to help her. It was the risk they took falling in love when their profession constantly flirted with danger. Aspen joined Steve and Natasha, giving a little nod. This was it. This was what they'd been heading toward since the beginning. This was where they made their stand.

"Evacuate the city," T'Challa instructed his guards. "Engage all defense procedures." He paused, turning to point at Steve. "And get this man a shield."

They left the facility and joined the others outside where transportation waited to take them to the edge of the dome. Aspen, Natasha, and Bucky shared Steve's transport, and he could see Aspen's hands trembling. She clasped them tighter together, eyes staring off into the distance, and he wondered if she was remembering something she had seen in one of her visions. Did she know how this would end? Had she seen the worst or the best possibilities? He reached out to slide his fingers through hers, and Aspen jumped just a little as if she'd been somewhere far away.

"We're going to get through this," he told her. They always did. They'd faced impossible situations before, and they always prevailed.

"What if this time is different?" Aspen asked, glancing back at him. He studied her, the haunted expression in her eyes, the dark skin underneath that showed signs she hadn't slept well in a long while, the tightness to her mouth that spelled out her worry. "It _is_ different this time. We have more to lose than ever before." He saw panic behind her eyes and gripped her hand a little tighter. "Tell me we're going to see her again," she whispered.

"We're going to see her again," Steve told her, meeting her gaze. "This isn't the end. We have so much more to do."

"I want out when this is over." Her words were so soft he could barely hear her. "I want to live a normal life. I can't deal with this pressure, this anxiety… Not anymore. I thought I could just get back into it, into _this_ , but it's not the same, and I don't want it the way I used to. The danger isn't a thrill anymore. It's terrifying."

"You don't have to do this." He knew her answer before he said the words, and she shook her head in response. "You could fly back right now to Mara and no one would judge you."

"I would. I'm staying _because_ of Mara. I need to see this through otherwise I won't know that she's safe. That the world is safe for her."

" _I got two heat signatures breaking through the tree line_ ," Rhodey's voice on their comms jolted them back into reality. Steve could see Aspen pulling away, hardening her eyes, and pushing her fear to the deepest corner of her mind. She gave Steve a nod as the transport pulled to a stop. He could see the change on her face as she set aside her worries, set aside her fears, and became an Avenger once more.

"Let's go see what they have to say," Steve said, and Natasha and T'Challa joined him and Aspen while T'Challa's army formed neat lines behind them. They walked the distance to the energy barrier, Steve's sharp eyes picking up on two of Thanos's minions. He recognized one from Glasgow, the woman with blue hair and horns jutting from the side of her head. When she reached the barrier, she dragged her sword across it to test its integrity.

"Where's your other friend?" Natasha asked when they were close enough to converse. The alien standing next to her wasn't one they'd faced before. The woman gave Natasha a look of pure poison.

"You will pay with his life with your own. Thanos will have that stone."

"That's not gonna happen," Steve told her, and her eyes flitted to him, murder roiling within. He knew Thanos's followers would do anything for him, that they would give their lives before accepting failure.

"You are in Wakanda now," T'Challa said. "Thanos will have nothing but dust and blood."

"We," the woman said, "have blood to spare." She raised her sword and the ships opened up to release the armies within. There was no more room for discussion, so Steve and the others returned to their army to prepare themselves. T'Challa had given Steve devices that fit over his wrists and, when triggered, expanded into two sharp shields that protected his hands and worked just as well as weapons. He'd gotten used to fighting without his shield over the past few years, but he'd missed it. Aspen was unarmed, but he knew she was anything but defenseless. Her powers had been made for battles like these. He just hoped she could open herself up to them without losing too much of herself.

"Did they surrender?" Bucky asked when they reached him.

"Not exactly," Steve returned.

In the distance, Steve saw the woman drop her sword. The forest around her writhed as Thanos's army made straight for them. The creatures reminded Steve of Chitauri, but they were black and yellow in color and ran along the ground like oversized dogs. They looked formidable, and their numbers were far superior to the Wakandans around him.

Aspen was quiet beside him, and Steve glanced down at her. Her knuckles were white where she clenched her hands into tight fists.

"What the hell?" Bucky muttered on Steve's other side.

Aspen's lips quirked up ever so slightly as she turned to Bucky. "Welcome to the Avengers."


	15. Battle for Wakanda

**13 – Battle for Wakanda – February 9th, 2018**

Time seemed to slow a moment as Aspen watched the army of aliens approach. The air was dense around her, the tension palpable. She'd fought armies of aliens before. Even prior to receiving her powers. She'd fought robots bent on the destruction of the world, she'd fought Hydra and terrorists, inhumans and a demi-god. That didn't make her any less afraid to fight this army. It wasn't the army that frightened her the most though. _Thanos_ frightened her. The power he wielded through the infinity stones and the strength it took to wield them frightened her. He could arrive any second. They had no way of knowing. They could kill every alien on the battle field, and still Thanos could defeat them with the use of the infinity stones, crush them like ants. Was this the day she would lose a friend? Was this the day she would lose Steve? Aspen had never been so frightened of dying because she'd never had such a compelling reason to live before. It wasn't all about being a hero anymore. It wasn't about sacrificing everything. She _couldn't_ because she had Mara now. It changed everything for her, and yet here she was about to go into battle as if nothing at all had changed.

When she'd been on the run, living in safe houses, keeping her head down, Aspen had felt trapped. She'd wanted to get back out there, but now that she was here, all she wanted was to be back home with Mara. She'd taken the time she'd had for granted and now it might be too late to make up for it.

"I'll see you on the other side," she told Steve. His blue eyes met hers and though he didn't speak, he said everything.

And then T'Challa gave the command to attack. Time sped up, and they were running. Steve and T'Challa pulled ahead, legs pumping faster than anyone else could go. Natasha and Bucky kept pace with her, and Aspen opened herself up to her powers for the first time in a long time. She didn't hold back. She knew who she was now, knew who she wanted to be. For the longest time, she had fought against this part of her, afraid it would change her into someone she didn't want to be. Now she knew only she could change who she was. Her powers didn't define her. She could be strong without them, but she could be stronger if she worked with them rather than against them.

Up ahead, Steve and T'Challa leapt into the fray, and Aspen forced herself to focus. She couldn't watch Steve, couldn't worry for his safety when she needed to keep herself alive. She raised her hands as a pack of alien soldiers scrambled toward her and shoved. An invisible force sent them spiraling backwards into their ranks, striking the ground so hard, she could hear their skulls crack. Power thrummed in her fingers, and she let it out. The next creature that reached her caught fire when she flicked her gaze at it, and it stumbled into another, flames spreading. They let out horrible screeches of pain, flesh sizzling and emitting a sickening smell. Aspen kept going, flinging her powers out left and right. Unlike in the past, she was fully aware of herself. It wasn't like the time she was captured during a solo mission and had tortured a man for information and subsequently broken his neck with her powers. She'd let herself sink so deeply into her powers then that she had forgotten who she really was and how far she was willing to go to complete a mission. Looking back, she didn't recognize that person and she refused to become her again. Now she was fighting for her life. The lives she took were not needless, but she was aware of every one she took. She took no pleasure in the deaths.

Blood splattered her face as a Wakandan warrior speared one of the beasts beside her. It was hot and sticky, but she didn't have time to wipe it away. Her hair had come loose from her tight braid, and it stuck in mats to her cheeks. Fallen Wakandans lay around her, and Aspen felt anger welling. She focused on their dropped weapons and lifted all of them, finding targets among the writhing masses of black flesh. She flung them so hard they speared three beasts at a time before pinning their corpses to the ground. Her blood sung with the battle, and she thought of Mara with every breath. _This is for her. This will keep her safe_ , she kept telling herself over and over. She felt tireless with that thought, and the battle didn't seem as endless and impossible as it had before.

She'd completely lost track of Bucky and Natasha, but she caught sight of Steve fighting several yards away, using his new shields as weapons. His hair was falling in his face, and his cheeks were flecked with blood. She started toward him to fight beside him, but a wave of aliens blocked her path to him. They snarled, starting toward her with hungry teeth and razor sharp claws. Aspen drew energy around her like a shield and sent a surge out toward them. It rocked the ground and sent the creatures flying backwards. More and more kept surging in though. Thanos's minion had been right; they had blood to spare.

It was suddenly all she could do to keep up with the fresh onslaught. She saw T'Challa struggling a few feet away. His kinetic suit was absorbing the energy of the blows but, like her, he was struggling to fend off the sheer amount of aliens attacking him. Aspen felt something grab her leg, and she kicked out, sending a force of energy along with her foot. The creature let go, but she hit the ground hard anyway. They pounced. Aspen drew up her shields just in time, but she could feel them pressing into it, pushing her to her limits. She reminded herself that her biggest limitation was herself. She closed her eyes and imagined that anything was possible. She pictured the aliens turning to dust, their atoms ceasing to exist.

The pressure released, and Aspen saw that the creatures had vanished, leaving behind nothing but bones. She got to her feet and searched for Steve. Her heart pounded when she couldn't immediately find him. Then she saw him, his familiar blue uniform half buried under the creatures as he struggled to free himself. She bolted for him, sending creatures flying around her. She had nearly reached Steve when something slammed into her, sending her spilling to the ground. She tucked into the fall and rolled into a crouch, bringing up her hands to shield herself as a sword struck straight at her face. It stopped where her forcefield began, and Aspen met the eyes of the alien woman they'd first faced in Glasgow and again at the wall of the barrier before the battle.

"You again." She got slowly to her feet. "I thought you would have learned your lesson the first time."

"Your arrogance will be your downfall," the woman hissed, circling Aspen, weapon ready to strike.

"I don't think I'm the one who's overconfident," Aspen shot back. "You're facing Earth's mightiest heroes after all. Odds aren't really in your favor."

"The children of Thanos could crush you like bugs," the woman hissed. "You are weak. And when Thanos comes, you will realize just how powerless you are."

"If we were so powerless, then Thanos would have crushed us years ago when he sent his army of Chitauri," Aspen told her.

"Enough hiding!" the woman snarled, stabbing her sword at Aspen's shield. "Face your death!"

Aspen dropped her shield and swung her body, kicking the alien woman straight in the chest. She didn't need her powers to fight. She blocked the return blow, locking the alien's arm so that the sword couldn't reach her, and used her other fist to knock her back a few steps. The alien recovered quickly, swinging her sword at Aspen's head. Aspen ducked and flung a surge of power at her opponent. She stumbled back a few steps but recovered quickly. Before either could attack again, there was a flash of blinding, colorful light from the sky. Aspen raised an arm, shielding herself, and the alien turned to face the new threat, sword raised.

Something swung through the air, knocking the black creatures aside. Aspen saw Steve get to his feet, cuts and bruises decorating his face but otherwise unharmed. The object was moving too quickly for Aspen to tell what it was, but a moment later the light vanished, and three figures stood on the battle field. The object flew back into one's hands, and now Aspen saw that it was a great battle axe. Her eyes lifted to the familiar figure who grasped it.

"Thor." He was alive. His hair was shorn short, but he was the same Asgardian god Aspen had fought along side for years, red cape flapping in the breeze. His companions were just as unexpected as Thor's sudden reappearance, and Aspen had to blink a few times to make sure her eyes were not deceiving her. One stood as tall as a man, but it was most definitely not a man. In fact, it seemed to be a moving tree with eyes and a mouth. Aspen didn't have time to register that before her eyes were drawn to the creature balanced on Thor's shoulder. It leapt to the ground as she stared. It was…a raccoon. With gun. Aspen hadn't even begun to process this when Thor charged forward with a shout. "Bring me Thanos!" Lightning followed his wake, and enemies fell around him like dominoes. The battle resumed, and Aspen ran over to Steve.

"You okay?" he asked, reaching to brush away some of the blood from her face.

"Yeah, you?"

He nodded, breathing hard. "Great." They turned as Thor approached, lighting up his enemies with electric tendrils of lightning. It was a welcome sight, and Aspen found herself grinning.

"New haircut?" Steve greeted, smiling at Thor.

"Notice you've copied my beard," Thor returned with a grin. "Aspen!" He moved forward to embrace her, and Aspen let out a startled laugh.

"You have impeccable timing," she told him once he'd let her go. She liked his new hair, and she noticed that his right eye was now brown while his left was its usual blue. She didn't have time to question this as the tree-like creature speared several aliens through the gut with one of its limbs. She watched, mouth slightly agape.

"By the way, this is a friend of mine," Thor introduced as if meeting a walking tree was the most normal thing ever. "Tree." He gestured toward 'Tree' with his hammer.

" _I am Groot!_ " the tree roared, and Aspen jumped a step back.

"Holy shit, it talks."

Thor beamed at her, and Steve gestured toward himself. "I…I am Steve Rogers."

"Just when I think I've seen it all," Aspen muttered. Steve gave her a bemused look, and she shrugged. "I have no words. Literally no words."

The ground began to rumble, and she turned her attention to the forest beyond the barrier. Something was moving beneath the earth and, as she watched, giant mechanical spikes surged out of the ground, bypassing the barrier altogether. They rolled forward, demolishing anything and everything in their path.

"Fall back! Fall back!" T'Challa shouted, and people scattered, trying to get out of the way of the spiked wheels as they split off.

Sam and Rhodey were firing from above, but their firepower wasn't making a dent in the machines. They rolled on, causing damage and death wherever they went. Before Aspen could react, Wanda came flying out of nowhere, her red energy seizing all of the spikes at once. They lifted into the air and then crashed to the ground taking out enemies where they fell. Aspen felt a surge of pride for Wanda. She'd come so far with her powers, and she was a formidable enemy against Thanos's forces. She just wished she didn't have to fight when she should be with Vision. So much was on the line, and Aspen wished they had a little more time.

Then Sam's voice came in on their comms, and Aspen's heart dropped. " _Guys, we've got a Vision situation,_ " he said.

"Somebody get to Vision!" Steve said into the comms.

" _I got him,_ " Bruce replied.

" _On my way_ ," Wanda's voice followed.

"We should head that way, too," Aspen suggested, worry tugging her toward where Vision was. She could sense the stone in his head, sense his pain and his fear. Steve nodded, and they took off in that direction, Aspen flinging the aliens out of their way.

" _Guys, Vision needs backup_ now!" Bruce's voice sounded again, and Steve ran faster, Aspen lagging behind. She focused her powers and her feet carried her faster, energy aiding her flight. The tree line was just ahead, and she could sense Vision just beyond.

"He's in pain," she said, focusing on the mind stone. Up ahead she could see one of Thanos's minions. She cried out when he thrust his blade straight through Vision. The android cried out in pain and collapsed to the ground as soon as the blade was pulled free. The alien leaned over to reach for the stone and Steve tackled him around the middle. Aspen grabbed Vision's arm, pulling him out of the way.

"Get outta here!" Steve shouted to Vision, blocking a blow from the enemy before driving him back. "Go!"

"Come on!" Aspen encouraged, trying to drag Vision away. Steve fought on behind them. He ducked a blow from the blade before disarming Thanos's soldier and sending the spear clattering to the ground. Aspen tried to pull Vision on further, but he was flagging, and her attention was distracted a moment later when the alien sent Steve sprawling over a fallen tree. He leapt after him, grabbing onto his throat before Steve had the chance to recover. Steve scrabbled against him to no avail, and Aspen's alarm grew. The alien was as strong as Steve, and he wasn't letting go.

"Steve!" Aspen started toward him but something slammed into her so hard it knocked the breath from her lungs. One of the black and yellow aliens had broken away from the pack. Its teeth gnashed inches away from Aspen's face as she struggled to ward it off. She summoned her powers and flung the beast with all her might. The weight was released from her, and the creature went crashing into a tree hard enough to snap its neck. Aspen scrambled to her feet. "Steve?"

She stopped short at the sight before her. Vision had speared Thanos's minion through the chest, lifting him clear off the ground before thrusting him aside. Steve got to his feet, panting and holding his throat as he moved to help Vision. The android collapsed to the ground as Aspen reached him.

"I thought I told you to go," Steve said as he helped Vision back to his feet.

"We don't trade lives, Captain," Vision told him, quoting Steve's earlier words back to him. Steve helped Vision sit against the fallen tree and turned to Aspen.

Aspen hurried over to him, folding her arms around him. He pulled her close, shielded hands sheltering her. "Are you all right?" she asked, pulling back a little to survey him. There was blood on his mouth, and a cut ran across his forehead. She put a hand to his cheek. He seemed otherwise unharmed, but the fight wasn't over yet.

"I'm all right," Steve replied. "You?"

She shrugged a shoulder. "I'm all in one piece." In truth she felt drained of energy. She hadn't used her powers this much in a long time. It left her feeling depleted.

Off in the distance, enemy airships exploded as Thor and his hammer went to work on them. Aspen thought she saw the black and yellow creatures retreating.

Then Wanda landed next to them, red energy guiding her to the ground. She hurried over to Vision, kneeling beside him. "Are you okay?" Vision winced, the mind stone pulsing.

"What? What is it?" Wanda asked anxiously.

"He's here." Vision's words chilled Aspen to the core, and panic rose inside of her, choking and all consuming. She turned to Steve and saw panic reflected in his eyes.

"It's too late," Aspen whispered. "We don't have time to separate the stone." She could sense the others now, their pulsing energy. The Tesseract's energy signature sung to her, welcoming and terrifying at the same time.

"Everyone on my position," Steve said into his comm. "We have incoming." A wind had picked up, and leaves stirred all around them. Aspen positioned herself in front of Wanda and Vision, heart pulsing so quickly she felt sick.

The others joined them one by one, Natasha and Sam, Okoye and T'Challa, Bruce in his Hulkbuster suit and Rhodey in his War Machine, Bucky and the talking tree and the talking raccoon. Aspen reached out to take Steve's hand, trying to find the slightest bit of comfort. This was it. They were out of time, and they had hardly begun to remove the stone from Vision. Thanos was on his way here now, and they might die facing him.

A grey cloud formed in the center of the forest ahead of them, blue electricity lighting it as it swirled. And then Thanos stepped out of it and the real fight for their lives began.


	16. We Lose Together

**Author's Note:** These next two chapters are depressing and were hard to write, but here we are at the end of Infinity War. One more chapter after this one and the next and we'll be into part three. Thank you so much for reading!

* * *

 **14 – We Lose Together – February 9th, 2018**

Aspen's hand tightened in Steve's as Thanos walked through the portal and into the clearing before them. Feeling his palm clasped to hers was the only thing that felt real. The titan surveyed all of them, arrogance glinting in his eyes. Aspen's nightmares hadn't done him justice, hadn't fully replicated the power that seemed to seep from his skin, his beady eyes, the golden gauntlet where five infinity stones rested reminding them of how little chance they stood. Red energy glowed at Wanda's fingertips as she prepared herself to defend Vision.

"Cap. That's him," Bruce said though there was never any question of it. Aspen's heart was pounding so loudly she could hardly hear anything else. Panic surged through her veins as she realized it was too late. They didn't have time to remove the mind stone from Vision. All they could do now was fight Thanos…and win. There was no other option.

Steve let go of her hand, flexing his arm to release the shield mechanism attached to his wrist. "Eyes up. Stay sharp." He started toward Thanos, and Aspen felt a visceral fear overtake her. This could be the day she lost him. It could be the day she lost any of her friends.

Bruce reached Thanos first, but the titan used one of the stones before Bruce could get a punch in. The Hulkbuster faded straight through Thanos and into the rocky wall behind them where he was trapped beneath layers of the stone. Steve reached him next, but a strike sent him crashing to the ground.

Aspen rushed over to him, kneeling beside him. She glanced over her shoulder to see her friends attack Thanos one at a time. No one even got close to landing a blow. Thanos was too powerful with five infinity stones. She gripped Steve's wrist, feeling for a pulse. It beat steadily, and he opened his eyes, groaning a little.

"He's too powerful." Aspen felt herself begin to lose control. She felt tiny, weak, but then something else flickered at the edges of her mind: desperation. "But maybe not for me." She looked down at Steve. "My power is linked to the Tesseract—to the space stone—I might stand a chance. I have to try."

Steve shook his head. "You don't have to face him alone." He tried to get up, but Aspen stopped him.

"Yes. I do." She gave him a small smile. "I have to be strong enough."

"You are. I know you are." He sat up, taking her face gently in his hands. "You've spent years fighting your powers, afraid they were going to change you, turn you into someone you don't want to be. But you need to tell _them_ who you are. You set the terms. They'll fall in line."

She needed to take a stand. Any of them could die facing Thanos, but if he won, if he got the last stone, then they would all die. Aspen nodded, and Steve let her go. She got to her feet as Thanos ripped himself free of Groot's branches. Aspen had spent most of her life not believing in herself. She'd grown up without a supportive family and had let herself be manipulated and used for years. Becoming an Avenger had been the best thing that had happened to her. It had given her a place to belong, a place to feel important and strong. It had made her believe in herself. After the rift between their team, she'd lost that confidence again. Living on the run had made her fearful. She'd forgotten what it was to fight with everything she had. Right now she remembered.

This time when she opened herself up to her powers, she took control. She didn't limit herself, didn't question what was and wasn't possible. She would do anything to keep her friends safe, anything to defeat Thanos. And so she finally let herself believe that anything was possible.

Power welled at her fingertips. She focused on the energy from the stones on Thanos's shining gauntlet and pulled. Her body stiffened at the connection, but she took it in, focusing all her anger and pain and fear on Thanos. He moved toward her in two giant steps, and she let go. A wave of energy hit the titan, and he staggered back. The earth quaked and leaves spiraled through the air chaotically. She was infinite, power glowing at her fingertips, humming in her ears, vibrating through her veins.

Aspen put a hand to the ground and felt traces of vibranium deep within the soil. She tugged and the earth shifted. Vibranium surged to the surface, forming vines that twisted around Thanos's arms and legs. He snarled, fighting to free himself, but vibranium was the strongest metal on earth—it could hold a titan. Aspen held the metal in place. Something liquid dripped from her nose, and head was beginning to throb. She ignored it, focusing on channeling the energy. The purple stone on Thanos's gauntlet glowed, and before Aspen could stop him, the vibranium shattered. Aspen snatched the shards out of the air as they sliced toward her, tossing them back at Thanos. He deflected them with the Space stone, but not before one sliced across his bicep. Blood welled. So the mad titan could bleed just like any human. It was all the encouragement Aspen needed to continue the onslaught.

She threw everything she could at him, stealing more power from the stones and driving him back. Sheer force alone wasn't going to defeat him. She either needed that gauntlet, or she needed to break him down from inside. She focused on the metal of the gauntlet, pulling hard with her mind, willing it to fly from his hand. She saw the metal slide a fraction of an inch, but Thanos tightened his fist. The red stone flared, and Aspen saw her friends fall dead beside her. Blood dripped in a fine line down Steve's face, his lifeless blue eyes staring straight at her.

"Illusions!" she shouted at Thanos, stamping her foot. The illusion shattered, and her friends were back. Now she was angry on a whole new level. He knew her weaknesses and would use them against her, but Aspen wasn't so easily fooled. She'd gone head to head with a trickster before. Thanos couldn't use the Reality stone against her.

Clearly force wasn't going to work to pry that gauntlet from his fist. She was going to have to incapacitate him in some other way. If not physically, then mentally. Entering someone else's mind was a violation, but Aspen didn't care with Thanos. He'd crossed too many lines, so now Aspen would cross a line too. She didn't need the mind stone to get inside his mind. She took a deep breath and dove in.

Nothing could ever have prepared Aspen for the resistance she felt the second she entered Thanos's mind. It was like nails drilling through her skull, trying to force her out. She had to do this. For Steve, for Mara, for the world that didn't deserve Thanos's purging. She took a step forward and then another, wading through quicksand.

 _You are under_ my _control_ , she told him. He sank to his knees, moaning from exertion, trying to drive her out. She was like a virus spreading, seeking to corrupt the host. She was digging deeper and deeper, taking more and more control. And then the memories hit. She wasn't prepared for them, wasn't prepared for the gravity of what Thanos had been doing, for all the lives he'd taken all in the name of some mad conquest. It was what he wanted to do to this world, but she couldn't focus on that now.

 _Submit_ , she screamed at him. _Lay down the gauntlet_. She was aware of him moving, reaching for the golden gauntlet holding the stones. He was fighting her with every fiber in him, gritting his teeth against the pain of her intrusion. But she was stronger.

He began to take the gauntlet off, one achingly long millimeter after another. His fingers flexed, refusing to let go. And then Aspen was seeing a memory, an image. It was Tony. He was somewhere dark—space?—covered in blood, half his Iron Man suit destroyed. Aspen watched as Thanos stabbed him straight though.

"No!" she cried out loud. This was not a vision of the future. This was a memory. A memory he had showed her on purpose. He felt her distraction, her weakness, and he clenched his fist.

It wasn't a surge of power that hit her, not an illusion or a manipulation of space. The orange stone lit up, and Aspen felt her control slip. Then it was gone, and she opened her eyes to a dark planet. She stood in shallows that perfectly reflected the sky above her. It was a hollow, empty space like the deepest, darkest recesses of her soul. She wasn't prepared for the pain that struck her. Claws sunk into her soul, her mind, ripping and tearing until her powers receded back into nothing, her control over Thanos utterly lost. Her mind rose up in defense, building barriers he continued to beat down. And then, piece by piece, he tore her apart.

She knew innately that the soul stone could rip her soul apart, change its very foundation, change everything about her. It took and it took until she felt her bones striped dry. The pain was like nothing she'd ever experienced before. And then she was falling, landing back in her body as she swayed on her feet. She was aware of two things before she collapsed to the ground: her soul was, somehow, still intact, still whole, still her—but her powers, the abilities she'd gained when she'd been injected with the Superhero Serum, were gone.

…

Steve watched as Aspen collapsed to the ground. The last few minutes had been impossible to discern, Aspen and Thanos locked in some mental battle. And Aspen had lost. Thanos set his sights on Vision and Wanda. Wanda had begun to destroy the stone, and Steve knew it was destroying her too. In the end, she had to kill the one she loved to save the rest of the world. It was a price no one should ever have to pay. Steve ran, sliding across the ground and under Thanos's arm to cut him off. He leapt to his feet and swung at Thanos with his shielded arms again and again. Thanos punched the gauntlet toward Steve, and Steve caught it in his hand, gritting his teeth as he pushed back with every ounce of strength he had. He looked into Thanos's eyes and thought he saw a hint of surprise. Then Thanos brought his other fist down against the side of Steve's head, and everything went black.

…

Steve woke up in time to see Thanos disappear. He struggled to his feet, holding his side as a sharp pain surged through him. Thor was standing there, a panicked look on his face. His weapon had fresh blood on it, but Thanos was gone.

"Where'd he go?" he asked. Thor didn't answer, so Steve asked again.

"Steve?" He turned at the sound of his name. Bucky stood there, but something was very wrong. Before his eyes, Bucky began to turn to dust, the pieces fluttering to the ground like ashes. His gun clattered to the ground, no hand left to hold it. Steve stumbled over to the place, kneeling and touching the ground. His mind was numb. This had to be some trick, some alternate reality Thanos was torturing them with. His mind couldn't process it.

He stood and his eyes found Aspen where she lay unconscious. He ran over, kneeling beside her, but she stayed solid, her breathing shallow but steady. There was no sign of Wanda, but Vision lay on the ground, everything about him turned to greyscale. Steve knelt and turned him over. The stone had been ripped from his head, and his eyes were a lifeless white. Natasha ran up as the remainder of his team joined him. Rhodey and Bruce and Thor.

"What is this? What the hell happened?" Rhodey asked, but Steve couldn't answer that. He sat down hard on the ground next to Vision's lifeless body as the reality of what had happened sunk in. Thanos had used the infinity stones. He'd wiped out half the population on Earth.

"Oh, God…"

…

Aspen awoke cradled in Steve's arms. His face was dirty, and blood ran from his mouth down his chin. He was alive—but something was very wrong. She'd never seen him look so defeated, never seen his eyes so haunted. It terrified her.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice wobbly, weak. She felt as if her bones had been shattered and then rebuilt a dozen times over.

Steve looked down at her and said two words that shattered her all over again. "We lost."


	17. Dust to Dust

**15 – Dust to Dust – February 10th, 2018**

"We lost." Steve's words echoed in Aspen's head. Everything hurt, and she didn't have the energy to move. She felt drained as if Thanos had ripped her soul out. But those two words hurt the most. They brought with them all her fears along with a future none of them was prepared for. "Thanos got all the stones," Steve went on to say. "He snapped his finger. Bucky… Wanda and who knows how many others. They're gone." He closed his eyes, cheeks stained with tears that escaped his eyes.

Aspen's vision went black around the edges. "Gone?" she echoed the word though she knew what it meant.

"Vision is dead. Thanos got the mind stone." Aspen turned her head to see Vision lying a few feet away, his body turned grey, eyes white and empty as if they'd never held any life. "He…he wiped out half the population. He did what he set out to do."

Aspen said nothing. There was nothing to say. It was all their worst dreams realized.

"I was so scared for you. I shouldn't have let you face him on your own," Steve said. His head was bowed, and he wouldn't meet her eyes. "I thought I'd lost you. That I'd sent you to your death."

"I had to face him," Aspen told him. "You gave me the courage I needed to stand up to him." She tried to feel for her powers, tried to summon anything, but her mind was empty. It was like a part of her had been ripped away, and she was left utterly human. "Steve, when he used the soul stone…" It didn't seem important, not compared to what had happened, but she needed to say the words aloud or else she might not believe it. "He somehow took away my powers. The Superhero Serum…it's gone."

Steve met her gaze, and she could see the raw pain in his eyes. He blamed himself. "It's my fault. Aspen…"

"You couldn't know." Aspen closed her eyes, taking a deep, shuddering breath. "Who else? Who else is gone?" The gravity of the situation was still sinking in. _Half the population._ "Oh, God. Mara! Steve, what if…" Her vision was going black again as panic set in. She tried to get up, but a wave of nausea overtook her, and she fell back again.

"We need to call my mom. Oh, God. It could be anyone." Bucky, Wanda… Aspen felt sick to her stomach. She couldn't even grieve because she was still in shock. Was Tony dead too, somewhere far away? She reached for her phone in her pocket, freeing it and dialing her mom's number with shaking fingers.

It rang. And rang and kept ringing. Aspen let the phone slip from her fingers as it went to voicemail. She'd never been more frightened in her life, her mind completely numb. "She didn't answer, Steve." He grabbed her phone and redialed. It kept ringing again and again until he finally gave up. "Try Vi." He dialed her aunt, but there was no response.

"We need to get there. We need to see if Mara is okay. We need…" She stopped talking as a sob swelled in her throat. She started crying, her heart breaking. Steve pulled her close, cradling her to him. Finally, he lifted her up in his arms, turning to face the others. Aspen didn't have the energy to walk on her own. Grief and shock weighed heavy on her shoulders, and she pressed her face into Steve's shoulder. They made their way back to the city, getting onto one of the transports. It was still unclear who was gone. Aspen kept her eyes shut, but voices were missing around her. Sam, T'Challa…she didn't know who else.

"We need to see if Mara is okay," Steve told the others when they'd reached the city. "Aspen's mom and aunt didn't answer their phones. We need to figure out who…how many…" His voice broke.

"Steve." It was Natasha. "We've got it here. We will…we'll do what we can. Right now you need to go to your daughter." She reached out and took Aspen's hand, squeezing it. Then Steve was taking her to the quinjet, setting her down on the seats in back and taking the pilot's seat.

"Hang on," he told her. "We're going to get Mara."

…

They set the jet down in stealth mode in an empty field at the end of the block where Aspen's mom and aunt lived. There was no need for stealth though. The streets were eerily empty. Cars lay abandoned, several crunched into fences and poles. As if their drivers had suddenly vanished. Aspen ran the whole way to her mom's house, feet pounding the sidewalk. The front door was unlocked, and she raced inside, calling out for her mom. Silence greeted her.

"Mom? Aunt Vi?" She searched every room, panic growing with every second. Finally she raced into the backyard and stopped short. There, on the neatly shorn grass, lay three piles of ash. Aspen fell to her knees, her entire world collapsing from beneath her. She was vaguely aware of Steve behind her. She felt his hand on her shoulder. She crumpled to the ground and began to sob.

…

Steve couldn't process the sight before them in the backyard. They were gone, just like Bucky, just like all the others. Half the world was dead because they had lost. Their daughter… Steve's heart was cracked, shattering with each breath he took. Aspen had shut down completely, and his heart ached for her. They sat there for hours as the sun began to set. A quiet meowing startled him, and he turned to see Phoenix slinking toward them. She darted to Aspen, weaving her way through her arms, and purring loudly next to her ear. Aspen held her cat close to her.

"I'm going to talk to the neighbors," Steve said, his voice cracking with emotion. If there was a chance someone had taken Mara in… "See if…see if anyone knows anything."

"She's gone," Aspen said flatly.

"I can't believe that."

Aspen said nothing, so he went in search of any living neighbors. The first two houses he tried were empty, but the third was still occupied. A woman answered the door, eyes rimmed red. She took in his uniform wearily. "They're gone," she told him. "You're Ava's son-in-law. Everyone in the neighborhood knows that. I was chatting over the fence with Ava and Violet when it happened. I'm so sorry… My husband…" Her voice broke and she put a hand to her mouth.

"I'm sorry." No words were enough, but she seemed to understand. Steve made his way back to Aspen, feeling empty, hopeless. Aspen was on her feet holding Phoenix to her. Her eyes were dry, but he saw how hollow they were.

"Clint called," Aspen told him. "His family is gone. All of them."

Steve hung his head. "We need to go back to New York. Join the others and figure out…"

"Figure out what?" Aspen snapped. "They're gone, Steve! Thanos succeeded in wiping out half the population including our daughter. There's no fixing that, there's no figuring things out!" She stalked back into the house, looking around as her red-rimmed eyes filled with tears again. She bent down and picked up the stuffed cat Ava had gotten Mara for her first birthday. Tears ran down her cheeks as she held it close. Then she walked from the house. Steve followed, looking back one more time. The door hung open, and he returned to close it. It didn't matter, but it didn't seem right leaving it open.

Aspen was silent the entire flight back to New York, cradling Phoenix and the stuffed cat against her. Steve set the jet down at the Avengers facility, and they rejoined the others. Bruce, Rhodey, Natasha, Thor, and the raccoon he'd brought with him from space were there. They all turned to look at Steve and Aspen. No one asked because they could see the answer written on their faces. Natasha walked up and wrapped her arms around Aspen. Aspen buried her head in Natasha's neck, taking a sobbing breath. Rhodey came forward and clasped Steve on the shoulder. There was nothing to be said. Everyone was exhausted, mourning.

Aspen and Steve's old room was as they'd left it. It didn't feel like home anymore, but it felt safe right now. Steve changed out of his suit, taking a scalding hot shower before putting on some of the spare clothes that were still in the dresser. Aspen was covered in blood and dust, but she made no move to change, standing in the middle of the room, eyes distant. Steve gently took Phoenix from her, setting the cat down on the bed before brushing his thumbs across Aspen's cheeks. She looked up at him, her teardrops drying on the tips of his fingers.

"Everything hurts," she said.

"I know." He folded her in his arms. "We both need some sleep. Tomorrow…" Usually he had something uplifting to say, something optimistic. Not tonight. "Tomorrow is going to be hard. But we'll get through it together."

Aspen didn't respond, gently pulling away before going to change into a set of pajamas neatly folded in the drawer. She went into the bathroom and washed the blood and grime from her face. He caught her staring at her reflection as if trying to find something recognizable. Everything had changed though, and there was no moving on from that kind of loss.


	18. The End of the Titan

**16 – The End of the Titan – March 3rd, 2018**

The next day wasn't any easier, nor the day after that. Aspen spent most of it curled in bed, Phoenix purring next to her head and kneading the blankets, trying her best to soothe emotions she couldn't understand. Steve gave her space, checking in on her often but saying little. She knew he was grieving as much as she was, but she couldn't bring herself to be there for him in the way she knew she should. It was all too raw and numbness had overtaken her mind. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. They were supposed to defeat Thanos and save the world. It was what they did. Right? Weren't they the Avengers? Wasn't that exactly what the Avengers did? But they had lost just at the moment when it mattered the most. She blamed herself, of course, but most of all she hated Thanos with a fiery burning in her gut. Who was he to tell them that half of humanity needed to be wiped out for the other half to prosper? What kind of fucked up ideal was that? How was she supposed to prosper when her entire family had turned to dust? She hadn't even been there for them. Hadn't even gotten to say goodbye. She knew if she had been, she would have turned to dust with them, every bit of her heart and soul breaking. Thanos hadn't needed to use the soul stone to rip her soul straight out of her chest.

Weeks passed and Aspen barely moved. She ate only enough to survive and usually only when Steve refused to leave until she'd put something in her stomach. His eyes were hollow, haunted, but he was coping better than her. He was coping in the only way he knew how which was putting everything into a plan to fix this. What he hadn't realized yet was that it couldn't be fixed. She didn't want to be the one to break his heart with that truth, but he'd figure it out soon enough. She didn't know if she'd be strong enough to be there for him when that happened. She couldn't even process her own grief let alone another's.

The nights she'd spent after their loss, her dreams were empty, a dark void that nearly frightened her as much as her nightmares. She had expected to fall into her usual nightmares that bordered on premonitions the first night after the fight, but then she'd remembered all over again that her powers were gone. She was a husk of the person she had been before. Utterly human and even more helpless.

It was night when Aspen awoke. She had no idea how many days it had been, if it was Monday or Friday. She didn't even know what month it was. She dragged herself out of bed long enough to shower, eat a bite of the dinner Steve had left for her, and dress in something other than the same pajamas she'd been wearing for days. She had every intention of going straight back to bed, but then Phoenix lifted her head, staring out the window before darting out the crack in the door.

"Phoenix?" Aspen followed after her, bare feet padding on the carpeted floor. The cat had stopped in the living room, leaping up onto the back of a couch to look out the window that overlooked the front of the facility. It was pitch dark outside, but something glowing and bright caught Aspen's eye. She stopped short at the sight that awaited her. And then she was racing out of the building, bursting from the front doors and out into the field where a woman was setting down a beat up looking spaceship. Aspen barely took in the woman—glowing with some golden energy and seemingly hovering in the air. Steve glanced over at Aspen, eyes wide, expectant. Almost hopeful. She registered that Rhodey, Bruce, Natasha, and Pepper were there too as well as Rocket. Then the ramp to the ship was being lowered, and Aspen felt the breath leave her lungs. It was Tony. Tony was alive.

Steve ran forward to help him down the ramp. A woman with blue skin followed, dark eyes taking in everyone before her. Aspen heard Pepper's gasp. She hadn't even realized Pepper was at the facility, hadn't once thought of her grieving. She found the tiniest prickle of warmth at their reunion glowing like a firefly in the darkest of nights. Pepper raced forward to greet Tony, tears running down her cheeks. Tony was gaunt and looked like he'd been through hell and back and then through hell again.

Aspen followed them back to the facility. Phoenix was mewling in concern, dancing on the couch as if she wanted to run to greet Tony. The cat had always had a fondness for him—and sleeping on his suits—despite Tony's protests. It was surreal seeing Tony after such a long time. It felt like a homecoming, and Aspen suddenly felt a little of the hope and determination Steve was always talking about.

They congregated inside, Tony getting hooked up to an IV attached to a wheelchair. Aspen had hugged him as soon as she got a chance. "I'm so glad you're safe," she'd told him. None of their past arguments mattered now. All that mattered was that they were both here now.

Once they were settled, Natasha caught Tony and the newcomer—Carol Danvers, she'd introduced herself as—up on the toll Earth had taken. "He did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out 50% of all living creatures," she said, voice breaking just a little. They were all trying to be strong, but it was a facade.

Steve tried to question Tony, to see if he knew anything about where Thanos had vanished to. Aspen drifted in and out of the conversation, sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest in the corner of the sofa. Tony's raised voice brought her back to the conversation. Somehow an argument had started between Tony and Steve. It was like being back in time when the Sokovian Accords had first been suggested. Steve had a cautious look on his face while Tony rose from his wheelchair, pulling the IV from his wrist. Rhodey tried to stop him, but Tony was on a roll. Aspen recognized the hysterical behavior. It was exactly how she'd been feeling the last few weeks—beyond reason, feeling too many self-destructive emotions all at once.

"I said we'd lose," Tony said, glaring at Steve. "You said 'We'll do that together, too.' And guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren't there. But that's what we do, right? Our best work after the fact? We're the Avengers. We're the Avengers, not the Pre-vengers. Right?" Rhodey was trying to wrestle him back into his wheelchair.

Tony pushed Rhodey off, striding toward Steve. "I got nothing for you, Cap. I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options... Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust, you liar…" Steve's eyes were heart-broken as Tony flung the spiteful words at him. Tony didn't realize just what Steve had lost, but Steve just took it silently. Tony reached up and pried the arc reactor off his chest, slamming it into Steve's hand. "Here, take this. You find him and you put that on. You hide." He stumbled backward, exhausted by his tirade, and then collapsed to the floor.

Rhodey and Steve knelt beside him. Pepper's face was open with worry. Aspen felt a sense of dread crawling up her skin. Tony was as scared and lost as the rest of them. He didn't have answers, didn't have a plan. And he was still furious with Steve. What she'd thought was water under the bridge was just a tsunami waiting to be unleashed.

After Tony had been sedated, Steve stood staring down at the arc reactor Tony had shoved into his hand. Aspen could see the raw pain and guilt in his eyes. This wasn't the reunion he had expected. He'd thought Tony would have a plan, have some idea for how they could reverse what Thanos had done. But Tony was just as broken as the rest of them.

Aspen met Steve's eyes before turning and wordlessly walking back to their room. "Pen," Steve called after her, catching up and gently taking her arm. She just stared up at him, unable to fight the tears welling in her eyes. She knew it broke his heart even more to see her like this, but she couldn't control her grief. He pulled her into a hug, tucking her head beneath his chin. She let him hold her before gently pulling away, walking back to their room, and tucking herself into bed.

She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew Steve was sitting on the bed next to her. "Aspen?" She opened her eyes, gazing at him in the semi-darkness. Dawn was fast approaching, lighting up the sky outside. "We think we know where Thanos is," Steve told her.

"Why would that matter?" Aspen asked.

"Because he still has the stones," Steve told her. "And if we get the time stone, we can turn back time, undo what he did." He took her hand. "We can get Mara back."

Aspen blinked up at him. She didn't dare let herself hope. "That sounds impossible. What if we lose again?"

"We won't. Not this time. We can't."

"I don't see what's changed. We've lost…we've lost people. We're not as strong and we weren't strong before. Not strong enough."

"Carol—she's powerful. And we know what we're facing this time. Aspen, we have another chance. We have to take it."

Aspen slowly sat up. "We know where he is?" Steve nodded. "Where?"

"On a planet. We have the coordinates."

"One more chance?" Aspen asked. Her heart was pounding, hope welling. They might be able to reverse what Thanos had done. They might be able to bring Mara back.

"This time we win," Steve told her. Aspen felt determination pushing through all her doubts and fears. It didn't matter that she didn't have her powers. She would rip Thanos's head off with her bare hands if she had to. He'd learn just what a mistake it was to take their daughter from them. She got to her feet feeling like herself for the first time in weeks. "What are we waiting for?"

Aspen felt both nervous and excited as the spaceship took off. It was being piloted by the talking raccoon which gave her slight trepidation, but considering he was from space, Aspen just tightened her grip on the arm rests and took a deep breath. At first it was just like flying in the quinjet, but then they broke through the atmosphere and space was before them. Aspen had seen space before. She'd seen it through her visions when she'd been connected to the tesseract, and she'd seen it from Asgard the time she had been there. This was different though. Her eyes widened, galaxies and constellations reflected across their surfaces. She felt lighter, dizzy, heady, and found herself wishing her feet were still back on the ground.

The flight seemed to take forever and yet no time at all. When they reached the planet, Carol flew on ahead to find any signs of life.

"No satellites, no ships, no armies, no ground defenses of any kind. It's just him," Carol told them through the comms.

"And that's enough." Nebula's words hung heavy in the air, a reminder of something they already knew. The air was breathable, so they didn't have to bother with helmets. The planet was lush, beautiful, but Aspen hated it. She wanted to take a match to it and watch it burn.

Thanos had built a small house for himself. How could he kill in mass and then retire to this lonely hut? It made Aspen's blood boil. What gave him the right to play god? He had killed half of all living creatures and left the other half to mourn. And then he'd walked away like he'd done them a favor. This time they would get it right. They had to.

They stormed the small hut, Carol grabbing Thanos around the neck while Rhodey and Bruce in his Hulkbuster suit held his arms. Thor swung his hammer and sliced Thanos's arm clean off. The gauntlet clanked as the arm hit the ground. Aspen, Steve, and Natasha entered the hut, and Aspen felt her hatred radiating. This monster had taken her daughter from her. She clenched her fists, trying to summon powers she no longer had. If she did have them, she would slice into Thanos's mind and tear it apart until he was trapped in a prison of his own misery.

Rocket stepped forward to turn the gauntlet over, and Aspen felt the world drop out from under her. The stones were gone. "Where are they?" Steve asked, stepping forward to face Thanos.

"Answer the question," Carol snarled, tightening her grip on Thanos's neck.

"The universe required correction. After that, the stones served no purpose, beyond temptation," Thanos replied.

"You murdered trillions!" Bruce shouted, pushing Thanos back with a thrust of his arms.

"You should be grateful." If Bruce hadn't punched Thanos again, Aspen would have.

"Grateful?" she hissed the word at him. "My daughter is dead because of you, you bastard!"

"Where are the stones?" Natasha asked, her voice shaking.

"Gone."

Aspen put a hand against the doorway as her legs threatened to give out.

"I used the stones to destroy the stones. It nearly killed me. But the work is done. It always will be. I am inevitable." Destroyed. All their chances of bringing Mara back were gone. Aspen stumbled back, out of the house. She heard the sound of Thor's axe swinging and then something heavy hitting the floor. She didn't look back, running until she could see the spaceship again. She bent over double, her breaths turning into panicked sobs. False hope was worse than defeat. She'd let herself believe they had another chance. It hadn't even occurred to her that it might not work, that they would lose again. She felt her heart cracking over again until it was dust like Mara, like half the world. That was it. She was gone. Mara was gone. Aspen heard her name being called and then felt a hand on her shoulder. She whirled, and Steve took a step back. She saw her grief reflected in his eyes. She knew he was hurting just as much as her. But right now she didn't care. The anger inside of her was clawing its way up, ugly and fierce and uncontrollable.

"You said we had a chance!" she screamed. "I actually thought we could bring her back! And now I just experienced the same pain all over again like Mara was taken for a second time. This time it was much, much worse."

"Aspen—"

"No." She held up a hand. "Don't try to look on the bright side. Don't try to tell me we're going to find another way. Don't try to reassure me. This was it. She's gone!" Her screams echoed in the field. She could see how much she was hurting Steve with her words, but it was like she had no control over her mouth. It was spewing out all the hatred and anger she felt. None of that was because of him, but she couldn't go back to that empty numbness that had swallowed her whole for the previous weeks. Even anger and rage and hate were better than that. At least then she felt like she was still alive. Without those emotions, she would be nothing. She would cease to exist altogether.

She turned away from him, getting onto the ship to wait for the others. No one talked the entire flight home. There was nothing left to say. She could see the emptiness in their eyes, the pain. They had all lost, and now they had to live with that loss. They had to live with the consequences of them losing.

As soon as the jet was on the ground, Aspen was out. She couldn't face anyone right now let alone what she was feeling. She didn't go back to their room but instead up to the roof where she sat on the edge, gazing out at the stars they had just come home from. It didn't feel like home anymore, just a mockery of safety and stability. She sat and watched the stars as the night chilled her to the bone.

Her phone buzzed from her pocket some time later, and she answered robotically. "Hello?"

"Pen?" It was Clint. She gripped the phone tighter.

"Clint."

"Tasha told me what happened."

Aspen didn't speak. She didn't trust herself not to start screaming and keep screaming until her throat was ripped raw and her lungs gave out.

"Did you know that when Thanos kills half the population, he leaves terrorists and criminals and murderers? They're still out there, Pen. They're still out there breathing air while our children and families are gone."

The anger and hatred Aspen was feeling swelled.

"I'm going after them," Clint told her. "There's nothing else I can do."

"I want in." Aspen said the words quickly, but she didn't need to think about them. There was nothing else she could do either. Her thoughts flashed to the dream she'd had of her and Clint in Madripoor making their enemies pay for living when their loved ones had died.

"Pen…" She could hear the hesitation in Clint's voice. He didn't want her involved with that. He was choosing to cross a line, but so was she.

"Don't argue. I'm coming now." She got up, standing on the edge of the roof. "I can't stay here. I can't…I can't cope and I can't move on."

"What about Steve?"

Aspen closed her eyes. "Right now he can't help me and I can't help him," she told Clint, hardening her heart. "I can't have his optimistic outlook, and I can't do nothing while this anger is burning me from the inside. Please just let me do this, Clint. I need to feel something or else this emptiness is going to swallow me whole."

There was silence on the other end of the line. "Okay." Was all he said. "Okay."

Steve was sitting on the edge of his and Aspen's bed when she walked in. She'd been somewhere in the hour following their failed mission, but he hadn't bothered looking for her. She needed her space, and he didn't know what to say to her. He'd told her they had a second chance to get their daughter back, and it had failed. There was no making amends for that.

The look on Aspen's face was hard when she entered the room. She glanced at him, and he knew she was leaving. "Aspen…" He had no words, and he didn't know if she would listen even if he did.

"I'm leaving," she told him flatly. "I can't be here right now. I'm going to be with Clint for a while."

"How long?" What he was really asking was forever? He wouldn't beg Aspen to stay. He wouldn't try to stop her. But he needed her all the same. If she left, then he really had lost everything.

"I don't know." She was starting to pack, shoving things haphazardly into a bag.

"I'm so sorry." The words felt hollow as soon as they were out. What power did they hold? Certainly not the power to bring Mara back.

"I know. I don't blame you," Aspen told him, her voice steadier than it had been before. "But I also can't stay here. I can't move on. I just need time." He felt like there was something she was holding back, but he didn't know how to ask without pushing her.

Phoenix meowed loudly from atop the dresser. Aspen kissed her head. "You can't come," she told the cat. She picked up the stuffed cat, hesitating for a long moment before setting it back down on the dresser. She turned to Steve, and he rose to his feet. He didn't want her to go, but he also knew there was nothing he could say to make her stay.

"Please come back to me," he said instead, pulling her to him and pressing his forehead against hers.

Aspen leaned into him a long moment. He heard her take a shuddering breath, trying to keep tears at bay. Then she was pulling away, and Steve was letting her go. The door shut behind her. Steve almost ran after her, but he stayed still. He felt as if his world had just crumbled down around him. They were supposed to mourn together, but now he was alone and she had drawn away from him instead of drawing closer. This time there was no brighter side, there was nothing he could do to make any of this better. He felt his heart breaking over again and wondered if the pain would lesson over time or if it would continue to grow until it consumed him bones and all.

Aspen landed the jet on Clint's property. She'd cried all her tears on the way there, reimagining the look on Steve's face over and over. Clint came out to greet her, face somber, haunted. Aspen ran to him, hugging him tightly as tears threatened to fall again. Clint held her just as tightly. They didn't need words. Their pain was a reflection of one another.

Finally, Aspen pulled away, focusing on the anger that pulsed beneath her skin. "Let's go avenge our families."


	19. Part Three: Soul

**Part Three: Soul**

 **Prologue – May 2nd, 2018**

The halls were dark save the strobing red lights, silent save the blaring alarms. Aspen stepped carefully, quietly, even if there was no need for it. Clearly Clint's distraction had worked. Maybe too well. Aspen reached the end of the corridor and glanced around the corner. Four Hydra agents were approaching, guns aimed forward, eyes sharp. If Aspen still had her powers, she would have been able to take them out without moving. As it was, it wouldn't be that easy.

Aspen raised her gun and fired four shots, shattering the red lights and throwing the corridor into absolute darkness. She lowered her night vision glasses as the Hydra agents scrabbled to find their way. Aspen strode around the corner, moving like a panther. The agents dropped one at a time, four bullets finding their marks in the dark. She didn't pause, just kept walking, pushing through the double doors at the end of the hall. The scientists on the other side were in a panic. Aspen fired two shots into the air, and they froze, turning to face her.

"Do you know who I am?" she asked, taking two steps forward, eyes alert for any sudden movements from the Hydra scientists. They nodded. "Then you know why I'm here." She jutted her chin at the blue liquid that was in the process of being transferred to vials. "You've stolen something that belongs to me." It had taken her and Clint months to track it down, meticulously following a trail that had started long ago at the inception of the formula. Through black markets and Hydra subgroups, they'd finally found what they were looking for. The scientists looked nervously between each other, glancing at the door as if waiting for more guards go come. They thought they could stall. "No one else is coming," she told them, taking another step forward, a humorless smile tugging the corner of her mouth. "What gives you the right to stand there recreating a formula Hydra stole while my family is ashes and dust?" "Mayday, mayday!" one of the scientists hissed into a panel on the wall. Aspen raised her gun and fired. The panel exploded, making the scientist jump back with a yelp.

"Get against the wall," she snapped, motioning with the gun. The Hydra scientists scurried to obey. Aspen felt her fury flair, but she forced herself to rein it in. She snatched one of the vials of formula, tucking it into her pocket along with a clean syringe she swiped from one of the tables. She tipped her head to the right, perceiving the lightest of footsteps behind her as Clint entered the room.

"Got what you need?" he asked.

"Yeah." She backed up to stand beside him, glancing over. Clint had changed his appearance in the last few months. His hair was shorn on the sides, the top spiked, a little longer than usual. He wasn't wearing his usual Hawkeye suit. He'd adopted something darker, something unidentifiable. Instead of his usual bow, he had a sword hanging along his spine, a throwback to his days when he'd been trained in the circus. Aspen was dressed in black as well, something like what she'd worn in her SHIELD days. She felt like she was back in SHIELD, an agent fighting Hydra once more. She had less compunctions than she did back then.

"Let's go," she said. They turned in unison, leaving the scientists behind. Aspen could almost hear their relief. It would be short lived. Aspen felt nothing as they left the building behind, stopping at the edge of the abandoned parking lot. She fumbled with the device in her pocket, and Clint brushed her hand with his.

"I can do it," he offered.

"No. I can do it." She stopped, turning back to the building. It was completely dark against the night, the power cut. The alarms still blared from deep within. Aspen brushed her thumb over the device and pressed the button. The explosion was instantaneous, lighting up the night sky. Aspen jumped. She thought she'd been prepared for it, but her thoughts went to the frightened scientists downstairs. She took in a sharp breath and felt Clint's hand on her back.

"It's okay," he said. "Pen, it's okay."

She was ashamed to realize her vision had gone blurry. She turned away from the burning building, tucking her head into Clint's chest. He wrapped his arms around her. "I shouldn't have let you do that," he muttered into her hair.

"I needed to do it," she ground out. "I needed to do it." She reached into her pocket and pulled out the vial of blue liquid. "I needed to destroy the others. They had no right to be making this." In the wrong hands it was disastrous, and right now the world had suffered enough disaster. She clutched the vial, pulling away from Clint. "This was my parent's work. They wanted to make the world a better place." She uncorked the vial. "What they didn't realize was that the world was already doomed, that it isn't going to get better. Now it's about survival and to survive, you have to evolve." She stabbed the vial with the syringe, filling the glass tube with the blue liquid. Then she stuck it into her arm, pushing down until the last drop of liquid had entered her bloodstream. She dropped the syringe, and the glass shattered on the ground.

The pain was worse than she remembered, radiating through her arms and legs, up her spine. She gritted her teeth, clutching Clint's arm. He looped his other arm around her, holding her steady. The pain rushed to her head as sensations bombarded her. She could measure the heat of the fire, hear the sirens miles away, feel the sensation of Clint's consciousness beside her. The pain faded as a familiar power surged through her mind. She opened her eyes, electric blue tracing patterns in the irises before fading back to green. She let go of Clint, letting the new sensations wash over her, pushing her pain and emptiness aside. This was something else to fill her with. She let it take every last ounce of her pain, every bit of her fear and reluctance. This time she didn't fight it. She let it consume her, merging her mind with it until they were one and the same. She flicked her fingers and one of the cars in the parking lot flipped over, soaring through the air until it crashed into the burning building. Flames erupted, grappling with the night sky in an attempt to stifle its darkness. Aspen smiled for the first time in a long time. "I'm back."


	20. What Remains

**17 – What Remains – June 14th, 2018**

" _Police responded to an explosion that rocked an abandoned warehouse late Wednesday night resulting in a ten block evacuation. No civilians were reported dead, however, investigators are still searching through the rubble to find out if anyone was inside when the explosion went off. Two figures were seen leaving the scene of the explosion, both dressed in black and unidentifiable. A blurred traffic camera picture shows what looks to be a sword or blade of some kind on the back of one of the suspects. The other suspect can be seen barricading the doors with some kind of telekinesis prior to the explosion in this home video shot from across the street. Is this some kind of supernatural threat? Where are our heroes when we need them?_ "

Steve hit the power button on the remote, silencing the TV. "It's not going to make you feel any better to watch that," Natasha said from the doorway. She looked exhausted, the roots of her naturally red hair beginning to show at her part, her usually pristine appearance sloppier than usual. She wore a hoodie Steve was pretty sure belonged to Clint along with a haunted look in her eyes that had become familiar like an unwelcome house guest.

"It's been four months," he said, his voice coming out raw. He twisted the gold band on his left hand, wondering if it meant anything anymore. It meant something to him. It always would, but Aspen hadn't been back since the day she'd left. She'd texted him a few times, her location untraceable, to tell him she was all right and not to look for her. She needed time, she needed space, she needed to mourn. Apparently mourning meant taking down Hydra and A.I.M. bases with Clint. Apparently it meant finding a way to get her powers back and causing as much destruction as possible.

Natasha came over and sat beside him, pulling her legs up under her. "She's hurting."

"If you're going to try to justify what she's doing—"

"I've done worse." Her green eyes were earnest when she turned to look at him.

"But you changed. You're not out there killing people right now." This wasn't Aspen, and he was furious with Clint for allowing her to tag along with him on his crusade.

"The world is in shambles right now. Governments are in chaos, heroes are dead, people are mourning. Hydra and organizations like it thrive in climates like this. Aspen and Clint are making sure that doesn't happen." She said it matter-of-factly, but Steve shook his head, refusing to let her words comfort him.

"It's not her."

"None of us are who we were before," Natasha told him. "And we won't ever be again."

Steve looked away, tightening his fist, feeling the cold metal of his ring as a reminder of all he'd lost. "No, I guess not."

"Now we figure out who we are and where we fit in _this_ world." He knew she was trying to help him, trying to be the friend he needed. He also knew without her, he might be drowning in his own self pity. Usually he was the one looking on the bright side, the one with a plan, the one with hope. He didn't think there was any hope left for any of them, but Natasha had been a constant friend since Aspen had left. Everyone else had moved on. Tony had gone home with Pepper, Rhodey had gone back to try to help the military recover, and the others had gone their separate ways, all coping in their own way. Soon it was just him and Natasha.

"What if we don't fit anywhere?" What if moving on was impossible?

"Then we stay here. We drown our sorrow in chocolate and get fat. Finally get caught up on _Game of Thrones_." Steve scowled at her.

"You want me to get out there. Do something."

Natasha shrugged her shoulder. "Just because half the world is gone doesn't mean the other half doesn't need heroes. A lot of people out there feel exactly the way you do. Maybe you're exactly the kind of help they need. You can stay here and focus on everything you lost or you can go out there and help the people who are still here."

"What about you? What are you gonna do?"

"Someone's gotta keep the home fires burning. Carol and Rocket are going to check in. They're seeing what kind of damage Thanos did on other planets."

Everyone else was out doing something, but Steve hadn't left the compound in months. He didn't know what to do. For the first time since he'd woken up from the ice, he had no role, no pressing mission, no war to fight. A soldier out of time. That was exactly how he felt. Aspen and Mara had given him purpose when there was no war to fight, but without them he didn't know who Steve Rogers was.

…

The first wave of fall colors was beginning to paint the trees in Brooklyn as Steve drove down the road. It was something bright and cheerful and routine in a world that still reflected the Snap as it had become known as. There were still signs of abandonment and destruction everywhere—cars sitting at the side of the road, many damaged when their drivers disappeared—empty houses and businesses. It had been eight months since Thanos had wiped out half the population. Eight months since loved ones had disappeared, government officials had vanished, and world security had turned to dust. Eight months since Mara had ceased to exist and Aspen had left. Eight months of feeling empty and useless and hopeless. He'd moved out of the Avengers facility upstate at the end of August, finding a one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn that had lain empty since the Snap. After he'd unpacked, he realized just how little he had left. None of the objects held any value, just the photographs of Mara and Aspen, his compass with Peggy's picture in the lid, and the little stuffed cat that had once belonged to his daughter. Phoenix took the move as she usually did. She had been subdued since Aspen had left but at night, when Steve felt the loneliness close in around him, the cat would curl up beside his head and purr until he fell asleep.

He took a left, passing by the historical cemeteries on his way to a community center that had started holding grief therapy sessions there, a little group of therapists and psychologists doing what they could to reach out to those who had lost someone. _What makes you happy_? Sam had once asked him when Steve had been at a crossroads in his life. The answer had been in front of him this entire time. Helping people. Wasn't that what it had always been about? Wasn't that why he'd gone to war, why he'd taken up the mantle of Captain America? Now it was time to find his role in the world as Steve Rogers, as a man without a shield, without a group of heroes, without a family.

He was nervous he realized as he shut the car door and headed into the building. _Where do we go, now that they're gone?_ a sign read as he entered. It was a good question. One he didn't have the answer to. There was a small group of people inside all looking as nervous as he felt. He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, feeling uncomfortable as a young woman stared at him a little too long. He wasn't here as an Avenger. He was here as someone who was grieving. Someone who didn't know how to move on.

"Welcome. Come on in and find a seat," a middle-aged man invited, motioning toward the circle of padded chairs he'd set up in the center of the room. "No name tags or anything. We won't bother with that."

Steve found his seat next to an old man who was absent-mindedly rubbing his wedding band. Steve hadn't taken his off. He couldn't. Nothing had changed in the way he felt about Aspen though it was like she had turned to dust with Mara. She was on the news every once in a while. Her identity wasn't known, but he knew it was her. She and Clint left a trail of bodies behind. All criminals. All people who had and would keep hurting other people. That didn't make it the right thing to do. He grappled with that, grappled with her abandonment. He knew she was feeling broken, but she'd shut herself off. With her abilities back, however she'd managed that, she could shut off those messy emotions, shut off the parts of her that cared, the parts that made her Aspen.

"Welcome. I'm Doctor Rosenthal, but you can call me Bill," the doctor started. "I'm not here to start preaching at you about treatments and depression. I'm here to listen, here to facilitate, here to help you figure out how to cope. What we lost…" He paused here and Steve wondered if he had lost someone. "Well, there's no getting over that. The Snap didn't give us time to mourn, time to process, and with that we're left with all the anger and pain and guilt wrapped up into one disbelieving mess. This is unprecedented, so how do we cope? How do we move on or is that even possible?" He spread his hands out. "That's for us to figure out. This is a safe place to mourn, a safe place to share, a safe place to heal little by little."

There wasn't much talking, but that was okay. It wasn't tense, awkward silence, just understanding. Steve felt a little of his unease wear off. No one called him out for who he was, no one blamed him. He was just another person who was mourning. At the end of the session, the doctor called Steve over.

"I just wanted to thank you for what you did," he said.

"Thank me?" Steve asked in surprise.

Bill shrugged. "You fought for us."

"We lost." The world didn't know the details of what had happened, but it was clear that the Avengers hadn't won. Tony hadn't made more than one public appearance since he'd come back. Just enough to let the world know he was alive before vanishing again.

"That doesn't make this your fault. Could have been a lot worse without you guys."

They'd only put off the inevitable—and by what? Hours? Minutes? He knew Bill was just trying to be kind. He couldn't force a smile, couldn't just say 'you're welcome.'

"It's okay," the doctor told him. "The world doesn't rest on one set of shoulders. Nice having you here today." He turned and gathered up his pamphlets on grief, leaving Steve alone to his thoughts.

Steve drove aimlessly for the next hour, not ready to return to the empty apartment. He'd been helping out around the city, rebuilding houses, moving debris, whatever he could do. It wasn't enough, it would never be enough, but it was something. Natasha called him every day and texted him sporadically. He knew she wasn't moving on any better than he was, but she was helping him and the others as best she could. He remembered when they'd been on the run from SHIELD together back when they'd been working as agents in DC. _Who do you want me to be?_ she'd asked when he'd told her it was difficult to trust someone he didn't know. _How about a friend?_ She'd been exactly that to him, and he would never be able to repay her for the kindness. She was also tracking Aspen through the news and some of her old contacts, keeping an eye on her remotely and reporting to Steve.

He found himself on Brooklyn Bridge, leaning his arms against the railing and watching the East River flow beneath. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out to see that Natasha was calling.

" _So did you go?_ " she asked before he could get a 'hello' out.

"Hello to you too, Nat. Yes, I did go."

" _And?_ "

"And I guess it went all right." He shrugged even though she wasn't there to see the motion. "I didn't talk, but it was nice to listen."

" _I'm proud of you. I know it wasn't easy_."

"Any news?"

" _No. I haven't seen anything. Carol checked in. She found another planet Thanos Snapped. We don't know how many more._ "

Steve sighed, closing his eyes and letting the sounds of the city swell behind him. "Keep me updated."

" _And you go to that group again. I think it could be good for you, and I think it could be good for them._ "

"We'll see."

" _Are you gonna stop by next weekend?_ " Natasha asked, and Steve thought he heard a note of loneliness in her voice.

"Wouldn't miss it."

" _All right. Take care of yourself_."

"You too." Steve hung up and tucked his phone in his pocket again. His fingers brushed another object, his compass. He pulled it out, opening the lid and look at the black and white photo of Peggy. "I wish you were still here," he said softly. "You'd know what to say. You could talk Aspen out of her self-destructive path. I don't know what to do without her. I feel like I wasted all this time we could have been together as a family, and now that chance is gone. And she's gone. I don't know if I'm ever going to get her back." His voice caught, and he felt a tear slide down his cheek. He rubbed it away, stowing the compass back in his pocket. This wasn't the first time he'd lost someone. It wasn't even the second or third. He'd lost everyone from his past and now half the people from his present. The only way forward was through, but for the first time in a long time he couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel.


	21. Gone Girl

**18 – Gone Girl – January 15th, 2019**

The air was ice around her, too cold to snow. Aspen couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel anything except the aching hole in her heart. She'd cut off her feelings for so long that when she'd let them flood in this morning they had nearly undone her. All the misery and sorrow and heartbreak had come rushing back, crushing her already broken heart until she couldn't breathe.

It was Mara's birthday. Or it would have been. She would have been two years old, talking and running and full of life. But she was dead, and there was no getting her back.

"You're going to freeze out here." Clint's voice cut through the silence. Aspen turned to him and crumpled. The tears she'd been holding back cascaded down her cheeks, freezing against her skin. Clint wrapped his arms around her, holding her as she cried. He was the only reason she'd been able to get through the last eleven months. The only constant in her life since she'd cut everyone else out. "It's okay, you're okay," he said softly as she clutched at the back of his coat and stained the front with tears. "You're gonna get through this."

She nodded, blinded by her tears. "Come on." Clint pulled her gently back to the cabin they'd been staying in. A gust of wind blew in with them and then cut off abruptly as Clint shut the door. The warmth of the fire was a welcome, and Aspen moved to stand beside it.

"How long were you out there?" Aspen shrugged, and Clint sighed, coming over and taking her hands between his. He rubbed them, warming them with friction. "Always taking care of you," he said, his voice gruff and affectionate.

"You love me."

He rolled his eyes. "You know I do. And you use that to your advantage." The corner of her lips lifted in a half smile. There had been a few tentative smiles in the last few weeks though neither of them had taken the first step toward moving on. There was no moving on for them.

"Did you locate Zieroff?" Aspen cut off the pain again, focusing on their mission.

Clint sighed again, dropping Aspen's warmed hands and sitting down at the small table where a laptop rested. Old Stark tech ensured they had access to the web even here in the middle of nowhere. "He's been hard to track, but sources last saw him in Toronto. Apparently he owns a nightclub there that sells very special drinks."

They'd been hunting down the rogue SHIELD scientist for weeks now, and this was the first viable lead they'd gotten. Anton Zieroff had left SHIELD during the Hydra takeover and started selling leftovers to the highest bidders. He'd made a name for himself in the underground world and reaped the profits of selling illegal and dangerous substances.

"That's what…two hours give or take in the jet?"

"Sounds about right." They'd been staying in the cabin Aspen had once recovered in with Bucky after being kidnapped by the SHIELD psychologist Alison Rinehart. That was before she'd known James, as he'd gone by then, had actually been Bucky Barnes under the influence of Hydra. The Winter Soldier as he had been known by then. He'd been in one of his brief spells of clarity having escaped Hydra until the next time they caught up with him. The cabin was the perfect place to disappear for a while albeit frigidly cold in January.

"You know, it's just a jaunt down to New York from there," Clint said casually.

Aspen was silent, staring down at the embers of the fire that escaped the logs. "So?" she finally asked.

"So it's been eleven months," Clint said. "I know we're not supposed to talk about this, but I'm not going to just stand by while you ruin your marriage with the most amazing man who ever existed. Present company excluded."

Aspen shrugged off her coat and hung it to dry by the door before taking a seat across from Clint. "He hates what I'm doing," she said quietly. If she opened herself up to feel, she knew missing him would swallow her whole. "He hates who I've become."

Clint shut the laptop, meeting her eyes. "He could never hate you. Good or bad. He would follow you to the ends of the earth and he sure as hell can forgive you. Take it from someone who doesn't get a second chance—don't let him slip away from you."

Aspen reached out and took his hands, holding them tightly. "I'll go. I don't want to lose him. But I can't stay either. I can't try to have a normal life."

"Doesn't he get a say in that?" Clint asked her gently.

Aspen looked away. Of course he should, but it wouldn't change her mind. She sniffled softly and let go of Clint's hands. "Start packing," she said. "We leave in an hour."

The nightclub was in full swing when they arrived, music pulsating while people danced with abandon. Aspen had shed her black for something more befitting of a club—ripped jeans and a faded T-shirt with the name of a band she'd never heard of. She'd picked them up at a thrift store on their way in. Clint was still dressed in black, but it worked for him. His new tattoo sleeve was revealed, etched in memory of his family. The black patterns were bold, and Aspen was still getting used to his new look.

"You look like someone straight from the 90s grunge era," Clint told her as they showed their IDs and were admitted inside. He had to speak loudly to be heard, adjusting his hearing aid to compensate for the deafening music.

Aspen glared at him. "No one asked your opinion. I'm just trying to blend in."

"That's what I'm saying—you don't." He had a point. Most of the girls were dressed in short dresses that revealed way too much skin.

Aspen tugged the front of her faded T-shirt, reading the band logo upside down. "But I love Four Fingered Fright," she said. Clint snorted. At least she'd bothered to tame her hair today. It had grown long and though she'd nearly taken scissors to it several times, she decided she liked it long. She'd gotten a long strand of blonde dyed in, just like she'd had in the good old days before SHIELD has scooped her out of a pointless existence. The fishtail braid was beginning to tug at her scalp, and she wished she'd worn it down.

"Do you see Zieroff?" Clint asked as they skirted the room.

"Not yet. It's not going to take someone long to figure out we're not here to dance," she told him.

"I'm not dancing," he said flatly.

"Well, you're no fun." Aspen brought up a mental picture of Zieroff again. He was in his mid-thirties with light brown hair, medium brown eyes, and a handsome face. Nothing special, but as the owner of this nightclub, she bet he got plenty of attention from the ladies. Or guys. No judgment. "We should get a drink," Aspen said to Clint as a waitress leaving very little to the imagination strutted past. Clint lifted an eyebrow. "For me to analyze," she clarified, rolling her eyes.

"Right. I'm still getting used to you being able to do stuff like that again." Clint had been against her getting her powers back. He said it was too much of a risk to inject herself with a serum that Hydra had recreated. What if they get it wrong? he'd asked. What if it's incomplete like the first time you were injected? She'd insisted it was a risk she had to take. The facility they had tracked down had copies of her parents' original work sold off by Joseph Danners. She knew some papers had slipped through the cracks, but it was disconcerting knowing Hydra was still replicating her parents' work.

"There's so much I never realized I could do," Aspen said. She could hear every individual heartbeat in the room when she concentrated, sense every mind. She could influence the entire room if she wanted to, put them under her control, read their minds and their memories, but there were still some lines she wouldn't cross.

They made their way to the bar. "You don't think they just serve them right here, do you?" Clint asked.

"Maybe with a little persuasion." Aspen leaned forward as the bartender came up. She slipped her wedding ring into her pocket with a pang of guilt, slipping into the guise of a hopeful bar patron.

"What can I get you?" the bartender asked. Clint leaned against the counter besides her looking like an overbearing father with his arms crossed, muscles unmistakable. Aspen felt like an errant teenager trying to get drinks before her twenty-first birthday.

"I was hoping for something special. Something I haven't tried before," Aspen said, putting on her brightest smile. It strained at the muscles in her cheeks. They weren't used to smiling that widely. Not anymore.

"I can get you something on tap. Or maybe you're looking for something harder? I make a mean twist." He glanced over at Clint. "That your boyfriend?" he asked, lowering his voice though Clint could still hear him perfectly well.

Aspen choked. "No. Definitely not."

"He looks like he wants to punch me in the face."

Aspen sent Clint a glare and he moved a little further away with a huff. "He's just a friend. Hasn't had much luck with the ladies, so I told him he could tag along." It hurt to pretend they were so unattached, but she was on a mission, so she numbed the guilt and kept talking. "Anyway, I was hoping for something that's not on the menu. I heard The Exclusive is the place to come."

"Oh yeah? Who told you that?" Okay, so maybe she was rusty on her spy skills—and her flirting skills if they'd ever been up to snuff—or perhaps this guy was just tough to break. Screw it, she thought. She'd put a toe over the line. She reached out, brushing against his consciousness, keeping the smile on her face like nothing was wrong.

Zieroff is getting loose with his specials, the bartender was thinking. Aspen went a little deeper. If Raymond keeps telling people to come here for drinks, it's not going to be exclusive anymore.

"Oh, you know Raymond," Aspen twittered. "He always knows the best places."

The barkeeper—Todd—nodded with a chuckle. It sounded forced. He was afraid of getting arrested, but he needed this job. He had a toddler at home and another on the way. He'd been one of the lucky ones who hadn't lost anyone, and he wanted to keep it that way. Aspen stopped herself before she could dig deeper.

"Listen, we're not serving anything special tonight." He was lying. He didn't want to serve her. He didn't want to get in trouble.

She stepped into his mind again. Yes, you are. You're going to serve me Zieroff's best.

"On second thought, I think I might have what you're looking for," Todd said. "Follow me." He led Aspen to a curtained off doorway beside the bar. He pulled it aside, and she saw tables and chairs beyond—a private lounge. There was only one couple inside, tucked away at a corner table where the light barely penetrated. Stay there, Aspen said into Clint's mind. He's suspicious.

"Please take a seat," Todd said, motioning around. Aspen sat down at the table closet to the curtain and waited as he disappeared again. When he returned, he was holding a glass of steaming liquid. It was a shade between purple and magenta, served in what looked like a shot-glass sized beaker.

"What is it?" Aspen asked, infusing excitement into her voice.

"We call it the Otherworld." Todd said the name like he'd said it five hundred times before and was over it.

"Thanks," Aspen told him. "I'll let you know what I think."

He left her to her drink, and Aspen dipped a finger into the beaker, bringing a single drop to her tongue. The taste was unusual, and she wouldn't call it good. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the elements. Lots of vodka. Some orange and cherry juices. And something else, something not of this world. "How did you get your hands on that Zieroff?" she muttered to herself. It was some sort of mixture between the same stuff that powered Hydra weapons—liquefied much like the Superhero Serum—and something else Aspen hadn't heard of. It would give the drinker temporary euphoria, but two shots of this and a normal person would be out for days.

"Enjoying your drink?"

Aspen had been concentrating so hard on the drink itself that she had completely missed the approach of someone. She opened her eyes, putting on a smile and turning to face none other than Zieroff. She noticed that only one person remained in the corner and realized Zieroff had been there all along.

"Oh, yes," she said. "It's certainly otherworldly." She touched the edges of Zieroff's mind. Did he suspect anything?

You think I wouldn't recognize you? You're getting rusty, Aspen Tolvar. The thought hit her like a bullet, and she recoiled from it. A smile lit Zieroff's face.

"My doorman had you spotted the second you and your friend bumbled into my club. You really think I wouldn't recognize the famous Aspen Tolvar and Hawkeye? I guess you forgot your time as a lowly agent in SHIELD, working in the science department. We never talked, but I was there, biding my time while SHIELD self destructed."

"You could really hurt people with this stuff," Aspen said.

Zieroff scoffed at her, a disbelieving smile lighting his face. "Hurt people? Like you've been doing since the Snap? I don't think you're one to preach morals at me, Tolvar." He eyed her empty ring finger. "Your soldier leave you? Not up to his standards anymore?"

Aspen punched him straight in the face hearing the satisfying crunch of bone. Zieroff reeled back, cursing. Blood spurted from his nose but then, before her eyes, the broken nose snapped back into place, healed.

Zieroff wiped the blood from his face, streaking it across the back of his hand. "It's not just drinks I've been experimenting on," he said, an arrogant expression replacing a pained one. "You're not as powerful as you think."

Clint, we've been made. Zieroff has some kind of ability. He can heal, Aspen sent off to Clint.

"He can't hear you," Zieroff said as if reading her thoughts. He nodded to the other figure who sat in the shadows. She rose and strode over. Her hair was nearly white, cut in a faux-hawk, and she wore heavy eye-liner and black lipstick. A nose-piercing glinted in the low light. Pale eyes leeched of color stared at Aspen. "Zelda here is rather talented at cutting off that sort of communication. Hawkeye will be too busy dealing with my men."

"I didn't come here to be intimidated!" Aspen snapped, her patience gone.

"No, you came here to intimidate me in my own club. How's that going for you?" He cocked his head at her. Aspen glared. Who was he to talk to her like that? He had no idea what she was capable of.

She threw a surge of power at him, but nothing happened. She looked down at her hands, and Zieroff chuckled. "Telepathic abilities aren't the only thing Zelda can stifle. She's Inhuman, you see. She can cut off any abilities natural or otherwise. I heard about your little mission to take out enemies of the Avengers. I knew it was just a matter of time before you tracked me down. So I took precautions. With Zelda here, you can't access those destructive powers of yours."

"And what do you plan on doing with me?" Aspen asked. She had to give him credit. She hadn't been expecting a contingency plan already in place for her and Clint.

"Hopefully let you go. I want you to leave my club and never come back. I've got something good going here. Don't ruin that for me."

"Not going to happen. These drinks are made from illegal substances stolen from SHIELD—"

"Are you still a lackey for SHIELD?" Zieroff questioned, cutting her off. "See, I thought SHIELD went down. Nick Fury is who knows where and the Avengers are toast. It's just you and Barton—whatever role he's playing these days. Why should you care? People aren't dying, they're just getting a little pick-me-up. After what happened, don't you think they deserve that?" His voice softened ever so slightly. He really believed he was helping people.

"People deserve to have their families back, not this false euphoria that wears off after an hour."

"And who's going to give their families back?" Zieroff asked. "You? Thing is, you already had your chance."

His words cut her to the bone. They were true. Completely and utterly true.

"We regulate the drinks. We spread the word carefully. I'm just making a little extra money and giving people a few hours where they can forget why they're feeling so miserable."

Aspen started as the curtain moved and Clint was thrust into the room. He glared at Zieroff, joining Aspen. Two bouncers followed, standing in front of the curtain. Aspen could sense that they were stronger than average thanks to one of Zieroff's inventions.

"I'm getting too old for this," Clint muttered. "You okay, Pen?" Aspen nodded stiffly.

"Long time no see, Barton. It's always good to see an old SHIELD comrade," Zieroff said, turning to face Clint.

"Yeah, I'd say the same only it wouldn't be the truth."

"Seems like you've turned back to your old ways. Trickshot was it? I heard he didn't have any compunction about taking lives. Seems you don't anymore either." Clint's jaw worked, but he didn't rise to the bait.

"I gave your partner a choice. Leave here now and let me keep up business as usual. Or we can do things the hard way. I don't think you'll like option two."

"She's inhuman," Aspen said, nodding to Zelda who watched them silently. "She can mute abilities natural or unnatural."

Clint nodded in understanding. "So we fight our way out? I wonder how much of this building we can destroy before the cops come and arrest everyone."

Now Zieroff's jaw worked. "Perhaps we can come to a compromise," he said. "I will dilute the drinks, monitor everyone to make sure no one gets hurt. I swear I haven't sold anything for ages. I've cut ties with Hydra and A.I.M. I'm a different kind of businessman now, and I don't want the trouble that comes from what I used to do."

"We can take them," Clint said to Aspen, flexing his fists.

"No." Clint looked at Aspen in surprise and Zieroff let out a breath he had been holding. "Did you lose someone?" she asked the man.

His eyes hardened, but he surprised her by answering. "My little sister. She was my world. She had cancer. Leukemia. I was trying to come up with a cure for her, but the Snap put her out of her misery. You're coping the only way you can. So am I. So are the people who come here."

"You aren't actually buying his crap, are you?" Clint asked.

"Read my mind. I'm telling the truth," Zieroff said, motioning at Zelda. She scowled at Aspen before lifting the dampener on her abilities. They slowly flooded back and Aspen focused on Zieroff's mind. He didn't resist.

She saw a little girl with gorgeous brown locks. She was beaming up at a younger Zieroff. Then she was in a wheelchair, her hair gone, scalp smooth beneath a floral headband. Zieroff was at her bedside next, and his sister was hooked up to IVs and wires. He was holding her hand when she'd turned to dust.

Aspen drew in a sharp breath, pulling out of Zieroff's mind. His eyes were glassy, and she realized he'd relived the memories with her. "I'm so sorry." The words weren't enough. They would never be enough, but they were all she had to give him. "Let's go, Clint," she said softly. "He's not hurting people." She couldn't say the same about herself.

Clint looked like he was going to protest, but then he relented. "Okay. Whatever you say." He trusted her judgment even if he didn't understand why she was leaving Zieroff.

"Thank you," Zieroff said. "And whoever you lost—I'm sorry."

Aspen nodded, accepting his words. The bouncers moved aside, and Aspen and Clint left the club. "Why did you let him go?" Clint asked the second they were clear of the building.

"Because he's helping in the only way he knows how. Maybe it's not entirely legal, but sometimes people just need a break from the pain. We've hurt more people even if they deserved it."

"Okay," Clint said again. "I trust you, and I trust your judgment. Let's go."

When they were back in the quinjet, Clint put in coordinates to Brooklyn. "One more stop," he said, hand hovering over the ignition. Aspen stared down at the coordinates, feeling her heart twist with hope and fear and pain. She'd replaced her wedding ring, the gold band cold against her skin. "Okay," she finally said. "I trust your judgment." She gave Clint a small smile as he started the jet and headed them to New York. Back to Steve.


	22. Without You

**19 – Without You – January 15th, 2019**

Frost coated the windows, and the old baseboard heater rattled to life. Phoenix was sprawled on the floor in front of it, fast asleep. Steve sat holding a photo, eyes raw, heart aching. It would have been Mara's second birthday today if Thanos hadn't robbed her of the rest of her years. After nearly a year, she almost felt like a dream. Had she ever really existed? Had he once had a family? Or was that just a figment of his imagination? A life he would never have? He set the photo down on the table beside him, blinking away tears.

Phoenix's head shot up suddenly, eyes wide. She glanced at him and then got to her feet, padding over to the door that led out to their small balcony. Steve followed, opening the door as the cat pawed at it. A freezing gust of air greeted him. He watched the cat trot over to a figure standing in the shadows, meowing a greeting. The figure reached out to pick up the cat before stepping into the light.

Aspen.

It was the first time he'd seen her since the day she'd left. Her hair was long, a blonde streak dyed into the red—the same way she'd had it when they'd first met. She looked thinner, haunted, the scar on her cheek somehow more pronounced. Her eyes met his, and he saw hesitation there, pain and fear and shame.

"Hi, Steve," she said, offering him the smallest of smiles.

He didn't speak. He'd envisioned this conversation a hundred times before, but now that she was in front of him, he didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." Aspen spoke again, her words soft, hesitant. "I wouldn't blame you if you hated me." She held his gaze, and he saw that she believed he did hate her. She was waiting for him to reject her.

"I don't hate you," he said, finally finding his voice. "I could never hate you, Aspen."

Tears jumped to her eyes, and she let out a shaky breath. "I had to see you. Clint and I were close…" So it been convenient to come here? Steve felt his heart lurch. "And today…"

"Today she'd be two," he finished for her when she couldn't continue on. She nodded, the tears streaming down her face. She shivered in the cold, and Steve stood back, unblocking the door. "Come in," he told her. Aspen slowly entered his apartment, looking around her. He knew what she was thinking. This was home to him, but it wasn't her home. It was the first time since they'd met that they couldn't call the same place home.

"I've been going to grief counseling," he told her. He wasn't sure why. It was just something to say. They'd never had trouble talking before, but now each word felt forced, unsure.

"That's great," she said, her eyes crinkling. He could tell she really meant it. They were both coping in their own ways. He wished she could just come home, but he wasn't going to ask. He was too afraid the answer would be no. "Is it helping?"

Steve took a deep breath before letting it slowly out. "Maybe? A little. I miss her so much, but I have to do something. I've been helping out around the city. Doing what I can." He shrugged, hunching his shoulders forward as he crossed his arms.

"And I've been hunting down criminals and killing them." Her words were hollow, and Steve couldn't help but cringe at them. Her expression hardened, then crumpled. "I'm so lost, Steve. Once I got my powers back, I thought it would be easier to cut off the pain, but I feel like I'm losing myself… It's what I've always feared but this time it isn't the serum that's turning me into someone I no longer recognize, it's my actions."

"You can stop." As soon as the words were out, he knew she wouldn't agree.

"I have to keep protecting the world in the only way I can," she said. "The world is still in complete chaos. A year isn't sufficient time to rebuild governments and armies. It's certainly not enough time to mourn. Clint and I are trying to shift the balance—make sure at the end of the day it's the good guys winning and not the bad."

"I miss you." The shock of seeing her was turning into desperation for her to stay.

Her eyes crumpled, the familiar green turning misty as she fought back tears. "I miss you too."

Then she was in his arms, crying softly into his chest as his own eyes grew wet. He pressed his lips to the top of her head. She smelled so familiar, warmth and vanilla and memories. He wished the scent would stay with him, but nothing smelled like her in this apartment. "How long are you here?" The words spilled out of his mouth and he hoped they wouldn't ruin the moment. She didn't loosen her grip on him.

"Clint is waiting, but he said we have whatever time we need. It was his idea to come here. He thinks I'm ruining our marriage." Her voice broke, and he felt his heart crack a little.

"Things are tough right now. For everyone who lost someone. I don't want to lose you too. I don't agree with what you're doing—not the killing, not the destruction—but I get why you're doing it." He knew she was feeling just as broken as he. "I'm glad Clint's with you." He also wanted to ream him for letting Aspen join his crusade, but he trusted the archer to keep her safe. "How is he holding up?" It seemed obvious considering the body count, but Clint had lost not only a child but _three_ as well as his wife.

"As well as can be expected. He's not holding back. I—I don't always kill the people we're hunting. Half the time I can't. It's different when I use my powers, when I mute my feelings, but I feel a little part of my soul chipping away for every life I take. Jails can't hold most of these criminals, and we're only hunting down the ones who hurt people. That doesn't make it right. I know we're sinking to their level. Maybe the more I hate myself, the less my sadness threatens to overcome me."

Phoenix let out a raucous meow, and Aspen laughed. It was a weak, quiet sound, but it felt like a breath of life to Steve. He let Aspen pull away to pick up the cat. "You're hogging me," Aspen told him, and he smiled. He'd missed her sense of humor, missed her smile and her laugh. Missed everything about her.

"Will you stay a little longer?" he asked, afraid she might pull away.

She nodded. "I'd like that." They sat down on the couch, Steve leaving space between them though he wanted to pull her close. Aspen set Phoenix in her lap and set to scratching behind her ears while the cat purred loudly enough to wake the neighbors.

"She missed you. I'm not quite a substitute, but it's been nice to have the company," Steve said, stroking the cat's paw.

"I'm sorry I left," Aspen said, her words coming out in a breathy rush. "It was entirely insensitive to how you were feeling, to what you needed. I just couldn't stay there another second. I thought I was going to shatter into a million pieces."

He had been hurt when she'd left, disappointed, broken. But he also knew she didn't leave to hurt him. "You were mourning in the way you needed to mourn," he said. "I want revenge for what happened too, but those people you're hunting down didn't kill Mara, and the one who did is gone. We're left with this empty space that needs to be filled in, and we're doing what we need to to fill it in."

"I don't deserve you," Aspen sniffled, looking up at him.

He shook his head, taking her hand in his. "Don't say that. Don't bring yourself down like that. The way I feel about you hasn't changed. It could never change."

"You always make me want to be a better person—to be the best me I can be. I'm not ready to come home. I'm not ready to pretend we have a normal life. But I hope someday I will be. I don't expect you to wait—"

"I'll be here when you're ready to come home," Steve said, cutting her off. "Always." He squeezed her hand and Aspen squeezed back, a smile taking away a layer of sorrow from her face.

…

Aspen leaned up to kiss Steve, the bitter air around her making her wish she could stay longer. She knew if she didn't go now, she never would. That might not be such a bad thing, but she knew she wasn't ready to try her hand at a normal life. There was still a piece missing, a huge gaping hole in her heart. All she'd known for the last ten years was missions. First as a smuggler for Artifact, then as an agent of Shield, and lastly as an Avenger. It was still her job to protect people, and she was going to do so in the only way she knew how—hunting down Hydra agents and taking out enemy headquarters and black markets selling alien weaponry and superhuman serums.

She and Steve had fallen into conversation for hours, talking about Mara—tentatively at first—about memories of the team, about their old life. Instead of feeling a crushing sorrow, Aspen felt a little piece of her healing. It helped to talk even if she was crying through half of it. She was laughing too, smiling. She couldn't live the rest of her life in regret. She had to live for Mara, had to fight for her.

"I promise I won't wait so long to come back," she told Steve.

"Where are you headed next?" he asked. She could tell he wanted to pull her back inside, but he didn't. He respected her choice even if he didn't agree with it.

"Bucharest. Clint got word of a black market there selling some bastardized Stark tech. We're going to shut down the operation." She wished she could promise no one would die, but it was a desperate time and people would fight tooth and nail for their place in the world.

"Just…remember who you are, Aspen. You're not a killer. There are other ways of keeping the world safe. Don't let the world tell you who you should be. You were already a survivor before all this happened."

His words stayed with her a long time after she'd climbed the fire escape ladder up to the roof. Clint was leaning against the Quinjet, arms crossed. "I thought you'd be a lot longer," he said, pushing off from the jet to greet her.

"It hurts too much to stay and it hurts too much to leave. Let's go." She walked up the lowered ramp and onto the jet. She took her seat in the copilot's chair as Clint settled in the pilot's seat.

"You okay, Pen?" he asked.

"I'm fine." Her voice broke, disproving her words. "It's just…he loves me just the same as when I left. He forgives me for everything I've done. I don't feel like I deserve it. I _know_ I don't deserve it."

"Don't say that. If anyone doesn't deserve forgiveness, it's me. I got you into this," Clint said, glancing over at her.

"I insisted I wanted to come. If you had said no, I would have just gone out on my own. We're the only thing keeping each other together. You're the only one who understands that moving on means letting go of everything including yourself."

Clint reached out a hand and gripped hers a moment before starting the jet's engine and taking off. "The second you want out, I'll turn this jet straight back to Brooklyn," he told her. "You have something to return to. One day it's not going to hurt as much."

Aspen didn't reply. Right now it was impossible to imagine anything hurting less. She pulled on her powers letting the familiar icy numbness overtake her mind once more. It was easier that way. Easier to not have any hope at all rather than have it dashed again and again. She was done playing the hero, done being the kind of person the world wanted her to be. All the rules of the game had changed, and now she was the kind of person who let her hatred and anger rule her emotions. It might not be the kind of person she could live with but it was the only way she could keep living.

"Just keep flying," she told Clint. "That day is a long ways away."


	23. Breaking Point

**20 – Breaking Point – July 3rd, 2021**

Aspen wasn't sure when something had started changing, couldn't pinpoint exactly when she'd started questioning everything she was doing. She knew when she reached her breaking point; however, and tonight she had. As with most revelations, the timing was horrendous. Aspen was sliding across the floor in a somewhat graceful attempt to dodge the bullets currently being shot at her by the guards in the halls of the Madripoor Palace. The floors were slick from her wet boots, and her hair clung to her face in soggy clumps. The bullets chipped the gold and red tiles around her as she flung out her hands. The guards flew backwards, striking the walls of the corridor with enough force to knock them out.

Clint followed after a second, the guards out front taken care of. Aspen glanced up at him. She'd grown used to the haunted look in his eyes. He always looked a little hollow like Thanos had reached inside of him and scooped out a part of his soul. That was exactly what Aspen felt like. But somewhere in the past two years, the hollowness had stopped hurting quite as much. Instead of feeling empty, she felt longing for something she couldn't have when she was out fighting criminals with Clint. She'd visited Steve more and more frequently, their time together more healing than her missions for the first time since Mara had been taken from them. They were both learning to live without her, learning to embrace the memories they did have but not let her absence drag them into a sort of non-existence. That was where they'd been trapped the last few years, but Aspen could feel herself fighting. She _wanted_ to move on, wanted to heal. At first it had felt like a betrayal to Mara, but if her daughter had been old enough to put words to such thoughts, Aspen knew she'd want her parents to be happy, to _live_ and not just exist with the consequences of their defeat.

A cold draft of air followed them down the hallway, leaking in through the front doors to the castle that Aspen had cracked open with her powers. "Ready?" Clint asked her, glancing down. She met his eyes and gave a nod.

When half the law-enforcement was wiped out in Madripoor, Madame Masque and the mind manipulator named Zi had taken over in Prince Baran's place. Crime was rampant and they had been dabbling in human trafficking for Inhumans and Mutants. It wasn't something Clint and Aspen could ignore any longer despite the fact that they were only two against what seemed to be an entire army of criminals that answered to Madame Masque's every beck and call. "Cut the head off at the source," Clint had told her on the jet ride over. "They're not Hydra, so they won't grow back." Aspen wasn't so sure about that, but she knew taking out Masque and her bodyguard would cut the crime ring off at the knees at the very least.

They strode down the hall together, steps in sync. Clint's sword hung at his back, and Aspen felt a sick twist in her gut at the thought of the guards they'd met at the front gates to the castle. She hadn't killed in a long while. The last time had been during a desperate battle against a rogue Inhuman who would have killed her if she hadn't killed him first. She felt as if each life she took was another hole that formed in her soul. It no longer healed. It no longer wanted revenge. Thanos took Mara from her, and they had gotten the most revenge they could take when Thor had sliced off his head. She touched the gold ring on her left hand as a reminder of who she was and who she wanted to be.

"We've been expecting you," a voice said as soon as they entered the throne room at the end of the corridor. Madame Masque sat on the throne, black hair sleek and straight, framing the gold mask that covered her features—all save her eyes which watched them with alert caution. Zi stood at her side, power vibrating at her fingertips. Aspen could feel her powers and her hatred. She wanted a fight, and she thought she was more powerful than Aspen. Aspen would prove her wrong. The last time Aspen was here, these women had hurt her and her friends. She could seek revenge. Maybe she should. But then she remembered something—something like a memory that she tried to block. It came on slowly at first, gaining speed until it finally crashed into her mind. A vision, one she had at the very start of all of this.

 _A flag bears a white lion with a star above its head with a waxing crescent moon to its left. Madame Masque sits in her throne below while Zi stands at her side, ever the loyal guard._

 _"My how the tables have turned," Madame Masque says. "Now you're on our side of the law."_

 _"Your side. My side. There are no sides anymore," Aspen says. "Don't you get it? It doesn't matter anymore."_

 _"Clearly." Madame Masque crosses her legs. "The famous Miss America and Hawkeye. Or are you going by different names these days?"_

 _Aspen laughs. "Certainly not that name."_

 _"Aspen then. Rogers, isn't it? Or perhaps not…" Madame Masque lifts her chin. "I can't imagine Captain America would condone what you're doing."_

 _Aspen tilts her head to the side. "If you think you can stop me with your petty words, you're incorrect. Steve's not here to save you."_

 _There's a flicker of uncertainty in Masque's eyes now, and Aspen relishes in it. It helps her channel her rage, her pain, her hatred. Even if Masque and Zi have nothing to do with it, they're here when others weren't so lucky._

 _"You've been busy ruling Madripoor in Prince Baran's place," Aspen says, taking a step forward. Clint stays where he is. This is her fight, not his. "Human trafficking? For Mutants and Inhumans?" She doesn't bother to keep the disgust from her tone. "It's all about how much money you can make, how much power you can hold. I can assure you," she takes another step forward, power pulsing at her fingertips, "that I have all the power here. It's time to put an end to this."_

 _Zi moves forward, and Aspen flicks a finger. The girl flies across the room, striking the wall with a sickening crunch. She falls to the ground, lifeless. Red blood on white tiles. It's not the first time she's killed like this, but this time she feels no regret. People like this don't deserve to live. Life is fragile like the snap of a finger. Now it's Aspen's turn to decide who gets to live and die. She turns to Masque._

Aspen came back to herself with a gasp of breath. Madame Masque didn't seem to notice. "My how the tables have turned," she said. "Now you're on our side of the law."

Aspen didn't reply, heart pounding in her ears. She realized she was at a crossroads. "Cat got your tongue?" Masque asked. Aspen knew how this went, how this _could_ go. She knew she would feel regret. She knew this wasn't who she wanted to be.

"I…" She turned to look at Clint. _I had a vision of this moment_ , she spoke into his mind. _It ended with me killing them both._

 _I can do it_ , he thought back.

 _No_ _!_ _We're better than them. We lock them away and free their prisoners_.

Clint nodded and they turned back to Masque. She was frowning, looking between the two of them. "You're not very good at this intimidation thing," she said.

Aspen took a step forward. Zi mirrored the movement. She'd have to face Zi before she could get to Masque. _You used to fight with only your abilities and not this thirst for vengeance_ , she told herself. _You can still be the person you want to be and beat her_. Steve was always so good at giving pep talks before they went into missions, and her own talks weren't as motivating. Still, it would have to do.

"I'll give you one chance to release your prisoners and step down," Aspen said.

Madame Masque laughed. "You really think it's going to be that easy? The Avengers don't carry any weight these days. One mention of them, and absolutely no one goes running. I don't know how you can even call yourself a 'hero' anymore."

"I never called myself a hero," Aspen told her calmly. "I'm just trying to make the world a better place."

"By killing your way here."

Aspen felt shame wash over her, but she refused to let Masque hold her back. She had to be confident, she had to be the old Aspen. This new Aspen was weak. She had mistaken it for strength, but really she was cracking each time she chose violence over mercy.

"Maybe I didn't come here to kill you," she said. That seemed to throw Masque.

"Well, I can't say the same. Kill her, Zi." She motioned to the lithe girl who turned black eyes to Aspen. Zi had the ability of mind manipulation. She could take over someone's mind and force them to do anything, change their memories, make them see things. She had told Aspen that her abilities didn't work on her, that she couldn't access Aspen's mind.

She'd try to control Clint then, turn him against Aspen. Aspen lunged for his mind, shielding him just as Zi struck. Clint staggered a little, clinging to Aspen's arm. It wasn't a pleasant feeling having someone in your head.

"Just stay strong," Aspen told Clint. "I won't let her in your head."

Zi snarled when she found she couldn't access Clint's mind. "You're not as powerful as you think," Aspen told her, taking a step forward. "I've learned over the last few years that it doesn't matter what powers you have or how powerful you are; what matters is how you use them. You use yours to hurt people, to manipulate them, to alter their memories. I refuse to use mine to hurt people anymore. And I refuse to let you hurt people."

She knew what she had to do. She could knock Zi out, but Zi would always have the gift of persuasion, and it was only a matter of time before she got out, before she started hurting people again.

Aspen took a deep breath and dived into her mind. Zi resisted at first. She would have put up a good fight, but Aspen had let go off too much of herself over the last few years. She was more in tune with her powers than she had ever been before. Aspen drilled her way in until she found the core of Zi's powers.

"You don't deserve your powers," Aspen said, and she took them away from Zi. She didn't know if it was possible when she'd dived into Zi's mind, but questioning what was possible had always stifled her abilities. Instead of doubting, she believed in herself. She felt Zi's powers dwindling into nothing. Zi fell to her knees, and Aspen withdrew from her mind.

Zi stared up at her, black eyes terrified.

"What did she do to you?" Masque asked, standing. She turned her eyes on Aspen. "What did you do?"

"She's just as human as you now," Aspen said. She released Clint—Zi was no threat to him anymore.

Madame Masque looked mortified. "How dare you!" She sprang forward and tried to slap Aspen, her fury boiling over. Aspen snatched her wrist before her palm could make contact.

"Get Zi," Aspen told Clint. "We're going to take a little tour of the dungeons."

Masque screeched, trying to free herself from Aspen's grasp, but Aspen held on tightly, dragging the woman from the throne room. The dungeons were cold and exactly what Aspen had been imagining. Inhumans and Mutants peered through bars with sallow faces.

Masque put up more of a fight at the sight of them. Zi was listless, and Clint had no issues dragging her with them. Aspen worried a moment she might have damaged something in the girl's mind, but then she remembered how she'd felt when her powers had been taken away. Zi didn't know who she was without her powers. She was in shock. Aspen refused to feel bad. There was an alternate future where she'd killed Zi, but she hadn't chosen to go down that path.

Aspen unlocked all the doors to the cells with a thought, and the captives streamed out, cautious at first until some of them recognized Clint and Aspen. "Get in," Aspen said to Madame Masque, motioning to one of the vacated cells. Masque tried to fight back, but Aspen shoved her in. Clint pushed Zi in as well, and Aspen locked the door, melting the metal down so it would be impossible to pick. Someone would find them eventually, but a few hours in the dungeons wouldn't do them any lasting harm.

"Now you can see how it feels to be on the other end of human trafficking." She turned to the freed prisoners. "You're free."

…

"I'm going home," Aspen said as she and Clint watched the last Inhuman melt into the night.

Clint was quiet a moment and then, "I had a feeling."

"I realized tonight that I don't want to be what Thanos made me into. He's still winning, and I've been letting him all this time. I want to start over with Steve. Mara was my life, but I had a life before her, and I have to have one after her too."

Clint nodded. "You deserve a happy life, Pen. You always make me want to be a better person. But...I'm not ready to give this up. I'm hopeful for you, but I don't have any hope for myself. I don't have a home to go back to because my home was with Laura and Cooper, Lila and Nathaniel."

"You deserve happiness, too," Aspen told him. "And I'm always going to be there if you need a place to go. You're my family. I know it's not the same, but I will always be here if you need me."

Clint pulled Aspen into a tight embrace. "I'll be okay," he told her. "Let me fly you home."

She nodded. "What's going to happen here?" They'd taken down Masque, but the city was still corrupt.

"We can't save everyone," Clint said, his voice breaking a little on the words.

Aspen took his hand as they walked down the dark, rain saturated street. Lights blazed all around them, the city a stranger to sleep. "No, we can't. Where will you go next?"

Clint shrugged, exhaling deeply. "Not sure yet."

"You will stay in touch?" Aspen knew his grief was a slippery slope. She half wanted to take it all back, to stay with him if only to keep his head above the surface of his misery.

"'Course."

"I can stay…"

Clint stopped, putting a hand on her shoulder. "No. You have someone to go home to. I'm not going to keep you from that any longer. I'll be okay, really. I'm never going to _really_ be okay, but I'll be here. I'm surviving."

"Surviving isn't the same as living."

"I know. Right now it's the best I can do."

They continued on toward the jet, Aspen shivering against the misty rain that had started up again. The jet was a welcome warmth, and she felt excitement stirring in her stomach. She was going home. Home was wherever Steve was. She'd spent little time in the one bedroom apartment he was renting in Brooklyn, but she was ready to settle again, ready to try to call a place a home. It had been three years, and she would never be done grieving, but she wasn't going to waste any more time.

The jet flight seemed to go quickly and when Clint landed on the roof of the apartment building, Aspen nearly leapt out of her seat. Clint gave her a smile. "I'll miss you," he said.

"I'll miss you, too. I know you didn't want me to come. I know you tried to protect me, but Clint, you let me grieve in the way I needed to. You looked out for me, and you kept me going when I wanted to give up. I wouldn't be here without you. I would have given into my grief or shut myself off so completely that I never felt again. You kept me alive when I felt like I was dead."

She thought she saw a tear glinting in Clint's eye, but it was gone a moment later. "Well, you kept me together pretty well too," he told her, voice rough. "Come here." He pulled her into a bone-crushing embrace. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

She gave him a smile, wider and more genuine than she'd given him in years, before heading down the quinjet ramp. She looked back once before Clint lifted the ramp and took off. The lights of the jet disappeared behind a cloud, and he was gone.

Aspen made her way down the fire escape, stopping at the little deck out back of Steve's apartment. She tapped on the door. It was well after midnight, but she knew he'd hear her. After a moment, the door unlocked and Steve was standing there. He was still dressed for the day like he hadn't been to bed yet. His eyes widened in surprise.

"Aspen."

"I'm home," she told him, the words coming out in a breathy rush as if she'd just run a mile. "For good. I'm staying." She waited, half fearing that he'd changed his mind, that he didn't want her fully back in his life.

Then he was reaching out and pulling her into his arms, kissing her like she'd just come home from war. Fireworks erupted somewhere outside, and Aspen realized somewhere in the back of her mind that it was July 4th. Steve's birthday, their anniversary.

"I'm sorry for being gone so long," she said when they pulled apart. "I don't blame you if you can't forgive me."

"Aspen, we've had this conversation," Steve said. "The last three years were impossible. They were the worst of our lives, but we're here now. We're together. That's what really matters." He drew her to him again, kissing her until she felt her heart might melt, until she felt it heal, beating strong than it had in three years. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too. Let's start over. I know we can't ever forget what's happened nor do I want to, but we deserve to be happy, and we're not going to be living in the past."

Steve nodded, and Aspen reached up to touch his face, unable to help the grin that lit up her lips. He was clean-shaven, blonde hair neatly combed back. Everything about him was familiar, everything about him was home, and she never wanted to leave again. He drew her inside as the fireworks continued to pound above them as if the city were celebrating her homecoming. Aspen had broken over the last few years, but she could feel herself beginning to heal now, the pieces coming together as Steve held her to him. A tiny spark of hope warmed her heart, a hope that they could be happy again, a hope that their lives hadn't ended that day three years ago, a hope that she could be whole again.


	24. Reparations

**Author's Note:** Sorry for taking so long to update! I dated this chapter 11/22 thinking I could finish it before 11/22 in our time, but no go... Busy time of year and I've been really focusing on researching agents and writing a query letter for one of my YA fantasy books! I'm going to try querying in the new year. I'm so excited but also completely terrified!

I think next chapter I'm going to get us into the beginning of Endgame. I need to rewatch the movie and cry my eyes out again because it's been awhile, but it's time. I will try my best to keep writing and updating as I always say I will and then inevitably fail to do. Thank you as always for reading!

* * *

 **21 – Reparations– November 22, 2021**

Aspen pulled the collar of her coat closer around her neck. New Asgard was cold as fall lengthened into winter, but Aspen hadn't wanted to put her trip aside any longer. Her time with Steve had patched their wounds and given Aspen back a life she never thought she'd have. It hadn't been easy adjusting to a new life, but the more she poured herself into helping the city recover, the better she felt. She was finally doing something constructive. Steve had gone from attending grief counseling to leading his own groups. Aspen had attended a few, but she found it hurt too much to be surrounded by other people who were grieving. Talk was good, but she only really felt better through action. She'd started using her abilities to rebuild parts of the city that had been destroyed in the Snap. There were a lot of buildings that cars had crashed into when their drivers had disappeared. Helicopter wrecks dotted the city here and there. A whole airplane had crashed in the East River, but Aspen had seen to that as soon as she'd started helping around the city. It was a terrible reminder of what they had lost. Aspen had lifted the plane straight out of the river and onto an empty field where it could be properly disassembled.

She was reminded every day of what Thanos had done, but her need for vengeance had died, turning from a blazing fire into a barely glowing ember. She was still angry. She would always be angry, but there wasn't anything she could do about the past. Thanos was gone and so were the infinity stones. Moving on hurt like hell, but it was better than the alternative.

Aspen nodded a greeting to some of the Asgardians she passed. She hadn't seen Thor since she'd left the Avengers facility to follow Clint. She knew he blamed himself for not taking off Thanos's head in the first place, but she didn't want him to bear that guilt. They all could have done a lot of things differently, but they didn't know how it was going to end. Aspen had seen a lot of ends in her visions, but she still hadn't known how to defeat Thanos. She was also hoping to speak to Thor about Loki. Thor had told them of what had passed, but Aspen hadn't gotten the chance to talk to him about it. She knew out of all of them, only she and Thor would mourn him. She'd tried to tell herself that he might still be alive. He was a trickster after all. He had faked his death multiple times only to pop up somewhere unexpected. But he hadn't come back. Not this time. He had been many things, but he had deserved better than that. Aspen's relationship to the Asgardian had always been complicated but, in the end, she had called him a friend and she mourned him like a friend.

"You're Aspen, aren't you?" a woman called out, and Aspen turned. The woman was dressed for the cold weather, her dark hair braided down the side. "Thor mentioned you. Back when he felt like taking. I'm Valkyrie." She held out a hand, and Aspen took it. Her grip was strong, and Aspen immediately liked her.

"Nice to meet you. How's he doing?" she asked as they started walking farther into the village.

Valkyrie frowned. "Not good," she said. "He blames himself, you know."

"It's not his fault," Aspen said. "We all feel we could have done something more, but without the time stone, we have no way of going back. It's never going to stop hurting and we're never going to stop feeling guilty, but we have to accept that we did what we could at the time."

"Maybe he'll listen to you," Valkyrie said with a long sigh. "He's changed. You've known him longer than I, so you'll probably notice the differences more."

"We've all changed," Aspen returned softly. "I'm just glad your people made it here safely. I know...I know many others didn't."

Valkyrie nodded, dark eyes solemn. "We've had to learn to live on a different planet. It's not possible to be the same people we were."

They paused outside a cozy looking cottage and Valkyrie inclined her head towards it. "That's him. He lives there with his two roommates Korg and Miek. Just...be prepared." For the roommates or for Thor, Aspen didn't get the chance to ask. "Good luck. It was nice to meet you." Valkyrie left her at the doorstep, and Aspen raised a hand to knock.

At first, there was no sound from within. Aspen worried he wouldn't answer, that she had come all this way to have to turn right back around. She could sense someone was inside when she felt for heat signatures. Then she heard heavy footsteps and the door creaked open. Aspen hadn't quite known what to expect, but she was still shocked by Thor's appearance. His usually well-kept hair was stringy, growing out longer than he usually kept it, and he had put on weight-something Aspen couldn't quite reconcile because he had always been at the peak of physical perfection during his time as an Avenger. Her heart went out for him. He wore his guilt, his blame, his pain, and his mourning.

"Aspen," he said when she didn't speak, looking surprised at her presence. "What are you doing here?" His voice slurred a little as he spoke, and Aspen caught a whiff of some alcoholic beverage on his breath. Her heart broke a little more.

"I came to see you," she said. "To see how you were doing."

"I'm fine. Fine," he said, his tone not matching the look in his eyes. He was far from fine. "You didn't need to come out all this way."

"I did. I left that day and I completely failed you and everyone else as a friend and teammate. I wasn't thinking clearly-none of us were-but I should have been there. I was actually hoping to talk about Loki." Her words were met with silence. "I-I know it's a painful subject, but have you been able to talk to anyone about him? I've been mourning him, too, but you're the only one who could possibly understand."

"You were the only one who ever saw more than a villain when it came to my brother," Thor said. He stood back, making way for her to enter the cottage.

The inside reminded Aspen very much of one of Clint's safe-houses. There were empty pizza boxes littering the surfaces of the furniture as well as empty bottles of beer. It took an extraordinary amount of human alcohol to get a demi-god drunk, so Aspen could only imagine how much Thor had drunk to be a little tipsy.

Aspen perched herself in one of the chairs while Thor got a fresh bottle of beer. "Would you like anything?" he asked.

"No, thank you." Aspen had never been particularly close with Thor. They had always been on good terms, and they'd always shared the connection of Loki though Aspen hadn't ever told Thor the extent of her history with him. Only Steve knew that, and it had put a strain on their relationship from time to time.

"How are you really holding up?" Aspen asked.

Thor's eyes went distant, and she knew he didn't want to think about anything that had happened. She'd spent the better part of three years trying to forget.

"How are any of us holding up?" he countered. "I'm still here. A lot of people aren't." His eyes softened. "How do you and the captain fair? You've lost, too."

"We're holding up. It hasn't been easy and it never will be, but we're back together."

"My brother always had a weakness for you. I'd never seen him like that around any other human. You brought out the best in him." Thor's eyes went distant, glassy, but he sounded more lucid than he had before.

"From what you told me, he died a hero. He'd probably roll his eyes at that. He didn't think himself capable of being a hero." She smiled at the thought. He'd called her a hero at the end of his attack on New York, after he'd been captured and she'd gone to visit him. Despite his spite for the other Avengers that the public had deemed heroes, he'd said it to her like a compliment.

 _"I don't believe in villains,"_ she'd told him _. "Just good and bad choices."_ She never had believed him a villain, just someone who had been seeking attention from the shadows so long that he'd reached his breaking point. It didn't make what he'd done right, but she knew the attack on New York had been an ill-fated attempt at proving he was worthy of ruling.

 _"You told me that once before. You also said you didn't believe in heroes, but that might have changed."_

 _"A hero doesn't have to be someone with superhuman abilities,"_ she'd told him _. "Just someone willing to fight for good."_

 _"So someone like you."_

She'd told him she was no hero, and she didn't feel the part. She was just a girl who had been lost for so many years who had finally stood up for what was right rather than what was easy.

 _"You're willing to fight for good, as you put it. You've got the battle scars to prove it."_

 _"I'm not a hero,"_ Aspen had repeated. _"I was just trying to do the right thing."_

"There was no one else left to mourn him," Thor said, taking a swig of his beer.

"You lost everything, and for that I am so sorry. I can't even imagine." She'd lost her family a long time ago and then lost her father again after learning her parents were still alive. She'd lost homes, lost friends, lost her team, but Thor had lost literally everything save a handful of Asgardians.

"Ah, well, we move on. We keep going." He rubbed his nose, and Aspen thought he might start crying, but then he seemed to rally himself. "It was kind of you to visit me. I have heard from no one else."

"I think we're all mourning in our own ways, dealing with what happened-or not dealing. But I know we're all worried about you. I know you blame yourself for what happened, for Thanos snapping his fingers, but it wasn't your fault. We all did what we could and, in the end, it wasn't enough, but that blame doesn't fall on any one shoulder."

"I had the ax," Thor said quietly. "The Thanos-killer."

"And I have abilities gifted to me that should mean that nothing is impossible, but here we are. We all did what we could. He just did better, and now we have to live with that. Somehow."

...

Aspen left New Asgard with a heavy heart. She knew Thor was nothing near all right, but she also knew there was nothing she could do or say to make any of it better. Thor was self-destructing from what she could tell, and her heart went out to him. If only Loki had survived. He would have kept his brother on his toes if nothing else.

Aspen had one more stop before she went home. She powered up the jet and took off back toward the States. She'd been holding off on this for a while though she couldn't say why. Maybe it was because out of all of them, he'd built a better life for himself, and she didn't want to cast a shadow over it with her own grief. She'd heard that Tony and Pepper had finally gotten married shortly after Tony's return from space. That had been while Aspen was with Clint, so she hadn't been there. And he had a daughter now. Morgan. She would be three now, and Aspen had never met her. If everything had played out differently, Mara would have been four. She might have been friends with Morgan. Now they would never meet.

Tony had done well for himself, setting up his family in a beautiful cabin in the middle of the woods. Out of all of them, he looked as if he'd actually moved on. Aspen set the jet down in a field and walked the rest of the way, enjoying the crisp November air. There was a layer of snow here, and her boots crunched with each step. They would be celebrating Thanksgiving in a few days, and then they would put up their holiday decorations in preparation for Christmas. Aspen had let Tony know she wanted to visit, and he'd given her their location as well as an invitation to come by any time. They hadn't spoken, hadn't _really_ spoken for a very long time. Aspen found herself missing the old days once again back when nothing had mattered so much.

She hesitated on the porch, her fist raised to knock. She was saved the trouble when the door opened, a gap-toothed little girl grinning up at her. "Aunt Aspen?" she asked in a sweet voice. She had dark eyes and hair like Tony and Pepper's face. Aspen couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah. You must be Morgan?"

In answer, Morgan ran forward and flung her arms around Aspen's knees. "You're officially part of the family now." Aspen looked up, meeting Tony's eyes. "Not that you weren't already."

Aspen smiled at him, and he returned it. "Let her in, you little monster," Tony said to his daughter, and Morgan released Aspen's knees to let her inside. "Why don't you go help Mommy for a minute? Adults are gonna talk now. You can smother Auntie Aspen later," he added at the little girl's pout.

Aspen watched Morgan run off into the next room before turning to Tony. "Come sit down," he offered, leading her into the living room. A fire was crackling in the fireplace, lending the room a cozy warmth. Aspen hesitated to sit before giving in to her impulse and throwing her arms around Tony. He hugged her back immediately, no hesitation, and it was as if all their years of silence hadn't happened.

"It's all right," he said as she started to cry. "You're okay." Aspen hadn't meant to cry, but suddenly she couldn't seem to get a grip on herself. She was so happy for Tony, but seeing Morgan reminded her of the missing piece in her life. Tony finally steered her to the couch, sitting next to her and keeping an arm around her. He quietly let her dry her eyes and pull herself together again.

"Sorry," she said, laughing a little. It came out as more of a hiccuped sob.

"Don't apologize," Tony told her. "I'm used to women breaking into tears around me."

This brought a smile back to her face. "I missed your arrogant face," she told him when her voice was steady again. "And your terrible ideas that are always incredibly genius but totally insane."

"My ego was getting a little deflated without you to stoke it."

"Morgan is beautiful. She looks just like you and Pepper."

"She's wonderful. She makes me a better person every day," Tony said, his gaze going faraway.

"I wish you could have met Mara," Aspen told him.

"A child created by you and Steve Rogers? I bet she was perfect," Tony said. "I can't put into words how sorry I am you lost her."

Aspen nodded. It didn't hurt as much to talk about Mara, not with the people she cared about. "I didn't think I wanted a child. No, I _knew_ I didn't want a child, but when Mara came into my life so unexpectedly, I couldn't do anything _but_ love her."

"I'm sorry we were at odds when she was born," Tony said. "All that seems so pointless now after everything. We lost sight of what was important."

"There's no use regretting," Aspen said with a shrug. "None of this is ever going to be okay, but at least we're still here making the best of what we're left with."

"How's Steve?" He and Tony hadn't ever repaired the rift that had formed between them after their civil war. It wasn't that they were still angry with each other, it was just that so many other things had gotten in the way. They'd never had the time to make proper apologies.

"He's good. He's actually been leading group therapy sessions to help victims of the Snap. You know him, always putting everyone else first and himself last. But we're happy-as happy as we can be considering. It's almost as if Mara never existed, but there's always this empty space right here." She tapped the place over her heart.

"When we win, we win big. When we lose…" Tony trailed off.

"We're not invincible, but maybe we forgot that somewhere along the way." She certainly had. She'd gotten cocky, overconfident. Despite all the visions of terrible futures she'd had, she'd never really thought they would play out. There was no version in her head where they lost so much, perhaps because one didn't know how much they had to lose until it was gone.

"I think for the longest time, we were living with the idea that we could still fix this," Aspen continued. "That there was something more that we could do. We don't lose. We fail from time to time, but we don't lose. The only way to start living again was to accept that there is nothing more we can do. I've tried everything with my powers. I'm supposed to have full access to my brain with the Superhero Serum, but I've never used my abilities to their full potential. I get to a point where I feel my humanity slipping away, where I feel _me_ slipping away. I'm not willing to go past that point and maybe I should. Maybe I would be able to change things if I did."

"No," Tony said, shaking his head. "It's not worth losing yourself just for another what if."

"But what if it brought everyone back? Wouldn't it be worth it then?" she asked.

Tony gave her a sad smile. "You have no idea if it would actually work. You might lose yourself and still not fix anything. Steve's already lost his daughter; don't make him lose you, too."

"You're right. It's not a solid plan. I don't think I can turn back time anyway…"

"You're staying for lunch, right?" Tony asked, tone cheerier as he changed the subject. "I know Morgan has been dying to meet you."

"Of course. I've been dying to meet her, too," Aspen said. She felt lighter, happier. Even if their team was still broken and half her friends were turned to dust, it felt like she was taking steps in the right direction. Tony had been a part of her life for a long time now and even if they didn't always see eye to eye on things, she loved him like family.

Pepper was in the kitchen with Morgan, preparing sandwiches. She hugged Aspen as soon as she walked into the room. "It's so good to see you," she said.

"You, too." Morgan grinned at Aspen, and Aspen returned the grin. It wasn't so hard to smile anymore, and she was beginning to feel a little like her old self again.

They sat down at the table to eat, and the conversation flowed freely, Aspen telling Morgan all about Phoenix and how lazy the cat had grown. She told Pepper and Tony of her new job using her abilities to clean up the city. "It feels good to be using my powers for something useful after…" She glanced at Morgan. "Well, after hunting down bad people."

Clint had stayed in touch. Not as often as Aspen would have liked, but just to let her know he was okay. She knew he was far from okay, but he was fighting in the only way he knew how. Pepper and Morgan showed Aspen around the house and around the yard while Tony cleaned up lunch dishes. They had a pet alpaca named Gerald, which Morgan adored, and Aspen got a good laugh over picturing Tony cleaning up after it.

"Are you happy?" she asked Pepper while Morgan was feeding the alpaca hay.

"We are," Pepper told her, eyes soft. "We were some of the lucky ones." She squeezed Aspen's hand.

"I'm really glad. You and Tony deserve that," Aspen said. "I know it hasn't always been easy dealing with him being an Avenger, making his Iron Man suits. I think he's wanted this life for awhile, but he felt like it wasn't possible. There was still too much he needed to do, and the Avengers weren't done. This isn't how any of us wanted to retire, but maybe it was the only way we would."

"If you and Steve need anything, you know we're here, right?" Pepper asked. "You're welcome to come up to stay if you need a week away from the city. You're always welcome."

"That means a lot to hear, Pepper. Thanks."

…

Morgan hugged Aspen before she left. Sunset was dying the sky a fiery orange that glistened off the snow. The snowman Aspen had helped her build was tilting to the side, hardly taller than Morgan herself. Today had been healing in a way Aspen couldn't describe. She hugged Morgan back and promised to come and visit before too long.

"I'll bring Phoenix next time," she told her. "She'd love to meet you." She hugged Pepper and then Tony before waving and walking up the ramp onto the jet. She wished she could have stayed longer, but she was missing home. Missing Steve.

She set the jet down on top of their apartment building in Brooklyn, stealth mode keeping it invisible to the naked eye. They had a deal with the owner of the building, and no one else came up to the roof, so it wouldn't be accidentally discovered. She made her way downstairs, letting herself into the apartment.

Phoenix greeted her with a merr-ow, tail straight up in the air. Aspen shrugged off her coat and scooped her up, stroking the cat's golden head.

"I'm home," she called out, kicking off her boots and shoving her feet into her waiting slippers. She relaxed, breathing in the familiar scent of the apartment. Their little electric fireplace was on, and it gave the small space a lazy warmth.

"Hey." Steve came out of their bedroom. "I was just searching for her favorite mouse. She lost it again and wouldn't let me sit down until it was found." He held out a little catnip mouse, and Phoenix blinked disinterestedly at it before turning her attention back to Aspen. Aspen leaned up to kiss Steve before setting the cat down on the couch. Steve tossed the mouse to her, and Phoenix batted at it half-heartedly before jumping down to eat her dinner.

"She likes it better when you're home," Steve said.

"I like it better when I'm home, too," Aspen said, wrapping her arms around him.

"How was it?" When Aspen had first said she was going to New Asgard and then Tony's house, he hadn't asked to come. He understood that this was something she needed to do on her own.

"It was hard but really good," she said. They sat down on the couch, Aspen leaning her head against Steve's shoulder. His hand was warm where it wrapped around her, and she found herself getting sleepy after the long trip. "Thor is...well, he's not doing fantastic. He's coping by drinking a lot. He's stopped taking care of himself like he used to. I feel so helpless knowing there's nothing I can say or do to make it better for him. He lost his mother, his father, his brother, half his people, and his entire world. He's lost so much, and he blames himself for not cutting off Thanos's head the first time. It's not his fault though. I'm just glad he's got his people there. He's got friends looking after him. But I don't think he feels he deserves anything but his own misery."

"He gave us a better chance than we would ever have had without him," Steve said quietly.

"Tony is good. I met Morgan, who's a little spitfire. I can tell they're all really happy. Tony has moved on even if none of us can fully move on from what happened. He's made a life for himself, and it's a beautiful one."

"I'm glad for him. He deserves it."

"We do, too. I don't think I realized it until I saw his little family. I know we're doing better, we're coping, but I'm not sure we've given ourselves permission to be happy again. I am happy though. I'm happy living here, I'm happy with you, I'm happy to still be alive."

Steve turned his head to kiss her forehead. "I'm happy, too," he said. "Even if we never fully move on, we can still be happy with what we still have left."

"Then let's make a pact to keep living for the future," Aspen said. "We're two of the lucky ones, and we can respect those who are gone by making the most of the life we still have."

"I'm lucky to have you," Steve told her. "I love you."

"Love you, too." She closed her eyes and let herself feel truly happy for the first time in a very long time.


	25. Hope

**22 – Hope – May 23, 2023**

"So clearly you're wrong about that because there's no way he could have defeated ten guards _and_ rescued his brother while still collecting the relic!" Aspen said emphatically.

"I think you're full of it," Steve said, smiling.

"I think you didn't watch the last episode carefully enough." Aspen crossed her arms and looked out the window. The spring air was still a little cool, but the sun shining into the car made the interior warm. They were driving up to the Avengers facility for a long overdue visit with Natasha. It felt good to argue about something as inane as the last episode of a show they'd been watching. They'd become...normal, if such a thing could be said about two former superheroes.

"I think you shouldn't have stayed up past midnight reading fan theories."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Aspen smiled to herself. She felt Steve take her hand, twining their fingers together. Everything had been perfect-or at least as perfect as it could get all things considered-between Steve and Aspen. Two years had gone by since she'd returned to stay with Steve, and they had only grown stronger since. They were never going to be a normal couple, but they'd achieved as close to normal as they could. Steve was still holding his grief sessions because no one was over the Snap. Aspen had been traveling more to repair the damage caused during the Snap with her powers, and she had started several fundraisers to help victims. They did what they could and even if it was never enough, they were moving on the best they could. Aspen and Steve had gone to visit Tony a few times, and the two men had started making their own reparations even if things were still a little tense. Clint was calling less and less, and Aspen was worried about him. He'd visited for Christmas the year before, spending a few days with Aspen and Steve before leaving again. It was a difficult time of the year for all of them, but it had been better together.

"I'm worried about Nat," Aspen said after a pause in conversation. "She's just holed up at the facility by herself most of the time. It's not good for her."

Steve sighed. "I know. I'm not sure we can say anything to convince her to change that. She's taken over since the Snap. It's how she copes."

"I know… I just worry."

Steve squeezed her hand. "Well, we'll try to cheer her up when we get there. It's hard to feel down when you're around."

"You're sweet." She couldn't help the grin that spread over her face. Being around Steve had always been a balm to her. She was always happiest at his side, and they had spent more time than ever together in the last couple years. They'd even broached the topic of trying to have another child, but somehow Aspen couldn't bring herself to think of bringing another baby into the world when Mara should have been there. They left it at a maybe for the future with a promise to each other that neither would press it.

Aspen let out a gasp as they started crossing the Hudson River, rolling down her window and practically hanging her head out.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Steve asked, tugging on her hand.

"Look!" Aspen said. "There's a pod of whales down there!"

Sure enough, she saw several tailfins sink below the surface of the water and before giant heads emerged, blowholes spraying water. "Wow, that's amazing. I've never seen a whale before."

"Water's cleaner without all the ships," Steve said. They fell silent after that. It was nice to see nature returning to places humans had taken over, but the reason for it reminded them of everything they had lost.

Now, when they visited the old Avengers facility upstate, Aspen didn't feel a pang of regret for her previous home. Brooklyn had become home, and they were thinking of buying a house in a nice neighborhood. There was nothing wrong with the one bedroom apartment they currently resided in, but it felt like a step in the right direction.

Aspen looked over at Steve, smiling at the contented look on his face. Despite their world being turned upside down, they had come out all right in the end. They'd fallen into their new routine, and Aspen felt like she was finally living the life she'd never thought she would have. Domestic life. She thought it would be boring. She'd escaped working an 8-5 office job though she didn't get paid at all for what she was doing, which was completely fine. She and Steve had enough saved to get by, and neither of them wanted pay for what they were doing. There was something safe about routine, and Aspen loved taking turns cooking, she loved doing inane things like vacuuming and dusting. She loved binging Netflix shows and playing board games on the weekends with Steve. She found she only barely missed the thrill of being an Avenger. Every once in awhile she would get an itch to go do something as Lady America, but she contented herself with helping repair damage around the area.

The world was hanging on without a team of superheroes to keep it safe. She wasn't sure if anyone still had faith in heroes anyway.

The Avengers facility looked deserted from the outside. It was a far cry from what it had been years ago, and Aspen found it lonely. She still remembered a time when it had been bustling with life. Now, it seemed that nothing was bustling with life. City streets still bore signs of the Snap, constant reminders of the people who had disappeared that day five years before. Sometimes Aspen couldn't quite believe it had been that long ago. She still remembered that moment in time like it was yesterday. Whenever she thought about it, about standing helpless as Thanos had snapped his fingers, all six stones in the infinity gauntlet lighting up, her knees grew weak and she began to tremble uncontrollably. Then her memories turned to her family and finding their ashes, three neat little piles, the only thing left of her daughter, her mother, and her aunt.

"Hey, you okay?" Steve asked, jolting out of her thoughts. She hadn't realized she'd been gazing off into the distance, miles away.

"Yeah," she said, giving him a quick smile. "Fine."

They found Natasha inside looking somber over a sandwich. She wasn't wearing any makeup, and her hair was a mixture of blonde and red where the dye hadn't yet faded. She looked like she was about to cry, which was something Aspen had rarely seen. Nat didn't cry. Not in front of people at least. A pair of ballet flats lay on one of the chairs around the table. It was something from her past that hearkened back to the Red Room and her days as an assassin. She hadn't danced much when they'd all been living together as a team, and Aspen wondered why she'd started dancing again now.

"You know, I'd offer to cook you dinner but you seem pretty miserable already," Steve said. Natasha wiped away her tears, smiling weakly up at Steve and Aspen.

"He's not giving himself enough credit," Aspen said. "He makes a killer butter on toasted white bread." Steve threw her an annoyed look, but she knew he wasn't really annoyed. She smirked at him. Neither of them were brilliant cooks, to be honest, but they'd made a pact to start putting more effort into their meals rather than always doing what was quick and easy.

"How are you, Nat?" Aspen asked, pulling out a chair and sitting down.

"Clearly just fine," Natasha said, smiling through her tears.

"We saw a pod of whales when we were coming up the bridge," Steve said. It had brightened Aspen's day, and she could tell he was trying to brighten Nat's day, too.

"In the Hudson?" she asked, surprised.

"There's fewer ships, cleaner water."

"You know, if you're about to tell me to look on the bright side. Um...I'm about to hit you in the head with a peanut butter sandwich," Natasha said, tilting her head to the side and giving Steve a teasing smile.

"Sorry. Force of habit." Steve took his jacket off and sat down next to Aspen. "You know, I keep telling people they should move on and...grow. Some do. But not us," he said, meeting Natasha's eyes.

"If I move on, who does this?" Natasha asked. Aspen felt a twinge of guilt for not doing more to help. For her, trying to move on meant separating herself from the Avengers. They weren't really a team anymore. She knew Rhodey was off on missions, and Rocket, Nebula, and Captain Marvel were out in the universe helping other planets that had suffered the same fate as Earth. But Natasha was the one staying in contact with everyone, keeping up to date on everything.

"Maybe it doesn't need to be done," Steve told her gently.

Natasha's eyes went distant. "I used to have nothing," she told them. "And then I got this. This job...this family. And I was...I was better because of it. And even though...they're gone...I'm still trying to be better."

Aspen reached a hand across the table to squeeze hers, and Natasha gave her a sad smile. "You're the best of us taking over like this, keeping everything in order. But you need to take care of yourself, too."

"I, uh, heard about Clint," Natasha said, sitting back in her chair and trying to keep her face calm. Aspen could tell how upset she was about Clint's absence. About what he was doing to cope. Aspen felt guilty for not stopping him. He'd gone back to a life he'd sworn to never return to, and she had just enabled him.

"Where is he?" she asked. Nat had heard _about_ Clint, not _from_ him. _What's he done now?_ might have been a better question.

"Mexico. Took out a gang. Left a lot of bodies." She said the words clinically, but Aspen could tell her voice was about to break. Her best friend was hurting, and Aspen knew Natasha would give anything to be out there tracking him down, helping him.

"I-" Aspen was interrupted by a voice on a recorded message that popped up showing the front gate of the facility. "Who's that?" she asked.

" _Ant-Man?_ " the man was saying. " _I know you know that. I need to talk to you guys._ "

They exchanged glances, and Aspen's heartbeat sped up. "Wasn't Scott Lang one of those who disappeared?" she asked. But there he was, standing right at the front doors to the facility. How on earth was that possible?

…

"So you're basically saying we can go back?" Aspen asked. Scott had just finished explaining a complicated theory about quantum physics that Aspen had surprisingly followed with relative ease. Her days studying science in college and years spent around Tony and Bruce were coming back to her. "We can go back in time and change what happened." Her voice trembled. "Theoretically, we could bring everyone back?" Scott had explained that he had been trapped in a place called the Quantum Realm for the five years since the Snap. To him, it had felt like five hours. Somehow, he'd been brought back and now he was telling them there might be a way to go back and change what had happened.

"There might be a way. Who do we talk to about this?"

They needed a way to channel the Quantum Realm. To channel time. Essentially, Scott was proposing they build a time machine. Aspen had sat down several minutes ago, her feet no longer capable of holding her upright. Did she dare hope? Did she dare even put thought to it? Was there a chance they could bring Mara back? And everyone else? She'd put her faith in false hope before, but she couldn't help the hope burning inside of her at Scott's words. There might be a way.

"Tony," Steve said after a pause. "If anyone would know, it's Tony."

"Would he help?" Nat asked, glancing at Steve.

"I don't know." Steve looked at Aspen, his eyes thoughtful.

"Not if it puts his family at risk," Aspen said.

"Would it though?" Steve asked. "I wouldn't ask him to go back in time if that was even a possibility. But he could help build it."

"It's worth a try," Natasha said. "We have to at least try."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Aspen asked. "Let's go ask him." She met Steve's eyes and saw a similar hope there-and a similar caution. Usually when something sounded too good to be true, it was.

"Do you really think this is possible?" Aspen asked him as Natasha went to change and Scott went to raid the fridge for something more substantial than Nat's uneaten sandwich.

"It's something more than we had before," he said. "But if it doesn't work…"

"Then there's nothing lost," Aspen finished his thought. "We've already lost Mara. We can't lose her again. But we can do everything within our power to try to get her back."

…

Steve drove them farther upstate to where Tony's cabin was. Aspen wished it were just a normal visit. Whatever Tony's reaction, there was bound to be some tension. Steve's arms were tense as they gripped the wheel, and she put a hand on his leg, trying to reassure him.

Scott had chatted almost incessantly in the back seat for the first twenty minutes of the drive but had finally picked up on the tension and quieted down. Aspen appreciated his cheery optimism, but she was too nervous to start up a conversation.

"You have a daughter, right?" she asked him, suddenly remembering what little she knew of him. "Is she…?"

"She's fine," Scott said. "Grown up now."

"That must have been such a shock."

"Yeah, it was. I wish I could have been there for those five years, but all things considered, we're pretty lucky. Hope...my girlfriend...she wasn't as lucky."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, hopefully we can get her back. And everyone else," Scott said optimistically.

When they reached the cabin, Aspen was tapping her foot incessantly against the floor of the car. She was so worried Tony would say it wasn't possible, so worried it would be over before it even began. They didn't have to wait long. Tony was walking with Morgan back to the cabin when they pulled up. He looked up at the familiar black Audi. When he saw not just Aspen getting out but Steve, Natasha, and Scott, he gave a resigned sigh before inviting them up onto the porch for a drink.

"Aspen!" Morgan threw herself at Aspen, and Aspen picked her up, hugging her tightly. "You're getting so big!" Morgan had celebrated her fifth birthday, and Aspen had sent her a stuffed alpaca. Morgan was shy around the others and rejoined Tony who shooed her into the house so they could talk.

"You remember Scott?" Steve said as way of introduction between Tony and Scott.

"I remember him quite vividly," Tony said. "Like that one time he shrank down really small and wreaked havoc on my suit? Fun times."

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that," Scott said, giving Tony an apologetic smile.

"Water under the bridge. What brings you all here?" Tony asked, taking a seat. Pepper brought out a pitcher of iced tea and some glasses, smiling at Aspen and the others before returning to the house. Aspen didn't miss the furrow of worry on her brow. This was clearly a business visit.

"We might have a way to get everyone back," Steve told Tony. "A way to reverse what happened." He turned to Scott who explained his theory of the Quantum Realm and how they might be able to harness that chaos and control it.

"Now, we know what it sounds like," Scott said when he was done explaining. Tony had been quiet throughout the whole story, which was unusual for him. Aspen was watching his face, twisting her fingers nervously in her lap as she waited for his response.

"Tony," Steve said, "after everything you've seen, is anything really impossible?"

Aspen had thought nothing was impossible until they'd been beaten by Thanos. She just had to hope this crazy theory wasn't impossible. Scott was here for a reason and, against all odds, he might have a solution.

"Quantum fluctuation messes with the Planck Scale, which then triggers the Deutsch Proposition. Can we agree on that?" Tony asked.

"We might if we knew what the hell that meant," Aspen said a little more snippily than she'd meant. Tony refilled Steve's glass, giving Aspen a look.

"In Layman's terms, it means you're not coming home."

"I did," Scott protested.

Aspen's heart sank just a little, but Tony wasn't outright saying it wouldn't work.

"No, you accidentally survived. It's a billion to one cosmic fluke. And now you wanna pull of a… What do you call it?"

"A time heist?" Scott suggested. When he said it that way, it sounded like a joke, and Aspen deflated a little.

"Yeah, a time heist. Of course, why didn't we think of this before? Oh, because it's laughable? Because it's a pipedream?" Tony was getting warmed up, but Aspen cut him off.

"If there's even the smallest chance we can fix this, are we really going to ignore it?" she asked. Tony looked at her, and she saw both resolution and sympathy in his eyes. "If there's even the smallest chance I can bring her back, shouldn't I at least try?"

"The Stones are in the past," Scott said. "We can go back and get them."

"We can snap our own fingers. We can bring everyone back," Natasha added. It sounded so easy when she said it like that, but was anything ever that easy? There were consequences for playing god, so what price would they have to pay if they snapped their fingers?

"Or screw it up worse than he already has, right?" Tony said.

"I don't believe we would," Steve told him. Did he really know that though? Did any of them? Tony was the smartest person Aspen knew, and he wasn't telling them it would work. He wasn't really telling them it wouldn't work though either.

"Gotta say, sometimes I miss that giddy optimism. However, high hopes won't help if there's no logical, tangible way for me to safely execute said time heist. I believe the most likely outcome would be our collective demise."

The only thing worse than failing to bring everyone back would be to fail at bringing them back _and_ die trying. Or worse, kill off all the survivors of the Snap.

"Not if we strictly follow the rules of time travel. That means no talking to our past selves, no betting on sporting events-" Scott started.

Tony gave him a sharp look. "I'm gonna stop you right there, Scott. Are you seriously telling me that your plan to save the universe is based on Back to the Future?"

"No," Scott said, looking embarrassed.

"Good. You had me worried there. 'Cause that'd be horse shit. That's not how quantum physics works."

"Tony...we have to take a stand," Natasha said, looking determined.

"We did take a stand," he said. "And yet, here we are."

It hurt, but it was the honest truth. If they stood again, would they fall just as far? Lose just as much? "The day we quit taking a stand is the day we accept defeat," Aspen said.

"You've already lost so much. Are you willing to lose more?" Tony asked her, his tone hard but gentle.

"I know you've got a lot on the line," Scott said, turning Tony's attention back to him. "You've got a wife, a daughter. But I lost someone very important to me. A lot of people did." His voice grew more determined. "And now, now we have a chance to bring her back. To bring everyone back. And you're telling me that you won't even…"

"That's right, Scott. I won't even. I've got a kid." He turned back to Aspen. "I can't risk her."

Morgan came running up to Tony, who picked her up. "Mommy told me to come and save you," she said, giving Scott, Steve, and Natasha a scrutinizing look.

"Good job. I'm saved," Tony said. He turned back to them. "I wish you'd come here to ask me something else. Anything else. Honestly, I...I missed you guys, it was…" He couldn't seem to get the words out, but Aspen understood what he meant.

"Tony, I get it," Steve spoke up. "And I'm happy for you, I really am," he said, nodding toward Morgan. "But this is a second chance." His eyes were pleading. If things had gone differently, they might be here so that Mara and Morgan could have a play date, not so they could discuss making a time machine to travel back and defeat Thanos.

"I got my second chance right here, Cap. I can't roll the dice again." He turned to Aspen. "I'm sorry." She should be mad, but she understood. Would she risk Mara if she were in his shoes? "If you don't talk shop, you can stay for lunch," he said.

He went into the house and, after a pause, Scott and Natasha got up to join him. "We'll be in in a minute," Steve told them. He turned to Aspen when they were alone. Aspen hadn't realized she'd started crying until she turned to Steve and found him blurry. He took her hand.

"This doesn't mean we can't try," he told her. "It just means he won't help."

"And who's going to invent a time machine without him?" Aspen asked, letting out a humorless laugh. "Us?"

"Maybe. What about your abilities?"

"Because they've been so useful in the past." She didn't mean to sound so sarcastic, but she was feeling hopeless again. "I wouldn't know where to start. Even if I studied quantum physics, even if I used my abilities to become an expert, it doesn't mean I could put it all together into something cohesive. Scott knows a lot about the Quantum Realm, but he's not sure of how to harness that power and control it. I would need some other knowledge, but I don't know what."

"It's okay. We'll figure out something else," Steve told her.

"Tony was right, you are giddily optimistic. But thank you. That's what I needed to hear." She smiled, wiping away her tears before standing. They walked hand in hand inside where Morgan insisted Aspen sit next to her at the table. It was a tight fit but, true to their word, they didn't broach the subject again, and it was a pleasant enough lunch.

When they left, Tony pulled Aspen aside for a moment. "Pen, I'm sorry. I know what this means to you. If I thought it would work and you'd all come back safe and sound, I'd consider it. But risking Morgan and risking all of you when there's no telling if it would actually work…"

"I understand," Aspen told him. "Really. You're not saying you won't help because you don't want me to get Mara back, you're saying you don't want to risk Morgan. I don't either." But was she still willing to go behind Tony's back if they found a way? Only if they were sure, she told herself. Only if they knew Morgan would be safe.

"He's scared," Natasha said after Aspen had rejoined them at the car.

"He's not wrong," Steve said, glancing back at the house. "He's got a lot he could lose."

"Yeah, but I mean, what are we gonna do?" Scott asked. "We need him. What, are we gonna stop?"

"No, I wanna do it right," Steve said after a moment. "We're gonna need a really big brain."

"Bigger than his?" Scott asked indignantly, pointing at Tony's house.

Steve and Aspen glanced at each other and said the name in unison. "Bruce Banner."


	26. Back to the Future

**23 – Back to the Future– May 24th, 2023**

Seeing Bruce for the first time in years was not what Steve had expected. It had been disappointing not getting a positive reaction from Tony the day before, but Steve wasn't really surprised. It hurt that he wouldn't help when he knew what Steve and Aspen had lost, but he understood for the very same reason. Bruce was the next best hope, but Bruce was not looking particularly...Bruce-like at the moment.

They'd arranged to meet up with Bruce the next day for lunch at a cafe, but Steve had not expected to find Bruce looking quite so Hulk-like. It was as if he'd combined their personas so that he looked like the Hulk but spoke like Bruce. And he was wearing glasses. And a shirt.

Aspen was openly gawking, so Steve nudged her in the side. She snapped her jaw shut and threw him a bewildered look.

"Take a seat, take a seat," Bruce said, motioning for them to one of the booths inside the cafe. Everyone seemed familiar with Bruce here, and he was brought a large stool to sit on in the aisle. Steve slid in next to Aspen who was still staring at Bruce.

"The usual?" a waiter asked, coming up to their table.

"Please!" Bruce said. "You guys want anything?"

"Just some water, please," Steve said. They hadn't come to eat and chat, but Bruce seemed oblivious to their serious demeanor.

"How have you been Bruce?" Aspen asked. Steve could tell she had so many other questions, but she kept them to herself for now.

"Great, really great," he said, and he sounded genuine. "So, you said you guys had something important to talk about."

"We do," Steve said, glancing at the others. "Scott thinks there might be a way to go back, to change things and get everybody back."

"What like time travel?" Bruce asked, looking doubtful.

"Exactly time travel," Scott said enthusiastically. "Like a time travel do-over."

"We already talked to Tony, but he's not going to help us on this," Steve said.

"So, how are you going to pull this off?" Bruce asked. Steve turned to Scott who reiterated his story of being trapped in the Quantum Realm for five years and how he thought they might be able to control it and go back in time.

They broke off discussion as Bruce's food was delivered-heaping plates of eggs, sausage, and some breakfast burritos the radius of Steve's arm. "Come on, I feel like I'm the only one eating," Bruce said after he dug in. He pushed the plate toward them. "Try some of that. Have some eggs." Aspen's hand darted out to steal a piece of sausage.

It was Scott's turn to gawk at Bruce. "I'm so confused," he said.

"These are confusing times," Bruce said, not understanding what Scott was getting at. It was a shock seeing him accept the Hulk as a part of him after fighting him for so many years. It had rarely been an amenable cohabitation, though they'd learned to work better together in the last few years the team had been together.

"Right. No, no that's not what I meant," Scott amended.

"No, I get it. I'm kidding!" Bruce told him, his tone so much less serious than Steve was used to. Bruce had always been one of the more serious members of the team. He'd always kept a level head when Tony came out with some of his crazier ideas. This was a new side to him. "I know. It's crazy. I'm wearing shirts now." Not exactly the most shocking revelation to come out of all this, but it was new. Steve wanted to get them back on track, but he didn't want to trip up Bruce's good mood.

"Yeah!" Scott said with bewildered enthusiasm. "Wh...How? Why?"

"Five years ago, we got our asses beaten. Except it was worse for me. Because I lost twice. First, Hulk lost, then Banner lost. Then, we all lost."

"No one blamed you, Bruce," Natasha said.

"We were all too busy blaming ourselves," Aspen muttered, tapping her fingers against her glass of water.

"I did," Bruce said. "For years, I've been treating the Hulk like he's some kind of disease, something to get rid of. But then I started looking at him as the cure. Eighteen months in a gamma lab. I put the brains and the brawn together. And now look at me. Best of both worlds…"

Aspen and Scott looked as if they still had questions, exchanging quizzical looks. Aspen opened her mouth to put one of her questions into words but before she had the chance to ask it, three kids came up behind Bruce exchanging nervous glances.

"Excuse me, Mr. Hulk?" a girl asked in a small voice.

"Yes?" Bruce returned with a smile. He seemed so at ease in his own skin now. In the past, he had been considered a monster by the government, and children would never have gotten this close to him. At the best of times, he was somewhat approachable as the Hulk, and at the worst…

"Can we get a photo?" the girl asked. As Bruce asked Scott to take the photo, Aspen nudged Steve's arm.

"It's like we're invisible," she whispered. "We're boring now. Civilians. We can blend into society and never be seen again."

Steve rolled his eyes at her. "I thought you hated having your photo taken."

"Oh, I do. This is a dream come true. No one remembers us anymore. We're down there with heroes like Garbage Bag Man and Doctor Muscle Arms."

"It's a good thing you never came up with a superhero name for yourself after all. You're terrible at it."

Aspen took a sip of her water, quirking an eyebrow. "Says the man who wore spandex booty shorts for a time."

"I'm going to kill Tony for finding those old posters," Steve muttered.

He tuned back into the conversation in time to hear the kids soundly rejecting Scott's offer to take a photo with him. "Don't worry, Scott," Aspen told him. "We'll take a picture together later. The reject heroes. May we go down in the hall of shame."

They'd diverted long enough, and Steve decided it was time to get back to discussing their plan. "Bruce. Bruce." He had to say his name twice to get his attention back on them. He clearly loved being a recognized hero, a loved hero. It was fair after all this time, but right now wasn't the time for attention from fans.

"About what we were saying," he said when Bruce finally turned his attention back to them.

"Right. The whole time travel do-over? Guys, it's outside my area of expertise."

Steve felt his heart sink. "Well, you pulled this off," Natasha said, nodding to Bruce's combined Hulk and Banner persona. "I remember a time when that seemed pretty impossible, too."

Bruce looked between them, and Steve could see him deliberating. "Okay, okay. What have we got to lose?" He finally said. "It's worth a shot. If Tony won't help you, I will."

"That's great, Bruce. Thank you," Steve told him, feeling heartened for the first time since Tony had shot down their plan.

"We've gotta at least try, right?" Bruce said. He lifted his fork in a sort of salute before shoving a wad of scrambled eggs into his mouth. "Really, you guys should try some of this. They make a mean breakfast."

Aspen shrugged, grabbing an extra fork and dipping into the eggs.

The Avengers compound was busy again. With the arrival of Bruce, everything propelled into motion. Aspen tried to keep out of the way as much as possible unless they needed her for anything. Bruce relegated tasks while Scott worked with him on the quantum physics. Steve tended to hover like a worried parent. On their third day of working on their time machine (which was oddly being built in the back of Scott's beat up van), Aspen found Natasha beating up on a punching bag like it was Thanos come back to life.

"What'd that punching bag ever do to you?" she asked, leaning up against the wall. Natasha paused to wipe her brow with her wrist.

"Just...wondering if this is all going to work. Realizing we can't get those five years back. Can't...can't avoid certain things."

"Like Clint going AWOL?" Neither of them had heard from him in ages. He hadn't kept in touch with Natasha the way he'd kept in contact with Aspen. Aspen knew that hurt Natasha, but she also knew Clint was too ashamed to talk to Natasha right now. She knew about his past better than anyone. He'd been given a second chance by SHIELD as had Natasha. He'd redeemed himself for his past, but what he'd been doing for the last five years… Aspen was ashamed of what she'd done, of letting herself go down that path. She understood why she had but looking back, it was a poor way of handling it. She'd abandoned her friends and Steve and for what? To feel better? She certainly hadn't accomplished that. She knew it was a slippery slope, and Clint was still sliding.

"He's never gonna forgive himself." Natasha punched the bag one more time.

"We all have to forgive ourselves at some point," Aspen said. "Even if we don't really believe we deserve redemption." She sighed. "What we all did after Thanos...it wasn't really us. No one just moves on after something like that. We...we break, we try to rebuild ourselves in the only way we know how and sometimes…sometimes we build something we don't recognize, something we don't like. Then we have to start all over again."

"If we could get his family back…" Natasha turned her eyes to Aspen, and Aspen saw they were damp.

"Then he would have a reason to move on from his mistakes, a reason to be the man we both know him to be again."

"I just hope it's not too late. I hope...I hope we really do have a chance and this isn't just another dead end."

"Is false hope better than no hope?" She didn't know the answer to that. She'd already hurt more than she ever thought she could. She hadn't allowed the ember of hope to turn into a spark yet.

"I don't know."

"Well, between Bruce's brains and Steve's determination, we've got to get somewhere, right?" Aspen said, trying to summon up some of Steve's optimism.

"Right." Natasha set aside her gloves, offering Aspen a hopeful smile. "How are they doing out there?"

Aspen shrugged. "Looks like semi-organized chaos to me. I studied astrophysics in college, but this is beyond me."

"If it does work, can we really fix this?" Natasha asked.

Aspen closed her eyes, imagining it. A do-over. A second chance. "It's not going to be easy," she said. "It will be the hardest thing we've ever done because we have already done it, and we failed. But we know things we didn't know then. We can go in better prepared. I just...I don't know how we'll do it. I guess we'll get to that step later." She felt a pulse of fear in her veins at the thought of going back. "Why don't we go see how they're doing?"

Natasha nodded and followed Aspen out to the hangar where Bruce was building the machine. It didn't look like much of anything at this point, mostly schematics and pieces of metal strewn about, but it wasn't something they were going to throw together in a day or even a week. Aspen was anxious-anxious that it would work, anxious that it wouldn't work. She wanted to somehow speed the whole process up, but she also dreaded it, dreaded what might go wrong.

"Kind of feels like old times, doesn't it?" Aspen asked as she and Natasha entered the hangar. Bruce was directing Scott while Steve watched, arms crossed.

"Missing a few players, but I'm glad you guys are here," Natasha said. Steve turned at their voices.

"How's it going?" Aspen asked him.

"I'm honestly not entirely sure," Steve told them. "I think well?"

"Well, nothing's on fire, so I guess that's a positive sign. Do we have an estimation on how long until it's done?" It seemed like something that would take a decade or two to make, but with Bruce and Scott working on it, Aspen thought it might cut down the time significantly.

"Three weeks if everything goes as expected," Bruce called out.

Three weeks. It was sooner than Aspen had expected. She didn't know if she was relieved or terrified. Perhaps both. She wished she had Phoenix there to purr in her ear and make her feel as if everything was going to be all right, but she had left a neighbor in charge of her, not wanting the cat to be in the middle of the chaos. She put a hand to her stomach, nausea rising as she thought of going back, of facing Thanos again. Despite the openness of the hangar, she felt the walls closing in on her. She needed fresh air, needed to get out of there. As Natasha went to speak with Bruce, Aspen darted for the door, breathing in deeply when she got outside. She leaned against the wall, taking steady breaths to quell the nausea. She felt as if she couldn't get enough oxygen in her lungs, like something was squeezing around her ribcage.

"Aspen?" Steve had followed her outside.

"I feel like I can't breathe," she choked out, wrapping her arms around herself. "Why can't I breathe?"

She felt Steve's arms circle her, warm, protective. "You're okay. You're safe. Just breathe." She relaxed at his touch, leaning back into him.

"I feel better," Aspen said after a moment, her frantic breaths slowing. The tension on her ribs let up, and she didn't feel so ill. "I don't know what just happened."

"I think you just had a panic attack," Steve suggested gently. He ushered her to the stone bench outside the hangar, and they sat together. "What was going through your mind when you started feeling that way?"

"What is this, a grief session?" Aspen asked with a wry smile.

"Humor me." She could hear the concern in his voice and felt bad for teasing him.

"I was thinking about going back. About facing Thanos again. When Scott first showed up and proposed his crazy idea, I was so excited. It was this incredible miracle, this second chance that we never thought we'd get. But now that we're close...now that we're actually doing this...I'm terrified. I feel this viceral terror when I think of going back. What if we mess up again? What if Thanos wins again and everyone else dies? I want this to work so badly, but all I can think about is what happens if it doesn't?"

"We're all scared. You're not alone in that. I've been having nightmares about that day five years ago when we lost. I have nightmares where we lose again, nightmares where I lose you."

This was the first time he had voiced that aloud. "I didn't realize." She took his hand and now she didn't know who was comforting who.

"I try not to think about them. They don't matter. What matters is that we're going to do everything we can to make things right, to bring Mara back. She needs us to be strong."

"What if I can't be?" What if she had another panic attack? What if she broke down when it counted the most?

"You can be," Steve told her. "For everything you've gone through, I've always seen you get back up. This time is no different."

She nodded, letting his words calm her. "Okay." She met his gaze, met those blue eyes that always made her feel like everything was going to be all right. "I can do this. We can do this."

"Then let's get back in there," Steve said. He kept his hand in hers as they went back inside. Three weeks. Three weeks and they could start testing the machine. Three weeks and they would be that much closer to seeing Mara again. She didn't ask what it might cost them. After all they'd lost, she didn't dare ask what more they might lose even if they won.


	27. Playing With Time

**24 – Playing with Time – June 18th, 2023**

"Is this going to work?" Aspen was holding onto Steve's arm tightly enough to hurt, but Steve didn't pull away. He was feeling just as nervous as she was. He thought maybe they all were. Today was the day they tested the time machine Bruce and Scott had built and though they were all feeling optimistic, Steve was braced for disappointment.

"I hope so," he told Aspen, glancing at her. She was biting her lip, green eyes filled with worry. "Hey." He gently tipped her chin toward him so she would meet his eyes. "Whatever happens, we're closer than ever to getting her back."

Aspen nodded. "I guess I'd just feel a little more confident if the time machine wasn't in the back of a stalker van."

Steve smiled at that. "I mean, do we ever do anything the traditional route?" Aspen frowned and shook her head.

"I suppose not."

"Okay, here we go," Bruce said, working the control panel with his big, green fingers. "Time travel test number one. Scott, fire up the uhhh...the van thing."

"Van thing…" Aspen muttered under her breath. "I'm not sure I can watch this." She put a hand over her face. Steve kissed her cheek and pulled away from her to help. Not that he had a particularly clear idea about how any of this worked, but he could press buttons or grab for a fire extinguisher if necessary.

"Breakers are set, emergency generators are on standby," he said. They had no idea what kind of power surge this was going to take, but if Steve was going to go out on a limb he would say a lot.

"Good," Bruce said. "'Cause if we blow the grid, I don't wanna lose Tiny here in the 1950s." He pointed at Scott.

"Excuse me?" Scott gave Bruce an alarmed look, and Aspen groaned.

"He's kidding," Natasha said, looking up from her tablet with a forced smile. "You can't say things like that!" she hissed at Bruce.

"Just… It was a bad joke," Bruce muttered.

"You _were_ kidding, right?" Natasha whispered, looking more worried than she had a minute ago. Steve looked between them as Scott prepared himself feeling his own nerves twisting his stomach. This had the potential to go really, really wrong.

"I have no idea," Bruce whispered back. "We're talking about time travel here. Either it's all a joke, or none of it is."

"So if we were to throw out a percentage here of say, how confident we are that Scott is coming back…" Aspen said.

"Ah, 85 percent or maybe...you know what, it's gonna work," Bruce told them. Aspen didn't look convinced and Steve was feeling quite a few reservations of his own.

Bruce gave Scott a thumbs up. "We're good! Get your helmet on, Scott. I'm gonna send you back a week, let you walk around for an hour, then bring you back in 10 seconds. Make sense?"

"Perfectly not confusing," Scott called.

"It's been really nice knowing you, Scott," Aspen said, and Steve elbowed her.

"Good luck, Scott. You got this," he said, hoping that was true.

Scott beamed at him. "You're right. I do, Captain America." Aspen coughed to disguise a laugh.

Bruce pushed a button on the panel, and Scott disappeared into the Quantum Tunnel. Aspen slipped her hand into Steve's, and he could feel her trembling.

"He'll be okay," he told her, though he didn't know that for sure. So much hope rested on this moment.

"On the count of three. 3...2...1!" Bruce pressed a button and Scott reappeared. But...it wasn't the Scott who'd disappeared a moment before.

"Is that...?" Aspen tilted her head at the figure. He was dressed in the Ant-Man suit, but it wasn't the Scott they knew.

"Uh, guys," he said. "This...this doesn't feel right."

"What is this?" Steve asked. Clearly something had gone wrong.

"Is that a _teenage_ Scott?" Aspen asked.

"Yes, it's Scott!" teenage Scott said indignantly.

"That wasn't supposed to happen!" Aspen told Bruce, though Steve was sure Bruce already knew that. "We can't fight Thanos as our teenage selves! We're the Avengers not the freaking Power Rangers!"

"Hold on!" Bruce scrambled with the controls, clearly panicking, which did not instill confidence.

Scott disappeared again before reappearing-this time as an old man. "Ow! My back!" he said.

"What is _this_?" Steve demanded. This wasn't any better because they were certainly not defeating Thanos as elderly versions of themselves. Aspen had her face in her hands again.

"Can I get a little space here?" Bruce asked, pressing buttons here and there with desperation.

"Yeah yeah," Steve backed off, pulling Aspen with him to give Bruce space. "Can you bring him back?" Preferably the same age as when he'd first left them.

"I'm working on it!" Bruce continued tapping buttons. He slapped the monitor a few times as if that would fix the problem. Scott vanished and then reappeared again.

Steve had to blink a few times to take in Scott's newest appearance. "It's a baby." He wasn't even surprised at this point.

"Oh my god…" Aspen shook her head. "This is a disaster."

"It's Scott," Bruce defended.

"As a baby!" Steve retorted, motioning toward baby Scott.

"He'll grow."

"Bring Scott back!" They were _not_ making him grow up again.

Bruce motioned to Natasha. "When I say kill the power, kill the power."

Natasha rushed off muttering, "Oh my god," under her breath. She stopped at the generator and waited for Bruce's command.

"And...kill it!"

Natasha pulled the lever. Scott disappeared once more and came back-thankfully-as the Scott they knew this time.

"Somebody peed my pants," Scott said, standing stiffly and looking mildly traumatized. This had been a terrible idea.

"Oh, thank god," Natasha said, putting a hand over her heart.

"But I don't know if it was 'baby' me or 'old' me...or just 'me' me."

Bruce threw his arms open. "Time travel!"

Steve couldn't process any of this right now. He shook his head and walked toward the doors needing some fresh air and some space to think.

"What?" Bruce called after him. "I see this as an absolute win!"

Aspen caught up to him, saying nothing. He knew she must be feeling the same disappointment he was.

"Well, that wasn't a total failure, I suppose," she finally said with a sigh.

"It certainly wasn't a total success." Or a success at all, really. _He_ certainly didn't know how to fix it. They were completely reliant on Bruce, and this wasn't his area of expertise. It wasn't _anyone's_ area of expertise. It hadn't been done before. Maybe it couldn't be done at all and they were naive to think they could do it.

"We're closer than we were yesterday," Aspen offered, twisting a strand of her hair around her finger in a distracted way.

"Now who's the optimist?" Steve asked, grateful she was here. He couldn't imagine going through this if she were still gone. He didn't always feel optimistic, but she gave him hope.

"I mean, he could still be a baby," she said wrapping her arms around him and tipping her head back to look up at him.

"That would be awkward."

Aspen stood on tiptoe to kiss him. "It's going to be okay," she said, and he believed her.

Off in the distance, a rumbling caught their attention as a car tore toward them. "I only know one person who drives like that," Aspen said, voice tinged with disbelief. They exchanged a hopeful look and stepped foward as the car came closer. It braked to a stop a few feet ahead of them and then backed up so that the driver's side window was level with Steve and Aspen. Tony rolled down the window.

"Why the long faces?" he asked. "Let me guess: he turned into a baby."

"Among other things, yeah," Steve said, trying not to think of their failure and the close call they'd had with baby Scott. "What are you doing here?"

Tony got out of the car and walked around to the back. "That's the EPR Paradox," he said, not answering Steve's question. He had no idea what the EPR Paradox was and Aspen gave him a shrug at his questioning look. Fortunately, Tony was in an explaining mood. "Instead of pushing Lang through time, you might've wound up pushing time through Lange. It's tricky. Dangerous. Someone should have cautioned you against it."

"You did," Steve said though he knew Tony was perfectly aware that he had.

"Oh, did I?" Tony asked. Now wasn't the time for making jokes, but he was so grateful Tony was here, Steve let it slide. "Thank God I'm here. Regardless, I fixed it." He showed them a device on his hand. "A fully functioning Time-Space GPS. I just want peace." He flashed the peace sign. "Turns out resentment is corrosive, and I hate it."

"Me too." It was a relief to say that, a relief to finally-hopefully-put their differences aside. Better late than never. Aspen smiled at them, and he could tell she wanted to say something but was trying really hard not to ruin the moment.

"We got a shot at getting these stones," Tony said, and Steve's relief grew. He had been so sure a minute ago that it was false hope, that they'd never perfect the time machine, never go back, never save Mara. Now, Tony was telling them they had a chance. "But I gotta tell you my priorities," Tony continued. "Bring back what we lost? I hope, yes. Keep what I got? I have to, at all costs. And...maybe not die trying will be nice."

"Sounds like a deal." Steve held out his hand and Tony took it.

Aspen couldn't seem to contain herself anymore. She threw her arms around Tony in what looked like a crushing hug. Tony reciprocated-with a little more reserve but no less affection. "Thank you," was all Aspen said, but Steve could hear the emotion in those two words.

When she pulled away, Tony popped his trunk and pulled something out. Steve felt a jolt of surprise at the sight of his shield. He hadn't held it since he'd dropped it after his fight with Tony in Russia after keeping him from killing Bucky. Tony held it out, but Steve hesitated. Did he really deserve it back after everything? It was a symbol of something he wasn't sure he could fully uphold anymore. Not when saving the world sometimes required breaking the law.

"Tony…"

"Why? He made it for you. Plus, honestly I have to get it out of the garage before Morgan takes it sledding."

Steve took the shield, sliding it over his arm. It was such a familiar weight and it took him back for a moment. "Thank you, Tony." He looked up to meet Tony's eyes. It meant the world to him to have that trust back.

"Will you keep that a little quiet? Didn't bring one for the whole team." He hesitated, glancing between Steve and Aspen. "We are getting the whole team, yeah?"

"We're working on that right now," Steve told him. "Clint's still MIA, but Natasha's been tracking him. Thor is in New Asgard. We can contact Rocket, Nebula, and Danvers."

"Rhodey's just a call away," Tony said.

There were so many missing pieces, but they had their original team back plus some of their newer members. They would get everyone else back. Now that Tony was here, Steve felt sure of it.

"All right," Tony said, gesturing toward the building. "I'll go check in with the big guy."

He left Steve and Aspen standing outside, Steve still readjusting to the comforting weight of the shield on his arm. "I think we have a chance at this," Aspen told him, smoothing a hand over the front of the shield.

"I think so, too."

Steve put the shield in his room before returning to the hangar with Aspen. Tony was consulting with Bruce, and Steve couldn't understand most of what they were saying. Aspen stuck close to him, which he appreciated. They'd been spending as much time together as possible as if each other's presence was the only thing keeping them together. Their hope felt much less tentative now that Tony was here, but he knew they were both nervous about Mara and about what they would face to get her back.

"You picking up on any of this?" Steve asked Aspen as Tony and Bruce continued to talk. Scott joined in occasionally. Natasha had disappeared, and Steve wondered if she was working on tracking Clint.

"Like 3 out of 10 words they say in every sentence," she told him. "I had a knack for science at one point, but this is so over my head. Even with the Superhero Serum, it's a stretch. Honestly, I'm happy to let them figure it out. I'm too nervous to concentrate on my powers."

Steve knew she'd been using her powers only when necessary. Her help around Brooklyn and around the state had really made a difference, but she hesitated to use her mental abilities. She'd confessed that she still had nightmares about fighting Thanos, nightmares about how her abilities hadn't been enough. Her confidence had taken a hit, and he knew she was afraid she wouldn't be enough again.

"We should let them work and start contacting people," Aspen suggested. "We're only in the way here."

"All right." They headed back to the main building and found Natasha already deeply focused.

"I think I found him," she said, glancing up at them. There was a haunted look to her eyes, and neither Steve or Aspen needed to ask who she meant. "I'm going to go after him."

"I want to come," Aspen said at once. "Please," she added at the look on Natasha's face. Steve could see the conflict in Nat's expression, but she slowly nodded.

"Okay," she said.

Aspen turned to Steve. "I need to be there. I feel like I've let him down."

"You don't have to explain yourself," Steve told her. "You didn't let him down, but I know you need to do this. Just be careful. Both of you."

"It's Clint," Aspen told him. "Whatever he's done, whoever he's become, he's still Clint."


	28. Broken Souls

**25 – Broken Souls – June 26th, 2023**

Natasha set the quinjet down on top of one of the many rain-soaked buildings in downtown Tokyo. The sky was dark and uninviting and somehow fit the mood. Natasha had updated Aspen on everything she had learned in tracking Clint-the good and the bad. The only good thing was that he was still alive. Everything else was pretty bad, though Aspen would be the last one to accuse him of killing innocents. He was still going after criminals who had killed time and time again. She knew their biggest crime was living while his family died. She had felt the same way once. Maybe she still did.

"What if he doesn't want to come with us?" she asked as she pulled her hood over her head. Natasha's green eyes were serious, her lips turned down in a frown.

"He'll want to come. This is a chance for him to get his family back, too." Natasha handed Aspen a black umbrella.

Once they reached the deserted streets, they opened their umbrellas. Aspen wiped raindrops from her face, glad for the shelter. "There are reports of an altercation two blocks from here at a nightclub. It has to be him. Yakuza involvement."

"Sounds like his M.O. these days." Taking on a yakuza gang didn't seem like something he should be doing on his own, but she knew he wasn't exactly thinking clearly these days.

The leering lights that kept the city from ever really sleeping reminded Aspen of Madripoor, of her adventures with Clint there. She missed him. She felt like she'd failed him somehow like she should have tried harder to get him to come home with her. Hell, he could have moved into their apartment and slept on the couch if it would have helped him. They turned down an alley and Aspen sucked in a breath. His face was covered, but she'd know him anywhere even as he stood with a katana over a man's dead body. He wiped the bloody sword on his sleeve before pushing back his hood and pulling the mask from his face.

"Clint…" Aspen whispered his name.

"You shouldn't be here," he said to them, his back still turned.

"Neither should you," Nat returned. He turned to look at them then, rivulets of rain running down his cheeks. The devastation on his face broke Aspen's heart.

"I've still got a job to do." His eyes landed on Aspen before he looked down again. "It's not over."

"Clint, you don't need to keep doing this," Aspen pleaded.

"Killing all these people isn't gonna bring your family back," Natasha told him, voice firm though Aspen could see the sympathy welling in her eyes.

Despite the rainwater running down Clint's face, Aspen could see tears welling in his eyes, could see the defeat in the slump of his shoulders. He was broken, lost. They had come here to bring him hope. She just hoped it was enough.

"We found something," Nat said, glancing at Aspen. "A chance, maybe…"

"Don't," Clint said, tears now running down his cheeks. Aspen felt tears running down her cheeks, too. She could feel his pain as if it were her own.

"Don't what?" Natasha asked him.

"Don't give me hope," he finished, and Aspen felt her heart breaking further.

"I'm sorry I couldn't give it to you sooner." Natasha walked up to him, reaching out to take his hand. He grasped it back. Aspen joined them, taking his other hand.

"We have a chance to bring them back," Aspen told him. "It's a work in progress, but we've got the best brains working on it." She smiled despite her tears. "Tony is there and Bruce. Steve and Scott. We're working on getting the others. In a few words, we think we invented a time machine?"

"Come on, let's get to the jet and we'll explain," Natasha said, glancing past Clint to the dead body.

He resisted for a moment as they turned to head down the alley, both still gripping his hands as if afraid to lose him. Then he nodded and let them lead him back to the jet. Aspen sat next to him in the back, holding onto his hand. He let her for the entire trip. She fell asleep after she and Natasha had caught him up on everything. The hope she'd seen in his eyes rekindled her own hope.

"We'll get them back," she told him before nodding off, head against his shoulder. It felt like getting a part of her family back, and she knew Natasha felt the same.

When the jet landed back at the Avengers facility, it really felt like coming home this time. It was a new dynamic, but with Clint at her side she felt like they could do anything. This was going to work. They were going to get everyone back. They were going to be happy again. She refused to think that it might be too late, that they had changed too much to ever go back to the way things had been.

They let Clint get cleaned up and sleep before bringing him to the others. They all needed a good night's rest, and Aspen slipped into her and Steve's bed. He was fast asleep, but he woke when she lay beside him.

"Hey," he said sleepily. "Did you find him?"

"Yeah. He's here."

"How is he?" Steve propped himself up on an elbow, eyes now alert.

Aspen didn't know how to answer that. "Broken? Hopeful? He's just like the rest of us. He was still killing when we found him. Fighting a yakuza gang, so it's not like they haven't done terrible things. He's just changed so much."

"We all have," Steve said, lying back down and pulling Aspen so that her head was rested against his chest. His steady heartbeat put her back to sleep. That night she dreamed of Mara. Of holding her and watching her grow up. She woke up feeling that surge of hope when dreams and reality blur. Then her mind sharpened and she felt the pang of loss anew.

Steve was already gone, so she forced herself to shower and dress, grabbing a muffin before heading over to the hanger. She wondered if Bruce had returned with Thor yet. She was worried about seeing Thor. It had been a few years since her visit, and he hadn't been doing too well then.

The first thing she saw was Rocket the space raccoon, who didn't like to be called a raccoon, working on the time machine, making some adjustments. "Hey, Rocket. Long time no see," she greeted him. He gave her a salute before continuing whatever he was doing. She still hadn't quite wrapped her mind around him despite everything they'd been through.

To her surprise, Clint walked toward her wearing the suit Scott had worn for their first time travel test. He looked nervous, and Aspen hurried forward toward him. "What's happening?" she asked, giving him a quick hug.

"I'm about to time travel, apparently."

The machine was complete now, and Aspen stood back to look at it. "And how do you feel about that? Was it your choice?" She thought Scott was going to test it again, but perhaps he'd had his fill of time travel for a while.

"Feeling nervous. Obviously. And yeah, I volunteered." He glanced down at her. "Scott told me the first tests didn't go quite as planned."

"Yeah, well that was before Tony got here." Aspen turned to greet the others who joined them. Bruce, Rhodey, and Nebula as well as Tony, Natasha, Steve, and… Aspen did a double-take as Thor joined them. She had to close her mouth as her jaw dropped. Thor looked nothing like the Thor she knew. He had gained significant weight, his stomach bulging. His hair was long and hung in something like dreadlocks like he hadn't bothered to brush it in years. His clothes were...she could only describe them as grungy, like something you'd wear on the weekend with drawstring sweats and a thick sweater.

"Aspen!" he said jovially, opening his arms to hug her.

She put on a bright smile and let him engulf her in his arms. He smelled of beer, and she tried to reconcile what she was seeing versus what she remembered of him. He'd gained weight last time she'd seen him. She could tell he was struggling, but seeing him like this was a complete shock. And yet she knew that it was a result of the very same thing that had caused all of them to change-their defeat in their fight against Thanos. Thor blamed himself perhaps more than any of the rest of them. He was the one who had wielded the Thanos-killer. He'd gone for the heart, not the head, and it had cost them. What she saw now was defeat, self-hate, and the results of a trauma that had rocked their entire world. She hugged him tighter.

"I missed you," she said.

"I missed you, too." He pulled back, holding her at arm's length so he could study her. "You look well."

"Thanks, Thor." She couldn't say the same, so she said, "I'm really glad you're here." She looked around the room and decided they needed each other. Apart, they fell apart. Together, they stood a chance of holding themselves together because they had someone else to hold them up when they started to fall.

"Let's get started," Tony said, and Aspen felt a surge of confidence. This was going to work.

"Good luck," she told Clint. He nodded at her as if beyond words. She could tell how nervous he was as he climbed to the platform they'd built to replace the device in the back of Scott's van. She stood next to Steve, twining her fingers around his. He squeezed her hand in response.

"All right, Clint." Bruce positioned himself by the controls. Aspen crossed her fingers on her free hand. "We're going in three...two…" He paused. Clint's helmet closed, and Aspen could see the panic on his face. "One." Clint disappeared.

Aspen tightened her grip on Steve's hand. It wasn't long before Bruce started the countdown. When Clint appeared, he was on his knees clutching something Aspen couldn't make out. They rushed up to him, Natasha getting there first. "You okay?" she asked, taking his face in her hand to examine him.

"Yeah, yeah," Clint said distractedly. Aspen saw that he was clutching a baseball glove that he had most definitely not been holding when he'd left them. And he was, thankfully, the same age as when he'd left a moment before.

"It worked," he said, looking over at them. "It worked."

Aspen let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. It had worked. They had a way back. They had a way to Mara. She turned to Steve and found him grinning. She threw her arms around his neck, laughing happily. "We're going to get her back," she said, resting her cheek against his. "We're going to win this time."

...

"I saw her, Pen, just for a second before I came back," Clint said. They were sitting on a bench outside the hangar the day after Clint's trip back in time. The baseball glove he'd brought back with him sat beside him on the bench. "Lila heard me." He smiled sadly. "What I wouldn't give to have spent five more minutes there."

"Pretty soon you'll have the rest of your life to spend with them," Aspen said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"And you'll get Mara back."

Aspen took a deep breath. "I never thought this day would come. It feels like a dream, like something that could be snatched away at any second. We know we can go back, but we still have to defeat Thanos. That's not going to be easy. Not at all."

"But we're going in knowing that. We know what not to do. And we know what we lose if we fail."

"I'm terrified, you know. I have nightmares all the time about losing Mara again, about Thanos winning again, about losing Steve and you and all the others this time. That would break me. There's no recovering from that. I mean, look at us now. We're all a mess. Tony came out all right with his family, but you and me… We went on a murder spree. Thor...Thor's lost all his self-confidence. He's stopped taking care of himself because he doesn't see anything worth caring for. Natasha put everything on her shoulders while the rest of us left to cope because it was all she had. I feel like I let everyone down. "

"You didn't."

"I know we all did what we needed to to cope. I just...I want this to be a clean slate, but can it?"

Clint sighed, leaning back. "I don't know, Pen," he said after a long pause. "All we can do is move forward. With our families back, it'll be a whole long easier."

Aspen leaned her head against his shoulder, wrapping her arm through his. "I'm so glad you're here."

Clint leaned his head against hers. "Me, too. Thanks for giving me hope."

"Now we just need to plan said time heist. No biggie." Aspen couldn't even wrap her head around what they would do. Why couldn't her nightmares turn into helpful visions? None of her visions in the past had been remotely helpful. They just spelled out certain doom and made her doubt everything.

"Well, good thing we've got the big brains plus an alien and space raccoon."

"All things considered, we've got a lot going for us," Aspen agreed. "We've got this."

"Maybe if we say that enough, we actually will have this," Clint teased and Aspen realized how much she'd been saying that the last few days.

"It's motivational," she defended. "We've gotta stay positive. You didn't come back a baby or an old man, so that's something."

"Was that a possibility?" Clint asked, lifting his head to give her a look.

"Uh, did no one tell you what happened to Scott when he first tried to go back?"

"I heard it didn't work the way it was supposed to. Nobody told me about coming back a baby or an old man!" Clint sounded so indignant that Aspen started chuckling to herself. He prodded her in the ribs. "Not funny."

"It's a little funny."

"Hey." Aspen looked up at the sound of Steve's voice. "Planning session back at base," he said. "How are you doing?" he aimed that question at Clint.

"I'm fine," Clint said. "I'm not a baby, so apparently that's something."

Aspen winced. "He didn't know about Scott," she mock-whispered to Steve.

"That was...unexpected," Steve said. "But obviously we fixed that."

Aspen grinned at Clint before hopping up to walk with Steve to the main building. Clint followed. The others were already gathered in the meeting room. There were books scattered all over the table on a variety of subjects-none of them on time travel, obviously.

Aspen sat down and flipped through one of the books. "You think you're gonna find our answer in a book?" she asked Tony.

"Maybe." He lifted a brow at her. "I thought you liked reading."

"Anything I've read on time travel was purely fiction. And I'm sure quite inaccurate at that."

"Doesn't mean there isn't something useful out there even if it is a theory," he challenged.

Aspen shrugged, setting the book aside. "Fair enough." She turned her attention to the screens where the words 'Operation: Time Heist' and 'Brainstorming Session' blazed.

Steve addressed the room like a soldier commanding an army and Aspen smiled. He was in his element leading the team again. "Okay, so the 'how' works. Now we gotta figure out the 'when' and 'where.' Almost all of us has had an encounter with at least one of the six Infinity Stones."

The screens lit up with pictures of each stone. The Tesseract aka the Space Stone. The Orb aka the Power Stone, the Aether aka the Reality Stone and lastly, the Eye of Agamotto aka the Time Stone and the Soul Stone, which they didn't know really anything about.

"Well, I'd substitute the word 'encounter' for damn well near been killed by one of the six Infinity Stones," Tony cut in.

"I haven't," Scott said, sounding a little left out. "I don't even know what the hell you're all talking about."

"You're lucky," Aspen told him. "Although, I might point out they haven't always been destructive. I have my powers because of the Tesseract. Wanda got her powers because of the mind stone. Vision…" She cut off there.

"Vision carried the mind stone, and he was good," Natasha finished for her. Aspen gave her a grateful smile.

"Well, in Thanos's hands, they're not good," Tony said. "Or Loki's or anyone else hellbent on the destruction of mankind."

"Fair enough," Aspen conceded.

"Regardless, we only have enough Pym Particles for one round trip each, and these stones have been in a lot of different places throughout history," Bruce spoke up. Aspen was finally getting used to him as both Hulk and Bruce. Somehow, it felt like he'd always been this way.

"Our history," Tony said. "So, not a lot of convenient spots to just drop in, yeah."

"Which means we have to pick our targets," Clint said from his spot against the wall.

"Correct."

"Let's start with the Aether. Thor, what do you know?" Steve asked.

They were rewarded with silence. Aspen looked over to where Thor sat in the corner of the room. It wasn't an entirely encouraging sight as he looked like he was asleep with one hand holding a can of beer, the other partially down the waistband of his pajama pants. Aspen still couldn't quite wrap her mind around this look. Mostly she just wanted to give him a hug and remind him none of this was his fault and that they loved him no matter what. At the moment, however, his sunglasses hid his eyes and it was unclear whether or not he was actually asleep.

"Is he asleep?" Natasha asked.

"No, I'm pretty sure he's dead," Rhodey put in.

Aspen took a pen from the table, took careful aim, and threw it.

"What?" Thor jolted, somehow managing not to spill his beer. "What was that? I agree with the Captain."

"I was asking what you knew about the Aether," Steve said, his voice patient, though Aspen could hear a strain of impatience. Right now they all needed to be alert, but Thor had already drunk half a dozen beers in the half an hour he'd been awake, so that wasn't the most encouraging start to the day.

"Oh, right." Thor got to his feet, swaying just a little. He set his beer down and squeezed past Aspen's chair. She grabbed a notepad and retrieved her pen. Might as well take notes. "Where to start?" He pulled off his sunglasses, squinting at the screen and tapping the glasses against it. "The Aether, first, is not a stone. Someone called it a stone before." He pointed at Steve who narrowed his eyes like he couldn't figure out whether to be irritated or confused and landing somewhere in between.

" _You didn't say it right_ ," Aspen whispered to him across the table. He pursed his lips and shook his head at her, though she could tell he was fighting a smile. She smirked at him before turning back to Thor's rambling speech. "It's more of an angry sludge thing, so someone's gonna need to amend that."

Aspen jotted down 'angry sludge thing' next to 'Reality Stone.'

"Here's an interesting story though…" The story progressed from his grandfather to Dark Elves to Jane Foster. It went downhill rather quickly at that point. The skin between Steve's brow furrowed deeper and deeper and Rhodey and Clint exchanged a look while Rocket put a paw over his face. Scott looked happily lost. "Nothing lasts forever," Thor was saying, wiping at his eyes. Tony got up to usher Thor back to his chair, but Thor objected. "I'm not done yet. The only thing permanent in life is impermanence."

Aspen glanced down at her notes. They read:

 _Reality Stone aka the Aether aka angry sludge thing._  
 _Hidden from Dark Elves a long time ago  
_ _Jane Foster - once put her hand inside a rock and the Aether went inside her (?)_  
 _Dating Thor at the time, now broken up  
Only permanent thing in life is impermanence (?)_  
 _How did they get the Aether out of Jane and how did it take the form of a stone or is it still an angry sludge thing?_

She raised her hand. "Uh, I still have some questions."

"We're doing breakfast now," Tony said, all but pushing Thor from the room.

"Bloody Marys. Do you want one?" Thor called back to her.

"I'm good, thanks. Well," she said to the room when Thor and Tony had left. "The only thing I got out of that was that Thor is really not over his breakup with Jane."


	29. Time Heist

**26 – Time Heist – June 29th, 2023**

Despite the time machine being built, Steve knew they still had a long way to go. They knew they needed to retrieve all six stones so they could set things right, but retrieving the stones was not a simple task. Then Natasha, Bruce, and Tony had a breakthrough, and their plan began to make sense. Three of the stones were in New York at the same time some time in their past. That left three other stones until they realized there were two others that could be found in the same timeline. Suddenly it didn't look so impossible.

"All right. We have a plan," Steve said to the team their last night of planning. "Six stones, three teams. One shot." He looked at the holograms that displayed the different stones in their timelines.

They would find the Soul and Power Stones in space 2014, the Reality Stone in Asgard 2013, and the Space, Mind, and Time Stones in New York 2012. Rhodey and Nebula would be going after the Power Stone while Natasha and Clint went after the Soul Stone. Rocket would be going to Asgard with Thor to get the Reality Stone, while Steve, Tony, Bruce, Scott, and Aspen would be going to New York to retrieve the last three stones.

Aspen caught his eye and he gave her an encouraging smile. He felt as confident as one could facing their odds, the familiar twist of nerves and excitement taking root in his stomach. "Get some sleep. Tomorrow we have a big day."

"That's the understatement of the century," Clint muttered under his breath as the group filed out of the room.

"This feels like a solid plan," Aspen said when she and Steve were the only ones left in the room. He could hear the doubt in her voice.

"As solid as we can make," he said, wishing he felt more confident. This was their only chance, and they couldn't mess this one up, but he would be naive to think it was going to be easy.

"I'm just wondering what it's going to cost," Aspen continued. "Last time we failed and we lost everything. Even if we win, it'll cost something. Victory doesn't come without a price."

"Have you been having dreams again?" Steve asked, furrowing his brow. Had she seen something?

She shook her head. "If I have, I can't remember them. It's just a feeling."

"You're just remembering last time," he told her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his chest. "It's going to be different this time." He couldn't promise that, but he would do everything within his power to make it true.

Aspen leaned up and kissed him deeply. "I love you so much," she told him. "Tomorrow everything is going to change for the better."

"It will." He pressed his head against hers.

"When this is all over, we should buy a house," she said, surprising him. "I want Mara to grow up with the same home, not on the run from the law. I want to feel safe. I want to finally retire from all this."

Steve contemplated her words for a moment. He'd always struggled to make a decision on that topic. Keep being an Avenger or hang up his shield and become a full-time father to Mara. The decision had been ripped from his hands, but he was determined to make his own choice this time. "You're right," he told her. "This is the last mission."

"Really?" She pulled away to look at him properly.

"Yeah." He felt sure this time. If they kept going the way they had, they were going to miss out on a lot of things in life. They'd grow to regret it later. "Yeah, I'm sure."

Aspen kissed him again. "That makes me so happy." She grinned at him, and he could see the doubt fading from her eyes. "We're going to succeed tomorrow. I believe in us."

...

Aspen couldn't sleep. Obviously it was nerves, but something else kept her mind wide awake long after Steve had fallen asleep. She slipped out of bed, careful not to wake him. She found her way up to the roof, sitting cross legged and gazing up at the stars. She pulled her phone out and pressed record, facing the camera toward her.

"Hey, Mara," she started. "I'm hoping you'll never have to see this, but if you are watching this, then something happened to me even though we got you back. As long as you're back, that's all that matters." She took a breath, glancing up at the stars as she tried to blink back tears.

"There was a time I thought-no I _knew_ -I didn't want kids. I was convinced I was always going to be too young, too immature. I knew I wasn't ready, but when I found out I was going to have you, I was at the literal least ready point in my life. Your dad and I were at odds with half of the team, on the run from the law. It was chaos. When I tested positive…" She felt a wave of nerves as she remembered how she'd felt then. "I was terrified. I bought a test in this dismal little shop while we were on the run. I felt completely alone because how could I tell your dad with everything else that was going on? I did. Eventually. I should have the second I found out because of course he took it well. He knew how terrified I was and he'd accepted I didn't want to have kids. He told me it would be all right, and I believed him. And it was. The second I held you in my arms, I knew there was no possible way you could be a mistake."

A tear slipped down her cheek, and she sniffed a little with a breathy laugh. "When you were born, we were still on the run. Things hadn't gone in our favor. I wanted to give you a normal life, but that was never going to happen. I accepted a long time ago that I was never going to have a normal life. I was born into a family of scientists who ended up working for the wrong people, creating a serum that later had terrible repercussions. I started working for smugglers straight out of high school. I was on SHIELD's radar pretty early on. But they gave me a second chance. Through them, I met the team who would become my family. I think back to my past, to all the things that went wrong... I didn't grow up with my mom and dad. I feel responsible for my dad's death, for that fact that you never got to meet him."

She reached up to touch the scar on her cheek. "I made a lot of mistakes, but I don't think my path would have led me to your father or you if things had been different. I've learned to stop regretting, to stop looking back and wondering what I could have done differently. I've made mistakes. I've become someone I'm not proud of. I've hurt the people I love most. But I've moved on. I've learned from my mistakes, and I've striven to become a better person. You make me a better person. You make me want to be the best possible version of me. I don't know if I've met her yet, but I want to, very much so."

The air was cold up here, but Aspen breathed it in. Her cheeks were wet with tears now and she rubbed them away with her free hand. Her face looked pale on the video, the darkness edging in around her. "I want you to have the best life possible and I know even if I'm gone, you have a family waiting to look after you. There are so many people who love you. I know you're going to be okay even without me, but I hope to God I'm there for you. I don't want you to grow up without a mom or a dad."

She could feel a sob welling in her throat but refused to let it out, taking deep breaths and looking at the constellations above her.

"If I'm not there, if this mission doesn't go well, just know how much I love you, Mara. How much your dad loves you. You're going to be okay. Getting you back is the most important thing right now and I will have no regrets if I succeed at that. Even if it means I'm gone, you deserve the life you were born into and no one can say otherwise. Live your life and know how much I love you. I'm going to fight for you, Mara. Tomorrow I'm going to do everything to get you back."

She stopped the recording, burying her face in her hands and letting out her sobs.

...

Steve hadn't said anything when he'd woken up to Aspen getting back into bed early in the morning. He heard her sniffing and reached out to take her hand. She'd nestled closer to him, and he'd heard her breath deepen after a few minutes as she finally fell into sleep. He'd let her sleep a little longer after he'd woken up extra early, dressing quietly and slipping out to go to the hangar. He planned on double checking everything but really he just needed to keep moving.

He found he wasn't the only one up this early. Natasha stood at the base of the platform, arms crossed, hair neatly braided. She didn't look up at his arrival, but he knew she'd heard him.

"One last mission," she said.

Steve stopped beside her. "That sounds final."

She lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "Maybe there'll be more, but this is the only one that matters right now."

"I can't think of a better team to do this." He and Natasha had been through a lot together. He trusted her implicitly. She and Clint would have no trouble getting the Soul Stone. He knew his team, and they wouldn't let each other down.

Natasha glanced over at him. "This is gonna work. We get everyone back and we end Thanos once and for all. We've got something we didn't have the last time."

"What's that?"

"We know what it's like to lose, and we won't let that happen again."

They stood in companionable silence until the others started to arrive. Aspen came in with Clint, her hair neatly tied back in a low ponytail. She met his gaze and gave him a nod, lips in a tight, nervous line.

"All right, Quantum Suits on," Tony said, handing out the suits personalized to each of them. It felt like armor, like they were going to war which, in a way, they were. The suits would retract into the same devices that allowed them to travel back in time. Tony's nano-tech at its finest.

When it was time, they filed onto the platform, standing in a circle. They looked at Steve, and he felt a surge of pride at his team. "Five years ago, we lost," he said. "All of us. We lost friends… We lost family…" Aspen looked down at her feet, and he saw a tear slip out of the corner of her eye. "We lost a part of ourselves. Today, we have a chance to take it all back. You know your teams, you know your missions. Get the stones, get them back. One round trip each. No mistakes. No do-overs. Most of us are going somewhere we know. But it doesn't mean we should know what to expect. Be careful. Look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives. And we're gonna win." Tony glanced at him, looking hopeful. "Whatever it takes," Steve added. "Good luck."

"All right," Tony spoke up. "You heard the man. Stroke those keys, jolly green."

Bruce fiddled with the machinery down below. "Tractor's engaged." He came to join them.

"See you in a minute," Natasha said with a nervous smile. Steve returned it. A second later, the floor seemed to disappear beneath their feet as they were sucked into the Quantum Realm.


	30. Part Four: Time

**Author's Note:** I sat myself down today and said, "You really need to write in your Avengers fanfiction, you terrible terrible author." So I did. I am still writing 18 pages later. (Slow day at work, so hey, why not.) I'm going to keep the momentum going. I'm going to get us to the end of Endgame.

I hope everyone is well! My heart goes out to anyone struggling right now during this dark time in our world. We will get through this. Please stay safe and take care!

* * *

 **Part Four: Time**

 **Prologue – The Soul World**

The world was made of shadows and ash. It wasn't death. Not really. Not Heaven or Hell but somewhere in between. Somewhere they were never meant to be and yet when did anything go as planned?

He knew he'd had a name once. Somehow it now slipped from his memories like molasses. He had memories, but they were blurry and insubstantial like they didn't really belong to him. But they did, and he held onto that. It was the only thing he seemed to be able to hold onto in this ash-ridden world.

Besides the shadows, he could see shapes moving in the distance, lost souls like him. They called out to him, but he could never seem to understand their words, as if they were spoken in another language altogether.

There was a flash of orange light from time to time, like the sun rising and setting in a blink. You might miss it if you weren't watching for it. He always waited for the light because it was the only color here, the only thing that broke up the monotony of this bleak existence.

He thought he still existed, but he couldn't be sure. Sometimes he thought he was just ash and nothing more. Those were the times he forgot the most, forgot he'd ever had a name or an existence beyond this place. Other times he was aware of the wrongness of being here. He was meant to be somewhere else; he was sure of it. In fact, he thought the other shadows that wandered this place were meant to be elsewhere, too. There was something unfinished calling him, but he didn't know how to answer that call.

First most in his memories, when he could summon a memory at all, was a faceless, nameless man. Someone he'd been fighting for for a long time. Someone who'd fought for him in turn. The nameless someone wasn't in this place but beyond. Maybe that was who he heard calling. Maybe that was the reason he didn't belong. There was still a battle to be won, and he'd been pulled away too soon.

There were times when he thought, perhaps, he'd been fighting _against_ this nameless person, but he found he didn't like those memories. He pushed them aside because they didn't ring true.

After a time, he remembered less and less. He didn't know how long he'd been here. Minutes, hours, days, an eternity. Time had no meaning. He was afraid he'd lose more than time, more than memory, more than his name. He was afraid one day he would lose even the shadow of his form, lose his soul, which was somehow still tethered to his formless body.

But that day didn't come. Another day took its place. A day he blinked and suddenly he was back in the world he had once known, whole and substantial. His name was no longer a memory he couldn't grasp. He knew who he was and he knew who he'd been thinking of. He knew what battle still needed to be fought. He left the Soul World behind and said his first words since before. "I'm coming, Steve."


	31. History Repeats

**27 – History Repeats – May 4th, 2012**

The world came into focus in a blast of light and noise and memory. It was wholly surreal, Aspen thought, taking in New York as it had been May 4th, 2012. Broken cars lay strewn across the street, but the side street they had appeared on was quiet. Aspen could hear the cries of chitauri in the distance, and chills ran up and down her arms. She could do without having to fight them again.

Steve was all business as usual, seemingly unaffected by landing back in the past, though Aspen knew he was probably more nervous than he let on. "All right," he told the group. Tony and Bruce both looked fairly calm, while Scott looked around with wide eyes. "We have our assignments."

Aspen had her part in all this memorized. They hadn't had much time to plan, but they had gone over it again and again. It had to work; this was their one shot. But she couldn't turn a blind eye to how many ways this could go wrong.

"Two stones uptown, one stone down. Stay low. Keep an eye on the clock," Steve instructed them.

Aspen took a moment to appreciate his old uniform. It was _so_ blue. Like if the sun hit it the right way, it could temporarily blind her blue. Steve caught her eye and seemed to know just what she was thinking, giving her one of his annoyed but not really annoyed looks. He'd been growing his hair out a little, and it looked more like it had in 2012.

She jumped when the past version of the Hulk passed by, roaring and smashing. Bruce put his face in his hand.

"Feel free to smash a few things along the way," Steve suggested. Aspen hoped no one would notice two Hulks smashing cars downtown. In fact, she hoped no one would notice two sets of Avengers. Things could go really south if that happened.

Tony flew ahead to scan what was then Stark Tower. Aspen felt a pang for her old home. Some of her best memories were made in that tower. Post 2012 was a good time for them. Everything had been easier somehow. They'd still been learning how to work as a team, hadn't gotten to breaking point just yet. It seemed a lifetime ago. _Things will get better again_ , she told herself. They had to. She didn't know how to keep going. She was fighting for something again, but if they weren't able to get Mara back, she knew she would lose all her fight. And if they did get her back, then she was done fighting. She wasn't going to let her life fly by her without her really living it.

They found their way into one of the back doors to Stark Tower, and Aspen pulled herself back into the present-the past-whatever this was. Security was obviously state-of-the-art, but Tony had over-ridden the lock on this door. Steve was going to head off the SHIELD aka Hydra agents, who currently had the staff with the mind stone in their possession. Tony and Scott would head off the Tesseract. Their role was the trickiest, Aspen thought. There was so much that could go wrong, and Loki would be down there. Aspen was kind of the fourth wheel, which was fine since a car drove a lot better with four wheels. She was dressed in a SHIELD uniform, a helmet covering her red hair.

" _Got to hustle, Cap. Things look like they're just about wrapped up here_ ," Tony said on the comms.

"Got it. I'm approaching the elevator now," Steve said. He turned to Aspen. "Good luck."

"You, too. Fingers crossed this doesn't turn into a dumpster fire." She crossed her fingers and gave Steve a grin before heading toward the lobby. She would be making sure the trickiest heist went over smoothly. No pressure. She took a deep breath and reached into her powers, letting them wash over her as an ally instead of an enemy.

" _Uh, Mr. Rogers_ ," came Tony's voice on the comms. " _I almost forgot that that suit did nothing for your ass._ "

Aspen let out a loud snort before clamping a hand over her mouth.

" _No one asked you to look, Tony_ ," came Steve's annoyed response.

" _It's ridiculous_ ," Tony whispered. He had a point, but Aspen felt, as Steve's loving wife, she should probably keep her mouth shut about it.

Scott's voice joined the comms, eager and happy. Aspen felt her nerves ease at the banter. " _I think you look great, Cap. As far as I'm concerned, that's America's ass_."

Aspen had to duck into a closet to let out a fit of laughter before continuing on her way.

" _All right, Cap. I got our scepter in the elevator just passing the 80th floor,_ " Tony's voice came back onto the comm. Aspen had reached the lobby and stood waiting in the hall just beyond. The lobby was swarming with SHIELD agents and she recognized a few who would later show their hand as Hydra. She clenched her fist but let her anger go. It was all in the past. Literally.

" _On it. Head to the lobby,_ " Steve responded.

" _All right. I'll see you there_."

When Tony arrived, he was similarly dressed, his helmet disguising his identity. He met Aspen's eyes and gave her a small nod. Aspen returned the gesture, readying herself for anything.

Past Tony came striding in, and Aspen pressed against the wall. Aspen had missed this part of the day back then. She had been too upset to go down in the elevator with Loki, so she'd stayed upstairs. Steve had stayed with her for a time, so both past she and him should be busy.

She was too distracted to catch the words between Tony and Scott as she watched the exchange in the lobby. Alexander Pierce had come up to confront Thor. He proceeded to try to take Loki in as a prisoner, but Thor wasn't having it.

"Loki will be answering to Odin himself," he told Pierce, unimpressed by the man's title. Aspen silently cheered for Thor.

The Tesseract was currently in its case in 2012 Tony's grip. This was the dicey part. They needed to get that case. It was going to be a Harry Houdini act. Aspen had wanted to use her powers to the fullest here, but they'd decided anything too big would be too obvious.

Tony was hissing instructions to Scott over the comms as their window closed. Suddenly 2012 Tony fell to the ground, dropping the case and convulsing. Pierce started calling for a medic. Present-time Tony added his own call. It was _him_ convulsing on the floor after all.

Aspen watched the Tesseract case as little Scott pushed it toward Present Tony. Then she realized someone else was watching the exchange. Her eyes rose and she looked straight into Loki's icy gaze. His eyes narrowed in confusion for a second before widening in recognition.

" _Good job. Meet me in the alley. I'm gonna grab a quick slice_ ," Tony said at the same time Aspen said, "Shit…"

" _What?_ " Scott and Tony asked.

"Loki saw me."

They didn't get a chance to respond. The next second, the Hulk-the _old_ Hulk-came bull-rushing out of the doors to the stairwell, hitting Tony with enough force to knock him out, the case flying from his grip. "NO MORE STAIRS!" Hulk roared. Aspen was already moving as the Tesseract case opened, spilling the Tesseract itself out. She reached out at the same second Loki made a grab for it. Both their hands touched it and their eyes met. Then the world vanished around Aspen.

…

Fighting himself was not something Steve had ever felt the need to do. But nothing that had happened recently was anything he had imagined for his life. What had he been thinking when he'd told his past self that Bucky was alive? Don't be seen. Don't talk to your past selves. He'd broken all the rules. Not that he'd meant to, but he should have been more careful. He'd still been silently cheering after his victory over Hydra, the staff in his possession. He'd lost track of where the past version of him was. His winning was simple luck.

He leapt down to the alley where Tony and Scott were sitting in a broken down car. They didn't look pleased. Aspen was nowhere to be found.

"Cap," Tony greeted him.

"Where's Aspen?" Steve asked, glancing around.

"Sorry, buddy," Tony told him. "We got a problem…"

Steve noted the lack of Tesseract. "What happened?" He tried to keep the frustration out of his voice, but this had been their one chance. How could they have failed?

"Hulk happened. And then Loki happened. He took the Tesseract, Steve. He grabbed it and disappeared somewhere. And…" He hesitated, his eyes filled with worry. "Aspen went with him."

" _What?!"_ That was the last thing they needed. Aspen trapped with the maniac version of Loki. No matter what their relationship, that was not good news. "Where did they go?"

Tony shrugged. "I don't know."

"Would he hurt her?" Scott asked, looking between Tony and Steve. He didn't know the whole backstory of Loki and Aspen.

"No." Steve said quickly. But Loki wouldn't just hand over the Tesseract. What if Aspen tried to fight him for it? "Maybe. I hope not."

"Aspen can take care of herself," Tony said, sounding sure. "This isn't 2012 Aspen who has no superpowers. This is bad-ass Aspen who is way more powerful than any of us really know. She'll be back with the Tesseract. Any minute now."

They didn't have time to kill. Steve took a deep breath to steady himself and then asked a question he really didn't want to ask. "Are there any other options with the Tesseract?"


	32. Failed Plans

**28 – Failed Plans – May 4th, 2012**

Aspen hit the ground hard enough to see stars. She rolled before coming to a stop. Grass and dirt clung to her palms, and she was glad she had been wearing the SHIELD helmet. She pulled it off now, tossing it aside before sitting up. She found herself looking at Loki. He was no longer handcuffed somehow, the metal muzzle gone from his mouth as well. Aspen had to remind herself this wasn't the changed Loki, this was the Loki who had just lost a war. But…

He was alive. She felt a sob crawl up her throat. He gave her a strange look, tilting his head to the side as if she were some strange creature. "You're not the same Aspen," he said.

"How can you know that?" Aspen asked. She got to her feet, wincing a little as she put weight on her right leg. They seemed to be on Earth still. Central Park, she realized with relief.

Loki studied her, pale blue eyes intent. Aspen felt as if he saw straight through her. "You're not the same," he finally said. "You come from the future."

"What if I do?" She crossed her arms and he chuckled. "What?"

"Still the same in so many ways," he said. "Stubborn, unafraid. You never did stand down against me."

"You never scared me," Aspen told him.

"Ah, yes, because you saw the 'good' in me." Loki curled his lip.

"Yes," Aspen said simply. "Turns out I was right, by the way."

Loki narrowed his eyes, caught off guard. "How do I know you're not just saying that?"

"Because you're right. I'm not the same me you last spoke to." She shook her head a little sadly. "I wish I were."

"Something happened." Loki took a step forward. Aspen stood her ground. "You're here for a reason. After the Tesseract. Did something happen to it in the future?"

Aspen didn't think it was a good idea to tell this past version of Loki things from the future, but they'd already made a complete mess of the past, so what the heck? "Thanos sent the chitauri to help you conquer Earth, didn't he?" she remembered.

"Yes."

Aspen tilted her head to look up at him. He looked tired, she realized. She was tired, too. "Well, Thanos happened. This is nothing compared to what he did." She motioned to the smoke rising from the city beyond the park. "I need the Tesseract, Loki. Without it…" She dropped her eyes. "A lot of good people die or rather stay dead."

"Why should that matter to me?" Aspen had thought she might receive a response like this, but she winced nevertheless.

"You're not heartless." She took a deep breath and reached forward to take his hand. He tried to pull back, but she gripped it tightly. "Please, Loki. If we can't get the infinity stones back, my daughter dies. And if she dies...if I never get to see her again…" She didn't mean for tears to fill her eyes, but they did anyway. She felt the crushing pain of her despair. This plan was so close to failing.

"Daughter…" He said the word softly. "And the father. The soldier, I suppose?" he said it bitterly as if he'd hoped the future had played out differently.

Aspen nodded mutely. "I know you hate him, but he's a good person, Loki."

She could see the battle in his eyes, the good warring with the bad.

"Please. We're running out of time. If we fail, then so many innocent people die."

"I suppose you think you can turn me into some kind of hero." Loki pulled his hand away from her, and she could see him slipping away.

"That's not what this is about. You were a hero, you…" She stopped herself, but it was too late.

" _Were_?" Loki turned sharp eyes on her.

"You...you died," Aspen said, her voice small. She was quickly losing control of the situation. How did you win a battle of wit against the silver-tongued prince?

"And if I give you the Tesseract, that will save me, too?" Loki paced in front of her, clearly disturbed by her news.

She closed her eyes against the pain that washed over her. "No." The word was so final. Loki stopped in his tracks. "I'm so sorry, Loki." She couldn't hold back her tears now. She had never wanted this conversation to go this way, but he had a right to know. "You die standing up to Thanos. You die saving your brother."

"My brother?" Any warmth in Loki's voice had gone. Aspen realized how fresh his resentment for his brother was right now. "So my brother lives while I die."

"You change, Loki. I don't know the full story. I wasn't there, but you changed."

Loki held out his hand and the Tesseract appeared, glowing blue. Aspen wanted to snatch it from him, run back to where Steve, Tony, and Scott were waiting. But she didn't move, knowing that one thought from Loki and he and the Tesseract would be gone.

"Without this, I'm stuck here."

"If you're stuck here, you might live. Loki, this," she motioned to the park around them, "didn't happen before. Thor took you back to Asgard. You didn't get hold of the Tesseract back there. This is new. We messed up. Already history is changing, so maybe your future changes, too."

"Pretty words, but I don't think I'll take any chances. I'm sorry, Aspen, I am."

"No, Loki… Please!" Aspen took a step forward, but Loki took a step back. She'd lost him. She thought he would care that her daughter would die if he didn't give her the Tesseract, that that alone might be enough, but Loki hadn't changed yet. He was still thinking only of himself and what victories he might achieve. He also knew if he handed the Tesseract over, he would be dead in the future.

"This time I'll make sure he can't kill me," Loki said. "But I can't stay here. I can't be trapped here." For the first time, Aspen saw fear in his eyes. Earth represented his failure. No one here would look kindly on him. Perhaps if he stayed, he was as good as dead anyway.

"I can't forgive you for this," she said.

"I never asked for your forgiveness." He put his hands on the Tesseract and vanished.

Aspen let out a scream that scared a flock of birds out of a nearby tree. "I hate you," she shouted, her voice filling the empty park. They had failed. They didn't have the space stone and without that, they didn't have a chance of defeating Thanos.

Time wasn't on their side for all they'd twisted and manipulated it. "Damn it!" She turned on her heels and raced from the park. She could see Stark Tower from here, but it would take her a while to reach it. She just hoped the others were all right and that they had the time to wait for her. She had her way home if they had to go without her, but they needed another plan. Something, anything. This couldn't be the end. They couldn't give up now.

Her feet pounded hard on the pavement and she used her abilities to run faster. If she had ever mastered them, she might have been able to get the Tesseract. She might have been able to find a solution. She might have been able to do something. Instead, she made herself run faster, hoping and praying that they hadn't just blown their last chance.

…

When Aspen finally reached the alley where they'd agreed to meet, she thought they'd left without her. She was panting for breath, her hair a tangled mess as it fell out of the neat braid she'd plaited before they'd left. Then she heard Steve's voice.

"Aspen!"

She ran to him, stopping short before throwing her arms around him. They didn't have time for that. "I'm okay," she said. "I tried to get the Tesseract, but Loki left with it."

"We have another plan." Aspen's knees sagged in relief at Steve's words.

"Thank God."

"Scott went back with the scepter. We're going to New Jersey. 1970. The Tesseract was there, plus we can get more Pym Particles. We'll need them to make this trip and get home. We're kind of making this up as we go."

"So same as usual..." Aspen forced herself past what had just happened in the park. That had sucked. It had hurt more than she wanted to admit. She refused to let go of the memory of Loki as she'd last seen him in her own timeline. _But he's not going to exist now_ , the voice in her head reminded her. _That Loki is gone_. She swallowed back the thought and focused. They couldn't mess this up again. This had been their last chance. New Jersey would be their _last_ last chance.

"Let's go," Steve said. They entered the time and coordinates into their devices, and Aspen took a deep breath before the world fell away for the third time that day.


	33. Last Chance

**29 – Last Chance – April 14th, 1970**

They managed to steal uniforms. And a suit for Tony because Tony always preferred a suit. Aspen's was a little baggy, but she straightened her back and tried to look like she belonged, tucking her hair into a neat bun at the back of her head before donning a cap. She lifted an eyebrow at Steve, who nodded approvingly.

"You fit right in."

"I'm swimming in this uniform, but thank you," she said. He looked natural, of course. She bit her lip at the sight of him in the aviator sunglasses. It was a good look, and she focused on that instead of the writhing anxiety in her gut or the broken heart beating in her chest. She hated how hard she was taking Loki's betrayal, but she'd always had a blind spot when it came to him. Next time she wouldn't be so weak.

"Camp Lehigh," Aspen mused. "Weren't you trained here?"

"I was." Steve gazed around as they walked. He'd been there a few years back with Natasha when they'd been on the run from SHIELD. Aspen hoped that meant he knew exactly where the SHIELD facility was hiding because she saw no signs of it at first glance.

"So where exactly are we going?" she asked.

Steve looked ahead and nodded at the building across from them. It was an unassuming building that might have been barracks? Aspen wasn't up on her military base vocabulary.

"There," Steve said. "In plain sight."

SHIELD at its finest. Aspen wondered if Hydra was already festering inside. "Tony, you've got the Tesseract. I'm getting the particles. Aspen, you're with me. You know more about science, so you're gonna be more helpful in Pym's lab."

Aspen brightened. "You got it." They entered the building, heading straight for the elevator. Steve knew exactly where he was going. The elevator took them down underground, stopping once for a woman to enter. Aspen eyed her nervously as the woman sized up Steve and Tony. Tony shifted so that he was blocking Steve from the woman's view. Not very subtle, and Aspen doubted anyone would recognize Steve here. They wouldn't _expect_ him to be here.

When the elevator stopped again, Tony got out. "Good luck on your mission, Captain," he said to Steve before winking at Aspen.

"Good luck on your project, Doctor," Steve replied. Aspen thought they sounded like they were on a cheesy soap opera, but she kept her mouth shut with the woman standing beside them.

The doors closed and the elevator started moving again. "You new here?" the woman asked Steve before flicking her eyes to Aspen.

"Not exactly," Steve replied. Aspen felt her confidence waver. She knew not to underestimate anyone, and maybe this woman knew everyone who worked here. But she said nothing as the elevator stopped and Aspen and Steve got out.

"We need to get Pym out of his office," Steve said.

"You could always tell him something exploded or is leaking all over," Aspen suggested. That would get him running.

"What if we call him from an office phone?" Steve asked. "That way we wouldn't have to talk to him in person."

"Good idea. Let's find a phone."

They found an empty office, and Aspen kept lookout while Steve made the call. There was a list of phone extensions next to the phone, making the whole thing surprisingly easy. She just hoped the office's occupant didn't come back while they were placing the call.

"Hello. Doctor Pym?" Steve spoke into the phone. "This is Captain Stevens from shipping. We have a package for you." He gave Aspen a one-shouldered shrug. She gave him an encouraging smile and a thumbs up.

Hank said something on the other end and Steve furrowed his brow. "Well, that's the thing, sir. We can't." Steve pitched his voice higher as he explained why. "Well, it's just- Sir, the box is glowing and, to be honest, some of our mail guys aren't feeling that great."

Aspen thought Steve should get an Oscar for that performance.

"Yeah, they did. You better get down here," Steve ended the call, hanging up the receiver. They hovered in the doorway as a harried-looking Hank Pym rushed past. At least Aspen assumed that was him considering the expression of panic and anger on his face.

"That was genius," she said, elbowing him in the ribs. "Come on." They hurried down the hall, looking to make sure no one was watching before pushing into Hank's lab. "Okay, so we're looking for the particles," Aspen said aloud as if that would help them find what they were looking for. They weren't getting home without them. They scoured the lab, but it didn't take long for Steve's eyes to alight on their location.

"There?"

Aspen looked over to where he was pointing. "There," she confirmed. Considering the hazardous material sign on the glass, that was a pretty good sign it was the right thing. She quickly scanned the components of the vials and confirmed it. "Yep."

Opening the case, they took a handful, enough to get back and some for good measure. They tucked them away in a safe place where the vials wouldn't break. "I hope Tony is having this good of luck. We needed a break."

"We did. Come on, let's get outside before someone notices us." Steve led the way out of the lab and back toward the elevator. They stopped short at the sight of a couple of security guards talking to the woman they'd ridden in the elevator with.

"Shit," Aspen muttered. "I knew she was onto us."

"And you've seen these two men before?" one of the guards was questioning.

"No. I've got an eye for this. They looked fishy." She knew this had been too easy. Aspen looked for somewhere to hide as the security guards asked her to describe the intruders.

"Here," Steve said, pulling Aspen into an office. They shut the door quietly behind them and waited for the footsteps to pass.

"That was close." Aspen turned when Steve didn't reply. He was looking at a framed photograph on the desk.

Steve picked up the frame and Aspen got a good look at the photo. It was a picture of Steve but before the serum. "Steve?" Aspen tried to put it all together. What was this photograph doing in this office? They both turned to look at the door. "Oh…"

The name 'Margaret Carter' was written on the glass door and below that- "Director," Aspen read aloud.

They turned in unison as movement caught their eye in the room beyond. The blinds were canted so that they could see out into the lit room, but they remained hidden in the shadows.

"Peggy."

Peggy Carter stood on the other side of that window. Aspen's heart was beating so loudly she could hardly hear her own thoughts. Steve set down the photo and moved to the window, a look of pain and joy on his face.

Peggy was just as beautiful and ferocious as she'd always been. Grey streaked her hair and her face was a little worn, but Aspen thought she looked like she could take on Hydra single-handedly. She was talking animatedly with someone, quite clearly in charge.

Aspen heard Steve take a shuddering breath. "We should go," he said, though he didn't take his eyes off Peggy.

"I wish we had time," she told him, taking his hand in hers. Time to do what, she didn't know. They couldn't exactly walk into the room and say 'hi' to Peggy. This Peggy thought Steve was dead. This Peggy didn't know Aspen.

"Me, too," Steve returned before turning to give Aspen a smile. They wordlessly left the room, scanning the hall first before hurrying to the elevator.

…

"That was close," Aspen said when they reached the outside of the building. Steve nodded in agreement. Too close. He still hadn't caught his breath after seeing Peggy. He hadn't expected it, hadn't been prepared for the pang of sorrow that accompanied it. He missed Peggy with all his heart. He wouldn't have the chance to go visit with her at the end of all this. In a way, he was glad she hadn't had to witness this destruction. She was safe from Thanos, safe from the snap.

"Are you okay?" Aspen asked, tugging Steve between two of the buildings where they could talk in private. He studied her face as she tipped it up toward him, white scar shining in the sunlight. A strand of her hair had come loose from her bun, and her cheeks were flushed from their hasty retreat.

"Not yet, but if this all works, I will be," he said.

Aspen nodded. "It will. We thought we had our last chance, but it turns out we had another last chance. We're like cats with nine lives, but somehow we keep finding extra lives beyond those nine. I keep waiting for them to run out, but they haven't so far."

"What happened back there in New York?" Steve asked. "Tony said you and Loki grabbed the Tesseract at the same time."

Aspen looked down for a moment, and Steve saw a wave of pain cross over her face. "Did he hurt you?" He'd been afraid of that. Too quick to assume Loki would never hurt her, but not all hurt was physical, and Loki had hurt Aspen many times emotionally.

"I just thought he'd do the right thing and I hate myself for being hurt when he didn't," she told him, looking back up at him. "I told him my daughter would die if he didn't give me the Tesseract, but he put his own life first. I told him he becomes a hero, but he didn't seem to care."

"Loki is a survivor, and he'll step on anyone to stay alive. Even you." Steve's tone was hard. He'd never forgiven Loki the way she had. He never would.

"He took the Tesseract and vanished. I don't know where. Steve, we changed the timeline. What happened back there, that didn't happen before. We can't go back and fix it without messing it up further. The Loki I thought I knew at the end is gone. What if that changes more? Loki died to save Thor. If he doesn't ever gain redemption and become friends with his brother, Thor could die. And if Thor dies, so much more changes."

He could tell she was beginning to panic. "Hey, calm down. We've got to focus on one problem at a time or we'll drive ourselves crazy."

Aspen nodded, taking quick, sharp breaths to calm herself. "What about you?" she asked. She reached up to gently touch the bruise that was forming on his cheek. "What happened in the Tower?"

Steve winced. "I, uh, ran into myself."

"You _what_?" Aspen asked.

"He- _I_ -came out of nowhere. I fought him-me-and won. But I, uh, I told him Bucky was alive."

"You did what now?" Aspen blinked at him.

"It was the only thing I could think of to get him to release me. I caught him off guard. I don't know if he believed me. He thought I was Loki, escaped and impersonating him."

"One mess at a time, right?" Aspen gave him a wry smile.

"Yeah… We really did make a mess of things back there, didn't we?"

"Yep."

"There's Tony." Steve caught sight of him over Aspen's head, and she turned to follow his line of sight. He was walking with another man, a man that looked very familiar… "Howard?"

"As in Howard _Stark_?" Aspen yelped. "What is Tony _doing_?"

"Talking to him, it would seem."

Aspen moved closer, but they couldn't hear what father and son were talking about. Hopefully Howard had no idea this _was_ his son or they were in for an even bigger mess to clean up. The resemblance was there, but Steve knew no one would just guess that their son had time traveled back to before they were born.

Finally, after hugging Howard, Tony headed their way. "Good grief," Aspen muttered, watching Howard get into his car, a well-dressed man opening the door for him.

"Have a nice chat with your dad?" Aspen accused as soon as Tony reached them.

"I'm sorry, did I not just score us this?" he asked, holding up a familiar-looking case.

"Did you check to see it was in there?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "I put it in there, Tolvar. I didn't touch it with my bare hand! Keep your shirt on."

"Good job, Tony," Steve said, feeling relief wash over him. That was it; they had the two stones they'd come for. Their plan had more or less worked. "Let's go home."

They moved further into the shadows and readied themselves for the return trip. "Not too bad," Aspen said. "Let's just hope the others had an easier time getting their stones than us."

"See you on the other side," Tony said before they hit their timepieces to send themselves back to 2023.


	34. The Cost of Winning

**30 – The Cost of Winning – June 29th, 2023**

Aspen felt a wave of disorientation when she landed back where they'd begun. But she also felt triumphant. They were so close to getting back what they'd lost. She looked around at her teammates as they got their bearings and their balance back. She could see similar expressions on their faces as they held out their stones.

"Did we get them all?" Bruce asked eagerly.

"You're telling me this'll actually work?" Rhodey asked, sounding disbelieving.

Aspen grinned in excitement. It had worked. They'd done what they set out to do, done the impossible. They'd-

Her smile faded as she realized someone was missing. Her eyes locked on Clint's and she knew something had gone terribly wrong. The last time she'd seen that look in Clint's eyes had been right after he'd lost his family to the snap.

"No." The word fell from her lips, hardly a whisper.

The others were starting to realize something was wrong. "Clint, where's Nat?" Bruce asked.

Clint was silent, and that silence was answer enough. The victory they'd all felt a moment ago vanished. Aspen felt as if the world had been torn from beneath her. Her pulse ricocheted, pounding in her head until that was all she could hear. Black edged her vision as she tried to comprehend the fact that Natasha had not returned. That Natasha was… She couldn't complete that thought. She couldn't imagine a world without Natasha, a team without Black Widow.

Bruce fell to his knees and beat the platform. Aspen's ears began to ring. She sat down, pressing her head into her knees, trying to fight off the wave of nausea. Maybe she should let herself black out. Maybe when she woke it would all be a bad dream.

She felt someone sit beside her. Clint. She could hear him crying as he tossed his helmet aside, softly, but it was such a broken sound. She turned and wrapped her arms around him and he held onto her like she was his only tether to solid ground.

…

Steve felt numb. He was in shock after Clint had arrived without Natasha. They didn't know what had happened yet; Clint wasn't ready to talk. He had returned with the Soul Stone, but the price...it was too high.

Nat…Natasha Romanoff...gone. Steve couldn't wrap his mind around it. She had been this powerful force in his life since he'd met her back in 2012. She'd strode up to him on the Helicarrier, this tiny red-head who walked like she was in charge of all of SHIELD. She hadn't been impressed by him-respectful-but not starry-eyed like Coulson or the SHIELD agents who had been there when he'd first woken up. He'd earned her respect and she had earned his.

During the Hydra takeover, they'd grown closer, learned to trust one another. He'd realized then that she was someone he wanted on her side-as an ally and as a friend.

When they'd really become a team, finally calling themselves the Avengers and working together, Natasha had always been someone he could rely on. She'd carried on the Avengers long after the others had gone their own ways after the snap. She was the backbone of their team. And he would never be able to tell her that. He would never work a mission with her again. He would never earn one of her smiles or roll his eyes as she teased him. He couldn't tell her what her sacrifice had meant or that it wasn't a price he had been willing to pay.

He watched the rippling lake next to the Avengers compound as a breeze picked up. The others were with him-the original Avengers: Tony, Clint, Bruce, and Aspen. They had been silent for the last ten minutes, staring off into the distance as they let the truth of Nat's absence sink in. They had the stones, but that didn't seem important right now. Nothing seemed important right now except Natasha's absence. She should have been standing there beside them as they celebrated their success in retrieving the stones.

Clint and Aspen stood huddled together, sharing their grief. She rested her head on his shoulder, but it looked as if she was holding him up, too.

"Do we know if she had family?" Tony asked, breaking the silence. His voice was like a bullet.

"Yeah," Steve told him. "Us." Natasha hadn't talked about her past much. He knew bits and pieces from when she'd opened up to him, but the Avengers had been the closest to a family that she'd had.

"What?" Thor asked, his tone hard.

"I just asked him a question-" Tony defended. Steve tensed. Emotions were running high right now, but the last thing they needed was to turn against each other.

"Yeah, you're all acting like she's dead," Thor continued furiously. "Why are we acting like she's dead? We have the stones, right? As long as we have the stones, Cap, we can bring her back, isn't that right?" He let out a growl that sounded more sad than angry. "So stop this _shit_. We're the Avengers; get it together!"

"We can't get her back," Clint said, his voice hollow.

"Wha-what?" Thor asked in disbelief, refusing to accept the truth.

"It can't be undone," Clint told him. "It can't." His voice cracked, and Aspen tightened her grip on his hand.

Thor let out a laugh that sounded more hysterical than humorous. "I'm sorry. No offense, but you're a very earthly being. Okay? We're talking about space magic. And 'can't' seems very definitive don't you think?"

Clint turned to look at Thor, his eyes watery and red. "Yeah, look, I know that I'm way outside my paygrade here. But she still isn't here, is she?"

"No, that's my point-" Thor argued, refusing to drop it. Refusing to accept. Steve watched the exchange, waiting for Clint to snap back or break. He didn't have the energy to intercede.

"It can't-" Clint's voice broke again. "-be undone. Or at least that's what the red floating guy had to say. Maybe you wanna go talk to him, okay?" he shouted. "Go grab your hammer and you go fly and you talk to him!" His anger faded, and he dropped his head. "It was supposed to be me. She sacrificed her life for that goddamn stone. She bet her life on it."

Bruce grabbed a bench from its place on the dock and hurled it clear across the water before facing the others. "She's not coming back. We have to make it worth it. We have to."

Steve finally summoned his voice. "We will." It came out strong, though he felt far from strong right now.

There wasn't much to say after that. Steve wanted to ask Clint what he'd meant by the 'red floating guy,' but now wasn't the time to pry. Natasha had given her life so that they could get the soul stone. That was the truth of it no matter now it hurt. They also still had a job to do. They would grieve later, but for now they needed to honor Nat's sacrifice. They needed to get those they could save back.

…

It took a monumental effort for Aspen to drag herself back into the present. They still had a job to do. Now it wasn't just about bringing those people back; it was about making sure Natasha hadn't died in vain.

Clint hadn't spoken much since his outburst by the lake. Thor hadn't been able to grasp that she wasn't coming back. Aspen had carried a hope next to her heart, but she realized not all deaths would be reversed. Vision was gone. Loki, timeline mishap barred, wouldn't come back. And now Natasha. Natasha who had given everything to the team and sacrificed everything for the team. Aspen remembered her words back when this crazy time-traveling mission had started: _I used to have nothing. And then I got this. This job...this family. And I was...I was better because of it. And even though...they're gone...I'm still trying to be better._

Natasha had been trying to redeem herself all this time. Not for them, no, they accepted her for who she was. She was trying to redeem herself in her own eyes. She couldn't quite seem to reach who she wanted to be. Maybe in sacrificing herself, in saving her best friend so that he could have a second chance with his family, she'd finally become who she wanted to be.

 _I want you back, Nat_ , Aspen thought. _You were a hero in my eyes from the moment I met you_. They'd all made mistakes. They'd all messed things up so badly that other people had gotten hurt. But they were trying. They did their best and if, at the end of the day, it wasn't enough, they tried harder. They couldn't judge themselves by their worst moments. They had to learn and grow from their mistakes.

The shrubbery outside the window was silent. No birds singing. No squirrels foraging for nuts. It was like they were the only ones left in the world, and Aspen felt the weight of loneliness press down on her. Behind her, though, she heard her team.

Tony had designed an infinity gauntlet of his own, but now they needed to decide who would wear it, who would snap their fingers and reverse what Thanos had done. It was no small task. The power of the infinity stones together was unimaginable. Aspen had to dull her powers to avoid the press of the stones. They gave her a headache and made her skin feel like it was on fire. _Please let this work_. They'd come so far, so far from losing all hope, so far from turning fear and sorrow into anger and destruction. Today they would try to remake what Thanos had taken from them. _Bring them back. Bring them all back._

She tuned into the conversation to hear Bruce say, "It's gotta be me." Aspen turned and watched her team watch Bruce. She saw the concern on their faces. Someone had to wear the thing. She shook to think they might lose another teammate, but it was a risk they would have to take.

 _Could I withstand the power?_ she wondered. She had used the power of the infinity stones to fight back against Thanos before, but she hadn't actually wielded a stone. Perhaps if she were better trained, it would be as simple as breathing. Now, she was afraid she'd lose control.

"You saw what those stones did to Thanos," Bruce went on. "It almost killed him. None of you could survive."

"How do we know you will?" Steve asked. He'd lost a teammate. He didn't want to lose another; none of them did.

"We don't. But the radiation's mostly gamma." He studied the gauntlet. "It's like...uh...I was made for this."

The room was quiet for a long minute and then, "Okay," Steve said. "If you're sure."

"I am." Aspen knew Bruce was thinking of Natasha, of what she'd sacrificed.

"Okay," Steve said again. He turned to Tony who went to retrieve the infinity gauntlet. The stones shone from each of their places. Tony handed the gauntlet to Bruce.

"Good to go, yeah?" he asked.

"Let's do it," Bruce replied. He looked nervous, but he spoke with confidence.

"Okay remember-everyone Thanos snapped away five years ago. You're just bringing them back to now, today. Don't change anything from the last five years."

Bruce nodded. "Got it."

They readied themselves, Tony releasing his armor and putting up an energy shield in front of him and Clint. Steve had his shield, ready to block Aspen if there was an energy surge. Thor protected Rocket while Scott and Rhodey closed off their helmets.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., do me a favor and activate Barn Door Protocol, will you?" Tony instructed his AI.

Around them, the facility went into lockdown, metal sliding down to block off the doors and windows. If something bad happened, they would contain it. Aspen braced herself. Steve looked down at her and gave her a nod. She returned it with a small smile.

"Everyone comes home," Bruce said. He took a deep breath and put on the gauntlet. It expanded to accommodate his large hand. As soon as it fit to his skin, power surged along the metal in colorful streaks. Bruce groaned in pain, clutching the gauntlet.

"Take it off! Take it off!" Thor shouted.

"No, wait. Bruce, are you okay?" Steve asked. Aspen wondered if he was thinking of the moment he'd been injected with the Super Soldier Serum. He'd told Aspen that the pain had been unbearable. Peggy had shouted for them to shut the machine down when she'd heard his cries of pain, but Steve had protested. He told them he was all right despite the pain. He made it through to the end. Bruce could see this through, too.

"Talk to me, Banner," Tony spoke up.

"I'm okay. I'm okay," Bruce said, biting through the pain he must have been feeling.

With what looked like a tremendous effort, Bruce brought his thumb and middle finger together. The air seemed to still as everyone held their breath. Bruce screamed from the pain, and Aspen could feel phantom pain coursing through her body.

 _Snap_.

Bruce fainted, the gauntlet sliding off his arm looking charred. Clint kicked it away from him while Steve moved toward Bruce, saying his name.

"Don't move him," Tony suggested.

Bruce blinked back into consciousness, reaching out to hold onto Steve's arm. "Did it work?" he asked weakly.

Aspen wrapped her arms around herself, her mind a mass of fear and blankness. If it didn't work…

The metal that had been blocking off the windows and doors lifted. The sun was shining brightly outside, and Aspen heard something she hadn't before. She turned to see Scott approach the window. A bird fluttered past and then another. Aspen's breath caught in her lungs, her knees feeling suddenly like they were made of water. Could it be…

Aspen pulled her phone out of her back pocket with trembling hands. She could barely dial the number and when the phone started to ring, her whole body started shaking.

" _Hello? Aspen?_ " Aspen let out a sob that wracked her entire body. Tears started streaming from her eyes.

"Mom?"

" _Yeah. What's wrong, Aspen?_ "

Aspen met Steve's wide eyes and nodded, smiling through her tears. His shoulders sagged in relief. "Is Mara okay? Are you all okay?"

" _We're all fine, Aspen. What's wrong?_ "

"I-" Aspen didn't have the chance to say anything more. She was half aware of Clint answering his phone. Half aware of Scott crying out, "Guys-I think it worked!"

Then the world exploded.


	35. The Final Battle

**31 – The Final Battle – June 29th, 2023**

Aspen's ears were buzzing. She felt as if her body had been broken into a million pieces, glued back together, and then shattered again. She moaned, her fingers scraping against rubble, wet and rough.

"Pen? Aspen?" A loud voice came in her ear, and hands gently lifted her up. She felt herself cradled against a warm body, felt a hand on her face, prying open her eyelids. She moaned again and opened her eyes. "Thank God."

Clint was holding onto her, face streaked with dirt and bleeding from several cuts. "Are you okay? Anything broken?" he asked.

Aspen tried to move her arms and legs a little. "I don't think anything's broken. What happened?"

"I don't know," he told her, and she could see fear in his eyes. "A missile hit us or something. I haven't seen anyone else. We landed near each other."

"This wasn't supposed to happen," Aspen croaked. "We did it. Mara...everyone who was gone… We brought them back."

"I know. I know…" Clint closed his eyes. "We're not done yet. We can rest when we're dead." He gently slid her off his lap before rising. "Can you walk?"

"I can try."

She got her legs under her and Clint leaned down to help her, wrapping an arm around her waist. She put her other arm over his shoulder. "Ouch! Shit!" Her right leg trembled. It was the one she'd landed on when the Tesseract had transported her and Loki to Central Park. It didn't feel broken, but she'd most definitely sprained something. She craned her neck to look up. Clint shone the little flashlight attached to his wrist, and she saw how far they'd fallen.

"How are we still alive?" she groaned. If she had nine lives, she was definitely on number thirty.

"Karma," Clint suggested. He touched his comm. "Cap?" he asked into it. Aspen met his eyes, but there was no response. "Comms are probably just dead," Clint said. Aspen nodded shakily.

"Look." Something metallic glinted on the ground, and Clint shone the light on the infinity gauntlet. Then they both stiffened. Clint let go of Aspen and shot an arrow into the dark tunnel behind them. The arrow blazed with light, and they saw hordes of aliens. Aspen's blood chilled. Those were the same kind of alien's they had fought in Wakanda.

"Thanos," she whispered.

"We gotta go." Clint swept up the gauntlet, snagging Aspen's hand as he pulled her away from the aliens. They began chasing after them, and Aspen forgot about the pain in her leg, forcing herself to keep up with Clint's fast pace.

"How is Thanos here?" she asked, her voice ragged with fear and exhaustion. "He's _dead_."

"Dunno. Maybe we messed something up," Clint said, keeping his gaze ahead.

Aspen chanced a glance behind them. The aliens were getting closer. They weren't going to be able to outrun them. Clint drew three arrows, jabbing them into the walls as they ran.

"Duck!" he shouted as he detonated the explosive arrows. Aspen ducked, but the explosion rocked them off their feet. Clint pulled her up again.

"Hold onto me," Clint told Aspen, wrapping one arm around her. She clung to him as he shot an arrow with a cord attached upward. They jerked away from the explosion and the aliens. Thanos's minions were determined though. They climbed after Clint and Aspen with spider-like limbs. Clint reached for his sword, but Aspen let out an energy surge that sent the remaining aliens blasting into the floor below. She and Clint landed in a pile of limbs when they reached the top of the cord. The gauntlet clattered a few feet away from them.

Clint helped Aspen to her feet again. They both realized they weren't alone. "Oh, hey," Clint said tiredly. "I know you."

It was Nebula, though something was different about her. She wasn't the friendliest alien Aspen had ever met, but there was nothing remotely friendly about her demeanor right now. Nebula reached down to pick up the gauntlet, and Aspen wanted to rip it away from her.

Nebula spoke, but not to them. "Father. I have the stones."

"What?!" Clint said in shock.

Aspen wasn't quite sure what was happening when another Nebula and green alien woman walked around the corner. Then it occurred to her. "She's from the past," she whispered to Clint, eyeing the Nebula who had just called her father. "Somehow." She knew this would happen. Mess with time, and it messed back.

"Stop," the green-skinned woman told the past Nebula.

"You're betraying us?" Past Nebula said, surprise tinging her words.

"You don't have to do this." Now Aspen recognized the differences between the two Nebulas. There was something just a little softer about the present Nebula. Something hopeful.

Aspen realized the other girl must be Gamora. Somehow. She'd heard Nebula speak of her a few times, but it had sounded like Gamora was dead in their timeline. Gamora and the present Nebula continued trying to convince the past version to join them. Aspen had seen a lot of weird stuff in the last few days, but this was definitely up there on the list. Could a future self convince a past self to change? She'd failed to convince Loki.

Then Nebula-the past version-was pointing a gun at Gamora.

"No!" Gamora shouted.

A shot went off, and the past Nebula fell, the gauntlet slipping from her grasp. Aspen lifted her eyes to the present Nebula, half-expecting her to disappear. She had just killed her past self after all. She didn't though, and Aspen decided to throw everything she knew about time travel out the window. Who knew anything anymore? As long as they were all still alive, that was what was all that mattered.

Clint picked up the infinity gauntlet and nodded at Nebula.

"What do we do now?" Aspen asked.

Clint looked at her, and she could see the lines of weariness on his face. "We find the rest of the team, and we kick Thanos's ass again."

…

Steve awoke to the sound of someone speaking. He opened his eyes feeling disoriented. Tony was kneeling beside him holding his shield. "You lose this again, I'm keeping it," he said.

"What happened?" The Avengers compound was in ruins around them, stone scattered everywhere and smoke issuing from the rubbage.

"We messed with time. It tends to mess back. You'll see." Tony reached out to help Steve to his feet and handed him back his shield. They walked across the rubble to join Thor. What Steve saw made his heart skip a beat.

Thanos sat before them amid the rubble, his giant spaceship blocking the horizon. But they had seen Thanos die. Steve realized this wasn't the Thanos they had killed. This was a past version of himself, and somehow he had arrived here.

"What's he been doing?" Tony asked.

"Absolutely nothing," Thor replied, tone dark.

"Where are the stones?" Clearly Thanos had come for them. Perhaps he'd learned of his death, of his defeat. He'd come to change that. Steve wanted to scream. All they had gone through to bring those people back, and here was Thanos again, waiting to do just the same. Or maybe this time he wouldn't stop with half the population. Maybe this time he wouldn't be satisfied until they were all dead.

"Somewhere under all this," Tony answered. "All I know is he doesn't have them."

Yet. That could change. "So we keep it that way." Easier said than done. Their last battle with Thanos hadn't exactly gone well, and now they were down a few players. What chance did they stand? _Don't think that way_ , he told himself. He wished he knew whether Aspen was all right, but he hadn't seen her anywhere since he'd woken up.

"You know it's a trap, right?" Thor asked.

"Yeah. And I don't much care," Tony responded. Steve nodded in agreement. It didn't matter. They would have to fight him. There was no other choice when the fate of the world lay in the balance once again.

"Good," Thor said. "Just as long as we are all in agreement." He reached out with both his hands, thunder cracking overhead. Lightning ran along his arms and then through his body. Both Mjolnir and his new axe leapt into his hands and his clothes transformed into his usual armor and cape. "Let's kill him properly this time."

They stepped forward in unison. For a second, Steve was thrown back in time to when Thor and Tony had first met. When they'd fought in a forest, taking down trees, trying so hard to prove who was stronger. Steve had come down to intercede, to stop them from fighting. Now, they strode as a team, as friends.

Though Steve wished he knew Aspen was safe, he was glad she wasn't here for this. He didn't want to worry about her safety even if she could hold her own.

They stopped just short of Thanos. His long, two-sided blade was upright in the ground, his helmet set atop it. The titan himself seemed calm, careless even. He thought himself a savior, but he didn't value life. Hatred boiled inside Steve. This monster had taken his daughter from him. He refused to let that happen again. He walked forward knowing this could very well be his last fight. The final battle. At the end, when everything was on the line, it was three of them against Thanos. It would have to be enough.

Thanos spoke to them, and it was clear he had no intention of salvaging Earth. He would remake the world into something new, born in blood but innocent in its knowledge of how it came into being. If they failed this time, it was truly the end. When the fight began, Steve swore to himself they wouldn't lose.

…

Aspen grabbed Clint's hand as he helped haul her out of the ruins onto solid ground. She took a moment to take in the destruction. Everything was in ruins. Nothing had been spared in the attack. The compound was unrecognizable, great slabs of stone scattered everywhere.

"Holy shit…" Aspen turned to see what Clint was talking about. She sucked in a sharp breath.

A huge spaceship hovered in the sky, looming ominously like a predator waiting to attack. It was like some of the visions Aspen had had. This couldn't be the end. They hadn't come this far only to fail. She hadn't brought Mara back again only to lose her.

"Look, down there," Clint said as a flash of lightning lit the air.

Aspen saw four figures below. Lightning crawled along Thor's arms as he wielded his axe and hammer. Tony was suited up, firing rapidly. And Steve. Steve threw his shield and dodged a thick, double-bladed sword held by Thanos himself.

"It's just the three of them," she whispered.

She watched as Thor used both Mjolnir and his new axe to combine his lightning, shooting it at Tony's suit. The resulting energy was shot from Tony's suit straight at Thanos. The titan was quick, too quick, twirling his blade to deflect the energy. At first it looked as if they had a chance. Those three were a well-oiled machine as they fought together. They knew each other's strengths and their weaknesses. They knew how to support each other. But then Thanos gained the upper hand. Tony went down. Steve tried to attack, but Thanos blocked him easily. Then Thor took a beating, Mjolnir tossed away by the titan. Thor tried to reach for his axe, but Thanos beat him to it.

"We have to do something!" Aspen said, taking a step toward the battle.

Clint grabbed her arm. "No, Pen." His voice was sad but firm. "That's not a battle we can win."

She turned back, feeling helpless. "My powers…"

"Aspen, you're just one person. Thanos just took down Thor."

"Go back and try to find the others," Aspen told him. "Please. They need help."

Clint held her gaze, and she could see him grappling with what to do. "Don't get yourself killed," he told her before wrapping her in a hug. She squeezed him tightly.

"I won't. I love you."

"I love you too, but this is not a goodbye," Clint told her, clasping her shoulder before turning and disappearing back into the ruins.

Aspen turned back to the battle. Thor was still down, his axe in Thanos's grip as he beat the god of thunder. Aspen saw Mjolnir a few feet away. It flickered with lightning, lifting off the ground. Aspen watched as the hammer sped forward, expecting it to go to Thor's outstretched hand. It passed straight by him, and her mouth dropped open when Steve caught it instead.

"I knew it!" Thor shouted in triumph. Aspen felt as if lightning were lighting her own veins as she watched Steve wield Mjolnir like he had been born to do so.

"Oh my god…" Aspen couldn't help the smile that spread on her face despite the dire situation. She could only stand and watch as Steve began to fight with Mjolnir, summoning lighting just like Thor. He handled the hammer and his shield together as if he'd been fighting with both his entire life. He managed to create a shockwave that knocked Thanos to the ground. It seemed like he was gaining the upper hand for a time, but then Thanos stabbed Steve in the leg with his blade, knocking Mjolnir out of his hand.

"Steve!" Aspen was running. God, why had she just stood there? She'd thought Steve was winning, thought her running in would have been a distraction.

Steve held his shield up to protect himself as Thanos rained down blows. The shield cracked, pieces breaking off.

"No!" Aspen threw energy into her stride, but she was too late as Thanos threw Steve across the field. He landed hard, and Aspen felt her heart pulsing in fear. Then she had reached him, throwing herself down beside him. She heard Thanos chuckle, the sound of it sickening.

"Steve?" She took his chin gently in her hands. He blinked up at her, gritting his teeth against the pain he must be feeling. She ran her eyes down his body, looking for damage. His leg was bleeding, soaking his uniform. His arm was bleeding, too, from a deep gash.

"Oh my god…" Aspen needed to do something, but her mind was panicking. This was impossible. She turned and faced Thanos. "Damn you!" she shouted, hurling every bit of power she could at him. He barely staggered.

"In all my years of conquest-violence-slaughter-it was never personal." Aspen's nostrils flared as she huffed out angry breaths. Not _personal_? She heard Steve struggling to get to his feet behind her. Thor and Tony were still unconscious and Clint hadn't returned. Aspen hoped he had the sense to keep the gauntlet far away from Thanos no matter how much he wanted to come help her.

Steve staggered to her side, and she could hear his pained breathing. He tightened the straps on his shield to bind the gash on his arm. There was hardly anything left of the shield just like there was hardly anyone left of their team.

"But I'll tell you now," Thanos continued. "What I'm about to do to your stubborn, annoying little planet… I'm gonna enjoy it. Very, very much."

Behind him, more ships appeared and an army of too many creatures to count. Hundreds, maybe thousands. Steve and Aspen stood before Thanos and his army, side by side, alone.

 _We're going to die_ , was the only thought in Aspen's mind. She felt Steve reach for her hand, clasping it. It was wet with blood. She turned and gave him a sad smile. After everything they had been through, Aspen regretted nothing. As long as he was by her side at the end of all things, nothing else mattered. Mara was alive, and they would die fighting for her.

"I love you," she said softly.

"I love you, too." This time, with Steve, it sounded like goodbye.

They turned back to face Thanos, Steve releasing her hand, readying himself. Then...a faint crackling on their comms. At first, Aspen thought it was just interference but then it crackled again.

" _Hey, Cap, you read me?_ "

Aspen's breath shuddered to a stop.

" _Cap, it's Sam. Can you hear me?_ "

Maybe not the end.

Behind them, glowing yellow portals opened. Sam came flying through in his Falcon suit.

" _On your left_ ," he said as more figures appeared in the portals. T'Challa, Okoye, Shuri. Wakandan warriors. The Guardians of the Galaxy, Doctor Strange. More and more of their allies appeared from the portals, and Aspen let out a strangled sob as Bucky and Wanda stepped through. They were alive. They were back. Aspen met Steve's eyes and she saw hope reflected there.

No, this wasn't the end. This time they would win because they had a team greater than Thanos could ever imagine. A team that would defend this Earth with everything they had. Earth's mightiest heroes.

"AVENGERS!" Steve shouted. Mjolnir flew into his outstretched hand. "ASSEMBLE!"


End file.
